What shall we talk about?

[Phaedrus 209521]

Or not, as the case may be? Apologies in advance to all and sundry, but I'm going to indulge myself with a rant on this.

 

We have very clear and well-enforced rules here on CERB about what may be said, and what may not. However, these rules relate very much to *how* discussions are conducted; their aim is to ensure that both ads and recos are genuine (and therefore reliable and useful) and that the general tone of the site remains positive and mutually respectful.

 

What we do *not* have, however, is a whole bunch of rules relating to what topics of conversation may not be had at all. Yes, illegal stuff is out, which seems like a sensible precaution to me, but that's about it. However, we periodically (and again recently) seem to have attempts by individuals, or groups of them, to shut down conversation on subjects which they happen to dislike.

 

It may seem obvious, but it probably bears stating that if someone starts a thread, no matter how obscure or tedious the topic may seem to most, that's a demonstration that at least one person cares enough about it to bother posting. Maybe it'll become the new hot thread of the moment, and maybe it'll fall completely flat - but how will we ever find out if it never gets posted at all? In the meantime, the fact that someone cared enough to post in the first place means that there's likely to be at least a few readers who will be interested enough to read the thread and not consider it a complete waste of their time to have done so, even if they don't feel moved to post themselves.

 

Is it too much to ask that those people who don't wish to discuss a particular subject simply leave it be and move on? I'm not talking about the occasional snarky comment about LOLcats here (I'm well aware that not everyone loves them, and frankly I think the world would be a very dull place if we all had the same tastes); I'm talking about efforts to get particular threads or subjects eliminated entirely. I don't mind the rules that have an obvious benefit for the site as a whole, but I thoroughly resent the existence and interference of self-appointed arbiters of what may or may not be discussed. We have one, and the Mod does a very good job; we don't need any more, thanks. If the Town Council decides to implement new policies then that's fine - but until any such changes are announced to the community at large by the Mod, could everyone else please refrain from attempting to impose their own preferences on everybody else?

 

The general forum does tend to attract all the stuff that doesn't obviously fit in anywhere else. However, the fact that something doesn't have another obvious home is absolutely not a reason for it to be expelled from the general forum too. Maybe that just means we should have more forums so that we can categorize threads more effectively; maybe people should simply be a little more tolerant.

 

A final point: I think we *all* benefit from the existence of a larger and more diverse community, rather than a smaller and narrower one. CERB gets more visitors, and presumably so, then, does EC. The SPs get a larger audience for their ads; those of us who see them get more SPs posting ads. And all of us who contribute get more friends, and potential friends, with whom we can argue, debate, laugh, joke and - on occasion, I daresay - have some good old-fashioned sexcapades. Every time we drive someone off by being exclusive or narrow-minded, or someone simply gets bored and leaves, we're all a little poorer for the loss.

 

Okay, that's it. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

[Guest E*******h S******s]

I'm going to assume that when you refer to people "trying to get threads removed entirely", you are discussing the "Best of" thread controversy that went on last spring/summer. People who objected to those threads have been consistently reprimanded over and over again. So much so that when (for example) they voice an objection to a recommendation thread being posted in the General Discussion area, some feel it is necessary to again bring up those past perceived transgressions.

 

Just as you feel that it is up to Mod or Town Council to make decisions regarding CERB content and where that content should be posted, I feel that it is also up to Mod or Town Council to give reprimands when necessary. Personally, I'm a little fed up with a certain segment of the community speaking to (and making vague, passive-aggressive references of) others as though they were recalcitrant 4 year olds. This is the second thread just today! It's patronizing, unnecessary and has caused a fair amount of resentment.

 

Peace out.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

If I don't care for a particular thread, I just won't click on it. If I find a thread offensive, I think I'm within my right to see what others think and possibly request that it be removed.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Agree with Phaedrus ... when it comes to message boards, more is usually better as it leads to more hits, more enjoyment, and probably more views of the ladies ads. Thats all good no matter what the topic, but particularly when it pertains to the primary topic that bring us all here.

