Where do fetishes come from?

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Fetishes are the product of our prudish, Calvinist society where anything that gives us pleasure is considered to be sinful and where relinquishing basic human pleasure is the highway to eternal salvation. Someone I know says that "heresy is the revenge of forgotten truth." That is, what we anathematize, deny or reject has a way of coming back to bite us in the hindquarters.

 

What we like, we like. What we want, we want. Desire is not the problem. The problem may be in finding others who share an interest in the things we want to experience. Fortunately, the Internet helps with this. If you like Greek, you will have no difficulty finding others who enjoy it. If you like spanking, there's lots of that, too. If you're interested in feet, in bondage, in hot dripping wax, in being denied orgasm, in being watched, in innovative uses for vegetables, in bathtubs full of jello... you can find it.

 

Just make sure that the other party or parties involved are adults capable of making a conscious, informed choice and offering enthusiastic consent.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Fetishes are the product of our prudish, Calvinist society where anything that gives us pleasure is considered to be sinful and where relinquishing basic human pleasure is the highway to eternal salvation. Someone I know says that "heresy is the revenge of forgotten truth." That is, what we anathematize, deny or reject has a way of coming back to bite us in the hindquarters.

 

Interesting perspective. My question is less about the term and it's connotations, whether negative or positive.

 

I'm actually asking, "How do they happen?" In our minds, how do they come about? My friend once joked that at some point when you're young and horny, you see some random shiny object and boom, new fetish.

 

I wasn't born loving Greek. I doubt it ever occurred to me until I read that book as a young teen. I'm pretty sure I never really thought about it again until young adulthood when I actually started having real sex. Then it just popped back into my head all by itself.

 

So yeah, it was more of a request for stories. I was curious to see if others might remember how their fetishes came about or if they just appeared randomly.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

This isn't in response to the original question, but to putting greek as a fetish.

 

I offer anal sex; I do not offer fetishes. I've never understood why anal sex is so often lumped in with fetishes.

 

Sexual fetishism is: sexual fixation with objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature

 

A golden shower is a fetish - urinating is NOT something commonly viewed as being sexual, but some people do find it sexual - thereby, it is a fetish.

 

Your anus is a sexual part of your body. There are pleasure centres in there, and while it's not for everyone, I truly do not believe that anal sex falls into the category of fetishes.

[fredsmith 5240]

Fetishes are the product of our prudish, Calvinist society where anything that gives us pleasure is considered to be sinful and where relinquishing basic human pleasure is the highway to eternal salvation. Someone I know says that "heresy is the revenge of forgotten truth." That is, what we anathematize, deny or reject has a way of coming back to bite us in the hindquarters.

 

What we like, we like. What we want, we want. Desire is not the problem. The problem may be in finding others who share an interest in the things we want to experience. Fortunately, the Internet helps with this. If you like Greek, you will have no difficulty finding others who enjoy it. If you like spanking, there's lots of that, too. If you're interested in feet, in bondage, in hot dripping wax, in being denied orgasm, in being watched, in innovative uses for vegetables, in bathtubs full of jello... you can find it.

 

Just make sure that the other party or parties involved are adults capable of making a conscious, informed choice and offering enthusiastic consent.

 

I never thought of a fetish as a negative term before.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

[mister_crufty 4891]

This isn't in response to the original question, but to putting greek as a fetish.

 

I offer anal sex; I do not offer fetishes. I've never understood why anal sex is so often lumped in with fetishes.

 

Sexual fetishism is: sexual fixation with objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature

 

A golden shower is a fetish - urinating is NOT something commonly viewed as being sexual, but some people do find it sexual - thereby, it is a fetish.

 

Your anus is a sexual part of your body. There are pleasure centres in there, and while it's not for everyone, I truly do not believe that anal sex falls into the category of fetishes.

 

Okay, I'll give you that. Fetish is then the wrong term although I don't know what the right term is then. Fixation? Particular taste? Obsession?

