Overheard: A clarification of sorts

[GoddessHRC 8411]

Ladies? Maybe you have shared some of these feelings in regards to the way we are frequently spoken about....

 

I have been working in Ottawa since December. Previously, I had been a dancer and had not ventured often into the provider side of things (outside the club of course, I don't believe in Strip Club extras as it's unsafe and in poor taste. I go there to perform) For the most part, my 5 years as a worker of the adult industries has been a great, lifechanging experience. Where there was a lack of confidence, I grew into a strong and bold woman. Where there was a shyness, I now shine in a crowded room. Where there was anxiousness, there is now a re�������� calmness.

 

People don't really understand what it's like to be in this industry. They don't know what it's like to be constantly judged, picked apart, mocked, looked down upon.... Actually, they probably do. But that's probably the most quizzical part of the problem. We are not as worthy because we are shameful in our choices. Do I agree with this? Absolutely not. But not everyone has lived the same path and so I understand that to some people there is no forgiveness in our liberties.

 

Now... I would consider myself a partial libertarianist. I believe that we should be free to do with our lives what we will so long as we do not hurt others. But more importantly I'd like to add that I believe in the power of also caring for yourself, and to always seize the opportunity to better the planet whenever you can.

 

So, now that I've introduced this... let me clarify a few points.

 

I have overheard that I "...come across as a real hustler." If you mean that I am overly ambitious and have strategized a way to multimarket myself to broaden my overall impact on the industry? Then yes, by all means... I am the hustliest hustler ever. But I treat people very well, provide light and attentive interactions filled with laughter and sensuality. I entertain with flair. I will never stop driving towards my goals.

 

I have overheard that I have "...some sag in (my) boobs", "...some sag in her belly as well", "...kinda floppy" ..... May I add that these were comments from people who have indeed admitted enjoying my service in the same reviews? I get it. People can be superficial. But people have also loved my breasts, despite the fact that you didn't. I am getting a breast augmentation not because I want one, but because it hurts to hear people constantly pointing out my flaws, no matter how wonderfully we have gotten along during our session.

 

I have overheard some lovely things! From some people who have backed me up and said that I'm doing a great job and they respect me. People who have applauded my need to become an advocate for the industry. People who saw beyond a shallow misperception of who I am based on judging me by my outershell, or a small glimpse of a slightly grandiose personality via the internet. Why all the negativity? And it's not just me! People feel comfortable talking to me, which is fine. I shall never judge nor share those things... but the fact is that they tell me similar awful things about other dancers, providers, women, friends, girlfriends. I don't like it. Can we all please just try to be a little more human? And girls, stop taking advantage of, or mocking clients in the same way. We all just need a little happiness sometimes, so why not make it easier to find?

[Guest st*****ens**ors]

People can be astonishingly shallow, and foolish, and occasionally cruel.

 

I'm sorry that the things you overhear demonstrate this sometimes. Your value can't be diminished by anything they say; don't change your life to accommodate them.

 

In all the world there is only the one you, unique in your flaws and perfections, and those who are worth your attention will know it.

 

Best wishes

[Amanda-Lee 11094]

A lot of this happens, sadly. It does happen to me. Clients being very nice and loving, complimenting me, then those who don't like my body, or a certain aspect. Most are in the head space of a certain level of what they aspect but really they should all aspect kindness, respect, trust, etc., back from the lady. This goes with the client side. I don't stand and judge my clients based on what, because they are uniquely different than other clients I see? Everyone is different. No one is the same.

 

Some gentleman like a certain type of lady, that is okay. Some gentleman like ladies who are educated. Some gentleman like ladies who are "spinners" or skinny/thin, or have some curves with a little flare, or BBW. Comments based on that should be kept inside on the clients perspective but they give reviews on different boards, they talk to each other, they even tell us the truth about our flaws before they leave or some don't.

 

For me, not everyone will like me, I understand that. Comments happen and they sometimes do hurt because it could be a flaw within myself then someone else has the same flaw, it becomes a little depressing.

 

However, don't take anyone's comments, put them in their place make note of them, if you don't want to see them because they are disrespectful but continue to see you and disrespect you, tell them you won't see them because of their negative degrading comments. You don't need the extra stress because it gets to you, then you believe there is something wrong or you aren't good enough.

 

Every lady is shapes uniquely and you shouldn't be pressured into surgery to change that. Deep down do you like your body, nevermind the negative degrading comments, do you like your body the way it is? Do things that you want to do or change not what someone wants you to look like or be.

