Question to the beautiful SP's out there...

[Guest h****hedl]

Original Post quoted in Emily Saunders Reply #4

(Subject: Asking an SP how many clients she sees)

 

Thank you for the advice. I did change the posts because I felt remorse. It is obviously a subject that I will happily not mention again.

I am owning up to it - it was a mistake and I realize that.

In the future, I will ensure everything is thought through first before posting rather than patching things up after the fact.

[bewlayb 7480]

It seems there are at least a couple of lessons for the novice poster emerging from this thread. For one: What not to ask an SP. And secondly: How not to make amends for your mistake. This thread also provides a lot of insight and advice from the ladies on what they consider proper cerb-etiquette.

 

It's not often we see a thread draw such a negative and unanimous reaction among the fair ladies of this site. But when it does you know you've struck a nerve.

 

I think if I had triggered such a response on my second post I would have run away, never to return to cerb again. I commend HB for hanging in there and facing the music. If nothing else, your vain attempts at "patching things up" has upped your post count to a more "respectable" level. :icon_wink:

 

Perhaps Mod should consider turning this thread into a sticky to save other "newbies" (or not-so-newbies) from a similar fate.

 

By the way HB, you may be interested in this thread from last year: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=27456

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

A few weeks ago in Ottawa i had a dude ask me that very question plus also asking me the occupations of the men. I thought it odd and for good reason...the dude while i wasn't looking took the money back. Thus I agree with Emily..if your asking i think your going to rob me.

 

Ladies I posted his info and what looks like in the Sp section. If any lady that doesn't have access there whats to have his info then pm me. Stay safe!

[Chanel Reign 28097]

I am going to jump into this and expect to get flamed to well done.

 

I am NOT offended at all by the question. What I am offended at is perhaps the wording, and most of YOUR responses. What I feel I have just read is a whole bunch of folks repeatedly attacking this person for making a mistake and splitting hairs. Shame on you.

 

Lets take it out of the forum context.....

 

We are at a CERB social. A new person comes up to one of us and asks this question in normal verbal vernacular. You might be slightly offended; but I'm sure you would explain in a much less assertive way why this is not a question you should ask.

 

I highly doubt one would call over some friends to rudely explain repeatedly why this is not acceptable.

 

And then when the gent tried to rectify the matter, y'all jumped on that.

Btw, I share on my site exactly how many clients I see in a day. That is my choice.

 

I'm sure half of you are thinking, "get stuffed Chanel", but since you all felt it necessary to share your opinion, I am sharing mine.

[Guest E*******h S******s]

We are at a CERB social. A new person comes up to one of us and asks this question in normal verbal vernacular. You might be slightly offended; but I'm sure you would explain in a much less assertive way why this is not a question you should ask.

 

I highly doubt one would call over some friends to rudely explain repeatedly why this is not acceptable.

 

 

This would make sense if the OP had asked the question of a single SP rather than putting the question out to the community at large. He asked the question to the ladies in general and they responded. Nobody "called over their friends". The ladies here are individuals and responded as individuals. The fact that all ladies, with the exception of yourself, responded in the same vein does not mean that anyone called in the troops, so to speak. As for how I personally responded, I highly doubt that I would have been less assertive in person. In fact, the tone of my voice and the look in my eyes would have given my words that much more strength of conviction.

 

To be honest, I give credit to the OP for not turning tail and running away, never to be heard from again. Lesser men would have. I believe it was a mistake to change the initial post, but I believe the mistake was made with the best of intentions.

 

For the OP, I think this was an interesting introduction to CERB. Knowledge is power, and I believe the OP learned a lot throughout this thread. I give him his props for that.

[Guest h****hedl]

I have learned alot from this discussion thread. Thank you for complimenting my will to amend and not running away.

 

8)

hb

[bewlayb 7480]

I should probably let this thread die, but I can't. I'm perplexed by its apparent inconsistency with an earlier thread on the same topic.

 

Eighteen months ago a poll was started in the Winnipeg section asking: "How many clients do you see?" http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=27456 The poll attracted 26 respondents. Ten people, including three SPs, chose to post comments. The tone of those comments was cordial and helpful. None of the ladies were offended by the question. On the contrary, they each volunteered answers to the poll question and elaborated on their reasons for their number.

