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I'm personally not ashamed but keep my secrets for pragmatic reasons (e.g., spouse).

I didn't until recently talk about my hobby with my best friend because I didn't want to influence his marriage, but since his wife asked him for a divorce, I've been talking about my hobby a bit. He has so far only tried an erotic massage.

 

I agree about the negative stereotypes and how they were/are used to provoke fear for the hobbyist.

My first 4 experiences in this hobby were in countries that regulate legal prostitution (Nevada, USA, Austria) which eased my translation into the hobby here back home, but I had contemplated going to see a girl for slightly more than a year before actually booking a girl. I had a particular girl in mind too. The fact that she was still available after a year of looking at her ads and her reviewers were very positive suggested to me that it was not so risky... Funny thing is that the girl I wanted to see wasn't available that day, so I saw someone else (but from the same agency).

 

I would have no trouble if my sons went to escorts (considered booking my eldest son a gal for his 19th birthday... didn't because I was worried he might figure out that am involved with this hobby and my resent it vis a vis his mother), but I'm not sure how I'd react if my 24 year old daughter had a job as an escort... Funny enough I sometimes have wondered how she paid the bills for her apartment (and her boyfriend who never seems to be able to hold down a job for very long).... So I've wondered... and she's pretty.

So I've always avoided booking girls with long straight dark brown hair that even remotely looks like my daughter... just in case. LOL. There was this one gal, Jasmine, that I initially didn't book because I could not be absolutely sure... until she changed her hairstyle completely and my daughter didn't... then I booked Jasmine (nice girl).

 

Why does society hold such negative views. I don't know. Part of it is a moral uptightness inherited from Christian ideology that essentially views anything that's fun as bad and immoral. Part of its motivated by the fact that criminals are often involved in the sex trade and that diseases can be spread through sex. Ironically its the questionable legal status of the profession that allows criminals to be involved in the first place. For legally regulated business, a government can impose laws that prevent criminal actions (such as exploiting minors, coercion, drug use, pimping etc.) and legal regulation can be used to minimize the potential spread of diseases: requiring condoms with no exceptions, inspections before the session starts (they do this is Nevada presumably to check for rashes, warts and cold sores), regular health checkups, access to appropriate care for service providers etc..

 

The problem is that when it comes to the "vices" governments around the world have traditionally preferred prohibition rather than regulation.

The simple fact is, that if a business is illegal but there is a demand for those services, the business will still exist, but the government will have no control over how it operates other than their often impotent attempts to stop it.

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I'm not ashamed of this lifestyle, but I do keep it discrete, no one, family, friends (well civilian friends) knows about this. And why, because it isn't just my privacy that matters, the companions I see value their privacy/discretion too. I was late in age coming to this lifestyle, my late 40's. Why, because just as "little girls don't say they want to be prostitutes when they grow up." I as a little boy was raised to date, find that special woman and get married...that was the "normal" way to seek female companionship if you will. No where was I told what to do when that special woman never comes along, or when she comes, well she isn't as special as I thought. Now I throw in here for discussion, and maybe everyone here wants to dismiss this, but I don't seek out prostitutes. To me, prostitutes offer sexual services, nothing more (btw not a put down). I see escorts/courtesans, ladies who offer companionship. Yes, there is a sexual dimension to the encounters, but what is provided is so much more, in some cases even friendship, than just sex. Anyhow I digress.

Being single with no kids, no sister, can't honestly answer the question if I would advise them to be a companion. My concern would be less the stigma with the lifestyle than it would their safety. I wouldn't want to see any lady in this lifestyle putting her safety/security at risk. If she followed good practices, screening/verification, etc I am guessing I'd be OK, hypothetically speaking, but again, for fact I don't know. I wouldn't suggest or encourage this as a job choice, but if freely chosen by the lady as a occupation, I wouldn't condemn the choice, I would try to offer any support/advice I can assuming my advice is sought.

Would I suggest this for brother, son etc well I don't see anything wrong with this lifestyle so yes. I would also tell him proper etiquette and to treat the lady like a gentleman should

All this coming from a guy who appreciates the companionship ladies provide me, and knows that the value of that companionship far exceeds any donation requested

Well some early morning convoluted I guess ramblings

RG

Edited by r__m__g_uy
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So how about you? Are you ashamed to be a hobbyist .

 

Yes I am sometimes. My answer may shock many but remember I said sometimes. If me seeing ladies don't hurt anyone I am fine with it. I am single, very clean, good looking, I treat them like guests and dates and they leave happy and richer and use the donation to pay for their education or to better their lives or those of their family. Providing services is also a profession and like other professions some may be in it for money (well we all work because we need money to pay bills and I for one rather be in Bahamas than at work 8 hours a day so no issue there either so no issue there if they don't like their jobs as most don't like nurses cleaning patients or police dealing with criminals or cleaners cleaning dirts or ......). So WHY I said I am ashamed sometimes as everything is good and it is a win-win situation????

 

I will be ashamed if I (not knowingly) see a forced provider (forced by a pimp or extreme need for money like drug habit). Unless I have a crystal ball or supernatural power, I can never be sure to screen out 100%. And please don't jump in saying that no one on cerb is forced simply not true. Besides cerb represents less than 10% of all providers. I will be ashamed also if the provider sees me because of the need for money but in actuality she may not like me for any reason and hates her time with me. May be ashamed is not the word here for this case more like feeling bad. I will be also ashamed of myself if I see a provider and somehow be responsible for making an escort out of her (the reason I NEVER have sex with my private dancer guests or even MAs who I see). I am leaning more towards seeing private dancers and MAs these days for above reasons.

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Its about morals, old fashioned beliefs that society hangs onto that causes many to form negative opinions about this business, which are hypocritical and self-serving. I mean its alright and accepted for a man

to go out and sleep with umpteen women, he's a stud, but if a women were to accept many lovers paid or not we are sluts, heathens, outcasts.

Am I ashamed because I sleep with multiple partners, perhaps, I'd like to think I'm not but I don't share my profession with many so some may say I am. I have always been one to seek a lifestyle outside the norm so I'm not surprised that I ended up doing this and if I were to be very honest I was one of those little girls who told her friends that I was going to be either an actress or a prostitute. I laugh when I think about it, I was in grade 6, as I wouldn't have even known what a prostitute was, other than it probably drew gasps and horrified looks when the subject was brought up, making it something I wanted to be, lol. Even then I must have wanted to shock people, to be different:)

No matter the reasons why many of us decide to do it, which are varied, many, and for a lot of us not understood, we do and do it with pride and we deserve respect, appreciation and the realization that its time to consider this as just another business, different than most but still a business and one that should be appreciated and respected. It allows it operators to be creative, caring, loving, responsible, tax paying citizens and in a lot of cases nicer individuals than you'd find employed elsewhere. But this occupation involves sex, so it will always cause some to wrinkle their brow and to squirm in their seats, but they do when sex is brought up in their personal lives, lol, so what do you expect! There are judgemental prudes everywhere and they will always exist, especially in government! :)

Edited by cr**tyc***es
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A couple more thoughts popped in my head

First, there is an underlying societal belief that it is OK for men to have sex, and like sex, and have sex with as many women as possible. As Cristy points out, a man is a stud having multiple partners

But a woman having multiple partners, well she's labelled a slut, heathen outcast. Somewhere in society's make up is this belief that men can enjoy sex but women should hate sex. It's fun for men, dirty for women. Even in marriage, for men it's their entitlement as a husband, but a chore, obligation for the wife

Second point, this profession allows ladies to pay their bills, be it groceries, rent, car payment, raising a child, university, not to mention taxes etc. What is to be ashamed of about that? Not to mention besides providing an income for a lady, it provides companionship, even for a few hours for a man, it is mutually beneficial

Third to me it is about companionship. It isn't sex for money, it is paid companionship. I enjoy being with a lady, whether it is sitting down having a conversation, getting to know one another over drinks, or dinner (or breakfast) out, and yes, the sexual side, all the more enjoyable with a lady you spent time getting to know. And I like spending time getting to know a lady, that's why I like multi hour encounters

Anyhow, a couple more ramblings for whatever they are worth

RG

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I cannot seem to figure out how to take certain quotes on an iPhone so please bare with me.

 

Samantha thank you so much for sharing a side I could not. I agree, the path leading to this industry can taint one decision to become a provider. Also yes this choice of career has its challenges and is often a short career which can take a toll on a woman. I too would like anyone getting into the industry understand the risks challenges and what it takes. Like almost any career choice you should take the time to fully understand what you are about to embark into. For sure, you cannot predict what will happen, but I would definitely suggest they consult a well established person like you. For I am only capable of providing moral support and for them to know I accept you no matter what you're career is as long as you stay safe. (Drug free would be stressed a lot by me) no offence to anyone but I'm a firmly against drugs, it changes a person so much.

 

To many others who value discretion, of course being discreet doesn't make it shameful it make our life's easier without having to justify ourself to probably people who could not understand or perhaps simply because you don't want to change your relationship with them. This doesn't make us ashamed, well me I'm not.

 

I do not know what it's like outside this community since I haven't seen many woman. But if this is the best I am very lucky then, cause from those I've met or those I've spoken to online have been nothing less than extraordinary.

 

RG I think my message got cut off but you took the words right out of my mouth I couldn't not of said it better. You don't see it as prostitution, and you seek companionship, I hope there is more gents like us that see it that way. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex but the company is way more meaningful to me.

 

To the ladies I've seen and know me, you've helped me so much emotional and psychologically and I'm grateful. These woman have been extraordinary, amazingly smart and understanding, there is even one who helped me get through personal issues and has been exceptionally supportive.

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Guest S**a*Q

Not ashamed. I love sex, money, people and myself. People who think this is a shameful job need to take a step back and examine their own personal hangups with sex, not the fact that I have none to deal with and that I'm happy in my hoo-kery skin ;)

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I'm far from being ashamed. I'm actually proud to have met some of the most wonderful people around, people i might not have met otherwise through my circle of friends or work, for instance.

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RG I think my message got cut off but you took the words right out of my mouth I couldn't not of said it better. You don't see it as prostitution, and you seek companionship, I hope there is more gents like us that see it that way. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex but the company is way more meaningful to me..

 

I couldn't agree more and very happy to see more gents thinking that way and more providers advertising their encounters as dates. I remember when I brought up this subject and stating my views that I see my encounters with providers as Dates rather than pay for sex, at that time (in 2010) many did not agree and some even were highly critical of me and my view and posting those views too. Now I am very glad to see a change of old perception.

 

Very interesting thread for those who were not around at the time to scan through it to see how much perception has changed since then for BETTER I would say for sure.

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=29830&highlight=dates

 

 

As another reason why I am not ashamed when encounter is clean and voluntarily is that my family is fully aware of this. In fact in summer time when I have a family visitor, I take her to a hotel for a few hours so that I have my paid date companion guest at home and she knows exactly who I will have for date.

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I'm far from being ashamed. I'm actually proud to have met some of the most wonderful people around, people i might not have met otherwise through my circle of friends or work, for instance.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself Mr. T !! I feel lucky to have ventured into this world we live in ! I have met wonderful people and feel alive again :) Life is good !

 

 

Not ashamed. I love sex, money, people and myself. People who think this is a shameful job need to take a step back and examine their own personal hangups with sex, not the fact that I have none to deal with and that I'm happy in my hoo-kery skin ;)

 

Awesome as always SMQ !!!

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I am not nor will I ever be ashamed of what I do. On the contrary! I am incredibly proud of what I do.

 

I am a beautiful, confident, sexy woman who (really!) enjoys sex, sensuality, human connection, seduction, passion, lust, intensity, experiences... LIFE! Being a provider affords me all of this and more.

 

I look forward to each and every day that I work, knowing that I have some wonderful clients who I genuinely enjoy spending my time with. I leave each client with a feeling of pride and accomplishment, knowing that both of us have gained something from our time together far beyond an orgasm.

 

In fact, I may feel a little selfish at times, as I take as much if not more from my time with clients than they do. Emotional, mental and physical connection helps me thrive.

 

Nothing could ever make me ashamed.

 

Further to that, and what some others have said, I keep my being an SP to myself. A select couple people in my life know, but the rest aren't ready. They still haven't figured out that sex is a human need, no different than eating or drinking water - and is not meant to be denied.

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I'd like to divide my commentary into two parts: First off, having been a hobbyist for 13 + years, I will say that I am not ashamed in any way, shape or form about what I do. After all, why should I be? I feel that society at large has been fooled by convention - that is, they tend to buy into the accepted (and expected!) notions of how one ought to behave - most often in a "morally upright" fashion.

 

I'm here to tell you that I stand up proudly and unabashedly when it comes to my participation in the hobby. I have met the most incredible people, and have had a myriad of unforgettable times that most people can only dream of. Once I realized how misguided all the stereotypical views surrounding this industry actually were, it was as though I had been given the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.

 

Participation here is all encompassing - it offers companionship for the mind, body and soul - in a word, it is cathartic, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. More than that, it's taught me to appreciate a certain way of thinking / outlook on life. In other words, I was made privy to the hobby by being able to decide for myself - to look beyond the rhetoric and see the industry as a whole for what it really is; not for what people make it out to be, and for that I will be forever grateful.

