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An Interview With... Ava Marie Love - Avoiding Toxicity On Boards

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THANK YOU @lydiahardwood for giving me a voice , and a warm welcome your site .

 

and thank you to @NotchJohnson @StephanieMystique @500 Pound Gorilla @Allie Zeon for taking the time to read and share yout thoughts .

it is nice to be a member of a community like this one here on Lyla ,

where I am able to share my opinions , without having to fear personal attack . 

Edited by Ava Maria Love
typos , my hands are only good for massage ;-)*
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Another great chapter in Lyla’s book. Thanks! @Ava Maria Love for sharing. For clients just starting, these stories about how language and tone affect life and livelihood help clients understand the SP experience. These posts, outside the environment of the appointment itself continue to provide valuable glimpses behind the scenes that can help us be better clients.

Edited by clearbluesky15
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Thanks, @Ava Maria Love - it's great to get a provider's perspective on this stuff, especially given how unpopular boards seem to be in general.

Whenever I see boards mentioned there does seem to be a general approach from providers that "all boards are toxic". I can see why people would say that, but it's good to know that not everyone believes it. Boards can choose to be as toxic (or not) as they like, depending on what the people running them choose to allow.

11 hours ago, lydiahardwood said:

Q: I’ve realised that a lot of people didn’t realise we have a private SP area here on Lyla. I’m pleased to say it’s getting busier these days. How important is an area like this to you? 

A: Extremely important, that is the number one reason I have ever joined any board, again this should be free

 

This is very good news; if we have more SPs coming for this, maybe a few of them will feel inclined to post in the main board while they're here...

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First off, a thanks to @Ava Maria Love for sharing her thoughts and insights with us and, again, to @lydiahardwood for conducting these interviews, This one gets directly to what I feel is the heart of the lyla community.

On 4/11/2021 at 5:14 AM, lydiahardwood said:

Q: What would you want to see from a board for you to use them? 

A: No vulgar or graphic details in reviews.
Not a place of fighting, arguing and debating, but respectful conversation.
Access to SP private areas for free, as if the intention is to keep ladies safe then that should not be charged for. I agree with charging for advertising, but all Providers in the industry should be welcome to safe havens unless they have a history of not being safe regarding their peers and colleagues.

Q: I’ve realised that a lot of people didn’t realise we have a private SP area here on Lyla. I’m pleased to say it’s getting busier these days. How important is an area like this to you? 

A: Extremely important, that is the number one reason I have ever joined any board, again this should be free 

Q: Do you think that toxic review board culture can negatively impact Clients? How?

A: 100%. Many of the most prolific posters who consistently post negativity scare clients away from the industry or certain experiences they  might have enjoyed, many get so confused trying to stay safe that they are paranoid based on untrue posts and constant negativity.

The answers to these three questions all identify the merits of lyla that deserve our support and engagement.

#1 Benefits of lyla membership identified. I'm assuming advertising is still free on lyla - in the past, agencies and massage businesses (and the providers who worked there) were charged some sort of 'commercial' membership fee - identified by a username in red. @Yourfrenchlady (company account) is the only example I've noticed and I think that's a recent change. Many of my local SWs stopped visiting lyla as they rarely had 'traffic' generated from the site so I doubt it's sensible to charge for advertising but with more recommendations, more advertisers and more respectful discussion; the value of this 'non-toxic' recommendation board would be enhanced.

#2 Boom!

#3 I notice this sliding into the lyla forum mostly due to clients who haven't done their homework, have unrealistic expectations and simply import toxic review board culture. The source of much of this comes to us via leolist which, while having some sort of a business relationship with lyla, is not our friend.

I don't mean to step away from the thanks expressed in initiating this comment, nor as a hijack, but to promote some discussion.

Cheers, waterat

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6 hours ago, waterat said:

#3 I notice this sliding into the lyla forum mostly due to clients who haven't done their homework, have unrealistic expectations and simply import toxic review board culture. The source of much of this comes to us via leolist which, while having some sort of a business relationship with lyla, is not our friend.

