seeing married/committed SP's

[Seymour 3970]

Different things appeal to different people and as a client one should know what your personal turnoffs are. If you know this early, you are well on your way to enjoying your experiences.

 

What someone may find appealing or acceptable may be the total opposite for someone else. Does this make someone right or wrong? Hardly.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I would know for sure that while she is with me, she will be thinking about her real love (her husband).

 

 

I can assure you that my focus is entirely on my clients and certainly not fantasizing about my partner.

 

But thank you for replying, I respect your opinion--I am always curious as to how others think and perceive things.

 

Additional Comments:

Some interesting and fascinating responses!

 

Also, my bad for sharing my relationship status--I didn't realize it was such a trigger for some guys. Some things just never occur to me!

[EmilyRushton 253346]

When you walk in the door for your encounter, the outside life of you and the companion do not exist. For the time you spend together it is just the two of you and nothing from real life matters.

 

For anyone to think that because we are Paid Companions and we are not allowed to date or be married, is just plain out there in my opinion. Your married or involved so should I be bothered. Plain and simple we are both meeting for pleasurable stress relief and nothing outside the door should matter. As well, don't ask a question that you may not want to hear the answer too.

[jughead 45]

When you walk in the door for your encounter, the outside life of you and the companion do not exist

 

For me this sums it up nicely. it's not like I know them personally in my private life.

[E.D. man 691]

I'm just curious as to why some of you might not be comfortable seeing married SP's or SP's in committed relationships, if the partner was aware and okay with the SP's chosen profession.

 

I ask as someone who is in a committed (common-law) relationship with a man who is completely aware of my work and is also totally okay with it.

 

Thoughts?

I feel uncomfortable knowing they are married or with someone else. My 1st relationship I was cheated on. To me committment must be monagamous. I understand the open marriage concept. but it is not for me.

But it is for others.

As long as you don't tell me your with someone I'm ok with it.

[Butterfly Kisses 2301]

There have been some posts as to SP's personal and social lives being affected by being in this business (actually both client and SP). Having someone to come home to and share life with is healthy and I am actually happy when I hear that is the case from any regular SP I see or have seen.

 

I have been told about BF's or husbands from a few ladies and it does not bother me in anyway.

 

In some cases it made things better as we had other things we could talk and laugh about in the quieter moments.

 

I suspect from some conversations here and elsewhere, SP's can have very lonley times outside of their business. Hearing there is someone special in their lives during their own time is refreshing to know.

 

Butterfly Kisses

[PistolPete 61421]

Well perhaps you should not read anymore rec's ?

Probably creeps me out more reading a rec here and seeing she's been with some guy I think is a little odd. At least with the SO I have no frame of reference ;)

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Probably creeps me out more reading a rec here and seeing she's been with some guy I think is a little odd. At least with the SO I have no frame of reference ;)

 

This is very judgemental statement, to regard people as odd and to be creeped out about them giving recos or creeped out about the girl they have seen (people you know nothing about or have never met) likely because they may hold different views than yours. Judgemental people creep me out for real if I ever have the unfortunate luck to come across them in life. Be entitled to your opinions but respect others', no matter how different they may be!!!.

 

 

 

 

I meant the following in a separate post with a separate title......

 

Thanks Berlin...

 

Additional Comments:

I can assure you that my focus is entirely on my clients and certainly not fantasizing about my partner.

 

I am sure that is the case with you Erin.

 

But thank you for replying, I respect your opinion--I am always curious as to how others think and perceive things.!

 

You are welcome and thanks for respecting my views. Exactly what I expected from you and I fully respect your choices and your views (and all SPs) are fully entitled to their private lives with no need whatsoever for explanation or justification of their choices. I strongly believe that work and private life must be separated and no one should be in a position to be penalize for his private life in his/her job or line of work. And worse no one has the right to make a judgement on others, in my view.

 

Also, my bad for sharing my relationship status--I didn't realize it was such a trigger for some guys. Some things just never occur to me!

