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LuvAlts (AKA BownChickaBow

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Posts posted by LuvAlts (AKA BownChickaBow

  2. Posted

    'Hatching, Matching & Dispatching' ala CBC vis-a-vie Mary Walsh

    http://vimeo.com/61540441 (preview)

    THE funniest thing ever I've seen on CBC b'y!

     

    [100 yr old Mom dies with son at the funeral home...]

    "I can't believe she's gone."

    "Yup. Must of been a terrible shock to ya Frank?"

    "T'was, t'was. Granted, she was 100. Still, never seen it coming."

    "Good long life, though."

    "Well, long anyway. She had a hard ol'go at it, our Mudder. She had the mumps all the way through the 1930's. Nobody knew b'y. Raised 14 youngsters all by herself, cause Daddy didn't feel like it."

    "Oh, God love her b'y."

    "Never once complained, even though she could of. She built dat house we lived in ya'know? Took her 9 years. We didn't even have a hammer for the 1st three years - banged-in da wooden pegs in with a rock."

    "Yup, she was handy."

    "Never let on to anyone she had de arthritis in both hands. Club foot. One leg longer than d'other. Migraines that would go on for months at a time. Spasms."

    "Still, good long life."

    "Hard ol'go for Mudder b'ys, hard ol'go."

     

    [Funeral Directors musing...]

    "They're after taken the 'fun' right out of funeral."

    "Yes, and squeezing the last bit of 'good' out of Good bye."

     

    [Lonely Wife reflecting...]

    "I'm not afraid of death, really. I'm not looking forward to it or anything, but, I figure death is a lot like having sex - just lie there, completely still. Your brain is shut-off. Nothing new ever happens to you. Nothing is really expected of you. Just lie there, get rotted."

     

    LMAO!

    • Like 1

  3. Posted

    Welcome to cerb ott9721!

     

    How to find services? Great question!

     

    A good place to start is by using your free membership to cerb, and reading-up on all the information members have already shared here. For example...

     

    Here is the Recommendations forum where you can read all about duos:

    http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=125

     

    Here is the Advertising forum where you can read all the latest ads for duos:

    http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=316

     

    While actively participating and contributing to the forum like others whom build this community, you will also inherently get to know veteran community members whom can also share personal experiences about such services (and often do ;) ).

     

    As well, for more instant and spontaneous exchange of information, you can also use the chatroom - where ladies and gentlemen congregate on a daily basis.

     

    Also, don't forget the Search function here which can help you locate the information you are looking for.

     

    Enjoy using cerb and the wealth of information which can easily be found here, as we all look forward to your contributions (and seeing you around the neighbourhood)!

     

    Take Care, Play Safe & Happy Hobbying!

    • Like 1

  7. Posted

    ...but this is my fave:

     

    http://www.mcgeesinn.com/

     

    "located in downtown Ottawa in the heritage area of Sandy Hill. Abundant in Victorian charm, our B&B offers its travellers all the modern conveniences. Choose from one of our standard air conditioned rooms each with a private bathroom, to one of our bridal suites, each with a double Jacuzzi tub and fireplace. Full breakfast is complimentary. For business travel or for a romantic get-away,"

     

    You can get one of the bridal suites and roleplay newlyweds! ;) (lol If that isn't a turn-off for you.) :D

     

    Enjoy!

    • Like 1

  8. Posted

    I like my boobies like I like my ladies... 100% au naturale!

     

    Fakeness and pretentiousness are major turn-offs for me (appears so insecure).

     

    Down-to-earth self-confidence is very sexy in my world, as to me, the biggest sex organ is the brain! Not boob size.

     

    The word 'enhanced' is a euphemism to me, as just because someone has enlarged their breasts, doesn't necessarily mean they have been enhanced imo.

  9. Posted · Edited by LuvAlts (AKA BownChickaBown snuck back in after being banned)

    Great question OP to get one thinking :)

     

    My example to you is based on previous experiences I have already had with special ladies, which when combined, is how I could see one retiring happily...

     

    Step 1 - Do a tour!

    Re-visit all the top ladies you have seen in your career. Thank them for their time and company, and the joy they brought you.

     

    Step 2 - Complete your list!

