Birdboy 10482 Report post Posted July 10, 2011 I sighed. It's been days now since my phone message and my follow-up email. I looked at my Inbox again. Still nothing. The thing is, I'm not surprised. She had been getting more distant the last few times we spoke, and those last times I always wondered if each of them would be the last time. I know, I know. She's busy with her life. It's summertime, she's on vacation. She has a ton of correspondence to catch up on. There are a million good reasons why she hasn't gotten back to me, but I know they are all polite fictions. Some of my pooner friends, they've let the life get to them. It's all bullshit, they tell me. It's all an act. It's all fake. Who cares what the lady thinks, I'm not paying them to be my friend, or even to like me. Ug, me tough. Me? I don't agree. Oh, sure. There have been my moments when I roll my eyes at the fake moans, the overacted orgasms. The pasted-on smiles, the forced conversations that we've both suffered through. But I know it isn't always like this. I know that there have been moments between my lady and I. Moments of magic, when we truly become more than the sum of our parts. Moments when there is true mutual admiration, moments of real bliss that seem so improbable in this world of joy measured in dollars and hours. Still, all the same. The moment passes, we catch our breath. I shower and that feeling washes off of me, along with the sweet sweat of the most welcome of our exertions. I towel off and step out into the outside world, even though I'm still in her home. For our brush with grace is gone now. What we shared was real, but only momentary. I leave her home and those moments are fondly remembered, a pleasant shared dream too quickly forgotten in the rough and tumble out that door. The promise of that joy, that dopamine rush, was what had kept me coming back and her looking forward to my visits. But even those moments pass. Eventually the novelty disappears. And I've moved on, to the next rush. I've gotten those messages from the ladies asking how I've been. I've sensed the unspoken yet palpable disappointment that I had stopped coming by. And now it was my turn. I know I'm not really welcome back. I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. No, it's time for me to move on. I'll let her go. Go on to her next adventure. A good friend once told me that I should never pine for what was, but that I should be thankful that I had those experiences. She's was right, of course. And I will be. But first, I'll have a wistful look back and smile for what was. Then I'll pick up my phone and dial an unfamiliar number. And move on. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tara 1166 Report post Posted July 10, 2011 (edited) Very hard to imagine why you would not be welcome back considering the meaningful experience you shared with the lady. Perhaps she was fearful of becoming too attracted to you too which complicates things for both parties when that happens in the pooning world. To pine for an experience you had is less painful by far than to pine for one you want and will likely never have. Edited July 11, 2011 by Tara Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest f***2f*** Report post Posted July 10, 2011 You write so well and which such catharsis. It is truly intoxicating when you find an SP who can be totally in the moment with you. I always dread that moment you call the "rough and tumble out the door" I want to stay connected longer and longer with one to whom I truly feel a connection. The truly genuine moments come when a lady has pretty strict boundaries between her SP life and her personal life and can let herself go in the SP life and not let it affect her personal life or can minimize it. She compartmentalizes. It's no different for many of us when you come to think about it. What we do in the privacy of the incall are things that many of us cannot do in our "real lives." It is fantasy but it is so exciting! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella 1786 Report post Posted July 11, 2011 beautiful. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Liana 689 Report post Posted August 15, 2011 Yes, there is much beauty in pain. The moments we spent together were of much magic. They were real and truly bliss. You are always welcome and your diaries are touching. Oh, how deeply you feel about our time together? I can see it now. The novelty will never dissapear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella 1786 Report post Posted August 17, 2011 "The agony is so great.And yet I will stand it.Had I not loved so very much,I would not hurt,so much.For goodness knows I would not want to diminish that precious love by one fraction of an ounce.I will hurt. And I will be greatful to the hurt.For it bears witness to the depths of our meaning,and for that I will be eternally grateful." -unknown Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Birdboy 10482 Report post Posted August 18, 2011 "The agony is so great.And yet I will stand it.Had I not loved so very much,I would not hurt,so much.For goodness knows I would not want to diminish that precious love by one fraction of an ounce.I will hurt. And I will be greatful to the hurt.For it bears witness to the depths of our meaning,and for that I will be eternally grateful."-unknown Whether 'tis nobler indeed, to live a life unfeeling or to want to be among the eternally still. Yes, it is painful to be alive, but to be alive brings the possibility of joy. Just, perhaps, not at the moment. ;) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