[itd131 954]

When I think of my all time favourite ladies that I've met over the years, right away five come to mind. Some are still in the business, some aren't. They have a lot in common in that they are all great in many ways, friendly, beautiful, caring - pretty much every positive trait you can think of. In my opinion they are the best I've met in this business and great people, period.

 

The other thing they have in common is they have all been criticized at one point or another on review boards. Trust me, the problem wasn't with them, it was the guys/idiots writing the reviews.

 

Awhile ago I was visiting a regular and she brought up a poor review she had received. I could sense she was a little pissed off. She said she tried her best with the client but he was smelly, rude and made her feel uncomfortable. From what she described, I'm surprised she even let him in her apartment but that's the type of person she is, always willing to try to please. Of course she couldn't be her best with him, the guy was a disgusting pig.

 

Also, some losers just get off on cutting down others. They hide behind their computer screens and anonymously talk shit. I guess it makes them feel powerful but I'm sure in real life they are pathetic failures.

 

When I read a review I take it with many grains of salt. I know there are two sides to every story and the lady doesn't get to write hers. I can understand how it must be upsetting to read negative things but please understand that just because someone writes something, definitely doesn't mean I believe it. I don't really pay attention to the content of reviews anyway. I mostly just check them as it gives me an indication that someone isn't a total fake.

 

It's a sad fact that even the best in this business have to put up with losers writing trash about them. I think all you can do is ignore it and be confident that the good clients are ignoring it too.

[Selena DeVille 1988]

I like your post. Many times I have read unneeded words written that hurt. I think to myself does the writter know or care the effect their opinion has on the person, their feelings & possibly damaging their reputation. We are all unique & beautiful in different ways. As service providers in an adult industry we are judged in every way. I urge you you not to make decisions that will effect your future based on the words of other people but how & what you feel in your heart that is best for you. In the end you are the only person you have to make happy. How you feel about yourself is what matters. I wish you well

Selena

[Guest]

My only problem with this industry is the cruelness. I have had an accident where the back of my two front teeth were chipped and as a result I've had to get them capped. I have had many clients using their tongue to feel my teeth poking at them, ect, to the point that I have had to flat out say stop!!! My teeth also stain easily and I have to get them cleaned regularly. I guess this means I have bad teeth... Even though I go to the dentist and thousands of people have capped teeth from stars to normal people. It's just mean. I don't know how many times I've opened my mouth to say there, look, all my teeth are there. And, yes, I brush, floss and mouth wash my teeth multiple times a day.

 

Also, I range from 110 and 115 pounds, which is healthy. Technically, according to the BMI charts a person who is 5 foot 5 inches and is 110 pounds is underweight and 115 pounds is considered healthy. My frame is small so when I'm 115 you can tell I have put on some weight. However, patting my belly poking at it and literally pulling on and off of my body, won't make the fat go away. Asking me if I'm still working out and dieting in a condescending way is just rude. I always fall off the healthy wagon. However, I eat good and exercise because it's something I like to do and I get back on the wagon just as fast. No one needs to worry about my weight, except me.

 

If you take a women out to dinner, food should not be used as a weapon. A lady should be able to eat what she wants without being questioned. I have been in situations where the client was questioning what I was eating, why I couldn't finish my food, and how much I was eating. It becomes awkward and uncomfortable really quickly. If you take a lady out she should be able to eat what she wants and how much she wants. Weither it be a salad or a big mac, weither she finishes it or not. Using the "I'm concerned" line on someone with healthy eating habits is just an out for bad behavior.

 

A little bit of kindness goes a long way. You don't need to like the lady your seeing, or ever go back to the lady again. However, if the lady tried to provide a good service, I don't know why she has to be cut down and picked apart, if she's not your type. You can't compare one lady to another. It's just not possible for us to be the exact same carbon copy of the other. Isn't part of the fun of this hobby is the variety and differences between people?

 

What certain people don't understand is that this cruel type of behavior is verging on being abusive...I just ban negative abusive people.

[Satai 1933]

To the OP - congratulations for having the courage to not only post your thoughts (in a VERY constructive way), but also having such a positive outlook on life in general. By no means is the verbal/written abuse you see/overhear limited to those in your profession. I am overweight (due to a number of unfortunate circumstances, but I'm getting healthier day-by-day), and in MY profession, I rear remarks such as "He's just a fat f$%^"; not even considering my knowledge, skill, experience, etc.

 

You mentioned augmentation surgery. You also mentioned that you are having it to please YOU - not anybody else. That, IMHO, is the best reason do undergo such a procedure. I wish you the best of luck both now, and in the future.

[Guest pagypie]

i think its sad if a client wants to treat a provider as a commodity instead of a person.