 

please do not be concerned about this. From what I have read so far in this thread, the majority have no issues to see an SP being married or in relationship and as I said, my choice as usual is in a minority.

 

Best regards and wishes.

[Rounding Third 9567]

When you walk in the door for your encounter, the outside life of you and the companion do not exist. For the time you spend together it is just the two of you and nothing from real life matters.

 

 

This has been an interesting thread with lots of great comments. Emily makes an important point, and I agree with it 100% but to me, there is one small exception. That is, for me, hobbying, has become part of my real life. I hobby, that is a fact. It is real to me. It is certainly not conventional, but it is real. I make every effort to keep my hobbying distinct from my conventional life, but nevertheless it is real. The fun, romance, intimacy that I seek and find in hobbying is real.

 

As to the issue at hand, I have no issue as to if a companion has an SO. It is important, only because her relationships are part of who she is. It is important, but not a fact I need to know, and I am not likely to ask. As Emily says, when an SP and Hobbyist are in the room it is just the two of them. We make of it what we make of it. It is my experience that an amazing feature of a Companion/hobbyist relationship is that we are often able to reveal our full personas to each other, without getting into the nitty-gritty details of our daily lives. That does not always happen, and it takes skill by both us to make it happen, to reveal our passions without crossing boundaries. It does not always happen but when it does, it is great!!

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I would think that most of the ladies here are either married or are in some sort of relationship with another person (male or female ... or both ... wink). Any many of the ladies here make no secret of it. One of the ladies here who I have seen on a few occasions is married and I still feel that my time with her is very personal.

 

If it was an incall visit (very unlikely for me anyways), knowing the guy was in the other room or something like that would make me feel uncomfortable.

 

Sometimes the person who seems stressed out is actually the lady. I did have an encounter recently with another lady on this board who's significant other (apparently a guy married to yet another woman) called at least three times during our visit. It was ok ... I knew this person well, and it was kind of funny and inciteful (listening to her talk when she was ... well ... "in the middle of things," so its all good.

[Guest s******ecan****]

Probably creeps me out more reading a rec here and seeing she's been with some guy I think is a little odd. At least with the SO I have no frame of reference

 

 

I find this statement "a little odd".

[sexnonstop724 1727]

SPs personal life is their private business, unless it was brought up during conversation, it is not important for me. If they would like to share more of their private life with me, I would be honoured and listen without passing any judgement. I have none but one concern, when professional ladies are at work, they follow certain protocol ie safe sex, discreat and provide companionship. I am aware in many cases, ladies treat their SO in their private life differently. They might not practice safe sex the same way as when they are at work. I think you all know where I am going with this. I assumed the SPs I visited and their SOs are smart responsible people who won't put their clients in danger, otherwise, I would not be hobbying at all.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

SNS724

[Cleo Catra 178382]

SPs personal life is their private business, unless it was brought up during conversation, it is not important for me. If they would like to share more of their private life with me, I would be honoured and listen without passing any judgement. I have none but one concern, when professional ladies are at work, they follow certain protocol ie safe sex, discreat and provide companionship. I am aware in many cases, ladies treat their SO in their private life differently. They might not practice safe sex the same way as when they are at work. I think you all know where I am going with this. I assumed the SPs I visited and their SOs are smart responsible people who won't put their clients in danger, otherwise, I would not be hobbying at all.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

SNS724

 

Do you think every hobbiest uses protection every time he has sex with his wife? Obviously not. And I don't feel that puts me at any extra 'danger' because I use condoms with every hobbiest, every time, without exception.

 

Many people, SPs and hobbiests, do not practice safe sex in their relationship. I haven't always in the past (although, not that it's anyone's business, but I would now if I was to ever enter into a relationship again), and I'd call bullshit on anyone who says they always have. But that doesn't mean just because shes in a relationship that you can assume she doesn't, and as long as you and the SP use protection, and everyone gets tested regularly, there is no added 'danger'.

