Advice to a friend

[Birdboy 10482]

So you've fallen hard for a lady in the business. I know where you are, brother. I really do. I've been there too. You're in good company. This has happened to many of us in the hobby, and as much as we like to kid ourselves otherwise, it happens to the ladies too.

 

It's hard to know which is the more powerful desire, the need for sex or the need for love. And it's hard in this hobby sometimes because one feels so much like the other. Falling hard is sneaky because it tends to happen when we lack something in our lives, but it can catch us unaware at the best of times.

 

I'm not likely to tell you something you don't already know or haven't thought about. But since you asked, here are my thoughts in the matter.

 

The ladies work hard to give us what we want. And we work hard to find the ones who are good at giving us what we're looking for. And it is the really good ones that pose the greatest risk, because they give so much of themselves to make you happy. Perhaps she might even have liked you a little more than the next guy. But your time runs out, you leave starry-eyed and wobbly-legged, you leave daydreaming about her. And she might be already on to her next client, who she's already trying to make as happy as you. The good ones do. And that is why you chose her in the first place..... hmmm?

 

I used to think that it was all an act. But I came to realize that that was really selling the ladies short. Because for the good ones, it isn't an act. They really do love what they do and they do enjoy your company. But there must be boundaries to that caring. There just has to be. Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to be good at what she does for the next guy. She has to let it go. And that is what we have to do as well.

 

And at the end of the day, most of us hardly know the lady who's given us so much pleasure. She could be anyone behind those eyes. Anyone. Good, bad, evil, divine. Think about that for a moment. You don't know her, you don't know her baggage. And she will have some, brother, as I know you will have your own. She likely doesn't know you at all either. She would be right to be wary.

 

I'm not saying that it might not work out for the two of you. But the chances are so slim, and the impediments in your way are so large, that lasting happiness is so unlikely. It's truly a shot in the dark, as remote as a lottery win.

 

You asked me for my advice, brother. And mine to you is to have some variety. Keep reading the ads and reviews. Find other ladies who everyone's raving over. Go see them, give them a shot at knocking your socks off. And undoubtedly some of them will. And doing that will give you perspective in this terrible and wonderful hobby of ours. For it's most healthy for you to love the experiences, but not the ladies.

 

I can speak from experience that I know how hard it is to follow this advice, but look in your heart and see if it doesn't ring straight and true. Good luck, brother.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I know this feeling! I have had some people that started off as just a normal client one day...then 1 year later, true friends and lovers. Then after 5 years...almost in love!!

I try to distance myself as much as possible, cause if all my clients become my lovers, then that is just no good for my business, lol.

There is a fine line, and once it is crossed it is almost impossible to turn back. I am thinking of one in particular, that if he were not in the army....I am sure we would end up together! Perhaps the only one that would make me want to commit to just one! But alas....he is in the army and I can not be with him. We met over 5 years ago. He tries to visit every chance he has, we chat almost everyday. We have cried on each other's shoulders, we have made each other smile, feel safe in his arms. But now so close to each other, he is no longer a client.

But then there are the reg clients. That I do truly care about their well being and happiness. I chat with them, wish them Happy Birthday, send good night kisses. It is not an act as we do respect the boundaries that are in place, and yet can sit and have lunch with no sex, or playtime, no fee. But once we get to my room, then it is all about professionalism again.

Then there are just the fly by nighter....the client I may only ever see one time and never hear of them again. I dont mind this either. I do like to meet new people, I seem to get a great deal of satisfaction from this too!

 

All in all I like each person who spends time with me to feel special, wanted and appreciated!

[qwertyaccount 15793]

Nice post Birdboy.

 

...that if he were not in the army...

 

Was it the uniform? If so, I know where I'm shopping later today :)

[Guest t**obb****]

In that room, only good things happen.

It's easy to fall in love with that...

[qwertyaccount 15793]

sophia varoushka: hahaha cute...no not uniform silly

 

I think I figured it out: http://movieclips.com/e/RmCoa/28.517/78.263

 

(No thread hijack intended)

[Guest ma***sf***x]

I had a SP when I was 19 started to have feelings for me sadly I had to stop seeing her =( and another sp will will remain nameless I must stop seeing her in case I get feelings for her it really sucks..

[Code Blue 3585]

In psychotherapy and areas of psychiatry there is a well recognised risk of "clients" falling for their care provider.

 

I would imagine the risks for regular customers of an SP would be all the greater. Most of the comments on recent threads talk of "chemistry" and attraction, both fundamentals in falling for people. The boundaries are there for the protection of both parties, and hard as it may be, they should be respected by both parties.

 

I would be surprised if there are (m)any happy endings if they are not.

 

CB

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I think I figured it out: http://movieclips.com/e/RmCoa/28.517/78.263

 

(No thread hijack intended)

 

I dare say you got it!!! LOL...