 

i can understand people writing fair reviews but at the same time they should remember they are talking about people

[Guest Prufrock Cummings]

Your post is very insightful Mystique, thank you for sharing! I think the school-yard bullying days-of-old that once-upon-a-time finished in the school-yard have jumped beyond the fence & into adulthood, never stopping thanks to to public shaming on social media. Hiding behind a computer screen is pretty brave.

 

People, by nature it seems, gossip, taunt and put down others; perhaps out of weakness or insecurity, I really don't know. I can't say that I have read all the reviews here, but out of interest, I have read a few. It seems to me that most are quite favorable, or maybe that is me with rose colored glasses on only seeing the good or perhaps ignoring the negativity. I will read a some more reviews tonight and maybe with the rose colored glassed off, to gain a truer perspective.

 

You note in your post that "I am getting a breast augmentation not because I want one, but because it hurts to hear people constantly pointing out my flaws."

 

I have peeked at your profile photos Mystique :) and I would just say to you don't change a thing you look so amazing! Only change because you want to, not because of other's comments.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Don't EVER stop being yourself and keep on your path. We only have the present moment to live in. I always live by the rule that it's none of my business what people think of me and with age and maturity, I have really grasped that concept and apply it.

 

You can't control what others will say and do but you can control how you feel and react to it. Those are the most important things I've learned during my time in this business. That and learning to have a VERY thick skin. You get used to it after a while and what people say will usually run off of you like water from a duck's back once you actually give up the control and throw caution to the wind when you stop caring what people think.

 

As for trashing people in the industry, I've seen my fair share of it all around whether it's men or women. There are people out there who don't like me..men and women in this business because they think I'm a bitch, I've been of accused of being an "elitist" and for saying what's on my mind too much. I don't mince words but they don't really know me and they don't need to.

 

If a person wants to judge an SP, let them go ahead because when you really think about it, they don't know you personally unless they take the time and even then they still don't completely know you so does it really matter? Others have judged me for whatever reason but who are they to me at the end of the day? I don't know them and they are not my friends so what they really think of me has no bearing on me. They can all f*ck off for lack of better words. After all, is a belief really a fact just because one person has said or even a few? It's their opinion, it's all subjective and to me, one size doesn't fit all whether it has to do with opinions, looks, service or personality.

 

Yes, Nicki is my alter ego and she is feisty, sexy, sweet, thoughtful, kind, says what's on her mind and the real me is the exact same person. I will never apologize for who I am. I am genuine and authentic and you should never have to pretend to be "everybody's everybody" as I like to put it.

 

I've been told I'm too fat, blah, blah, blah. Just more superficiality bullshit from people with a chip on their shoulder for whatever is going on in their life where they have to take it out on someone else. Once you stop caring about this, you will attract the clients and other people in the business that like you and appreciate you for you.

 

I've heard it all but I actually stopped giving a damn and I'm very much like celebrities in the sense that I don't listen to what people are saying about me. I've just stopped caring and live my life. In this business with the hating and the drama, ignorance really is bliss!

 

I've learned to attract the clients I want through a positive mindset and it really has worked. Forget the haters because you will only attract more. The vibe you put out is what you will get back. Remove yourself from the drama of this industry and live your life according to your rules and trust me, you will only then find inner peace. I no longer associate myself with many others in the business because I don't want the drama.

 

Don't fight it, just leave it.

[Guest]

Nicolette

 

I'm right there with you. I'd rather be hated for being my authentic self, rather than be loved for trying to be something I'm not. I have ruffled a few feathers myself, throughout the years. However, I always in the moment gave my honest opinion about "insert topic here". Sometimes my opinion changes due to certain conversations, sometimes it stays the same, but I like to keep an open mind and I like participating. Does that make me a bitch, maybe, but hey, there's plenty of bitch lovers out there. Bla will always say bla about me, you and the next person. However, like you said, you attract what you put out there. Thanks for always posting what you mean, I have always liked reading what you have to say.

 

Cheers for speaking your peace.

[GoddessHRC 8411]

And I completely agree. I know which clients i do and don't click with and am more than willing to wait for them. I wrote this post not to bash those who had written those things, but because to me as a humanitarian, I think that calling out someone's flaws is a very inhumane way to treat others.

I am very confident in myself and will never adhere to societal norms just to appease people who don't understand me. I am getting the augmentation for myself but that doesn't mean I'm not upset that it's considered a necessity for women. People are comfortable telling me i "need" surgery to be a successful escort... and that needs to stop. No sp "needs to be anything but themselves. I will never agree with the practice of saying irrelevant things about a provider. Did i treat you well? Did you enjoy our time? Did i do anything that was rude or uncouthe? Those are the important matters. But detailing our personal interactions via the internet where anyone can see them is rude. Just because I was comfortable with that person does not entitle said person to speak of what transpired within our time together.

