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           I was a bit hesitant creating this thread. But after reading many posts on the topic, I think it's time to talk about this.

    While we got different motivations to seek relaxation and companionship services, escapism is one of the main reasons . We pay for time to forget about work, family and world problems. Small pillow talk is nice, but when one or both parties end up venting about unsolicited personal issues, things quickly get uncomfortable.

           Don't get me wrong, I agree with transparent views of the adult industry to humanize providers. But that being said, we need a middle ground to maintain the fantasy and relaxation elements of upcoming sessions. Before someone asks, I DO CARE about the safety, mental health and wellbeing of SW's and when meeting someone I like to know that person is comfortable and ready to offer the agreed services. The answer is not always verbal. Someone's mood, attitude and general appearance can say a lot. Maybe not all, but sometimes more than enough to answer obvious awkward questions. 

           There are circumstances when job(and personal) related discussions can be tolerated. But should remain between people with good chemistry who both agree to cross that line. It shouldn't be out of nowhere. I understand this line of work and certain clients can be frustrating, but venting about it to someone unrelated to those problems doesn't really help.

           In some interviews, some shared how they began in the industry and it's always the part I take with a grain of salt. Not because I don't care or don't believe, but simply because it's none of my business. Some life decisions are personal and in my opinion should remain that way. And given the choice between the truth or ignorance, I'll take the latter until I see serious reasons to know more about someone. What matters are the safety of both parties and advertisements that reflect actual experiences.

           And finally, In a recent thread about "Where we really came from", some providers shared stories about physical, verbal and psychological abuse. While very sad and likely true, I don't quite see what positive outcome can emerge from those revelations. There places to share and report those things, just not sure this is the right forum for this.

           

          What do you think? Should we focus on the escapism and more positive aspects of the industry or the more gritty reality? What constitutes proper and improper "pillow talk"? Or can we do both in a progressive and balanced way?

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Hey GT,

Thanks for your input - always appreciated. I see what you're saying and Lyla will always strive to be a positive place for discussion. It's great that Clients are able to seek Companionship as a way to escape reality as you say; I love that Providers are able to offer that to people. That being said, Providers themselves do not always have the luxury of escapism. 

I think for many people talking about experiences that may be viewed as "negative" it's seeking comradery - something that can be quite hard to come by for sex workers in "vanilla" life. Places such as Lyla may be one of the only places where they find others going through a situation similar to themselves. Of course I would never encourage anyone to share anything they don't feel comfortable talking about publicly. But if they do, I would not want to censor it because it makes some feel uncomfortable or like it's too much. If it's not something you want to read about then I guess just don't read it.

On the flip side, I think we need to make sure that any of these threads do not get out of hand and just become a place for toxic negativity. I haven't seen that yet, I don't think, but if anyone thinks there's any content promoting a bad atmosphere then I'd encourage you, as always, to report it. 

Also I'd welcome others' thoughts on this - this is your board and I want to make sure you all feel comfortable giving feedback. Particularly the questions in the interviews about how they got into this line of work - I've included that question in most of them so far because it just seemed like a good opener. But if people think this was a bad choice I'd like to know. 🙂

 

 

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@lydiahardwood, I have no problem finding out how providers got in this line of work.  It actually makes sense after knowing why and personally I find it helps people to "come out of the closet" sort of speak.  Because we are all here for the same reason wouldn't this place be the best to share our stories?

Although I do agree with @Greenteal that sharing much information makes everyone vulnerable after revealing our secrets.

 

Just saying...

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    To be clear, I'm not asking providers to hide their negative experiences or to censor this place. But as LYLA is used by many to sell their services, some may want to be careful when explaining "how the sausage gets made". When I started meeting SW's in the 90's, it was in Quebec city where a group of "honest businessmen" controlled the entire industry. A few ladies explained me parts of the inner workings. Very good, but also a bit disturbing information that changed my perception of agencies and semi-indy workers. While it didn't stop me from meeting others, it made me much more observant about some details and selective on the kind of SW I met.

     Also, I read many posts about people paying for a massage and ended up listening to a MA venting about her day for the entire session. Situation I also experienced. If someone needs to talk, there appropriate places and times for that. The middle of a session shouldn't be one.

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Personally I think this is a more YMMV type situation where it really depends on the type of relationship two people have built up and what each of them are comfortable with sharing/discussing.

 

When talking about two people sharing time and experiences together in person, maybe I've been lucky in this respect, but I've found a pretty good personality mix with those that I choose to continue to share my time with.  In the beginning we are usually both fairly closed off and keep the conversation light and easy, but as time goes on and we become more comfortable, the off-limit topics tend to shrink if not disappear completely. 

 

When I don't find a good personality mix, then I generally don't continue seeing someone.

 

Now as for the sharing of personal experiences on a forum such as this, the great thing is that people can do that freely (of course within the agreed upon rules/required laws), and any of us that don't want to read it / know about it, have the choice to not look at those threads & forums.

 

We are all unique people with a series of life events that lead us to be the people we are today.  Everyone has wonderful and terrible things in their past. Everyone has the choice to share as little or as much of those events as we want.  

