References & "Our Feelings"

[EmilyRushton 253346]

I was surprised recently when a potential client wrote that he didn't want to ask his regular paid companion to write him a reference. He said he didn't want her thinking that he was seeing other escorts. The girl in question I know to be very reference-friendly, but he said he didn't want any drama. I am horrified.

 

If I knew my clients were telling other escorts that I would cause drama and be hurt and upset that he was seeing other girls, I would be furious. That is NOT an image I want projected to the CERB community, particularly as it does NOT represent me fairly. That kind of image does an escort a huge disservice, and hurts her business and reputation. It also creates conflict amongst the girls. If other escorts thought I was a jealous drama queen, I would be mortified.

 

By claiming to protect her 'feelings', this client is being extremely condescending and insulting. These kinds of assumptions about possessiveness and territory are damaging to the SP, and reinforce the stereotype that escorts are emotionally unstable.

 

If you like us (and we're glad that you do!) please HELP us create a great reputation. There is nothing worse than having bad word of mouth, especially initiated by clients who are our fans. The idea that we are romantically or emotionally attached to our clients is generally false. The idea that we don't want clients seeing other girls is false (and kind of funny). We work so hard to make CERB and the escorting community a positive, honest environment. I would hate to think that these assumptions are reversing our progress.

 

Your SP doesn't mind that you see other girls. What she does mind is the damage to her reputation inflicted by this kind of client.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

When I was a dancer, there was a lot of competition and people thought they "owned" customers. Once, a gentleman asked me for a lapdance, and I obligued. We stayed for 5 songs in the champagne room. Then when I was in the dressing room, his regular dancer asked me: "Did you know he's my customer? I need my money! How much did he spend on you? He better have enough left for me!" I was also horrified. I find the attitude that we "own" customers and their wallet highly offensive!

 

I've also had several gents decline to give a reference because they don't want their regular lady to know he's seeing a new lady. I've also had a handful of gents tell me: "Please don't tell *** I saw you because I don't want her to get upset."

 

It is completely unreasonable for a lady to expect sexual and "financial" monogamy. My question to the gents is: "If your regular lady is so controlling that you can't see other women, why do you see her??"

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I believe more than 90% of the times when we hear a gent say the lady who could provide a reference doesn't like him seeing other SP's means he has told her she is the only lady he frequents and don't want to be caught in his lie which does not necessarily and not likely means she would feel jealous about it.

[roamingguy 300291]

To me, seeing ladies whether SP's or MA's is supposed to be fun and drama free.

Why intertwine "relationship" type complications into the mix...especially when they are likely not real, but in just one person's head. I would be a little nervous if a lady I saw wanted me to see her exclusively, and likewise, a guy wanting exclusiveness from a SP/MA...well both expectations are going to lead to nothing good...jealousy comes to mind right off the bat.

I like posting a recommendation of the ladies I have seen, sort of a way of showing appreciation for a good time, and letting other guys know about a great lady. Likewise, I appreciate it when a lady I have seen provides a reference for me to see another lady. It is this sort of mutually beneficial thing that reinforces the community atmosphere of CERB

As for the ladies I have seen, none have come across as drama queens. All are great ladies, great times and long lasting memories.

Finally, to Emily, I can't imagine anyone calling you or considering you a drama queen. Your a class act, and a real lady, and I feel really privileged to have met you

RG

[Winnipegcub 21293]

How the human brain functions and inparticular when we let too much emotion and elements likely jealousy creep in can be really interesting and damaging. I can totally see this happening but would hope I never stoop to this kind of thinking. Emily I complete agree with your comments and those of the other ladies. Thanks for the reminder of what respect, professionalism, and dignity look like. Cub.

[Guest s******ecan****]

One reason I hobby is to avoid "relationship issues" like jealousy etc. Great thread Emily.

[Rounding Third 9567]

It is a fundamental feature of our community. SP's see other clients, clients see other SP's. We choose to be part of this community and that is the way it is. No surprise at all. I for one think that referencing is good. I am sorry this happened to Em and glad she vented with this post. Em is a great ambassador to our community, and I value her judgement.

[Angeltbay 612]

Well, i kind of know what you mean, ive has a few regulars who would fall in love with me, and actually tell me that, and they would become offended and/or stop seeing me if i let them know that i love spending time with them, but im not ready to commit to anything with anyone. I start to notice sometimes when gentlemen do start to have feelings though, and i jokingly tell them "dont fall in love with me" and after i let thm know it will never be, they will also talk bad about me, which is something i dont understand.

