A Not-Your-Typical-Tribute to Moms on Mothersâ?? Day

[Guest S****r]

A few years ago I was invited to address a crowd of about 700 on Mothers Day with words of inspiration and affirmation. I spent much time pondering what to say that year. The talk was successful and many came to me after to thank me and to say they had been encouraged and affirmed in the work that they were doing as moms.

But this year, it seems that for many mothers I know, Mothers Day is not a particularly happy day. Raising children has been a challenge for every generation, but ultimately children of former generations grew up and launched into their own homes and families, and came back on Mothersâ?? Day to thank their mothers and to shower them with their appreciation.

This generation of mothers of is finding it different.

These mothers also gave their best to their childrenâ??their time, their energy, their talents, their teachings, and, of course, their love. These mothers bought the literature and listened to the talk shows and attended parenting conferences to acquire tools to raise their children well. They diligently followed the trends and teachings of the timeâ??to never jeopardize the ego of their child by saying the wrong thing, to never raise their voice or raise their hand, but to always instill in the children the sense that they are the most wonderful people in their lives and that they have an innate ability to be and to do anything they want in life. All this was done whole-heartedly and with love and enthusiasm and the absolute purest of intentions.

But what was not yet known by the promoters of these parenting philosophies was what the outcome of such a parenting style would produce. Unfortunately, time is revealing that many of the youth of today are riddled with anxiety and stress and unrealistic expectations of what the world will give them. Many have failed to develop certain strengths and the resilience that generations-past seemed to acquire just through the process of growing up. Many young people struggle with anxiety disorders, eating disorders, self-mutilation and other disorders which leave them incapacitated and seemingly unable to step into adult life with much ease. Not everyone, of course, but many. Yea, multitudes seem to be unable to launch into a successful adult life of their own.

How do these difficulties leave a mother (and perhaps a father, but this IS Mothersâ?? Day) feeling about their job as a parent? It leaves them feeling frustrated, inept and like they somehow failed. And what compounds these terrible feelings is the knowledge that this happened even though they had given parenting their absolute best shot. It wasnâ??t like they were absent mothers, or uncaring mothers, or abusive mothers. Nay, they were, in fact, very attentive mothers who read, studied, listened and implemented the advice they were given, only to have all that advice backfire on them and leave their children distressed and ill-prepared for real life, and their own mother-hearts broken.

So on Mothers Day, even though their children may bring them flowers, and send them a card, and take them to dinner, many mothers feel that the day is only a day that heightens their feelings of helplessness and loss and, do I dare say it, failure, as a mother. â??I gave my BEST,â? many mothers privately weep, â??but even my best was not good enough,â? and they feel a secret shame.

To you, mothers, I want to say that you are not alone in those feelings. Few may express those thoughts and feelings aloud, but many beside and around you are also feeling them. Your children WILL survive and they WILL go on to continue to propagate the human race. The paradigm by which they raise their children may look very different from that which this generation used as they, also, try to do things â??betterâ? than the generation before them. But what you have to remember is that you DID give them your best. It was not YOU that was at fault, but the TEACHINGS and trends that you were taught that failed. The consequences seem grave and feel painful, but if YOU did the best that you could with what you believed and understood to be true and important, then you have to remind yourself of THAT. No one can do better than their best.

Let the measurement of your success be: did you do the best that you could with who you were at the time and what you believed to be true. I am betting the answer is yes.

Revel in that. Happy Mothers Day.