"Sex & Samosas" book by Ottawa Author

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Kirsten Endemann reports for the [I]Ottawa Citizen[/I], 12 Feb 2012:

[url]http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/Books+sexual+romp+with+message/6133943/story.html[/url]

[INDENT][B]Sex & Samosas[/B] by Jasmine Aziz

$19.95 Adult Content

Available at Aziz & Company, 365 Bank St.; Collected Works, 1242 Wellington St. West; Mother Tongue Books, 1067 Bank St.; Venus Envy, 320 Lisgar St.; Wicked Wandaâ??s Adult Emporium, 382 Bank St.; online at [url]www.amazon.ca[/url], [url]www.amazon.com[/url] and [url]www.jasmineaziz.com[/url]

Women and their sexuality cannot be pigeonholed, says author Jasmine Aziz, her warm voice full of passion and humour even as she works around a mouthful of pizza.

Thatâ??s why the Ottawa nativeâ??s romp of a book, Sex and Samosas, confused the publishers and agents to whom she submitted the work over the past four years.

â??Is it smut? Is it chick lit? Is it womenâ??s fiction? Is it self-help? The industry kept wanting me to rewrite it to suit a genre, saying they liked the book but they couldnâ??t sell it otherwise,â? the striking 43-year-old woman says of the book she spent six years writing, tag-lined â??You never forget your first orgasm.â?

â??They could not accept that it is not as generic as that. Just like women. And I wasnâ??t going to denigrate either.â?

Sex and Samosas is Azizâ??s first novel, a self-published, graphic and funny look at one womanâ??s journey of self-exploration â?? after the purchase of a vibrator.

Leena, a married South-Asian Canadian in her thirties, has been married for five years to family-approved and very loving Manny, another South-Asian Canadian, but has never had an orgasm. This, despite having had lovers before her marriage, and having grown up in western society, albeit in a relatively conservative family, and despite the advice of her promiscuous and outspoken best friend Mahjong (who says things like â??I was PORN to help youâ?).

The book explores how playing with sexuality leads Leena to further self-awareness in a way that is universal to womenâ??s experience in North America, even though some of the humorous situations stem from tensions between what she needs and sees available in Canada and the conservative expectations South-Asian women still face here, from arranged marriages to lack of independence.

Though there is much that is chick-lit fare and good fodder for a cute movie â?? the scene around Leenaâ??s first Brazilian wax (and yes, underwear does stick to you afterwards) comes to mind â?? what makes it compelling different are the very frank references to womenâ??s concerns, the gentle treatment of Leenaâ??s husband and the explicit and sometimes uproariously funny sex scenes, some of which would not be out of place in Bridesmaids II.

It all begins when Mahjong drags a nervous Leena to an in-home sex-toy party where, to her own surprise, she courageously â?? and fuelled by alcohol â?? makes some purchases.

Leenaâ??s first two attempts to use her new sex toys end up in a comically delivered black eye and tears, respectively; her trip to the supermarket in crotchless panties is lighthearted and silly, and her realization a samosa looks like her vagina, which she examines closely for the first time, leads to a fun and successful effort to show her husband how to perform oral sex â?? with a strategically placed pea.

Azizâ??s sister called Sex and Samosas the â??brown Bridget Jones,â? but the writer is hesitant about accepting the chick-lit label because she says her book just does not fit there. She calls it crossover fiction, but avoids labelling what genres it straddles.

Chick lit, she says, did not exist before someone created the genre. â??So I am a pioneer,â? she says deadpan, and then breaks out laughing.

What saves the book from deteriorating into the gratuitousness or banality often found in chick lit is the earnest way the sex scenes are treated â?? with information, kindness and hilarity â?? and the surprisingly poignant family anecdotes. Though it is obvious the book was not edited by a professional, it is a good read showing a woman as a complete human being, not merely along the madonna/whore trope.

â??I would not call it erotica and definitely not porn,â? Aziz says.

â??Erotica serves one purpose: sheblam! You know what I mean. And there is a time and a place for that. I like to think this book has a spiritual element erotica does not have.â?

