The hobby and your relationship?

[whiteman 14028]

Been talking to other hobbyists on this and other boards, and been finding some uncanny similarities between their lives at home and mine. But at the same time, I've also talked to other hobbyists who have quite different relationships with their SO's. I'm wondering, amongst the hobbyists here, how many of us are sneaking around behind an SO's back? And why? So I'm asking for a vote. Which best describes your hobbying status right now?

 

Being in a relationship can either mean being married or having a girlfriend (whether live-in or not).

 

After you've voted, post a message describing how and why you got into this hobby.

[mrrnice2 157005]

Well I am widowed and after she passed away very unexpectedly was when I discovered this whole world that I had not even realized existed. I do not publicize my participation in seeing SP's but my kids all know and are very supportive of me in that regard.

 

I am very lucky that I can do this, although I see very few women now, without thoughts of guilt or even caring about being, "discovered."

[emiafish 30979]

While I chose "love her" & "keep it secret"; it is more like don't ask, don't tell. She knows that I get 'taken care of' regularly, she doesn't want to know the details. And she's really happy when I learn a new trick or two. :bddog:

[roamingguy 300291]

Me, I did the dating game for most of my life. And yes, I was hoping to one day settle down and get married. Out of all those years one lady I almost married, well until she came by my place pregnant with another man's baby...engagement off!!!LOL and a serious girlfriend who ended up stalking me. I was 46 at that time, burnt out from dating, and said never again. Well I did try a couple dating sites (for my trouble I got contacted by two Russian brides) But after three years solo, I needed female companionship. I thought I'd give seeing escorts a try. My first few encounters were less than spectacular dates,but then I met one special lady, and most of my encounters since then great.

In short for me the question isn't "The hobby and my relationship" The statement is "This lifestyle is what I do instead of a relationship" At my age now I'm not prepared to have a relationship. That said, I have made wonderful connections with many ladies, include a few I consider trusted friends. I kinda just wish I was richer and I'd have more encounters than I do now

A rambling

 

RG

[Honey Man 12759]

I am single. less by choice more by circumstances. My daughter needs me now and so I find doing this way to capture some of what I miss relationship wise. In a few years when my daughter heads off it will be my time for me. Till then this sure beats nothing. And I have had the privilege of meeting some very incredibly nice ladies.

[whiteman 14028]

I got into this hobby when I was single, on again, off again. But I don't think I've ever needed this hobby as much as I do after getting married. Typical problems, we can't communicate with each other properly, trying to communicate only makes it worse. She constantly misinterprets what I'm trying to say, weirdest things end up in fights. Best to keep quiet, so she has fewer opportunities to misinterpret me. No sex, I don't even ask anymore.

 

Without the hobby, I'd have to fume under my collar, until I blew up. In the hobby, I get to joke around with the girls, they enjoy my stories, they tell me their stories. It really does relieve the tension, both physically and mentally.

 

Additional Comments:

Well I am widowed and after she passed away very unexpectedly was when I discovered this whole world that I had not even realized existed. I do not publicize my participation in seeing SP's but my kids all know and are very supportive of me in that regard.

 

I am very lucky that I can do this, although I see very few women now, without thoughts of guilt or even caring about being, "discovered."

Wow, your kids are okay with it?!? You should almost choose, "don't keep it secret, and she's okay with it". ;) The kids are acting as a proxy for your wife, I guess.

 

How did you find out about this world?

[peacectryguy 12523]

I would have to say none of the above, although soon single/divorced, hopefully. Been living 1000+ miles away from her for 3 years, not legally separated but might as well be. Marriage was the biggest mistake of my life. I've hated virtually every minute of it. Before that, tried the dating scene, hated it. FWB/ fuck buddies doesn't work. They say no strings and before you know it, want to move in and take it to the "next level".

Frankly, this is the only lifestyle that fits my needs. The sex is great and I can be friends with the lady without any entanglements. Am I selfish? Yes, I am but I prefer solitude most of the time and this hobby allows me to have a release while not compromising my personal space. It is also far safer than some of the alternatives, imo.

[loopie 15358]

I got into this lifestyle after being single for several years. I don't really feel this lifestyle is anything life a relationship, so I don't see it as a substitute for one.

 

I get different things from this lifestyle than I do from a relationship. It's probably because I always try to date women with whom I feel a true friendship. Good looks and sex appeal aren't very important to me when dating, I am thinking about longer term compatability. I'm looking for a companion.

 

When looking for an SP, I am thinking far shorter term and with my dick. It's a sex fantasy. We're not going to live together, raise kids together, or even talk for more than a few minutes. I am looking for someone with whom I am sexually compatable.

[kmwq 5477]

Sad really. We've never been completely compatible in bed. When we were younger, we'd have sex often. I was a selfish little shit and never took care of her needs, it was all about me. Eventually, I think she got tired of just pleasing me and sex started to slow down. This went on for years until we would only have sex a few times a year. At that point, I was tired of trying to have sex with her because of the rejections and lack of interest on her side. I went through mild depression and was contemplating a divorce until I discovered the hobby. Started slow but now I'm hooked and hobby maybe once every other month or so. Life at home has improved on the relationship side but no sex for about 8 or so years now. I probably will continue to hobby until I feel like a dirty old man, not quite there yet.