 

I'm a generally curious person by nature and I tend to ask questions when I meet someone new.  It's up to them to share what they want or just tell me "nope!". I'm also a pretty easy going guy and realize that SW's often need an outlet when they are having a rough day.  It doesn't take anything away from my experience if I can be there as a sounding board for someone.

 

In the end, we all need to remember that both sides of the equation read the posts on this board, and everything that gets posted can be used by someone to make a decision as to whether or not someone is willing to spend time in person with the person posting.  

 

 

Edited by OldandNerdy
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We all need a safe place to feel comfortable and able to share our personal experiences wether it be good  or  bad

Not all of us have someone to talk to who can relate or understand what we go through from day to day in this industry 

You do always have that option to not read or engage in the conversation 

I have met alot of great gentlemen i feel comfortable opening up to and they also feel comfortable sharing their feelings/experiences with me and I am thankful for that

 

 

 

 

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Any adult should be able to manage these situations, decide whether or not to read a thread, decide to book a return visit or not.

Being willing to listen and prepared to share and reciprocate openly are all I'm expecting.

On 11/8/2020 at 8:48 PM, Greenteal said:

I like to know that person is comfortable and ready to offer the agreed services. The answer is not always verbal. Someone's mood, attitude and general appearance can say a lot. Maybe not all, but sometimes more than enough to answer obvious awkward questions.

The only 'agreed service' I anticipate is companionship. I'm happy to know that my mileage may vary (MMMV?). It has been my experience that any uncertainties can be anticipated from ads, preliminary communications and I've never had an issue visiting established LYLA members.

On 11/8/2020 at 8:48 PM, Greenteal said:

.... some shared how they began in the industry and it's always the part I take with a grain of salt. Not because I don't care or don't believe, but simply because it's none of my business.

If it isn't our business then we don't need to expend our salt ration on it..... - I hear 'grain of salt' as a dose of skepticism.

A song from the Great John Prine - it has no necessary religious connotation - addresses Danielle's comment above:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaZeFIbYxr0

Humility, patience, respect, understanding and listening usually make the world and a session a better place.... "He spoke to me of morality, starvation, pain and sin, matter of fact, the whole damn time I only got a few words in"

 

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20 minutes ago, waterat said:

Any adult should be able to manage these situations....

  Yes, Like any adults should be able recognize pictures from pornstars or Instagram models, and also able to use the search tool and Google. But we still tolerate hundreds of "any info" threads.

  I posted this topic as we got different views about privacy and what constitutes normal bedsides conversations and what should be kept someone more regular. Not judging what's right or wrong, simply expressing an opinion while allowing other members to do the same.

  You seriously missed the point if you really think I don't listen or care. And please don't lecture me with preachy BS songs and your overanalysis of pretty clear comments. 

  Congratulation, you made my ignore list.

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13 hours ago, Exotic Touch Danielle said:

We all need a safe place to feel comfortable and able to share our personal experiences wether it be good  or  bad

Not all of us have someone to talk to who can relate or understand what we go through from day to day in this industry 

You do always have that option to not read or engage in the conversation 

I have met alot of great gentlemen i feel comfortable opening up to and they also feel comfortable sharing their feelings/experiences with me and I am thankful for that

    Again, I never said "no" to someone who needed to talk after a bad day or bad period of their live. The problematic part is when someone I only know for a few minutes has a meltdown and rants about her job and life for the duration of session.         When a one time incident, it can be ok. But when I read posts of others who experienced the same, it's maybe time to seek real help or find another job.

    As for this board. If some get therapeutic benefits from sharing private and traumatic life events, I'm not gonna tell them it's inappropriate. It's up to admins to make that call. But when those same people also use LYLA as their primary means of advertisement, it's where a balance is required to not negatively affect their primary purpose.

    

    

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This is one of those topics where there are no definitive right answers. I think asking how much fantasy vs reality a provider should give clients is about as useful as asking what body type she should have. A lot of us want different things and not everyone actually wants what they say they want.

You see this a lot on Twitter. There are providers that sell the fantasy, and then get accused of being fake. There are providers who give a more honest, warts-and-all view of their lives, and get accused of ruining the fantasy. There are people who strike a balance, and I'm sure they get told they're doing it wrong, too. You can't win.

As far as I'm concerned, everyone needs to decide for themselves how much of what they present in this world is a carefully cultivated persona, and how much is real. But we all need to accept the decisions that other people make, and not slam people for over-sharing, or making their problems public, or "being fake", or whatever.

It's OK to sell the fantasy. And it's OK to ask for help when you're down and hurting, or to ask for compassion and understanding if you've been through some bad shit in the past. But it's not OK to insist that everyone conform to your preferences, or to be an asshole when they don't.

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8 hours ago, Phaedrus said:

But it's not OK to insist that everyone conform to your preferences, or to be an asshole when they don't.

I liked this. Personally I appreciate some reality. It helps me tune my own reactions. I also appreciate it when it allows me to form connection and engage in healthier ways. That said I get that there’s a spectrum, and folks have needs that take them to different places on it.

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