andyottawa 100 Report post Posted November 19, 2011 The reason I ask this is that I kind of think of myself as a virgin. I have technically had sex, it was a very quick drunken event that ended my relationship with the girl. I think of myself as a virgin because when it comes to sex, I think that I would be just as inexperienced as a virgin. Now I feel that I will be a big disappointment to any future girl because most of the people I know aren't virgins and they assume I am not either. I really sucks being a 20 year old nerd. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300291 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 Don't put so much pressure on yourself, and as much as you are an adult, at 20 years old, chronologically, your still very young...it's not like being the 40 Year Old Virgin LOL See another girl, be it through dating or see an escort. As the saying goes, if you get thrown off a horse, just get back on If your worrying about your next time so much, you'll never have a next time Good luck RG 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
andyottawa 100 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 Thanks roamingguy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 Andy.... in the long run, you are no better or worse off than ANY other 20 year old male. How many guys of your age do you know that THINK that they are fantastic lovers? Now ask the women that they have been with. At 20, you probably have no idea what YOU like, let alone what pleases someone else. That my friend comes with time. There is no rush. You don't get graded on sexual performance; if you are looking to be with someone in a serious relationship, the sex is the icing on the cake... and you what the ratio of cake to icing is on an average cake. Don't get me wrong - a healthy active sex life is important in a relationship - but it's not the basis of ANY relationship. In the interim - there's CERB. You have the opportunity to meet with some of the most fantastic women on the face of the planet; women that understand the varying degrees of sexuality and sensuality. Let them know your situation. They have seen it before and will see it again. Take constructive criticism. Last thing? Be confident - not cocky - but confident. You have a long road ahead of you my friend, and the delights along the way are yours. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 I have a similar question.....is it possible to become revirginized? (Yes I think I just made up that word :p). Allow me to completely candid, for the past year or so I've been starting to feel like a virgin again. It's literally been years since I've had actual intercourse with a woman. Problem being I can't stay erect with a condom on, this was never a problem in my late teens and in my twenties....but in the past few years putting on a condom has been the equivalent to pouring ice down my pants. So intercourse is understandably off the table when seeing a SP. And my last steady girlfriend couldn't be on birth control because she was still breast feeding. So intercourse was off the table there too. I think I'm a pretty good lover when it comes to using my other faculties, given my predicament I've had a lot of practice at using them lol. But I'm worried that when the time comes for actual sexual intercourse that I won't know what the heck I'm doing anymore and will be....for all intents and purposes, a virgin again. Or is it like the whole "riding a bike" thing and one never forgets? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 I don't think there is anything beneficial to coming up with a definition of a "virgin" and I don't place any value on "virginity." There are great things about being sexually inexperienced, and great things about being sexually experienced. When I was 15, I had my first kiss. In my mind, it was the most magical experience ever and I was swept off my feet. In insight, I now know he was a horrible kisser! He shoved his tongue down my throat and my entire face was wet, but it was still beautiful. That is the beauty of "virginity." But, I also enjoy having some experience behind me. I know what my desires are and I'm better able to communicate them to my partner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 When I was 15' date=' I had my first kiss. In my mind, it was the most magical experience ever and I was swept off my feet. In insight, I now know he was a horrible kisser! He shoved his tongue down my throat and my entire face was wet, but it was still beautiful. [/quote'] This reminds me of a line from the movie Hearts In Atlantis that has always stuck with me. Anthony Hopkins character, Ted, asks the little boy, Bobby if he has kissed this little girl next door who he is friends with yet. Bobby, being about 10 years old, of course replies "Ew! No!"......Ted chuckles and replies "Well, you will. And it will be the kiss by which all others in your life are judged....and found wanting" That line is so true. I still remember my first real grown-up kiss.....and no other kiss has ever topped it. I've kissed her again since in later years and as with your case, Megan. She wasn't all that great of a kisser. A good kisser but nothing to write home about. But that first kiss was.......well, there's no other word for it than "magical". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest C*****tte Report post Posted November 20, 2011 Virginity is a concept not a state. It has been defined differently in different cultures. In one anthropological reading there was a culture that stated that a female was a virgin until she gave birth. It tends to be female oriented which I find to be misogynistic most of the time. Like Megan I don't find it a beneficial concept. However, one can have varying degrees of experience - be it with one partner or many. This experience can be based on a variety of acts or just a few. Certainly with more experience we gain confidence and skill. I feel my twenties were about learning and my thirties were about practicing. ;-) What I can say having been with both men and women with a minimal amount of sexual experience and learned a few things along the way myself. Its a good idea to take it slow and gentle at first and as you both warm up you can increase the intensity or the pace. Explore in a fun way. Don't make it a science project. Ask your partner if there is anything in particular they like or dislike but don't ask every twenty seconds. Don't consume the person either physically or emotionally. I have had way too many men act like they are trying to eat my tonsils or my entire face and slobbering all over me. Don't get wasted. You might be too nervous sober so 1 drink can do the trick but don't over indulge. Drunk sex is rarely good sex. If you want some specific ideas my favourite how to guides are by Violet Blue. I also really like Moregasm by Babeland. Its informative and pretty sexy too. Venus Envy in downtown Ottawa will have a good selection of books and the staff is totally cool. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra-Sky 12606 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 There is an entire book out there exploring the concept of virginity and the very first page makes the point that there is no definition of virginity, and that it's interpretation is relative to the culture/time period it exists in. A lot of people define "sex" as penis+vagina (and there is even debate around how long it needs to last, if one, both or neither partners orgams, does this change whether or not the act was sex). There are obvious problems with this model as it is very heterosexual based and we all know that queer people have sex too... And recently there has been an increase in the phenomenon of people having anal sex in order to maintain their virginity etc. All very interesting and sort of messed up. If anyone would like more info on the book I spoke of above, I'll post it here. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antlerman 17064 Report post Posted November 20, 2011 this thread has antlerman written all over it.....i could start cracking silly lines.....buti am interested so far...... what is a virgin in todays world.....let slone cerb..... i was a virgin in giving and receiving trips to Greece till i got here...... i was a virgin towards shemales and transgendered till cerb and the net..... i was a virgin till i had a lady use a toy on me...... so do classify the term virgin as a state of the person....or as something you yet to experiance in your life... i am a virgin to many things life still has to offer....... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf_Nazis_Must_Die 8958 Report post Posted November 21, 2011 Dude, It sounds so cliched, but shit gets better! As a 20 year old you are still most definitely finding yourself in multiple ways. High school and all of the stigma and second guessing that accompanies it was not that long ago for you, and that crap tends to stick around in your head whether you want it to or not. However, that most certainly does not mean that sex has to suck. Like I said, things get better dude! There's a great big world full of lovely ladies out there! especially here on CERB. My first time was also a drunken, embarrassing mess which happened in my late teens. It's almost like a rite of passage to have the first time suck! We're brought up to believe either the ridiculous "Penthouse forum" cliche, or at the opposite end of the spectrum, the "True love, everything was perfect and just clicked" crap. Either way, first times are destined to not measure up! To me, virginity is more of a state of mind. Did I lose my virginity the first time I was inside a woman? NOPE. I lost it to a woman who penetrated me on a personal, human level. Virginity is whatever the fuck you decide it is, and everyone else can get lost! I always loved the Chasing Amy take on virginity: P.S. You mentioned being a nerd, did you check out Barcraft this weekend? :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jamman 110 Report post Posted November 21, 2011 I have a similar question.....is it possible to become revirginized? (Yes I think I just made up that word :p). Allow me to completely candid, for the past year or so I've been starting to feel like a virgin again. It's literally been years since I've had actual intercourse with a woman. Problem being I can't stay erect with a condom on, this was never a problem in my late teens and in my twenties....but in the past few years putting on a condom has been the equivalent to pouring ice down my pants. So intercourse is understandably off the table when seeing a SP. And my last steady girlfriend couldn't be on birth control because she was still breast feeding. So intercourse was off the table there too. I think I'm a pretty good lover when it comes to using my other faculties, given my predicament I've had a lot of practice at using them lol. But I'm worried that when the time comes for actual sexual intercourse that I won't know what the heck I'm doing anymore and will be....for all intents and purposes, a virgin again. Or is it like the whole "riding a bike" thing and one never forgets? Hey man I had the same problem turned out the condoms were to small. I started using Trojan magnums. I always thought condoms were supposed to be super tight and uncomfortable Now I have no problems. Give them a try Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