[scribbles 6031]

Did we really just create a whole new thread talking about another thread? A thread about a thread. Doesn't sound redundant at all. :)

That's all sorts of funny.

 

I don't think anyone here, but the Mod, has the right to stop a topic from being discussed. That said, I'm not sure all topics should be discussed. And, I think that common decency would dictate that those posting about any particular topic will take feedback from their audience rather than stubbornly proclaiming their right to speak. There does, in fact, seem to be a disturbing trend of territory marking in some of the posted topics, and I find that unfortunate. Some people seem to express a need to be recognized as some manner or authority or alpha.

 

If ladies feel offended by the "best of" threads, they are entitled to express their opinion. If someone wants to post a boasting recommendation of an SP who has nothing to do with CERB, good on ya. Maybe let's not post it in the General Discussion area, is all that was being said.

 

Let's all try and get along, shall we? We're more mature than this all would imply. This passive aggressive talking about a topic in a topic stuff is a little bit much.

 

Sent from my HTC EVO 3D X515a using Tapatalk

[castle 38816]

I wasn't about to touch this topic with my 10 foot pole (:p)......but on the other hand......

 

A wise man once said "Can't we all just get along?" Another saying goes "Let's just agree to disagree"....and my personal fave "Opinions are like assholes....the world's full of them"....ok maybe that last one's not quite right but that's my interpretation of it.

 

Point being...as long as actual human beings visit this site....there will be disagreements. As long as actual human beings are posting threads there will be threads that some enjoy...and others can't stand. Bitching (more than once) about the threads you don't like....or bitching (more than once) about the people who don't like your threads.....accomplishes absolutely NOTHING. Zip. Zero. Nilch. 1 of the negative persuasion. All it creates is what we have here.....a vicious cycle of a back and forth bitch fest that just lowers the tone of the site. What is this? High School? Pretty sure you have to be over 18 to join this site, no? Sorry if I'm coming off as a smartass but FFS people enough is enough.

 

If a thread that offends you but falls within the posting rules of this site, ignore it and move on. If it's breaking any rules report it to the MOD. By all means post your opinion about it, but don't expect your opinion to suddenly change everyone's mind about it and there's no reason to throw a friggin' hissy fit when it doesn't. Just move on.

 

And to the people bitching about the people bitching about their threads (see what I mean about the vicious cycle bitch fest?).....you berating them for stating that they don't like your thread, even if they've done so more than once, isn't suddenly going to make them say "Hey...what an ass I've been! This thread is A-Ok!" Not gonna happen. All it accomplishes is further escalating the bitch fest. Just laugh it off and move. the. fuck. ON!

 

There's no right or wrong party in a topic like this....just a bunch of assholes with opinions. (I'm not calling any particular person an asshole...just stating that we each have a little bit of "asshole" in us). Opinions aren't facts people. You can't convince someone that their opinion is wrong and yours is right....you can't look up your opinion on wikipedia and say "See? My opinion IS right!" because there's no such thing as a right or wrong opinion. So why bother trying? When someone disagrees with your opinion why does everyone automatically go on the defensive and go all "You're wrong dumbass"....."No, YOU'RE wrong, stupid"..."No, no, no....YOU are the one who's wrong, numb nuts!"...."I'm telling Mommy!! (aka Mod).".....that's pretty much exactly the kind of exchanges you people are having. And that's exactly how they come off. They're not the kind of exchanges of opinions that adults should be having. How hard is it to say to each other "I respectfully disagree but that's your opinion and you're allowed to it" and then just leave it at that?.....in other words.....just agree to disagree.

 

The blunt nature of this post may earn me some negative rep points...oh well....It's my opinion and I'm allowed to post it. I don't expect it will necessarily change anyone's view...because after all...it's just my opinion and it's no righter or wronger than anyone else's. But I'm posting it nonetheless. Now I'm going to take my own advice and move on.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

I wasn't about to touch this topic with my 10 foot pole (:p)......but on the other hand......

 

A wise man once said "Can't we all just get along?" Another saying goes "Let's just agree to disagree"....and my personal fave "Opinions are like assholes....the world's full of them"....ok maybe that last one's not quite right but that's my interpretation of it.

 

Point being...as long as actual human beings visit this site....there will be disagreements. As long as actual human beings are posting threads there will be threads that some enjoy...and others can't stand. Bitching (more than once) about the threads you don't like....or bitching (more than once) about the people who don't like your threads.....accomplishes absolutely NOTHING. Zip. Zero. Nilch. 1 of the negative persuasion. All it creates is what we have here.....a vicious cycle of a back and forth bitch fest that just lowers the tone of the site. What is this? High School? Pretty sure you have to be over 18 to join this site, no? Sorry if I'm coming off as a smartass but FFS people enough is enough.

 

If a thread that offends you but falls within the posting rules of this site, ignore it and move on. If it's breaking any rules report it to the MOD. By all means post your opinion about it, but don't expect your opinion to suddenly change everyone's mind about it and there's no reason to throw a friggin' hissy fit when it doesn't. Just move on.

 

And to the people bitching about the people bitching about their threads (see what I mean about the vicious cycle bitch fest?).....you berating them for stating that they don't like your thread, even if they've done so more than once, isn't suddenly going to make them say "Hey...what an ass I've been! This thread is A-Ok!" Not gonna happen. All it accomplishes is further escalating the bitch fest. Just laugh it off and move. the. fuck. ON!

 

There's no right or wrong party in a topic like this....just a bunch of assholes with opinions. (I'm not calling any particular person an asshole...just stating that we each have a little bit of "asshole" in us). Opinions aren't facts people. You can't convince someone that their opinion is wrong and yours is right....you can't look up your opinion on wikipedia and say "See? My opinion IS right!" because there's no such thing as a right or wrong opinion. So why bother trying? When someone disagrees with your opinion why does everyone automatically go on the defensive and go all "You're wrong dumbass"....."No, YOU'RE wrong, stupid"..."No, no, no....YOU are the one who's wrong, numb nuts!"...."I'm telling Mommy!! (aka Mod).".....that's pretty much exactly the kind of exchanges you people are having. And that's exactly how they come off. They're not the kind of exchanges of opinions that adults should be having. How hard is it to say to each other "I respectfully disagree but that's your opinion and you're allowed to it" and then just leave it at that?.....in other words.....just agree to disagree.

 

The blunt nature of this post may earn me some negative rep points...oh well....It's my opinion and I'm allowed to post it. I don't expect it will necessarily change anyone's view...because after all...it's just my opinion and it's no righter or wronger than anyone else's. But I'm posting it nonetheless. Now I'm going to take my own advice and move on.

:bj2:

Apparently can't give you a huge smiley face, THAT was some good reading.

I am one that believes all threads apply and should be welcomed. Be good neighbors and respect other opinions, but don't shit on someone's parade cause someone doesn't agree. Hey, if it doesn't break any rules, hurt someone's specifics feelings or is racist and all that jazz, then leave it in good standing. Some people have different ways of looking at things and that shouldn't be frowned on just because it's not their cup of tea, suck it up! I've had some pretty interesting and far off conversations pre-sex, so no one can really say some threads don't apply here

[mrgreen760 37785]

Too funny!!

 

Peace

MG

[Guest h****hedl]

I love this thread...been "shit" on and cornered a couple of times myself. I am relatively new and have hit quite a few bumps in the road. Seems to be cliques that get on threads and "groupies" of these cliques that agree for better or worse. I echo the idea of just skipping it if you are offended and vent the negativity elsewhere. The good members, who care, were very kind with PMs and I have found CERB threads (in general) very informative.

Opinions are exactly that: opinions!

 

8)

hb

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Oh ya to answer your question about what we should talk about? Whatever we want within Cerb's rules because Cerb Rules!! Back to the bacon thread....

[Alexandra-Sky 12606]

Hi all,

 

I just wanted to add a small piece about "intentions".

 

I think that this is likely one of the ways in which we're all getting caught up in conflict.

 

I think that for the most part, everyone on this board that contributes to forums and posting, does so with the best of intentions.

 

That being said, I think that sometimes, intentions are very much irrelevant.

 

Here is an example:

 

1. Let's say the following question is asked: "I would like to know how many clients a day SPs see on average because I would like to make my decision as to whom I will spend time with based on their answer. I would prefer to see an SP who sees a small number of clients a day as this reflects her levels of self respect..."

 

(Sorry, I couldn't come up with a brand new example and I realize that this what a topic of a thread a while back...)

 

Now, to analyze this.

The question to me seems very genuine and the person asking it seems to be harmless. But further analysis of the question goes like this:

 

What assumptions are taking place in this question: that SPs who see less clients have more self respect than those who see more. This probably comes from the idea that women who sleep with less people are less slutty and therefore more valuable as people, where as women who are 'sluts' do so out of no respect for their own bodies.

 

This is in fact, a very insulting assumption. And so, while the OP had no intention of offending, the hidden assumptions in such a question do nothing but offend.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Now, I don't think every question will reveal the underlying assumptions as obvious as the one I used above. Nevertheless, there is always an underlying basis for any question, we just don't recognize it much.

 

 

A few weeks ago, I attended a workshop on how to be 'allies' to people with disabilities. Someone brought up the topic of 'intrusive questions'. People with disabilities get asked all sorts of questions all the time about their disability and are thus made to feel like they are 'weird/odd/ugly/abnormal'. The facilitator asked us to always ask ourselves this before asking a question about someone's disability: "Why do I want to know?" and he answered "If you just want to ask in order to fulfill your curiosity, DON'T ASK" (As it is a really selfish thing to leave someone feeling like crap solely for the purpose of fulfilling your curiosity)

 

So my point here is to ask people to reflect on whatever it is that they'd like to know. Why is it that you're asking this question? What assumptions does this question carry with it? Are the assumptions that underly this question going to deeply affect those at which these assumptions are made about? If, once you've asked yourself all of these and still decide to ask your question as you don't see the possible harm it may cause, then please ask away!

 

***

 

How can we expect people not to react to certain questions?

 

Speaking as an SP, I have recently realized how difficult it is to live in a world that hates sex workers as much as ours does. Being treated like I'm immoral, made to feel dirty and unworthy of attention and value, having to fight in order for my mom to see me in a positive light in the way that she once used to...all of this is draining on my heart. And so to log onto CERB and to find that these very same attitudes are taking place in the one place that I expect them not to, of course I'm going to be upset. Just because all of the things I've listed above are never explicitly said, it doesn't mean that they don't characterize a lot of the 'questions' that I sometimes see being asked in people's posts.

 

So my point here is that WE ALL need to be more reflective. Both on the part of people who are being offended by questions asked (maybe jumping right on the OP isn't the best approach every time) and by the people asking such questions (think about why it is you want to know the answer, and what you're assuming by even asking in the first place. And then if you find that people are becoming upset with your question, take some time and reflect. Ask yourself what it is you were not seeing when you first asked the question and if you realize that indeed there is a valid reason for people taking offense than perhaps take some responsibility and offer an apology).

 

I would like to end and say that I'm not exactly sure of the context in which the Original Post exists, but I interpreted his post as directed at very specific reactions to particular threads that have taken place in the last few months.

 

I hope that all made sense and I'll try to edit this tomorrow when I'm more awake just in case it doesn't.

 

With lots of love and compassion.

 

Have a lovely night,

 

Sky

[Guest New B**ce]

It's not just what people say but how they say it.

If someone says that something is like Penthouse letters, are they saying they think it really didn't happen?

Or describing something as a wank thread seems to not respect the people who posted, who try to give decent information.

Let's watch the tone people.

[Jabba 18389]

I think the thread has gone slightly off-track from the OP's observations. It might be helpful if it was restated. Phaedrus, let me know if I've highjacked your intent.

 

1. Some Cerb individuals/cliques are trying to shut-down or unrighteously influence threads or subjects they don't like.

 

2. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread stunts the growth of the forum & nullifies the value of original posts. These types of characters give the site a nasty flavour.

 

3. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread use nasty comments as a form of intimidation or to get the thread discredited.

 

4. Threads that don't fit exactly into a category are getting trashed.

 

5. Openness to different opinions begets good business for Cerb & it's affiliates.

 

Plain enough?

[PistolPete 61421]

Those trends have been developing for quite sometime in the past, that is how I have seen it unfolding which has completed changed the atmosphere on the board.

 

 

I think the thread has gone slightly off-track from the OP's observations. It might be helpful if it was restated. Phaedrus, let me know if I've highjacked your intent.

 

1. Some Cerb individuals/cliques are trying to shut-down or unrighteously influence threads or subjects they don't like.

 

2. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread stunts the growth of the forum & nullifies the value of original posts. These types of characters give the site a nasty flavour.

 

3. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread use nasty comments as a form of intimidation or to get the thread discredited.

 

4. Threads that don't fit exactly into a category are getting trashed.

 

5. Openness to different opinions begets good business for Cerb & it's affiliates.

 

Plain enough?

[GHT 798]

I for one want less rules not more.

 

Everyone has a view point, everyone has an opinion. Personally I want to read them all, even the ones I disagree with.

 

Live and let live (and be funny if you can LOL)

[Guest h****hedl]

@alexandra-sky: I am glad you used my very first thread post as an example. At the time I didn't realize nor did I think of the different perceptions people would have of my opinions. I also re-iterate that was my very first post. Hind-sight always seems to be 20/20. I even attempted to change the original post when I realized it had gone too far in the unintended wrong direction. I actually thought at the time that may fix the problem and people would realize I had learned from my mistake.

 

Like you say, the general public does have a MIS-conception of ladies in this "industry" and most of us on CERB (at least speaking for myself) have admiration and respect for the beautiful ladies we get to spend time with. I would like to remind the SPs out there that many of us clients, have predominant reasons for seeing SPs rather than hitting the singles bar in hopes of connecting with a pretty lady. I am very thankful for this industry as I have had confidence issues in the past which all seem so distant now, after spending time with extra-friendly GORGEOUS ladies that otherwise I probably wouldn't stand a chance with - in any other situation. And if I did stand a chance - "chickened out" when the opportunity arose.

Alexandra, I think you raise very good points in your thread, and we ALL need to remember there is always more than one side to every perspective!

 

8)

hb

[Jabba 18389]

@alexandra-sky: I am glad you used my very first thread post as an example. At the time I didn't realize nor did I think of the different perceptions people would have of my opinions. I also re-iterate that was my very first post. Hind-sight always seems to be 20/20. I even attempted to change the original post when I realized it had gone too far in the unintended wrong direction. I actually thought at the time that may fix the problem and people would realize I had learned from my mistake.

 

Like you say, the general public does have a MIS-conception of ladies in this "industry" and most of us on CERB (at least speaking for myself) have admiration and respect for the beautiful ladies we get to spend time with. I would like to remind the SPs out there that many of us clients, have predominant reasons for seeing SPs rather than hitting the singles bar in hopes of connecting with a pretty lady. I am very thankful for this industry as I have had confidence issues in the past which all seem so distant now, after spending time with extra-friendly GORGEOUS ladies that otherwise I probably wouldn't stand a chance with - in any other situation. And if I did stand a chance - "chickened out" when the opportunity arose.

Alexandra, I think you raise very good points in your thread, and we ALL need to remember there is always more than one side to every perspective!

 

8)

hb

 

Ummm - can you expand a little about the relevance your post has to do with this thread?

[fortunateone 156618]

I think the thread has gone slightly off-track from the OP's observations. It might be helpful if it was restated. Phaedrus, let me know if I've highjacked your intent.

 

1. Some Cerb individuals/cliques are trying to shut-down or unrighteously influence threads or subjects they don't like.

 

2. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread stunts the growth of the forum & nullifies the value of original posts. These types of characters give the site a nasty flavour.

 

3. Individuals/cliques who try to shut-down a thread use nasty comments as a form of intimidation or to get the thread discredited.

 

4. Threads that don't fit exactly into a category are getting trashed.

 

5. Openness to different opinions begets good business for Cerb & it's affiliates.

 

Plain enough?

 

 

Interesting recap, but in the end, isn't it also important to note: What if the ones are correct about everything they are saying about these threads?

 

How is it wrong to be right, in other words, and why should the ones pointing out the problems be considered the biggest problem? That is shoot the messenger kind of stuff, and very typical of a non-friendly forum approach. On some sites, if an sp has an opinion, it will be trashed and discredited because she is not a reviewer. Hopefully, we don't see that reaction to people who post on the general topics, who have an opinion to share, and also have a vested interest in keeping the site on friendly grounds, but see some threads as unnecessarily antagonistic towards them, the site rules, and common sense.

 

It is especially bad when someone does something, gets a pretty good sized (negative) reaction from a good sized number of posters, then literally thumbs their noses at the crowd with the claim since it isn't against the rules posted, they can and will do it anyway, general opinon be damned.

[Sensual Erin 33898]

Just an article I've read about opposing sides and how to deal with them. I think if we can handle ourselves better emotionally, the threads will follow suit. Perhaps I''m lost too in all this. : ) It's a general article but I'm always always seeking knowledge in human relationships.

 

?

I'm lost. Sorry.

[Cara Silver 32412]

Let us talk about sex. Everyone here likes sex. :) At least we can agree on that!

 

With a (hopefully) passable attempt at humour,

 

Amelia.

xoxoxoxxoxo

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

Let us talk about sex. Everyone here likes sex. :) At least we can agree on that!

 

With a (hopefully) passable attempt at humour,

 

Amelia.

xoxoxoxxoxo

 

Sex or puppies...everyone likes puppies..:icon_biggrin:

[April Dawn 12207]

Everyone has different opinions and everyone is guilty of trying to enforce what they feel is right or wrong to discuss. Everyone has been rude at some point in Time and everyone has been guilty of not following the Cerb mantra.

Let's just all grow up read that article on effective discussio and double or triple think before we post.

Posted via Mobile Device

[mrgreen760 37785]

Life is way too short to be so serious about stuff that is so often just plain nonsense. Nothing wrong in letting it slide, folks just seem so eager to confront someone or get in their face all in the name of the most overblown and over used word of the past decade RESPECT!

 

The person who deserves respect is the one who will turn the other cheek and just walk away from an ignorant argument.

 

Peace

MG

[VedaSloan 119179]

How about your mom? I hear she's been getting a lot of play lately ;)

[Old Dog 179138]

Let us talk about sex. Everyone here likes sex. :) At least we can agree on that!

 

With a (hopefully) passable attempt at humour,

 

Amelia.

xoxoxoxxoxo

 

Sex or puppies...everyone likes puppies..:icon_biggrin:

 

Sex and puppies... hey!!! That's me!!!

 

Additional Comments:

How about your mom? I hear she's been getting a lot of play lately ;)

 

Not since she broke her hip. The old girl just isn't as flexible as she once was.