 

Why such a different reaction this time when HB asked a similar question? I say similar because HB didn't even ask, "How many clients per day?". He wanted to know if he should ask that question and how he should go about asking it.

 

["I have a question: "Would it be appropriate to politely ask an SP how many clients she sees in day?....If so, how is a tactful or respectful way of asking for that info?""]

 

I suspect HB got himself into trouble because he didn't end his post with just his question. Instead he chose to offer his opinion on why it was in his best interest that he see ladies who see fewer clients.

 

["As part of caring about yourself, it would be important to know your limitations, and treating your body with respect. I do believe this ties in directly to the number of partners you allow yourself to be intimate with..."]

 

Am I right that it wasn't his question per se, but rather his suggested "correct" answer that caused all the ruffled feathers?

Or is wanting to know how many clients really such a faux pas?

If it is, then what has changed in the past 18 months to make it so?

[mrgreen760 37785]

Blown out of proportion.....just sayin.....

 

Peace

MG

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

... Am I right that it wasn't his question per se, but rather his suggested "correct" answer that caused all the ruffled feathers?

 

Yes, I'd say that it's clear where most of the ruffled feathers came from: his stated purpose for asking the question, and the inferences that he proposed to draw based on the potential answers.

 

... Eighteen months ago a poll was started in the Winnipeg section ... Why such a different reaction ... is wanting to know how many clients really such a faux pas? If it is, then what has changed in the past 18 months to make it so?

 

In terms of the rules of etiquette, I think it's useful to remember that there are different rules for different situations.

 

There are plenty of questions that would be almost universally thought of as perfectly acceptable to ask in an anonymous poll on a discussion board, but would be generally inappropriate questions to ask directly of individuals.

 

The essential change between the first thread and the current thread is not the passage of time. Rather, the difference lies in the context. The first thread asked the question in an open-ended, general way, whereas the current thread was an inquiry as to whether it was appropriate to ask basically the same question directly of an individual lady.

 

If discussion-board members choose to post their own personal info in response to a general question that has been "put out there", then they're free to do so - that's how discussion boards work. But that's a very different situation than someone being "called-out" or "put on the spot" in a private, one-on-one interpersonal situation, with the same question pointed specifically at them.

 

For example:

 

Some anonymous Cerb polls in the past have asked guys how old they are, what their income is, how often they hobby and how much they spend on it, what their relationship status is, etc etc.

 

I myself happily responded to the above polls, and I found it interesting to compare myself to all the other responses. These anonymous polls speak to plain and natural human curiosity.

 

On the other hand - were anyone to ask me directly what my personal income is, then that person would be committing a social faux pas. I wouldn't answer.

[bewlayb 7480]

For example:

 

Some anonymous Cerb polls in the past have asked guys how old they are, what their income is, how often they hobby and how much they spend on it, what their relationship status is, etc etc.

 

I myself happily responded to the above polls, and I found it interesting to compare myself to all the other responses. These anonymous polls speak to plain and natural human curiosity.

 

On the other hand - were anyone to ask me directly what my personal income is, then that person would be committing a social faux pas. I wouldn't answer.

 

I agree, except if I thought it was inappropriate to ask me directly about my personal income, I sure wouldn't be posting the details of it in addition to my response to an anonymous poll.

 

Conversely, if you previously appeared willing to share the details of your personal income on a public forum, why wouldn't I think it's appropriate to discreetly broach the subject with you in private?

[Annessa 22743]

I should probably let this thread die, but I can't. I'm perplexed by its apparent inconsistency with an earlier thread on the same topic.

 

Eighteen months ago a poll was started in the Winnipeg section asking: "How many clients do you see?" http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=27456 The poll attracted 26 respondents. Ten people, including three SPs, chose to post comments. The tone of those comments was cordial and helpful. None of the ladies were offended by the question. On the contrary, they each volunteered answers to the poll question and elaborated on their reasons for their number.

 

Why such a different reaction this time when HB asked a similar question? I say similar because HB didn't even ask, "How many clients per day?". He wanted to know if he should ask that question and how he should go about asking it.

 

["I have a question: "Would it be appropriate to politely ask an SP how many clients she sees in day?....If so, how is a tactful or respectful way of asking for that info?""]