 

As for references, if somebody calls me ssaying a friend reffered me to them, i think "wow, thats awesome! i wish i knew who it was so i can thank them." im not sure if anyone has talked bad about me, other than other girls to get more business for themselves, but o'well, what can you do? im not going to lose sleep over it

[Phaedrus 209521]

I just don't get this at all! I believe most SPs have more than one client... why on earth would they be bothered by a client seeing another SP occasionally?

 

Just out of interest, Emily - did this potential client eventually provide a reference, from the 'usual' SP or another? I wonder if he may have been trying to wiggle round the reference thing entirely, for whatever reason...

 

I can understand not wanting to ask your SO for a reference, though... :)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

If anyone believes that clients see only one escort reguarily, it is BS. Just as in the case with Emily's potential client. He's telling the escort he reguarily sees that he doesn't see anyone else. Why not just be truthful with the SP? Then there is no drama. The fact that he is lying to her is creating drama. It becomes more fueled when clients want to play games like this. We as SPs do not own our clients and I also find it insulting that we are thought of as jealous and possesive women.

 

I've had a few good regulars tell me they see no one else and I find it hard to believe but then again, how do I know? I have no eomtional ties to them and I'm not in a committed relationship with them. I've also had a small amount of guys in the community say that they're going to catch up with me and see me soon because they are so busy with work but yet they are reguarily seeing an escort who is in my area. Why lie? Why would I care as I have only seen this person once? No need to be fake and make excuses. We're adults... we know guys like variety or have certain regulars they see. That's what makes this industry so interesting

[RobX 2084]

I was surprised recently when a potential client wrote that he didn't want to ask his regular paid companion to write him a reference. He said he didn't want her thinking that he was seeing other escorts.

 

I would like to provide another perspective on this issue. If you think about it, outside the world of escorts and MAs, it is only natural to feel that your regular "service" provider might be upset if you suddenly switched to someone else. For example, if you showed up at the hair salon, and told the girl that always cuts your hair that today you wanted to try someone new, I don't think she would be too happy. The same might apply to boutiques you visit regularly and are always served by the same person. If you then ask to be served by someone else, isn't it only human for the person who normally serves you to feel rejection of some sort?

 

Isn't it then only natural for clients to believe that SPs and MAs may have the same reaction - escorts and masseuses are human too! If you ask for a presentation line-up at a massage salon, and your regular MA is in the line-up, and you don't choose her, isn't it only human for her to feel some sort of rejection? It has nothing to do with emotional attachment, but it is still rejection of her professional services from someone whom she used to think of as a very satisfied customer.

 

I myself recently had a massage session with a new masseuse at the same salon where my regular MA works. The most convenient time for me would have coincided with the end of my regular MA's shift, but I made the appointment with the new MA for an hour later, simply because I thought it might be too awkward if I met my regular MA on her way out, precisely for the reasons I have just mentioned.

 

The bottom line is that maybe people are being a bit unfair to the client that is the subject of this thread. Isn"t only natural and human for a client to believe that his regular SP would prefer that he see her rather than other SPs?

[Angeltbay 612]

ive had more than one occasison where i would refer gentlemen, weather they be new or regulars of mine, in this business, everyone wants to be happy, and if an SP can give a referance to another SP, it really would help everyone! the guy is satisfied, th other SP is satisfied, and i feel good about referring them to someone who can provide the best experience for them. And usually what happens in exchange is a trust, and friendship, and even perhaps an occasional appointment because of the respect an honesty you've shown by doing that. Frankly it just makes me feel great to make someone happy, wheather it be by me, or from my referral. just like I am so appreciative when i hear from a gentlemen that i have been referred by someone. this business is about being happy and satisfied, so why not make that possible in any way you can?

 

 

I just don't get this at all! I believe most SPs have more than one client... why on earth would they be bothered by a client seeing another SP occasionally?

 

Just out of interest, Emily - did this potential client eventually provide a reference, from the 'usual' SP or another? I wonder if he may have been trying to wiggle round the reference thing entirely, for whatever reason...

 

I can understand not wanting to ask your SO for a reference, though... :)

[allcurious28 100]

I completely agree with Robx, but will add to it. I think it would be natural for someone to feel a little dissapointed if a regular is suddenly requesting a referral to another SP. How that SP handles the request does say a lot about them. I would never frown upon the SP asking me if everything was ok with the service she is providing, as long as she is still willing to provide the refference. If they got mad about it, and refused to give the reference, I would stop seeing them, and move on. If I can avoid asking for a reference, I will do that, as it is always my goal to avoid any potential hurt feelings, warranted or not, but put the safety of the SP asking for a reference above all.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I'm a real woman. I have real feelings about many things and for many people. While I find it helpful to compartmentalize my work as a paid companion, keeping it separate from the rest of my life, I certainly do care about some of my clients more than others. For example, those I've seen frequently over an extended period of time can mean a lot to me. We've shared experiences that matter to me and I look forward to seeing these gentlemen again in the future.