Join our panel of single women and human sexuality researcher Jocelyn Wentland in a live chat Monday, Feb. 13 at 6 p.m. at ottawacitizen.com

Though the sex scenes are graphic, they are written without any overt attempt to titillate â?? though they might generate a frisson. (â??I never said I did not enjoy writing those,â? Aziz says with a twinkle in her eye. â??Though I did go to great efforts to make the sex scenes tasteful.â?)

It might seem a bit simplistic that having an orgasm can change a womanâ??s life, but Aziz is convinced the lack of sexual awareness among women, particularly South-Asian women, is indicative of a larger problem, which she is quick to point out is not confined to that cultural background.

â??As women we are told to put ourselves last,â? she says. â??I was taught that he comes first: all his needs must be met, and after all the other responsibilities â?? the cooking, the home, the family â?? then we could think of ourselves. And it is a common phenomenon in Canada, not limited to one culture.â?

Aziz hopes readers see that the book is really about women taking control of their lives and their health: sexual, physical and spiritual.

She felt compelled to start writing this book after years of selling vibrators at in-home parties, much like the one her main character attends that sparks her journey. (Aziz now runs her familyâ??s shop Aziz & Co. on Bank Street.)

â??At the first training session, I was told that fewer than 60 per cent of Canadian women have ever experienced an orgasm,â? she said. â??I thought that could not be true.

â??So I did some research. And more research. And found it was worse than I thought.â?

She found that women at the parties were full of bravura in front of their friends â?? who should have been the ones they could lean on for help â?? but in the private room where the goods were sold they broke down in tears in front of Aziz, begging for help.

â??We were told we could not counsel women because we were not trained to do so, but how could I not help a woman whose husband was threatening to leave her if she did not learn to like giving (oral sex),â? she says. â??Or the widow in her sixties who figured sheâ??d never have sex again.â?

Then Aziz found herself stranded after her long-term relationship with â??the jackassâ? â?? her word â?? ended.

â??I was lost after that relationship ended. I was in my late thirties, not married, without children, with no house, stigmatized as single and very culturally confused as to who I was and what I wanted.

â??Writing the book helped me sort that all out. â?

Though her South-Asian family was relatively liberal and encouraged her and her sister to live life fully, Aziz says she had nonetheless grown up with certain expectations.

â??I did not lose my virginity until I was 30, as I grew up thinking Iâ??d share that with my husband, that Iâ??d leave my fatherâ??s house to go into my husbandâ??s,â? she said.

She had even chosen to go to India in her early twenties to see if a marriage could be arranged, but her father falling ill had forced her to return home before anything was sorted out.

Though she and Leena share the same cultural background and both are very friendly and humorously candid, Aziz says only about 30 per cent of the book was shaped by her own life; the rest is fiction.

â??Leena is much braver than I am,â? she says. â??She is much more innocent and less jaded at the same time.

â??When I was beaten down by being rejected so many times, I sat down and thought if Leena had not been brave and tried to shake up her world, what she would have missed out on. I decided Iâ??d be doing a disservice to her and her message if I did not summon the courage to go on.â?

She published more than 500 copies in October and sold nearly all of them, necessitating a new print run last week.

She says she is receiving emails from women who say they are laughing and crying while reading, and from couples who say they are using the book to open lines of communication â?? though she adds â??they say they are getting through the book slowly, as they say they are getting laid after every chapter.â?

But the best compliment Aziz has had is from a friend who said he picked up Sex and Samosas expecting it to be smut and found himself wrapped up in the storyâ??s message.

â??What I really hope is that women, and men, feel comfortable enough to read this book anywhere. And get whatever information they want from it,â? she says.

â??I hope it encourages people to a dialogue â?? with themselves first. And understand themselves and what they want and find balance in their life.

â??After all, if you canâ??t enjoy sex with yourself, how can you expect anyone to enjoy sex with you?â?

Events: Jasmine Aziz will be signing her book at Sexapalooza at the Ottawa Convention Centre on Feb. 11 from 4 to 8 p.m. and Feb. 12 from 1 to 4 p.m. She will be reading from her book on March 3 at the Alpha Soul Cafe at 7 p.m. with authors Nerys Parry [url]www.nerysparry.com[/url] and Sandra Nicholls [url]www.sandranicholls.com[/url].[/INDENT]