 

As your first sentence says, an SPs personal life is private. Just as a hobbiests is private. I don't want to know what you and your wife do in the bedroom and I would not want a hobbiest to presume anything about an SP just because she is in a relationship. Thats just not fair.

[Katherine of Halifax 113931]

After seeing a gentleman several times he asked me if I was married and I told him I was. He acted very horrified and when I pointed out to him that he was married as well he claimed that was different. I didn't bother to discuss it but he never came back after that. I have always wondered if he thought that most SP's are single.

[roamingguy 300291]

I've had ladies ask me, in conversation, if I was married or dating. And likewise given the flow of the conversation, I might ask the same back.

Normal ebb and flow of a conversation, and just part of getting to know someone. And it's not the focus of conversation, it might be part of it though.

If the lady was married or seeing someone, it doesn't affect the encounter for me. I'm spending time with the lady, I'm not looking to initiate any serious relationship with her. And as enjoyable an escape it is, I still remember, it is the ladies' livelihood, her relationship status shouldn't affect, and doesn't affect my time with her.

As long as people don't read too much into the encounters, and take them for what they are, an escape with a woman, no strings attached, really why should anyone's relationship status even come into the picture

Some quick before bedtime thoughts

RG

[yow_top 180]

Great thread!

 

When we take the time to appreciate each response, we can appreciate how different we all are.

 

Not so long ago, an SP that I was close to had broken up with her SO. In what I am sure was a moment of weakness, she hinted at her and I becoming more seriously involved. I explained straight up that she would have to leave her profession before we could pursue a permanent (?) relationship. Not because there were any issues about me not respecting her or what she did...I'm just the jealous, selfish type, and would not have been able to deal with the idea of her being with other partners.

 

Some of us are excited and happy when our SO is experiencing mind blowing sex with someone else, others cant even handle the though of it.

 

All of this to say, we are all different...and that's kool!

[sexnonstop724 1727]

Do you think every hobbiest uses protection every time he has sex with his wife? Obviously not. And I don't feel that puts me at any extra 'danger' because I use condoms with every hobbiest, every time, without exception.

 

Many people, SPs and hobbiests, do not practice safe sex in their relationship. I haven't always in the past (although, not that it's anyone's business, but I would now if I was to ever enter into a relationship again), and I'd call bullshit on anyone who says they always have. But that doesn't mean just because shes in a relationship that you can assume she doesn't, and as long as you and the SP use protection, and everyone gets tested regularly, there is no added 'danger'.

 

As your first sentence says, an SPs personal life is private. Just as a hobbiests is private. I don't want to know what you and your wife do in the bedroom and I would not want a hobbiest to presume anything about an SP just because she is in a relationship. Thats just not fair.

Dear lovely Cleo,

 

As stated in my message, I am giving the benefit of doubt to the ladies and their partner. But still, in the back of my mind, one has to give some thought to the possibility. We are human and we can make mistake from time to time. Just putting it out there for discussion. You know you will always be special to me if you remembered our very first meeting and the ones following.

 

Your catnip forever!!

 

SNS724

[Kimberly-Shea 28280]

I am giving the benefit of doubt to the ladies and their partner. But still, in the back of my mind, one has to give some thought to the possibility. We are human and we can make mistake from time to time. Just putting it out there for discussion.

 

What exactly are you "giving the benefit of doubt"..

 

Please elaborate.

 

.

[sexnonstop724 1727]

First, I would assume everyone has their own private life they live. Be it SPs, myself alike. Neither one knows who the SP or client was with the minute, hour or days before. Both parties are putting a certain amount of faith towards the other party to exercise best practice towards their profession and hobby. All I am saying is I extend this trust beyond their profession and into their undisclosed private sex life.

 

If I spent time with a lady, their private sex life impact my well being as mine to hers. Both parties are giving the benefit of doubt that their counterparts are safe.

 

Is this satisfactory? It is nice to know that someone out there actually read my post and called me out.

 

SNS724

 

What exactly are you "giving the benefit of doubt"..

 

Please elaborate.

 

.

[bcguy42 38594]

My first thought on reading Berlin's question was one of confusion in that it would never occur to me to ask a companion about her personal life so how could one be upset if she is in a relationship.

 

Then I read the replies and saw that, yeah, OK, there are some who could be upset about relationships. Fine with me. One defines reality as one sees it.

 

Now that the issue is on the table, I've taken a moment to examine how I would feel if I became aware that the person sharing herself with me had an SO kicking around somewhere. My conclusion? Oh, OK. Now I know a bit more about her. That is her issue (or non-issue), not mine. How she came to the conclusion that she wants to spend time with me is her process. I'm just glad she's here!

 

So I guess I'm not in Berlin's target audience as I'm not someone who would have an issue with the SO thing.

[Guest W*t D*****]

I'm just curious as to why some of you might not be comfortable seeing married SP's or SP's in committed relationships, if the partner was aware and okay with the SP's chosen profession.

 

I ask as someone who is in a committed (common-law) relationship with a man who is completely aware of my work and is also totally okay with it.

 

Thoughts?

 

I've never even considered this to be an issue. I'm married. Whether the lady is or isn't is her business. Don't tell. Don't ask.

[sexnonstop724 1727]

I am sticking my neck out on this one.

 

How we conduct our private sex life is to my opinion crucial to the survival of the industry.

 

It would be fair to assume any SP I see has a private life they don't need and has ZERO obligation to disclose. As I would be reluctant to disclose mine. It would be totally irresponsible for either party to practice unsafe sex outside of business. I have personal relationship outside of hobbying, and I hold myself accountable to the partner I am with at the time. Don't ask, Don't tell only works based on that assumption.

 

To be honest, I truly enjoy a BBBJ, but when I meet with SPs that only offers CBJ, to a certain extend, I am more relaxed knowing we have lowered the chance of passing on STD unknowingly however slim it is.

 

If an SP treat this as a profession, then a code will have to be honoured. As I would treat my profession with the same standard. Althought our private life is our own business, yet it is not, our every action everyday impact other is way we usually do not contemplate. But the truth is the consequence is there.

 

My 0.2 cents worth.

 

SNS724

[Guest C**rAz****e]

This is my opinion you can disagree all you want to I would never see a sp if they were married or dating someone even if their partner knew.In my opinion any form is cheating is wrong if I had a girlfriend and found out she was cheating on me I would leave her on the spot I have done so in the past.

[castle 38816]

I've had ladies ask me, in conversation, if I was married or dating. And likewise given the flow of the conversation, I might ask the same back.

Normal ebb and flow of a conversation, and just part of getting to know someone. And it's not the focus of conversation, it might be part of it though.

If the lady was married or seeing someone, it doesn't affect the encounter for me. I'm spending time with the lady, I'm not looking to initiate any serious relationship with her. And as enjoyable an escape it is, I still remember, it is the ladies' livelihood, her relationship status shouldn't affect, and doesn't affect my time with her.

As long as people don't read too much into the encounters, and take them for what they are, an escape with a woman, no strings attached, really why should anyone's relationship status even come into the picture

Some quick before bedtime thoughts

RG

 

Pretty much sums up everything I was about to say. Whether she's in a relationship or married is of no concern to me. I'm not in this looking for a gf and things are done safely anyway. So what difference does it make?

Posted via Mobile Device

[Guest C*****tte]

This is my opinion you can disagree all you want to I would never see a sp if they were married or dating someone even if their partner knew.In my opinion any form is cheating is wrong if I had a girlfriend and found out she was cheating on me I would leave her on the spot I have done so in the past.

 

How is informed consent between significant others and agreed to non-monogamy cheating? Cheating is about dishonesty. If you are being honest and there is a mutual consensual agreement in place, then there is no dishonesty, trickery or cheating occurring.

 

cheat (cht)v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats

v.tr.1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.

2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.

3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.

4. To elude; escape: cheat death.

 

v.intr.1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.

2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.

3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.

4. Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.

 

n.1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.

2. One who cheats; a swindler.

3. A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.

4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.

5. Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.