    Finally go see all the top ladies you have on your 'short-list' of ladies whom you have not had the pleasure of seeing yet, but always wanted to. Try something new, maybe a wild PSE if you haven't before.

     

    Step 3 - The 2-Part Grand Finale!

    Part 1: Go fancy schmancy! Book your fave interactive duo for a limo dinner date. Have them go to the spa and pamper themselves, getting their hair done and dressed-up in gowns for a formal dinner at your fave restaurant. Do a limo tour along the Canal and by Parliament. (I can honestly say, there is something a little extra fun about getting head while driving by Parli and shagging along the Canal hehe) Have a meal, have flowers brought out, drink some wine, return to the limo for dessert. Chocolate dipped strawberries, more champagne and of course - them! Return to your house or a hotel (for example) and swing from the chandeliers til the rooster crows!

    Part 2: Go on a getaway! Take Via Rail downtown Montreal with your fave lady and stay at the nearby Le Square Phillips hotel, their top suite. It's a short walk to Old Montreal with a boardwalk, you can do the Horse Carriage, grab an ice cream and find a really nice restaurant. As well, not far in the other direction is the Montreal inner-city train which easily takes you to the Botanical Gardens. Then hit-up the Gardens Cafe too. All very serene and horny, imo :D Taking the trains allows you to walk around holding hands and talk more, as compared to driving to Mtrl yourself, or taking a cab to the Gardens. If during hockey season, then go see a game right next door. As well, don't forget the amazing lingerie modeling afternoon you will have while shopping for sexy lingerie on Catherine Street - she will thank you later! hehe (...and you will retire one happy man) *Cue the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O6widyfaeI*

     

    ...then proceed to bask in the afterglow as your fade to black on a high note - top of your game even!! ;)

     

    All the best in whatever you decide upon. I'm sure the lady(ladies) whom is(are) chosen will be appreciative.

    Take care weary traveler - may the force be with you!

  13. Posted

    Age is ALL in the... Bed!

     

    I know younger girls whom only do missionary - so decrepit!!

    I know older ladies whom swing from the chandeliers endlessly - so youthful!!

     

    The chronological age of a person doesn't matter to me so much as the level of maturity they have on the inside.

     

    Whereby I do not take self-worth from the views of others, it leaves me with the rhetorically question of:

     

    What does ones legally acceptable relationship with another have to do with anyone elses inability to accept it?

    (or conversely)

    What does ones inability to accept a legally acceptable relationship have to do with those in said relationship?

     

    IMHO: Nothing! ;) Party-on Wayne!!

     

    So, in conclusion: Keep swinging from those chandeliers everyone! ...regardless of age, or others (mis)judging you! ...cause it's going to happen anyways while still alive on this Earth. Peace Sex-lings! ;)

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    YES!! I am happy (very), as I choose to be :D

     

    No one shot at me yesterday or dropped a bomb on my head last night, so everything else is sooo superficial. Whoop-t-doo, my Timmies lid isn't perfect - oh, the humanity!! LOL (Not like someone lied to me about being pregnant and then lied about matters of the heart and then lied about lying before stealing from me all after saying they were different and didn't lie like other people (as they did; which is probably the first sign someone is a liar), but I digress, as there is A LOT worse going on in the world than failed gold-digging parasites whom only disgrace themselves, their children and their family for their own selfish immature greed which they will never live down thanks to the interwebs. Why throw stones living in a glass house? Just another psycho-path loser. Dime a dozen, but still nothing to be un-happy about ;) )

     

    Superficiality makes me laugh, thus I never stop getting the best medicine :)

    Being helpful to others and not self-centered nor pretentious keeps it simple too ;)

     

    Greed breeds mean deeds, and thus not happiness imo, individually or collectively - think aboot it! hehe ...and Don't Worry - Beeeeeeee HAP-PY!! :)

     

    [:boobies: BOOBS!! :boobeyes:...and if you aren't happy atm - think of boobies!! How could one Not smile thinking of boobies? :D Boobs Rule! hehe]

    • Like 1

  18. Posted

    [FONT="]I've outcalled [B]Jone Jett[/B] twice now the past couple of weeks, and I must say she's been a blast![/FONT] :bj2:

