Pooner Diaries: Sliver

[Birdboy 10482]

I'll just say what everyone knows, but most don't talk about. This life can be a lonely one.

 

Before I started out in this hobby, I could have asked myself, "Whaddya mean, great no-strings sex with attractive women isn't enough? Yeah right, buddy. Youse doth protest too much, methinks." And truth be told, it's still pretty good. It's the bread and butter of this business. That is the way things were, are, and should be.

 

But sometimes we don't want those strings to be quite completely free. Oh, don't get me wrong. No one wants drama, stalking, irrational behaviour. No one wants messy. Still, I've heard ladies say on occasion how lonely the life is for them. Seeing a few great guys walk in their door, share a little slice of heaven on earth, and walk out again. Not knowing whether they will ever call back, whether they will ever see them again. Knowing that the code demands that no matter how much they clicked, no matter how great the time was, no matter how quiet those moments alone are in the small hours of the morning, they mustn't contact the man.

 

It is no different for me. I know that soon after I leave her home, another will take my place in her arms, in her bed. I know that very soon I will be a distant memory, a barely remembered face in the crowd. And I know I mustn't care too much when it isn't welcome. I don't want to become something to be tolerated, to be endured, to be held figuratively though not literally at arm's length.

 

This is part and parcel of the world I live in. This is the choice I have made, in this life, in this hobby.

 

But I search. I search because I want more, now. I want more than just those fingers, those lips, on me, on her. I want more than those frenzied last few moments. I want something that will build up over time as I see her. First once, then twice, then thrice, then on to times beyond counting.

 

I want that click. That pop. That wow. I search for that pretty face that lights up in an honest and spontaneous smile when I walk through her door. The one who can't get enough of my lips on hers, my arms around her. Someone with whom our joy will be unalloyed, someone with whom I'll explore new ways to play and new levels of comfort over time.

 

I want a little sliver of real and pure, in the middle of my fat slice of fantasy. And most of all, I yearn for that lady for whom I am her fantasy, as she is mine.

 

There was this certain special lady. We became friends, though she's gone now from the world of clear plastic heels and white envelopes. We keep in touch, but now it's in a completely different way. We never talk about our old life with each other. There is a little part of me that would give almost anything to have those days back again, but I know she's moved on for good. She has a better life now, and I'm happy for her. I have many happy memories of our times together and I'm so glad I've had them. But in some ways it's crueler having known her. Because now I know altogether too keenly what I'm missing. I want to feel what we had once more. So I keep on seeking. And I'll call that new number, walk through that strange door. I know someday, maybe soon, I'll find my little sliver of real and pure.

 

And I'll know that my lady will have found hers as well.

[Guest f***2f***]

Very poignant and very true....thanks for this.

[Dorinda Bloom 44036]

Thank you for sharing that very heart-felt tribute. I admire your transparancy and true emotion.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

Well said, well said.

[chavez 641]

So well said Birdboy. Your feelings are shared by many of us maybe all of us. For some its hard to put it out there, but you did it man.... chavez

[teched 418]

I agree, very well said and well written.

[spud271 47779]

Birdboy, as someone who has been on both sides of the industry I can tell you it is sometimes lonely. I worked in the UK for 5 years on the side as a gigolo and I have been a hobbyiest for 20 years. Some days are harder than others, but if you make the situation out to be lonely than it will be. My advice is always this, never give up hope. Sometimes great things happen to you when you least expect it, and when it does you will smile every moment of everyday! Stay positive and enjoy the moment, cause you never know what's around the corner. :D

[Andee 220524]

Birdboy: If you have more of these enchanting stories, I know I'd love to read more. Perhaps one day, a Birdboy blog would be in order?

[chavez 641]

Hi Birdboy,

Your prose are well known and well loved by us in Manitoba.

 

mas luego

chavez

[Birdboy 10482]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words. You can expect more tales here in the future.

 

Birdboy: If you have more of these enchanting stories, I know I'd love to read more. Perhaps one day, a Birdboy blog would be in order?

Angela, thanks for your appreciation. There are many more of these tales, though they are not publicly together in any one place. I've posted at several different Western Canada boards in the last few years, but this board is the first time I've shown them to eastern folk. A blog has been suggested to me a few times. Perhaps someday.

[respectwomen 414]

Thankyou for such magnificent prose Birdboy. You have put into words exactly how I feel. Not all of us have the gift to express such true feelings in magnificent words.