[dko66 229]

This is an experimental stage for me. I am in a relationship and have been nothing but happy for a long time. The only thing is that something is missing. Im thinking that either an MP or strip club would do the trick.

 

Im hoping to check things out on the D/L for the moment, and ease my partner's way into it. I know she has an open mind, but I think one of us needs to experience things to get an idea, and to paint the right picture for the other to enhance what is already a great relationship.

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

Well I am widowed and after she passed away very unexpectedly was when I discovered this whole world that I had not even realized existed. I do not publicize my participation in seeing SP's but my kids all know and are very supportive of me in that regard.

 

I am very lucky that I can do this, although I see very few women now, without thoughts of guilt or even caring about being, "discovered."

 

I am in a similar position as I am an unattached widower of a little less than two years. We had no children however. I see some ladies from CERB as and when I feel like it. I did not see anyone when my wife as a live as we had an excellent relationship on all fronts. Most of my widowed friends be they male or female have entered into new relationships and I am only now warming to the prospect of it. Until such time this occurs I will continue seeing our lovely CERB ladies as the opportunity arises without worry about anyone finding out but I remain discrete nonetheless.

[Guest D***el B***e]

The poll results are interesting. I do this hobby in secret, I'm not going to hide it (to you, anyway). Why? well because I really don't think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. After 29 years of marriage, I've seen enough divorces, and battles around me to know better. You can rarely have everything in life from one person. I do a lot of things with my SO, we enjoy the outdoors, atv, snowmobile, boating, shopping trips to Montreal or Toronto, hotels, vacation in the Caribbean or in Europe. However our relationship is platonic, very platonic. We hardly touch each other, let alone a simple hug. So far this year, I was intimate with her three times. She's fantastic lady, I know she loves me and I love her as well. We just have a weird relationship. She's not interested in sex and I get that. Please don't tell me about her seeking medical help for her lack of libido, I don't buy into that stuff. I see other ladies to keep me at home because I honestly think I won't find a more complete woman somewhere else, period. She's an executive in her job, has a solid mind, and considers her family her number one priority. So there! that's where I stand. I'm staying put!

[whiteman 14028]

This is an experimental stage for me. I am in a relationship and have been nothing but happy for a long time. The only thing is that something is missing. Im thinking that either an MP or strip club would do the trick.

 

Im hoping to check things out on the D/L for the moment, and ease my partner's way into it. I know she has an open mind, but I think one of us needs to experience things to get an idea, and to paint the right picture for the other to enhance what is already a great relationship.

Does your partner show any signs of interest in women?

[PhantomKnight 7914]

I originally got into this hobby when I'd returned from an 8 month business trip. My fiancée at the time had found somebody to replace me while I was away in the sand box.

 

As time went on, I saw a few lovely ladies to fill the void and help ease my pain (they most certainly did) Even decided to try it out myself, spending time with a few ladies that I advertised privately to.

 

I'm married now and haven't been active in this wonderful hobby since. Lately I've been thinking about it a lot. I love my wife very much but there is something missing in the "fun" department.

 

So if I do, sneaking around it will have to be!

[DarksideHobbyist 1883]

Sad really. We've never been completely compatible in bed. When we were younger, we'd have sex often. I was a selfish little shit and never took care of her needs, it was all about me. Eventually, I think she got tired of just pleasing me and sex started to slow down. This went on for years until we would only have sex a few times a year. At that point, I was tired of trying to have sex with her because of the rejections and lack of interest on her side. I went through mild depression and was contemplating a divorce until I discovered the hobby. Started slow but now I'm hooked and hobby maybe once every other month or so. Life at home has improved on the relationship side but no sex for about 8 or so years now. I probably will continue to hobby until I feel like a dirty old man, not quite there yet.

 

This echoes my feelings to the tee. I don't think I'm happily married, I would have to say comme si comme sa, lol. I try to hobby when I can sneak a few hundred bucks out of the joint account, lol. I have found another passion now, music so I might have to put hobbying off for a bit until I can buy a new guitar, lol.

[whiteman 14028]

Well, the poll is now closed, and we can now summarize it. There were 104 votes (nice!).

 

 

• By far, the majority of participants are married -- happily, as far as they're concerned -- but they keep this hobby a secret from their spouses, this is 54.8% of all participants.
  
• The next major category of participants are single people. They are not in a relationship, therefore they are doing this with a clear conscience. 34.6% of all participants.
  
• Trailing far behind, are the married participants in unhappy marriages, which is a little surprising, as most people would think that married people engaging in extra-marital affairs aren't happy in their marriages. Only 7.7% of participants are here.
  
• And the final two categories are the truly rare (and lucky!) individuals who are in a relationship, are completely open about this hobby with their SO's, and their SO's are completely okay with it! Not only that, but there are also those even luckier individuals where their SO's actually participate in the hobby with them! The first bunch comprise 1.9%, while the second bunch is 1.0% of participants.
  

 

So there you have it, I leave it up to you to come to your own conclusions about what this reveals about us. :biggrin: