being Black mailed

[IsaMassage 54318]

So I retired a couple of years ago.. personal things

then I wanted to come back because I needed money...

the past couple of years or me have not been easy..

I ended up a 15 year old marriage... and met some asshole that became a nightmare.. lasted in an abusive relationship for over a year and a half... I almost got killed because he was very aggressive... at the beginning the police didn't do their job so case was drop.. I went in to the ministry of justice so I could break a lease ..( oh I forgot to mention I am In a wheel chair moving to crutches because of a bad accident... since august the year before) so apparently I had a really good friend someone wiling to help me as a friend... no hanky panky... so one day I said I d try to be a client relationship again... what a mistake I felt disgusted and dirty.. not good.. so I told this person I was no ok with it... we still kept friendship nd he help me...

Now I have a bigger problem.. I will give facts please give your opinion

 

 

1. he helped me to get a mortgage (no money given) I had my money but my declared salary did not cover

 

2.the agreement was this is temporarily so I can get the financiak capability to get my own mortgage

 

3. He keeps on threatening me about my house and I could not come back to work because I refused to see him as a client...

 

now he says my house I have paid for is his house

[Victoria Phoenix 3403]

My opinion keep on working hun- if that's what You want to do! What he is doing is absolutely wrong in every sense of the word, he has no right doing this- the industry in itself can be hard enough, let alone someone threatening you! You need to do what you have to do and that decision is Yours and Only Yours!! Good luck- keep us posted,, hugs

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

So sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

 

If the mortgage is in your friend's name, I would strongly advise you see a lawyer for advice.

 

If instead he was your co-signer, he has no legal right to enter your property or dictate the terms of its use. Depending on the nature of his threats a lawyer's advice might be useful once again, or possibly a restraining order.

 

Best wishes.

[NotchJohnson 214065]

I can't believe people doing this. Some will take advantage of others when they can't help themselves and have no remorse. That is plain wrong.

Good luck.

[OceanMassage 5357]

First a big cyber hug! Then I second taking a lawyer, preferably a hobby positive one. I wonder if someone here would be able to recommand one. And, that goes without saying, pay the lawyer by check from a bank account.

 

Keep hobbying, that "friend" is trying to isolate you and reduce your means to keep you dependant.

 

How long have you been in the house. Prepare your bank statements proving that you paid the mortgage and taxes. In which name the title of the property is.

 

I'm sure he would not like to have extortion accusation on him... Be safe. xox

[IsaMassage 54318]

I have found a way to get the mortgage on my own but he is refusing to sing his "part " of the house to me.. and is actually starting to use PV as an argument so I can restart my life .., I have a new BF and he is asking of I have told this person about PV.. almost as a thread if I know who this is I will tell him what you did ...

This person is a very well respected member of this community and trusted by many.. I trusted him with my life savings because I needed some help to get back on my feet after a really bad 2 years.. and I needed to offer better things to my children.

He is saying I abused him.. when I never asked for anything He always said he wanted o help because he likes helping his friends... I have never asked for help from anyone because I know that nothing ever comes free, but I was stock and I accepted the help thinking maybe there is good people out there.. I let this person into my life.., and my family.. I never promised anything more than a friendship.. but it seems because I don't spend my time that I am not at my work .., I am not good,, we speak everyday by text and we have lunch every week he wants dinners,, he wants to be at my house .. am I not entitled to some privacy .. and alone time by myself or with my children?

Am I being a bad person.. I said I would not leave him alone in the winter and bad weather time.. but I cant be with him all the time.. I am trying to rebuild my life..

[Guest]

First a big cyber hug! Then I second taking a lawyer, preferably a hobby positive one. I wonder if someone here would be able to recommand one. And, that goes without saying, pay the lawyer by check from a bank account.

 

Keep hobbying, that "friend" is trying to isolate you and reduce your means to keep you dependant.

 

How long have you been in the house. Prepare your bank statements proving that you paid the mortgage and taxes. In which name the title of the property is.

 

I'm sure he would not like to have extortion accusation on him... Be safe. xox

 

OM, this is the best advice here!!!

 

You are not going to get rid of this guy until he is off the mortgage and both of you already know this.

 

It seems as though he has taken advantage of your situation and he should be ashamed of that. A wolf acting like a saint is the worst kind of person out there.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience PV.

 

This guy doesn't understand that he is shooting himself in the foot and destroying the relationship that you guys had or could have had. It sounds like he is taking over and engulfing your life. I'm sure he is thinking that he deserves (insert here). The thing is when clients or anyone in a relationship get controlling it almost instantly turns the relationship sour. When you're not free to be you and do what you want it takes a toll on you, it's tiring and you build a wall up to protect yourself. If you don't take care of yourself and take the time you need to recharge, you're no good to anyone. This guy doesn't understand that he is draining you: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. In the end he isn't going to get what he wants...He wanted you and since he is not allowing you to be you; he is getting the version of you he has created: drained, stressed out and clearly frustrated. I'm sure if he had just enjoyed your company and allowed you to come to him. Or if he just came to you as a client and respected client/companion boundaries things would be different.

 

PV, you and your children deserve to have you at your best. Take a moment for yourself. Take a deep breath. You do deserve your privacy and it seems like he is getting more and more demanding. He's using a common manipulation tacit, "the guilt trip". He knows what you guys had arranged together, he's become complaisant and wants more (that's my take anyway).

 

Click here for an article.

 

I wish you the best and again I think OM's advice is really great.

Peachy.

[BossMan44 606]

This situation is awful; I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You're going to need to talk to a lawyer about the house to sort it out. Provided that he didn't contribute any funds to the mortgage, regardless of what is on title there are ways to ensure that he has no claim to the house. But you're going to have to get independent legal advice.

 

A lawyer should be able to write him a letter to help scare him off about the blackmail threats as well.

[blacklabdog 3049]

sorry this has happened to you. Hopefully someone here can recommend a good lawyer in the Ottawa area.

[IsaMassage 54318]

Thank you everyone for all the advice and support. Yes this situation is making me sick. My nerves are shut and he keeps on using more and more things I trusted him with to manipulate the situation.. he just came into mybplace unannounced and refuses to leAve... and using information about be to black mail me. If I call the police on him.. I am now stuck in my room.. it was scary I came downstairs and he was sitting in my living room.. I am scared anf I feel helpless. ..

[Guest]

Shit, what a mofo...Write down everything this fucker does. Keep a record! There's safe houses out there for people in your situation (if you need to go to a place to get away from this shit). Please don't be afraid to use them. The house is for abused women, it's in a undisclosed area and creepy crawly won't be able to reach you there. They will allow you to bring your children there too. They have counselors that may be able to help you. I'm so sorry.

 

Click here for a website.

 

Click for another.

 

And click here.

[henryporter 1836]

If someone is in your house and they should not be you need to call the police before they do something worse.

You and your children are at risk and always will be until this person is dealt with.

Anyone that oversteps the bounds of what you are willing to do in terms of the relationship is a predator and uncontrollable.

You need to change your locks and if i were you I would get some cameras set up to record this person manipulating you.

You may as well face this head on as i doesn't sound like its going to improve any time soon.

 

H

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

This has overstepped all boundaries, you really should get the police involved. Blackmail is a crime, so judging by what you are saying, there are at least 2 or 3 things that he could be charged with.

 

I feel so badly for you, I hope you get through this alright.

[IsaMassage 54318]

U fortunately he is on the deed of the house because unfortunately at that moment I would not qualifted as a buyer on my own. . And he was not good enough to just be a cosigner. . We made a verbal agreement trust between friends that this would be my home.. and he was just going to help.. while.in the mean time I could solve some financial issues... I have a choice now in which I can now get the house on my name only.. mortgage under my name but his answer is that he doesn't want to sell his house... he has helped me a lot and I trusted him.. because he helped me in many ways during very hard times.. we used to spend lots of Time.together because I was unable.to drive.. as I had a bad accident in which I broke my 2 legs.. and also during the abusive relationship I had I got a DUI... so he offered to drive me around and help me.. now I am back driving and since I started driving myself and getting back my independence... obviously we don't spend as much time.... he says I lied to him and that o broke my promise of not leaving him alone.. bit we talk every day. We see each other every week.. he is upset because I don't invite him over to the house all the time or because some days I just want to be on my own and relax at home.. or just spend time with My kids without having someone else around... he Is upset because I don't invite him to sit on my jacuzzi with him... I told him he could come and use it anytime. I just think my spa.. is a very personal space and Intimate which I am not welling to have with him.. and I was very upfront feom the moment he started helping me that he should not expect anything more than friendship .. this is getting out of control...

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Just because someone is on the deed, it doesn't mean they have a right to physically be there. Think of the relationships that break up. Both parties are on the deed, but someone needs to move out. Most people realize when children are involved, it makes more sense for the other person to leave. Reading between the lines, this is not his main residence. Therefore, legally, you have a right to prohibit him from coming over to your place.

 

Sorry, but I'd be calling his bluff. What you do is not against the law. However, blackmail is a criminal offense. Make sure everything is documented (dates/save texts/emails, take pictures). Put it in writing that you do not want him to come over to your place without an invitation if you still want him in your life. However, if you want him out - make that clear to him in writing, and don't back down.