 

I suspect HB got himself into trouble because he didn't end his post with just his question. Instead he chose to offer his opinion on why it was in his best interest that he see ladies who see fewer clients.

 

["As part of caring about yourself, it would be important to know your limitations, and treating your body with respect. I do believe this ties in directly to the number of partners you allow yourself to be intimate with..."]

 

Am I right that it wasn't his question per se, but rather his suggested "correct" answer that caused all the ruffled feathers?

Or is wanting to know how many clients really such a faux pas?

If it is, then what has changed in the past 18 months to make it so?

 

This is actually a good point....and yes I will agree that the suggestion of what multiple clients per day entailed was probably what stirred the pot.

 

As for what has changed....this summer I noticed a great flux of new ladies which seems to have continued to the fall....every week it seems there are more ladies joining cerb. which is great for the gents...but sometimes it means that we have to take on 4 clients on one day when and if the opportunity arises because the phone may not ring for the rest of the week.

 

we can definitely say how many client we would limit ourselves to ideally (like the previous poll) if business was regular and steady....but I find that the nature of this business is hardly predictable at times.

 

I think there are many factors that determine how available we make ourselves. And that it rarely boils down to what kind of operation we're running.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I agree, except if I thought it was inappropriate to ask me directly about my personal income, I sure wouldn't be posting the details of it in addition to my response to an anonymous poll.

 

Conversely, if you previously appeared willing to share the details of your personal income on a public forum, why wouldn't I think it's appropriate to discreetly broach the subject with you in private?

 

I'll take another crack at explaining myself:

 

My willingness to provide info anonymously does not imply a willingness to provide the same info with my name attached to it.

 

A general question shows a curiosity about the industry as whole, a desire for understanding; that's something I'll voluntarily support. I'll try to provide insight in such situation, when I feel comfortable doing so.

 

If a general question is thrown out to everyone, inviting responses from anyone, then I can respond or not, at my entire discretion and leisure, according to my whim. There is no pressure or attention focused specifically on me.

 

If I choose to respond to a poll by checking a box anonymously, no-one even knows that I've answered. Even if they know that I've answered, my info is hidden among the aggregate responses from everybody else, so I haven't shared info that anyone else can connect to me as an individual.

 

On the other hand, if a question is asked of me, specifically and point-blank, I'm being singled-out and put on the spot. My personal individual response is being demanded. Even if my response is to tell the questioner that the answer is none of their business, the spotlight is focused squarely on me, and whatever I do or say as a reaction to it will be open to judgement.

 

Remember that the question in the original post on this thread was ""Would it be appropriate to politely ask an SP how many clients she sees in day?" The question wasn't ""Would it be appropriate to politely ask an SP how many clients she sees in day... if she has previously stated in a public thread that she is indeed willing to disclose this information?"

 

Two entirely different situations. Where I come from, basic etiquette is that you don't put someone else on the spot with a potentially sensitive question. That's why the OP was advised by others that it's not appropriate to ask this in the manner suggested.

[DwayneR 2101]

I was not passing judgement I was stating my thoughts, I found your question offensive as did many other ladies who replied. I mentioned "rob" someone as anyone who inquires as to how busy or how many clients a lady may see raises a red flag. Keep in mind there are ALOT of sketchy people out there and you are asking a question that someone with ulterior motives could be asking. When you ask a question on a public forum, expect a wide range of replies, some of which you may not like. I answered with how I felt and in a day and age where one can not be too careful, I answered with how I took the question that was posted - not nicely. No matter how you word the question you posted there is no nice way to ask. I did not accuse you of wanting to "rob" anyone - I simply asked a question in respones to your motives for the thread.

 

I agree with the replies not a question to ask a SP.

It does remind me of a couple of times an SP has asked me "if I have been busy? (with work?)" It's a natural question to ask someone, (except an SP).

But it's part of the ice breaker chit chat when you first meet. People ask me all the time. So a couple of times I have had an SP ask me "So have you been busy?" I reply yes or no what ever the case maybe. And I start to reply in kind "So?" but I have caught myself and quickly recovered by finishing the question with "How have you been?" Instead of "have you been busy?" lol.