I don't think this is new, particularly. You get this sort of thing with any online community (or real life one, for that matter); some people take the time to read/listen and get a feel for what the community is like before they engage, and some people just make assumptions and jump right in, and some just don't even realize this sort of thing is an issue. The latter types are the ones that there's issues with - either they think they can get away with the same shit they pull elsewhere, or they just don't have a clue what's OK and what isn't - but they generally either get straightened out reasonably quickly, or figure out they're in the wrong place and leave... or leave with a bit of assistance :)

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Thank you  @Mikeyboy @clearbluesky15 @Phaedrus @waterat  For the time and attention you have given to my interview .

 

@Mikeyboy  I am so with you in the appreciation of @lydiahardwoodit is so nice to have found a board that is a civil and positive place , without the toxicity that a few boards have . It is truly refreshing .

 

@clearbluesky15 Yes I agreee it is important for both client and Service providers to remain open to discussion in this civil way to facilitate learning how to be better as Providers as well as clients too .

 

@Phaedrus I am sorry to admit that a few people have mistaken me for one of those ladys, the "all boards are toxic" type , but that has never been my beleif or attitude  . My mind does not paint in broad brush strokes , generalizations or stereotypes, I was fortunate last summer to use the London Sugar board in Ontario and the Caf board in Calgary , on my cross Canada Tour , and I did enjoy both of those boards . I looked forward to beng on the east coast and being active here on Lyla .

I was attempting to go coast to coast but , the East Coast was closed or I would have been active in the maritimes for a few weeks , one day I will make it . 

 

@waterat #1 thank you so much for such a great reply , first point , Love learning all of this , it is brillant.

#2 Boom ! , YAY!!!

#3 you pretty much summed up what a lot of newbie or ( urgent ) clients do to thi own determent . They simply rush the process and or settle then post negativity that is often unwarranted ,  if they did thier  homework they would not get scammed and or find a better fit .

I need help with  the "Leolist is not our friend " ? part of your  comment ?,I love Leolist I am legit and reputable , and I think my ad stands out as so on there, so I love how easy it is to screen the men contacting  me from there , by thier approach lol , its not hard to tell the men that did not do thier homework ,so I kindly educate them , so they can be better clients for me or other ladys in the future .

Whew I did it , was kinda nervous , I have often and recently had my words twisted beyond reognition, so I do have a little apprehension and anxiety replying to new people . BARE lol with me , nothing I say is ever written in stone , I reserve the right to change my mind , and break the unspoken internet law of including typos lol wink wink .

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Ava Maria Love
typos , my hands are only good for massage ;-)*
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22 hours ago, Phaedrus said:

I don't think this is new, particularly. You get this sort of thing with any online community (or real life one, for that matter); some people take the time to read/listen and get a feel for what the community is like before they engage, and some people just make assumptions and jump right in, and some just don't even realize this sort of thing is an issue. The latter types are the ones that there's issues with - either they think they can get away with the same shit they pull elsewhere, or they just don't have a clue what's OK and what isn't - but they generally either get straightened out reasonably quickly, or figure out they're in the wrong place and leave... or leave with a bit of assistance 🙂

I love this post , I wish it was a tweet I could retweet into the Universe and make it go Viral!

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16 minutes ago, Ava Maria Love said:

 

@Phaedrus I am sorry to admit that a few people have mistaken me for one of those ladys, the "all boards are toxic" type , but that has never been my beleif or attitude  . My mind does not paint in broad brush strokes , generalizations or stereotypes, I was fortunate last summer to use the London Sugar board in Ontario and the Caf board in Calgary , on my cross Canada Tour , and I did enjoy both of those boards . I looked forward to beng on the east coast and being active here on Lyla .

I was attempting to go coast to coast but , the East Coast was closed or I would have been active in the maritimes for a few weeks , one day I will make it .

I get the feeling that these people have been on (or seen what happens on) the *ERB boards, and just decided they don't want any part of that scene. Which is a shame.

14 minutes ago, Ava Maria Love said:

I love this post , I wish it was a tweet I could retweet into the Universe and make it go Viral!

Thanks!

Actually, for me this is probably the thing I like most about boards: we can have this sort of conversation. The main alternative for communication these days seems to be Twitter, and you just don't get it there. There's a lot of stuff which is too complex or nuanced to go into a tweet. And the other problem with Twitter is that anything you say kinda disappears into the void very quickly; it flies though people's timelines and then... nobody will ever see it, unless they make a point of going to your profile to see what you've been saying. But here, I can respond to a post from five days ago as easily as one from five minutes ago, and I don't miss stuff that happened when I wasn't online.

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