 

If he doesn't listen - contact the police. He has stepped over the line and should be ashamed of himself. Even if you did make a promise in the past, things have changed, and you are entitled to peace and free from fear and intimidation.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this - you don't deserve it. Stay strong. xo

[OceanMassage 5357]

Look, I made sure I broke the cycle of abuse women in my family have suffered by choosing to either be alone or with men that respected me. So when my business partner became abusive, like this person, it did not register at first. Manipulation is progressive. You must not blame yourself for believing his no strings attached help claims. They get us when we are in need.

 

It took me twice to let go because I had been working on our B&B 15/h a day for 30 months while he was touring some clients or busy trying to look like he was doing something. He isolated me from my friends creating friction with my best friend hubby so they would not come to the Villa. I would not be able to build relationship outside of my business (jailed in a resort villa!) so at one point I caved and had sex with him. I felt grossed and cried afterward. I did not like driving in the heat in the city; he took that as an opening to chauffeur me around up to a point that I could not go anywhere without him forcing himself to drive me. There are countless little things that became a way to control me. I did not want to loose my "baby". But one day, psychologically burnt down I crashed on my bed crying and realized I was like an abused woman staying because of the kids. The business was not as important as me. I sold my share for a tenth it was worth and used the money to buy debts i was liable to. My mom paid a flight ticket. I had moved my belonging but could not afford bringing them back. I lost everything, and a little of myself as it took a decade to find the serenity and peace I had before that person imposed himself in my life.

 

My point is: you owe him nothing. He took all he could. He forced himself on you. Verbal agreements are enforceable.

 

You mentionned that he was well thought off in his social circles. You may be hesitating to tarnish his reputation. Understand that HE tarnished his reputation by being a jerk.

 

He did not help you. All these years he helped himself. He is apealing to your loyalty and the fact that you don't want to betray your word and promise to him. He counts on that. He knows that. and he plays that card.

 

You need to find yourself a counselor. Recuperating from the last 4 years of your life requires a lot of strenght and you have done really well by you and by your children. However, he has damaged your self worth and self confidence. By making increasing demands, waiting until you adjust to them and then asking for more, alway on the same promise you made, he has undermined your boundaries and confused your notion of what was fair.

 

Think back. If you look at the scenario that occured. If you were back at day one and someone told you this is going to be what it will take: would you have made that choice? Most probably not. The fact that you are doubting yourself to want him out "after all he's done for you" is the best indicator how deep he got into your inner references. You need to get them back, unnumbed.

 

And you do not want to teach your kids that its ok to let someone abuse us after they have done something good for us.

 

As I said. He never did it for you. He needed you more than you did. And he is unable to have mature relationships therefore he chooses to manipulate and control.

 

Lawyer, counselor, and police. Remember you are not doing anything to him: he did this to himself by behaving shamefully. Why should you spare him the shame; especially suffering while he has his way? I'm not saying to go put dirt on him but set the boundaries. And frankly "abandon" him. He is not a friend he is a leech.

[Rubs 1373]

http://ovs-svo.com/

 

Hey VP, you might be able to find some assistance through Ottawa Victim Services. From my experience through sister organizations through out Ontario they are a careing organization. They will believe you and find some way / one to help you. Typically they send people to you but ask to meet at there office to speak with office staff. Use the link above to find their website.

 

From our brief encounter you are a wonderful ccaringwomen who deserves the best.

 

Best of luck VP

[Mikeyboy 27104]

It's already been said but get help. If you feel you are in danger, call the police asap. You are not guilty of a crime but he is. Extortion is a very serious offense. So is intimidation and threats. Document, and save all communications.

 

Also, a name on a mortgage doesn't give him automatic right to be there. If he won't leave, the police will make him.

 

As far as the mortgage goes, that is very much a question for a lawyer. At least sit down with one for a consultation and find out your options.

 

Good luck, stay safe and take care of yourself.

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

Please don't waste a moment on guilt or self-recrimination. You thought you were being offered something from simple kindness but he was seeking leverage to use to control you.

 

Your safety and that of your children is paramount. If he is there tonight and unwelcome I would call the police immediately. Trust your instincts on this. Changing locks, lawyers and everything else take second place to immediate safety.

 

There is a way through this, and people and resources to help you.

 

Stillopensdoors.

[shymale 10234]

Him truly sorry to hear this PV, this guy is a real dirt bag. I hate guys like this they really ruin it for us guys who are actually nice. document everything and talk to a lawyer, I think is the best thing to do.

 

I really hope everything works out for you.