I am so glad for Cerbs ruling on positive feedback only because at the end of the day. Positive interaction should be the most important part of every meeting. We all have flaws, but that doesn't make us less. What makes us less as people, in my opinion,is being that person who only regards someone by their physical representation. i don't want clients who see me just as a shell. I want people who treat me as i would treat them. Anything beyond that seems futile.

 

Additional Comments:

She said she tried her best with the client but he was smelly, rude and made her feel uncomfortable.

 

This is a problem as well... I have had similar experiences with clients at clubs who have tried to say that I treated them poorly in the VIP, but neglect to mention their treatment of me or unwillingness to accept that i am not willing to perform the acts in which they (usually rudely) demanded. Sometimes it isnt the girl.

[defensedave 1158]

There is no way in hell you require surgery for you to be successful in this profession. After looking at your pictures I must say you are a beautiful woman and any guy should be grateful you gave of your time to them. Age naturally but if you do want surgery for you to be happy then by all means get what ever you want done for you, nobody else but you.

 

As for being "a hustler", well at least you are responding to potential clients. Heaven forbid if you didn't get back to them then you would be labeled as a flake or worse. Sometimes you just can't win so just do what makes you happy and secure, your business will flourish.

 

thanks for the great post.

[maleguy2015 513]

here's a perspective from a client (never met you personally though). If you are going to read boards for comments about you the first think you have to remember is It is easy to hide behind the anonymity of being online and people can say hurtful and untrue things...things you might believe to be true but aren't.

 

People are going to say what they are going to say. if you read other types of message boards (say actors) there are "mean" comments out there for them as well even when they are not warranted.

 

when i go to strip clubs i say no to ladies all the time when asked to go into the champagne room (now part of the reason is i don't have unlimited funds)...but honestly who am I kidding? If I go out in the real world and any of these women walked up to me I would be crazy not to at least have some interest. I guess what i'm trying to say is the perspective of some guys can be rather skewed and no matter what you try/do odds are you won't sway those guys. The thing you should do is concentrate on what you do best and better yourself based on actual real clients you meet as opposed to guys who might not even have met you that write online. If you do intend to read reviews online unfortunately growing a thick skin is the only other advice i can give and if you do want to better yourself based on the comments i would say do what you feel your comfortable with and don't do anything too extreme that's where regret might creep in.

 

edit: I just realized who you are. have been meaning to check you out on MFC/a session at some point :) Based on the reviews I read in the past about you I personally had enough of a positive vibe to have as someone i would want to see and believe me I do my research...based on what i read i think you are being too hard on yourself but what do I know :)

[Heartburn 155]

There are some really great replies here. This post is a good read. I'd like to add that as a SP you are a public figure and thus open to criticism it being fair or not. Doesn't make it right, but it's a fact of life. The unfortunate reality is that although some will have unpleasant comments or have unsatisfactory encounters with you, many will be very satisfied and pleased but won't necessarily comment. You are who you are and diversity is what makes us human. For every man that prefers a tall woman, one prefers a sort one, or a thin one, or a big one... Stay proud of who you are as the only person that is worth listening to is yourself. All women are beautiful just the way they are.

[Jack2000 3446]

This may be a bit off-topic but it's about a valuable lesson I learned..

 

I was at the Gentleman's Club Tease Incorporated here in Ottawa hoping to meet Luxe Mulvari, who I became infatuated with from her kind words and wise ways here on CERB..

 

On my way back in from having a smoke I paused to chat with some dancers hanging out ..being new to the club I did not know them , then one of them embraced me and gave me a very warm hug, which felt really nice and warmed my soul...but she did not release me from her embrace..she continued to hug me..I could not see her face or even knew what she looked like but she stole my heart right then and there...I felt she sensed I needed that warm embrace..it was wonderful...we went on to have a very nice chat and a nice dance, all within the rules...

 

The girl was you Mystique, and the lesson I learned was about prejudice, or, prejudging others...you see when you released me from your embrace I recognized you, not from your face, but from your tats, as a dominatrix I had seen somewhere on the net , and I had pre-judged you as someone who must be very mean-spirited and best avoided...when in fact the real Mystique is very kind- hearted..

 

I'm not proud of being prejudiced but you see, without knowing it, you taught me a valuable lesson about prejuidice and I will never forget it..thank-you Mystique !