I write this 24 hours after my first experience to share what I went through, figure out what I went through for myself, and maybe help a few other gents along in the journey of their first time. I'm not going to name names as this is meant to be a review of my experience, not the specific girls.
Stage 1: Justification
This step, although it took some time, was somewhat easy for me. I was looking for a particular experience that my wife is not willing to give me. Does this make it any different than seeing an escort for any other reason? Maybe not to some, but it did the trick for me. Although justification was easy for me, it was by no means a quick process. I had done plenty of research on this topic before I was fully able to wrap my head around it and decide it was a decision I was OK with.
Stage 2: Research
As I just mentioned, a lot of my justification and my research happened at the same time. This is not a concept I have ever looked into before a few days ago. I'm not even 100% sure what made me decide to launch Chrome in incognito mode and type my search into Google. I also could no longer tell you what the first dozen pages I looked at were. I can say that over a few days I spent close to 20 hours getting used to the lingo (google "escort terms" if you haven't already), reading and rereading articles (both from the hobbyists as well as ASPs points of view), browsing ads (backpages and skipthegames were my two primary sources, although there were several others I went through) as well as agency websites, and finally I wound up finding this gem of a forum. I spent a lot of time googling girls' phone numbers to see what other ads they have posted over time, trying to find ones that seemed reliable. I also spent a lot of time looking at prices in the area. One tidbit of wisdom I found again and again is "you get what you pay for". While I didn't have a huge budget, I wanted to have the highest odds of getting what I was looking for out of it. I eventually found a price range I was comfortable with, both from a wallet and a quality from other reviewers standpoints. This is when everything became very real for me, and I started to wonder.. Can I get away with this?
Stage 3: The Fear
I was in a good position to go through with this. My wife and I were both vising our own families, in her case in a totally separate country. I was not close to home, and had no chance of her showing up to surprise me. I spent some time thinking things through: What breadcrumbs might I leave? How can I minimize them? What do I do if I miss something? Will the girl randomly call or text me someday and ruin everything? I'll admit right now, I have a fairly narcissistic personality, so my first instinct was "of course I can get away with it!" I still spent a great deal of time thinking about this part though. My final decisions to get over my fears were as follows:
1) I was doing my research on my work laptop, in incognito mode. Even if my wife found something incriminating on my laptop somehow, I've already done a ton of research so whether I go went through with it or not, the laptop is a real rislk.
2) I decided to only contact girls I could text, and I did so from my regular phone. I turned off iMessage on my iPad, and I knew it was already disabled on my Mac, so I had no worries of messages syncing. I could delete them from my phone later.
3) For every girl I would text, I would block their number at the end of this experience. This would prevent the possibility of future messages (even though, really, what are the chances of them reaching out to me unsolicited? Basically zero), and also giving me the option of finding them again through Google down the road if I so decide. If, for some odd reason, my wife is ever going through my blocked contacts list and asks why I have numbers from this particular area code blocked, my excuse is they were old annoying clients (I ran my own business) from when I used to live here.
4) I switched 'Find my friends' to track from my iPad, which I left at my hotel room while I was out, and promptly switched it back after. This gave me the excuse of "I'm going to bed early hun" and after "Can't sleep, I'm going out for a drink".
With these plans in place, I send my first message..
Stage 4: Disappointment
Unexpectedly to me, my first message to my first (very well reviewed) choice got a response, and after a few messages back and forth wound up in an appointment the following evening. Knowing the lingo was super important here, and I'm sure knowing what to/not to say played a huge part as well. If you haven't done it yet.. Do the research!
The plan, since it was booked 24 hours in advance, was to confirm two hours before the appointment, and then she would send me the address 30 minutes beforehand (at this point I only knew the general area). Two hours before, right on time, I send her my confirmation text. A few minutes later, reply of "Can't wait!" 30 minutes to go, I hop in my rental and start heading in the general direction. 15 minutes to go, with no address, I follow up with what I was hoping was a playful text of "Did you forget about me? ;)", only to receive a "Crap omg yes, I'm so sorry! Can we meet at 8 instead?" I agree, she asks me to text her at 7:30 for her address. I kill some time, send said text, and never hear back. I briefly considered sending a second text around 7:45, but figure if she isn't responding she likely had a better opportunity come up (a regular, maybe a longer booking, who knows..), and I didn't want to start my experience by being a bother to someone else, so I left it and moved on. (Never did hear anything back).
8:30, after sitting around pondering for a while, I get back on the interwebs and start pulling up my other choices from before. Since this was now pretty much a last minute booking, I figured I would contact two at once and see what happens. One never did reply, but the other did and we quickly had an appointment set up.
Stage 5: The Experience (aka Stress and Nerves)
I'm going to back track for a quick second here - I mentioned before I was looking for something specific, but for the below to make sense I need to point out I very much enjoy intellectually connecting with others. I went into this with the hope that a good ASP could provide me with that experience, whether genuine on her part or not.
About the exact moment I knocked on her door, all the nerves hit me at once. I knew, theoretically, how the general encounter ought to play out, and I knew how I wanted ours to. I had even thought through how to communicate this to her so that she could help make it happen that way. But from that moment on, the calm part of my brain took a vacation and I may as well have been on my first ever date with the hottest chick in the city. I decided right then to be upfront about it - Why try to hide what she was bound to figure out when she could help make it easier? She was good about it - Gave me my space to get boots and jacket off, paid no attention to the envelope I left on her table. She spent a few minutes chatting, massaging my shoulders, then quickly changed gears onto what I was looking for. Things progressed fairly quickly at this point, which I wasn't totally expecting but went along with. Got exactly what I had asked for. Then, desire and reality parted ways. I had about 20 minutes left on the clock, but in retrospect I could have just left at that point for all I got out of it. We spent about 10 minutes chatting about movies and then her tattoos, but I had the feeling she had already disconnected and had no real interest in talking. With about 10 minutes left, I thanked her, she mentioned next time I was in town, and I was on my way back to my room.
Stage 6: Reflection
I did my best not to analyze my entire experience right away. I got back, showered, and thought about the good half. It wasn't until this morning that I started thinking about the experience as a whole. It took me until this afternoon to realize that although she looked exactly like she did in her photos, she was not quite what I was expecting - I was aiming for petite but she was a bit ... "petite-er" than I thought she would be. I pulled up her pictures again, and perspective is everything. My reflection eventually wound up with the question, "Was I happy with what I got?" Eventually I decided, not quite. I don't regret it by any means, and if I were back I may contact her again - But maybe not as my first option, I'm honestly not sure at this point. There's something to be said for knowing what you can expect.
Stage 7: What's next?
Oh boy. My main issue with this question goes back to the 'Fear' stage. It's one thing to do it in a remote location not needing to worry about the wife. But the idea of back home where I need much better excuses of where I'm spending my time and money means I'll need to totally revisit that stage. I'm also almost 100% happy with my home life, so I don't feel I will have much of a desire to go through the hassle. For me, in my current life circumstances, this will most likely remain a "now and then, when I'm safely on a business trip" hobby.
Newbies first time - My 7 stages
in New to this? Things you should know...
Posted
I write this 24 hours after my first experience to share what I went through, figure out what I went through for myself, and maybe help a few other gents along in the journey of their first time. I'm not going to name names as this is meant to be a review of my experience, not the specific girls.
Stage 1: Justification
This step, although it took some time, was somewhat easy for me. I was looking for a particular experience that my wife is not willing to give me. Does this make it any different than seeing an escort for any other reason? Maybe not to some, but it did the trick for me. Although justification was easy for me, it was by no means a quick process. I had done plenty of research on this topic before I was fully able to wrap my head around it and decide it was a decision I was OK with.
Stage 2: Research
As I just mentioned, a lot of my justification and my research happened at the same time. This is not a concept I have ever looked into before a few days ago. I'm not even 100% sure what made me decide to launch Chrome in incognito mode and type my search into Google. I also could no longer tell you what the first dozen pages I looked at were. I can say that over a few days I spent close to 20 hours getting used to the lingo (google "escort terms" if you haven't already), reading and rereading articles (both from the hobbyists as well as ASPs points of view), browsing ads (backpages and skipthegames were my two primary sources, although there were several others I went through) as well as agency websites, and finally I wound up finding this gem of a forum. I spent a lot of time googling girls' phone numbers to see what other ads they have posted over time, trying to find ones that seemed reliable. I also spent a lot of time looking at prices in the area. One tidbit of wisdom I found again and again is "you get what you pay for". While I didn't have a huge budget, I wanted to have the highest odds of getting what I was looking for out of it. I eventually found a price range I was comfortable with, both from a wallet and a quality from other reviewers standpoints. This is when everything became very real for me, and I started to wonder.. Can I get away with this?
Stage 3: The Fear
I was in a good position to go through with this. My wife and I were both vising our own families, in her case in a totally separate country. I was not close to home, and had no chance of her showing up to surprise me. I spent some time thinking things through: What breadcrumbs might I leave? How can I minimize them? What do I do if I miss something? Will the girl randomly call or text me someday and ruin everything? I'll admit right now, I have a fairly narcissistic personality, so my first instinct was "of course I can get away with it!" I still spent a great deal of time thinking about this part though. My final decisions to get over my fears were as follows:
1) I was doing my research on my work laptop, in incognito mode. Even if my wife found something incriminating on my laptop somehow, I've already done a ton of research so whether I go went through with it or not, the laptop is a real rislk.