[Tara 1166]

The strong liking (also interpreted as love by many) that happens so often between men and women who get to know one another fairly well can happen regardless of how you meet one another and the fact that it is inconvenient for one or both won't usually matter much to either if it's mutual. The very nature of this particular business means it's more likely than not that it will be an unwelcome situation for one or the other or both people. If it's mutual and both people are emotionally available and mature enough to cope with the inevitable unique problems they'll encounter, more power to them to explore it if they want to. If not, I think most would agree with you birdboy that they should savor the great memories and move on.

[Lowdark 5613]

It is very easy to confuse the fantasy with the reality in this business. The line between the two can blur easily, and I'd wager this happens to the client more often the SP. I have met some great people on this board, both by visit and chat, and have had the excellent fortune to discover genuine friendship with one. I absolutely believe that two consenting adults can develop a strong friendship in he context of this industry, without the sexual component getting in the way. Could they be more? I won't say that it couldn't happen, but you have to remember, people are sharing very intimate time with each other, sometimes emotionally as well as physically. And for those who may be emotionally vulnerable or lonely, that can spell complications. If that becomes the case, you need to take a breath, step back and evaluate the situation rationally. Knee jerk emotional reactions may be fine in the movies, but they usually end up costing you dearly in real life.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

People in this industry often think that they are falling in love with an SP, but in my opinion it is more probably a strong like with an intense lust. Love is something extremely intense...so as lust. There are often confuse in my eyes... if you see a lady on a regular base, you may get to know her better then her other customers or even regulars, but hell...I am honest with people I see, I tell them real stories of the real me, anecdotes, share some feelings...it's all good, but I am not telling 25% of my life in reality I guess...how can you love someone that you probably don't even know the real name? or only discover it later?

 

Lust for me is the feeling that push you to want to have sex(duh!) but also the passion of wanting to be with someone. Here is the thing...passion. Passion isn't love. It's an obsession, same as lust.

 

Love is different...yes it can happen in this industry, but it will rarely last in my eyes.

 

 

and all those randoms though...but as always, awesome story BirdBoy!

[capitalman 3861]

The question of what is love has been debated since the beginning of mankind! It's different for everyone. I KNOW that what I experience as love other people may never get the chance to experience. What others call love maybe I call lust? Everyone is different and has different experiences. You can't judge others or what they feel.

 

Take the social misfit who never engages other people except maybe one day he hires an escort. That might be the closest thing to love he'll ever experience. So be it...let him call it love, where we might call it lust.

 

My comment here is this, what is wrong with developing feelings for a client or escort? What's wrong with it? Because it interferes with your business? Know the boundaries and stick to them. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be an escort or shouldn't be a client!

 

Feelings are good, that's why we're here. Life is about relationships...it's not about who has the most money when yo die, it's about who had the best of times during their life.

 

I look at someone like my Dad that basically had one girl his entire life, married her, she died (my Mom) and now has a new girlfriend but that's about it. He's shy, introverted and awkward around people. Hell will freeze over before I live my life like that. I want more, I want it all. I want relationships, feelings, love, lust, sex, perversion. I want experiences...fill me up until I'm overflowing then when I die it's over. I win. That's what I want.....all of it.

 

You should want that too. Don't be afraid of love, embrace it everywhere you can! imho ymmv :)

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

The question of what is love has been debated since the beginning of mankind! It's different for everyone. I KNOW that what I experience as love other people may never get the chance to experience. What others call love maybe I call lust? Everyone is different and has different experiences. You can't judge others or what they feel.

 

Take the social misfit who never engages other people except maybe one day he hires an escort. That might be the closest thing to love he'll ever experience. So be it...let him call it love, where we might call it lust.

 

My comment here is this, what is wrong with developing feelings for a client or escort? What's wrong with it? Because it interferes with your business? Know the boundaries and stick to them. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be an escort or shouldn't be a client!

 

 

What other call love I tend to call it lust:P I tend to fall more easily in love then in lust...giving my particular lifestyle (bdsm), when I fall in love, I tend to want less of it and more the "vanilla" stuff, but when I am in lust, I want the passion and bdsm...

 

 

There is nothing wrong about being in love with an escort IMO,if you are TRULY okay with the person doing what she does...most people say that they are, but when they are in a steady relationship...eh. it doesn't seem to always be the case and from what I know and can hear ,the ex-client would rather that then SP stop working

 

love, like, lust, as long as people are happy...who care?

[Sensual Erin 33898]

This is a a tough topic. Like Capialman mentions though, boundaries. This is a word that goes out to the water for a few.

 

I have regular clients I really like, a few I'm fond of. However, when too many boundaries are crossed I do encourage that person to move on. I'm pretty open about who I am and don't mind personable, within our personal boundaries as we are all different. There's so many great Ladies and Gents on board here. What we provide and share should be explored and not held too dearly. If it's no longer fun and if it becomes too emotional, it's no longer sexy.

[Birdboy 10482]

There was a comment that a lady made elsewhere, on reading my post. It was that you can love someone (in the context of a session) without *being* in love with that person. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I have been truly loved at times in this hobby. I knew it. I felt it. But I knew that love evaporated the moment I walked out that door. I knew she wasn't in love with me.

 

There is a popular belief that the Inuit have many more words for snow than English has, to capture all the nuances of the many forms that mere frozen water can have. And like the Inuit, I think that this business could use more ways to describe love, in its many forms.

[roger dodger 2160]

There is always the possibility of falling in love with an sp, or ma, but very rarely does it work or last. One of the problems i have found in my years of hobbying, is that many times, even though the sp or ma and i would of gotten along amazingly, it will almost always be in the back of their minds, is how you both met. I know some people, as i have also had relationships with some ladies, that later on in the relationship, if you get into an argument, the "how" you met sometimes gets into play. It's a very difficult line to cross. It can happen, but it is rare.

[HarveySpecter 1908]

People in this industry often think that they are falling in love with an SP, but in my opinion it is more probably a strong like with an intense lust. Love is something extremely intense...so as lust. There are often confuse in my eyes... if you see a lady on a regular base, you may get to know her better then her other customers or even regulars, but hell...I am honest with people I see, I tell them real stories of the real me, anecdotes, share some feelings...it's all good, but I am not telling 25% of my life in reality I guess...how can you love someone that you probably don't even know the real name? or only discover it later?

 

Lust for me is the feeling that push you to want to have sex(duh!) but also the passion of wanting to be with someone. Here is the thing...passion. Passion isn't love. It's an obsession, same as lust.

 

Love is different...yes it can happen in this industry, but it will rarely last in my eyes.

 

 

and all those randoms though...but as always, awesome story BirdBoy!

 

very much the same sentiment here.

 

And laos what birdboy said in the latter, that is give other ladies a try after doing your research, you will see its more about the lustful experiences that anything else really.

Unless otherwise.... like sharing life stories and what not then probably a mutual feeling of each other.

[Birdboy 10482]

Once, a long time ago, I used to be the kind of pooner for whom quantity had a quality all its own. I flitted from lady to lady like a butterfly to all the flowers... a rather apt simile. I wanted to sample every flavor in the candy store, say that I could speak with first-hand knowledge of every reputable working lady in my small city. And you know what? It was an empty goal. It was unsatisfying. It was mechanical. It was collecting notch after notch on my bedpost (another unfortunate metaphor) without any joy or satisfaction.

 

To make a long story short, I now poon much less than I once did. But now I try to make every time count. I want every time to be special. So I became a very different kind of hobbyist. I pore over the reviews and posts of prospective ladies and try and gauge compatibility on more than an physical level first. It's almost like real-life dating. I do this because all that previous experience taught me that even great sex with a complete stranger was empty. What gives my current outings much more meaning is when there was that connection. The authentic friendship (albeit with boundaries) that grows organically from repeating with the same lady time after time. Yes, perhaps this means that I've fallen more than was wise. Perhaps it's even been many times.

 

This certainly sounds like it contradicts my 'Advice', doesn't it? But what has made the difference for me is that I can sense now when danger lurks. Not because I care, because that happens rather frequently. But rather when I care too much and want to overflow those boundaries. It's time for me to back off then, mourn the loss. Then move on.

 

Sure, when this happens I could go back to the kind of pooner I was. But if I did, I would lose out on the kinds of experiences I treasure and value. And it's worth the risk.

[Cato 160314]

Great thread! Thanks for your thoughts, everyone.

[roamingguy 300291]

For what it's worth. I enter into each encounter, knowing full well that the lady is seeing me because she is receiving monetary compensation from me for the time spent together. For most of the ladies, and that is because the ladies are great at what they do, they make the time wonderful and memorable. Yes, I like them (well most of them), and that is because the lady's personality comes through and the lady is likeable,not just as a SP, but as a person. The lady may genuinely like you as a person too. And yes, some friendships can develop. Yes maybe you even think you are in love with the lady and she with you. Ask yourself this question, would the lady see you if not compensated for her time. In short, outside the SP/Client lifestyle would you two see each other?

BTW this is not a cold hearted analysis of seeing ladies. This is recognizing this lifestyle for what it is. This is a lifestyle that is mutually beneficial to both the lady and gentleman. And love is much more than a couple hours intimately in bed together. Love means for better or worse. Could she take you at your worst, or vice versa? Love means a life together, which is far more than a intimate escape

For me, even with my favourite ladies (yes plural) seeing them is my monthly escape. I get to look forward to meeting a new lady, or see a lady again that I haven't seen in awhile. Getting back into a committed relationship, well the escape is gone, and the magic and escape of those few monthly hours is replaced by the day to day routine of a relationship.

I've quit the dating/relationship thing, and much prefer this escape. Why give up the escape to go back to the routine of dating/relationships

Hope that rambling makes sense

RG