    [FONT="]Booking was easy with fun and flirty texts.[/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="][I]The First Time:[/I]
    Jone arrived and was dressed nice (black sheer blouse with grey skulls and straight black skirt for the â??professional alt girl lookâ??), with all smiles. I welcomed her to my place and offered a drink while chit-chatting, having a good laugh and exchange. She likes to â??learn and playâ??, as it says in her ad. So we didâ?¦[/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="]I began kissing Jone in the kitchen, which she did well for what I like, nice tongue work and soft lips. Passionate. After losing the blouse, she revealed a nice fancy black bra which opened from the front (as I remember I didnâ??t even try lol ), and upon slipping out of the skirt was left in a sexy black g-sting. Bringing her into the living room I sat her on one end of my recliner couch where I got naked and we started on some stiff BBBJ. I asked if she had ever given an up-side-down BJ, which she had not, so she laid down with her back over the edge of the couch and kept going. From here I played with her sweet tits and applied some Digits, seeing she was wet and enthusiastic for more.[/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="]Next, I reclined the couch and got her to go up-side-down with her ass sitting where oneâ??s head usually lays on a recliner (her being backwards inclined) â?? opening her legs for DATY, slowly building some more early moans. She was shaved, responsive and got wetter and more reactive to my tongue before I slipped on a jimmy for FS, sliding my hard, throbbing cock in her propped legs up at the edge. With the escalating, changing rhythm, it was hot to see her lay inclined downward and her sweet tits rocking up and down! Moaning and groaning, grasping for breathe. We then went doggie style for a bit before I had her lie on the floor at the other end of the recliner onto her shoulders, lifting her mound and ass into the air while I did more DATY and sunk my cock in again for another stretch. She then got on her knees while doing sometime I noticed was different, and cute. She bounces her ass and body up and down in sync with bobbing her head on my cock (compared to girls whom only bob their head and not their whole body). To finish, I laid her upside down on the recliner again and pumped her lips from atop before ending with a glossy COF.[/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="][I]The Second Time: [/I]
    Jone arrived in sexy causal alt attire (which I like to see â?? girls casual, more natural if you will) , as it was raining. Pleasant greetings again before getting a drink and she going to change out of her wet clothes. To my most pleasant surprise, she returned upstairs to my room wearing a sexy black bra, black pull-sting bikini bottom and incredible black platform stripper shoes which had black strings which wrapped-up around her calves. Hot! Hot! HOT!! (She had just returned from TO on a shopping trip, and I guess rearing to show them off â?? lucky me!) All around great alt girl stripper look! I then proceeded to ask her if I could put electrical tape â??Xâ??s on her tits, which she said was cool (and she thought it would be good for her stripper look too), so I did, and I also asked if I could blindfold her while she blew me, was she said was cool too. So we went downstairs to my couch and I blindfolded her while she blew me. It was fun to guide her :grin:[/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="]I then laid her on her stomach and got her to grab her sexy heels while I tapped my cock on her tongue and lips, and fucking her lips a little, holding her hair. After a few minutes of sucking and spanking that delicious ass, I removed the blindfold to get her up to fuck. She tied her bikini bottoms to her leg and propped her ass up on the end of the recliner where we had played before, and happy to do so again. This time with â??black Xâ??sâ?? jiggling up and down :grin: (hehe) I then got her up and she reverse cowgirl rode me while I sat in the recliner and she squatted down on my rod. After that, she grabbed a dildo, went upside down again and tickled herself to see about squirting, which she climaxed to, and did! So I lapped up the juicy cascade and stuck my cock in again for more hard fucking, with both of us cumming for the finale. Happy Happy Joy Joy!![/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]
    [FONT="]Like I said above â?? [COLOR=DarkRed][I][B]Jone was a Blast![/B][/I][COLOR=Black] ([I]twice even, hehe[/I])[/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT="]
    [/FONT]If seeking something similar, I recommend contacting her to see what clicks! ;)

    [I][FONT="]Play Safe & Happy Hobbying Everyone![/FONT][/I]

  19. Posted

    Recently I've been playing these over and over again:

     

    Hot Tub Time Machine

    Your Highness

    Year One

    John Carter

    Waterworld

    So I Married An Axe Murderer

    Airplane!

     

    Absolutely love Big Trouble in Little China as already listed.

     

    Rather than watching sci-fi over and over, it seems comedy does it for me. (...and porn lol ex: The Dinner Party)

     

    Great Thread Cleo!

  20. Posted

    A friend of a friend of an acquaintance I know (wink wink) was there for 2 weeks earlier this year and saw 2 girls for 3 rendez-vous. He used BP the first time which turned out to be a B&S, and yes, with over-inflated prices compared to Canada (but not as over-inflated as 3 strippers :S Gheezus!). 2nd time he googled 'Vegas Escort Reviews' (or something like that) and found an established review site which had a bird on it with good reviews and a website so he contacted her, whom turned out to be older than advertised, but cheaper - 'Backdoor Penny' http://seepennypickherup.escortfiles.com/ Saw her twice. Once at Hard Rock and next night at a motel near the Strat. (Tell her the nice Canadian guy from a few months ago mentioned her ;-) )

     

    A tip a cabbie mentioned was talk to the SC girls, as many to escorting and stripping outside of the clubs too. Beware the Hustler SC, it's dodgy. Sappire's has a new pool and lot's of girls. I'd dare say stay out of 'old Vegas'.

     

    Now, with all that said - Don't hobby in Vegas! It's taboo ;-)

  21. Posted

    I binge-watched the show at 1 season a day over a 3 day period - kicked ass!

    Best. Show. Ever!

     

    The succinct way I describe the show to others is:

    It's a combination of beheadings and boobs, with a high budget.

    • Like 2

  24. Posted

    Here's how I cook 3 packs of bacon a week...

     

    1) With a sharp knife, trim as much fat from bacon as you can (after buying meatiest (low salt) pack at store. Thick cut preferred. Slice-able slab bacon is good too).

    2) Pre-heat oven to 380.

    3) Line large cookie tray with tin foil.

    4) Lay out bacon strip-by-strip with a little over-lapping.

    5) Crack fresh pepper over bacon to taste. I like a decent amount.

    6) Put in pre-heated oven and cook for 15 mins before flipping. Use thongs to flip by sliding opened thongs under one side of the bacon, close thongs, and then flip the whole 'cooked-together' piece of bacon over. Whereby it was over-lapped a little, and cooking for 15 mins, it usually sticks together decently well enough to flip it all at once. If not, flip all strips accordingly.

    7) Drizzle maple syrup over flipped bacon and spread thinly across all strips with back part of thong (no need to dirty a spoon or whatever - just something else to clean.) Don't leave pools of maple syrup.

    8 ) Cook for another 7-15 minutes depending on desired crispiness and stove heating patterns.

    9) Line large plate with paper towel.

    10) Removed cooked bacon from oven (and turn off stove).

    11) Again, most times in one cooked-together piece, remove bacon and put pepper side down on paper towel.

    12) Dab top side of bacon with piece of paper towel to remove built-up grease. Maple syrup may be a little sticky, but not bad.

    13) Pull cooked fat away from all around the meat of bacon and throw away (ex: strings of fat which holds meat together vs. corners of fat chopped off in step 1.

    14) Eat 'fat-free' maple peppered bacon and enjoy with the least amount of fat and guilt possible!

     

    Takes about 1 hour to do a pack this way (including .1/2 hr cooking time).

     

    (I used to use an iron frying pan, but it was more labourious and dirty (grease splattering everywhere) than the oven method. As well, the strips curled in the pan vs. they stay flat and just shrink-up some in the oven.)

     

    Great with maple beans, sammiches, hot dogs and in pancakes, etc!

    Kids love it, and they aren't gobbling down bacon fat.

     

    [PS: With using tin foil, just let the left-over liquid fat coagulate and then fold up and throw-away. Saves a lot of cleaning, with no need to maintain a bacon fat jar, nor pour it down the drain :-) If no holes in the tin foil, there won't be any grease left in the cookie sheet. Sometimes a tiny hole can let a little fat dirty the sheet, but easy to scrub off with hot water and soap. Wash thongs now in prep for next round of bacon ;-) ]

     

    :) I Love Bacon! :D ...and Alts ;) hehe

    • Like 1
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