2) I decided to only contact girls I could text, and I did so from my regular phone. I turned off iMessage on my iPad, and I knew it was already disabled on my Mac, so I had no worries of messages syncing. I could delete them from my phone later.
3) For every girl I would text, I would block their number at the end of this experience. This would prevent the possibility of future messages (even though, really, what are the chances of them reaching out to me unsolicited? Basically zero), and also giving me the option of finding them again through Google down the road if I so decide. If, for some odd reason, my wife is ever going through my blocked contacts list and asks why I have numbers from this particular area code blocked, my excuse is they were old annoying clients (I ran my own business) from when I used to live here.
4) I switched 'Find my friends' to track from my iPad, which I left at my hotel room while I was out, and promptly switched it back after. This gave me the excuse of "I'm going to bed early hun" and after "Can't sleep, I'm going out for a drink".
With these plans in place, I send my first message..
Stage 4: Disappointment
Unexpectedly to me, my first message to my first (very well reviewed) choice got a response, and after a few messages back and forth wound up in an appointment the following evening. Knowing the lingo was super important here, and I'm sure knowing what to/not to say played a huge part as well. If you haven't done it yet.. Do the research!
The plan, since it was booked 24 hours in advance, was to confirm two hours before the appointment, and then she would send me the address 30 minutes beforehand (at this point I only knew the general area). Two hours before, right on time, I send her my confirmation text. A few minutes later, reply of "Can't wait!" 30 minutes to go, I hop in my rental and start heading in the general direction. 15 minutes to go, with no address, I follow up with what I was hoping was a playful text of "Did you forget about me? ;)", only to receive a "Crap omg yes, I'm so sorry! Can we meet at 8 instead?" I agree, she asks me to text her at 7:30 for her address. I kill some time, send said text, and never hear back. I briefly considered sending a second text around 7:45, but figure if she isn't responding she likely had a better opportunity come up (a regular, maybe a longer booking, who knows..), and I didn't want to start my experience by being a bother to someone else, so I left it and moved on. (Never did hear anything back).
8:30, after sitting around pondering for a while, I get back on the interwebs and start pulling up my other choices from before. Since this was now pretty much a last minute booking, I figured I would contact two at once and see what happens. One never did reply, but the other did and we quickly had an appointment set up.
Stage 5: The Experience (aka Stress and Nerves)
I'm going to back track for a quick second here - I mentioned before I was looking for something specific, but for the below to make sense I need to point out I very much enjoy intellectually connecting with others. I went into this with the hope that a good ASP could provide me with that experience, whether genuine on her part or not.
About the exact moment I knocked on her door, all the nerves hit me at once. I knew, theoretically, how the general encounter ought to play out, and I knew how I wanted ours to. I had even thought through how to communicate this to her so that she could help make it happen that way. But from that moment on, the calm part of my brain took a vacation and I may as well have been on my first ever date with the hottest chick in the city. I decided right then to be upfront about it - Why try to hide what she was bound to figure out when she could help make it easier? She was good about it - Gave me my space to get boots and jacket off, paid no attention to the envelope I left on her table. She spent a few minutes chatting, massaging my shoulders, then quickly changed gears onto what I was looking for. Things progressed fairly quickly at this point, which I wasn't totally expecting but went along with. Got exactly what I had asked for. Then, desire and reality parted ways. I had about 20 minutes left on the clock, but in retrospect I could have just left at that point for all I got out of it. We spent about 10 minutes chatting about movies and then her tattoos, but I had the feeling she had already disconnected and had no real interest in talking. With about 10 minutes left, I thanked her, she mentioned next time I was in town, and I was on my way back to my room.
Stage 6: Reflection
I did my best not to analyze my entire experience right away. I got back, showered, and thought about the good half. It wasn't until this morning that I started thinking about the experience as a whole. It took me until this afternoon to realize that although she looked exactly like she did in her photos, she was not quite what I was expecting - I was aiming for petite but she was a bit ... "petite-er" than I thought she would be. I pulled up her pictures again, and perspective is everything. My reflection eventually wound up with the question, "Was I happy with what I got?" Eventually I decided, not quite. I don't regret it by any means, and if I were back I may contact her again - But maybe not as my first option, I'm honestly not sure at this point. There's something to be said for knowing what you can expect.
Stage 7: What's next?
Oh boy. My main issue with this question goes back to the 'Fear' stage. It's one thing to do it in a remote location not needing to worry about the wife. But the idea of back home where I need much better excuses of where I'm spending my time and money means I'll need to totally revisit that stage. I'm also almost 100% happy with my home life, so I don't feel I will have much of a desire to go through the hassle. For me, in my current life circumstances, this will most likely remain a "now and then, when I'm safely on a business trip" hobby.
... Maybe.