 

Now, for a decidedly different spin on things - Here is the part which truly saddens me: My last girlfriend happened to be a former escort. I didn't find out until we had been dating for a few weeks. Anyway, one night we were lying in bed and she told me. I was actually elated - one, because I completely respect any lady's decision to work in the industry, but most importantly, I thought it would give me the opportunity to lay my cards on the table, as it were. I've always hungered for a relationship in which I could be completely honest with someone - devoid of any hang-ups, compunctions or trepidations. I thought that if anyone would understand, it would be her.

 

To my utter dismay, I encountered the same backlash I would have expected from a civilian - it was akin to the pot calling the kettle black, as from her perspective, it was ok to do what she did, because she had her reasons, whereas I should be ashamed for my actions since I had other "alternatives". I was completely taken aback and appalled. I hadn't anticipated that type of a reaction from her. Then again, a previous girlfriend had made a comment too, about how she could never respect sexworkers - no doubt attributable to an inherent bias she possessed. In any case, it made me come to the sad realization that it would be very difficult, if not impossible to ever have a completely open and honest relationship with someone - not because of any personal flaw, but because the other party cannot stand to hear the truth, and will not take the time to listen.

Edited by drlove
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Quite an amazing story, drlove, and one that shows that the set of problems around sex and sex work are very complex and seem almost intractable.

 

I absolutely don't feel any shame in participating in this lifestyle. I have met some of the most wonderfully articulate, smart, gorgeous, clean, drug-free, caring, respectful ladies who take meticulous care of themselves in my short stint thus far. I would be proud to be seen with them anywhere. IMO, discretion in not telling friends, co-workers and family about these activities is prudent, and if there weren't the widespread artificial stigma, we wouldn't feel that need to be secretive so much even to our closest confidant(e)s.

 

Why feel ashamed? This is the most natural thing that the wisdom of the universe has conspired to gift the human race with, yet many of us just don't know how to deal with it in a healthy fashion. Others wish to repress us and make us feel it is wrong, just to control and curb this most organic of expressions of love and caring for one another. The result is fear, ignorance, and, well, sometimes, through the soup of emotions and powerlessness, violence. Sadly it will take major efforts to change the prevalent attitudes and stigma surrounding sex and sex work.

 

May I suggest an article reviewing a very pro-sex-work movie (Warning! Spoiler alert) It is rather long, but definitely worth the read! It is very much along my own line of thinking.

 

https://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=133685

 

FR

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Guest *Ste***cque**

Ashamed? No. I don't think we should be ashamed about something so much a part of our nature as sex but it's hard for people to overcome a long history of sexual shame, mostly perpetrated by religions.

 

Conflicted? Yes. I do struggle with my actions and sometimes worry that I might be having sex with someone who really does not want to be doing this work. That really concerns me, to the point that I usually prefer seeing someone who has been in the business for years or has a regular job outside this business. In those cases, I tell myself that they wouldn't be doing this work if they didn't really want to.

 

I know you ladies don't like us guys inquiring about your lives outside this realm, but satisfying this curiosity reassures me that this truly is mutual consent and not someone's dire need to survive bad life circumstances. If I know an SP only see's a few people a week or has another career, I can believe they are doing this for their own enjoyment or it fulfills them in some other way. That knowledge goes a long way to easing my internal conflict. There are many layers to this topic but I will stick to just this one for now.

 

To answer the OP's other question, I would do what I could to keep my daughter from doing this work if it was for financial reasons solely. Same as I would if she wanted to be a lawyer solely for the money. I would tell her there is more to life.

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To answer the OP's other question, I would do what I could to keep my daughter from doing this work if it was for financial reasons solely. Same as I would if she wanted to be a lawyer solely for the money. I would tell her there is more to life.

 

A lawyer? I think if my daughter wanted to go into law, I might lie about it and say she was a stripper or something. A lawyer! the shame!

 

;)

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A lawyer? I think if my daughter wanted to go into law, I might lie about it and say she was a stripper or something. A lawyer! the shame!

 

;)

 

Lol at least sp are honest about screwing you, and you leave happy.

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Guest D***el B***e

I have to admit I have read some but not all posts in the thread but I just wanted to drop my 2-cents. I'm not ashamed one bit at being a hobbiest, not anymore than the MA or SP I see should be ashamed. Although I am in a committed relationship the reasons for me doing this are personal and some of you are aware of them. It is not something I wish to broadcast, it is a personal choice. Yes, I admit I took all the nerves I had to make that first appointment ... I may have felt guilt at the time, but it was and still is the only way I can get an up-close, personal, and uninhibited intimate relationship with a woman.

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