 

But I happily give references to other companions when asked. I never worry that I'm "losing" a client. To begin with, I'm not that insecure. I expect that clients may enjoy variety. Not only am I rarely the first paid companion they've known, but I'm also aware that most of them are married. When I want to be the only woman in a man's life, I will get married. In the meantime, I seek to cultivate a good relationship with the gentlemen with whom I spend my time and also with other paid companions. References are one way to keep us safe. Helping other companions helps me, too. When we look out for each other, we're all safer, healthier and stronger--and better companions, too.

 

It's important to remember that we sell fantasies. One fantasy is that the companion is a fabulous girlfriend: devoted, attentive, responsive, affectionate, understanding, generous, kind and happy to be with the client. He knows that, in conventional relationships, he can't meet a woman for the first time and be in her bed within a few minutes, or even on the same day. He gets to pretend that reality is suspended, for a little while, and that his deepest desires and fantasies can be played out without any repercussions for the broader relationship with this particular partner. (Many men come to see us because they want to experiment with something or try something out that they feel they couldn't ask their regular partner to do with them.)

 

Some clients want to believe that they're the world's finest lovers, so studly and erotically compelling that a woman won't be able to think of anyone else once they've been together, whether they actually hope she will leave the business or not. Others want to believe that they have a string of broken hearts trailing in their wake. More than a few think of paid companions as damsels in distress whom they might protect, defend or rescue from a terrible fate. These are all fantasies--the client's fantasies.

 

I'm sure that some companions occasionally have trouble maintaining good boundaries between themselves and their clients. They may become a bit needy, demanding or even a little desperate for attention and reassurance. I worry about these women. Paid companionship is harder than it seems to most people. Companions who have a lot of difficulty with boundaries may take too many risks; engage in self-defeating, inappropriate or aggressive behaviour; or be unstable. This is the worst kind of work for such women. Working in our industry can be very harmful to them emotionally and psychologically.

 

Both good clients and good companions help establish and maintain good boundaries for themselves and each other. Asking for a reference is one way for a client to do that.

[VedaSloan 119179]

This is my job. I have no particular attachment to any of my clients. The other escorts aren't competition; they're colleagues. References are a way for us to be safe.

 

Really, our biggest competition are all the women giving it away for free ;)

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Really, our biggest competition are all the women giving it away for free ;)

 

True, though I would argue that there's no such thing as free sex! :icon_razz:

[roamingguy 300291]

Just a quick comment. You know, in conventional relationships (marriage/common-law/bf-gf) monogomy is probably the normal right thing to do for both partners.

But with seeing escorts, a monogomous relationship, kinda creepy really.

First, it's going to be one way, not the lady and the gentleman being mutually exclusive, just one or the other exclusive to the other (hope that comes out right)

To enjoy seeing escorts, a guy should play the field so to speak...the most important reason, you meet a lot of great ladies.

You start imposing certain relationship drama into the mix, it ceases to be fun for the guy and a problem for the lady (personally I can't see a SP being monogomous to a guy)

The only thing that matters to the ladies is being treated with respect by a gentleman...at least I think that's all that matters

Sorry, guess it was more than a quick comment

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

I see a lot of guys who are only going to see one sp. They may have seen someone for a long time before me, and she retired, or something similar. It really isn't that far fetched that clients do stick with someone they know and don't really relish the anxiety of seeing someone new.

 

However, there are a number of guys who see different sps, for different things that I don't have, and continue to see me, or just see me once and continue their search for someone who rings a few more bells for them. I don't require references, but have provided them when asked (often for the same sp, oddly enough lol)

 

I think that as clients you should never think twice about asking an sp that you have seen who requires references to provide one for you. If she asks for them, it is a good signal that she will provide them willingly and without question. If you are seeing someone who does not require references, but has a pretty good head on her shoulders, then again, just bring it up in conversation, and see what happens. If you are regularly seeing a high maintenance high strung sp who is always on edge and possibly aggressive in trying to contact you to come and see her, then my biggest question is why are you seeing her? And no, maybe don't ask her to provide a reference for you lol.

 

Considering that most sps are not as described in the last case, I think you can feel fairly confident in asking it of any sp you have seen and be assured she will not cause any drama. Might she be disappointed that you are not planning your next visit to be with her? Maybe, maybe not. It isn't really your problem, to be perfectly honest, if she is or isn't. You are not really there to protect her feelings, she is there to provide a service as in stroke yours lol. Who knows, she may meet someone new who becomes a frequent visitor with the space that opened up in her calendar while you visit that traveling sp you always wanted to see. Then back you go to your ATF, happy with the new experience behind you, and she is none the worse for it.

 

I think all of my clients are special, but none get extra special treatment, just as I am sure all of them think i am special, but it doesn't mean we are exclusive.

[MightyPen 67414]

I agree there can be a natural inclination for some clients to start confusing the "relationship' with a regular MA or SP with a conventional one, and then to impose onto that a set of artificial but familiar rules, boundaries, and postures.

 

That's exactly the time it becomes a good idea to see a different escort and pointedly get a reference from the regular MA/SP, even if one wasn't really needed. Puncture that confused and distorted little bubble. Demonstrate to yourself that despite what you were tricking yourself into thinking, it doesn't actually diminish the relationship with the regular companion. Carry that knowledge away and refine your model of the world.

 

If you're a client, then the less comfortably that idea sits with you, then the more it's a good idea to force yourself to do it. ;)

[cyclo 30131]

SP's see lots of "other" men. That's obvious. This is their business, but they try to make each of their clients feel special. Most clients see "other" sp's and hopefully we all treat our sp's respectfully and also try to make them feel special. Sometimes an sp and client "click" a bit more than they do with others, but if you're mature about what's going on, this can't be confused with any kind of exclusive relationship.

 

I think some of the men who see sp's haven't really absorbed the fact that women, just like men, can separate sex from emotions. That may lead them to feel uncomfortable asking for a recommendation. Obviously as many have pointed out, that shouldn't be the case. In fact my experience has been the opposite. Many of the women I've seen have in fact recommended other sp's to me! What could be better! Or we know the same people through this business. That's fun too. It's always nice to know some one in common.

 

Any one who is uncomfortable asking for a recommendation should spend a little more time on here reading the comments from the sp's ro spend time while you are with your sp talking abou the business. You won't see any competition between them or any expectation of exclusivity by their clients. Many of the them know and respect each other or are friends. The women are very open minded and mature about this business and the nature of their relationships with other sp's and clients. As a client, the sooner you adopt the same attitude, the sooner the door will open for you to a wider range of companionship.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I find this whole thread kind of funny. It seems to me that the guy was probably just trying to be kind.

 

The points are valid, I guess, but you do see the "that's my client" behavior occasionally in strip clubs, and it can get pretty nasty when the guys show up with hundreds and hundred of dollars. So that's maybe where the guys are coming from if they are reluctant to ask for referrals.

 

However, there are some posts in in this thread that are, in my opinion, kinda depressing to read ... if the whole damn thing is just a fantasy for money, and there is no sincerity or sense of interest in the person you are with, I have zero desire to make an appointment with that lady.

[manitoba 2758]

...... "If your regular lady is so controlling that you can't see other women' date=' why do you see her??"[/b']

 

 

GFE taken to an extreme????

[VedaSloan 119179]

 

However, there are some posts in in this thread that are, in my opinion, kinda depressing to read ... if the whole damn thing is just a fantasy for money, and there is no sincerity or sense of interest in the person you are with, I have zero desire to make an appointment with that lady.

 

Well you have to realize, while it may be a fantasy for pay, many of us are genuine and sincere to the best of our abilities. We care about you in the sense that we want to provide you the best experience possible (within our limits and yours). But at the end of the day, that's what it is--your fantasy. We're not all dripping wet at the sight of every client who comes across our door. Reality bites.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Well you have to realize, while it may be a fantasy for pay, many of us are genuine and sincere to the best of our abilities. We care about you in the sense that we want to provide you the best experience possible (within our limits and yours). But at the end of the day, that's what it is--your fantasy. We're not all dripping wet at the sight of every client who comes across our door. Reality bites.

 

Agreed ... For the most part (smile). I'm arguing for (hopefully) something in the middle. It just bugs me a bit when some of the responses sounded to me like "stop worrying about my feelings as this is all about the money ... Grow up, you're just another client." On the other hand, I agree that guys can get protective like that because they want to assume a dominant role, and that's not right. And there are a few ladies that I have occasional correspondence with and they seem to enjoy the communication. And most of the guys are just trying to be polite and avoid conflict.

 

And I fundamentally disagree with anyone who says, "well, that's just your fantasy.". It's not ... It's my way of life, and I suspect I share that with a lot of other guys here.

 

Additional Comments:

Oh, and by the way, going back to the original post, I would never turn down a lady asking for a recommendation unless it was a bad experience ... Maybe I would come up with some excuse for not posting one, or say I'll think about it, or say I'm not comfortable with that for some truthful reason. Fortunately it's never been a problem.

[jughead 45]

I am not the type to see a differnt lady everytime like a notch on my belt, a little varity in nice but the time spent with someone familar then thing become better hotter is all. I have never been ask for a reference and I have never asked for one as it has never been needed.