 

I guess I was looking for a more general word. So someone might be obsessed with Asian women wouldn't have a fetish but someone who sexualized feet would?

 

I was taking the term to mean a particular sexual act, regardless of it's nature, that is one the prime motivators in a persons sex drive.

[fredsmith 5240]

Your anus is a sexual part of your body.

 

Although I totally agree with you, many would not.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

I've always been obsessed with ropes for as long as I can remember

I don't try to find a reason why I like it or I would drive myself insane

[mister_crufty 4891]

You just sound awesome. What a nifty thing to be obsessed about. I love tying knots...grew up sailing boats since I was a little kid. Monkey's fist, clove-hitch, bowline, sheepshank...oh yeah. You like it when I talk dirty to you baby?

 

:-D

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

You just sound awesome. What a nifty thing to be obsessed about. I love tying knots...grew up sailing boats since I was a little kid. Monkey's fist, clove-hitch, bowline, sheepshank...oh yeah. You like it when I talk dirty to you baby?

 

:-D

 

I guess I should say rope bondage...not sailing type thing...which there is no knots.

 

anyways, going out subject

[mister_crufty 4891]

I guess I should say rope bondage...not sailing type thing...which there is no knots.

 

anyways, going out subject

 

Yes, I was just being silly. You're right, probably getting off topic but it doesn't seem like anyone can or will share stories of how their obsessions developed. Maybe I'm the only one who has a clearly remembered moment?

[MightyPen 67414]

Although I totally agree with you, many would not.

It's unquestionably a sexual part of your body. It's just not a reproductive part. (See also: mouth)

 

Once we get over the idea that sex and reproduction are inextricably linked, a lot of other things about sex become easier to grasp and new horizons open up.

[MightyPen 67414]

I was about to type a bunch of stuff about this ('cause it's one of my favourite subjects), but then I remembered I'd touched upon this very question before. Here, shamelessly copied and pasted to save multithreading, is what I wrote:

 

 

 

This is a great subject. You can't really resolve it without looking at how the mind works.

 

Every one of us has a map deep in our subconscious about who we think we are, how we think about other people, and how we think about our interactions with others. These maps get laid down while our age is in early single digits, and we can never, ever perceive them directly. They're completely beyond direct reach, yet they completely dominate how we move around the world of other human beings.

 

One part of that map is devoted to sex, and once again it's completely beyond our ability to perceive directly. We can only get clues about it indirectly, when something we perceive or experience triggers a response. Do enough of that, and you slowly build up a sense of what makes you work sexually, like mapping the sea floor with sonar; most of it is flat, but every so often you stumble across a bump that tells you "something is here!".

 

Thing is, that map is completely irrational. Some of it is built up automatically to guide us to reproduction, but it's also littered with whatever your single-digit mind had access to at the time. It's full of symbolic meaning that often has nothing at ALL to do with reproductive-oriented sex. There's no way to predict what might provoke a sexual response from your deep subconscious until you go exploring and stumble across what works for you.

 

That's how you end up with sexual fetishes, or simple preoccupations. Some thing are charged with meaning; we have a growing thread here devoted to stockings (awesome!) which, objectively speaking, are just an impractical kind of legwear. Yet they trigger ideas about clinging closely to a shapely leg, of something slightly-hidden-but-visible, and of a woman's body pointedly dressed up to emphasize gender and therefore sexuality, rather than practicality.

 

I'm always amazed by the variety of things that can symbolize sex, and provoke a sexual response, without being explicitly sexual. There are entire languages being spoken with clothing, with postures and attitudes, with dominance and submission, risky ventures, simple shared "naughtiness", Good vs. Bad, and the potency of sharing a secret desire.

 

It's --so-- much more about the brain; the body follows afterward.

 

 

 

 

See; LINK

[mister_crufty 4891]

Thanks for the reply. What a well thought out and written post. You definitely live up to your handle. Truly the mind is the greatest erogenous zone.

[A****y E*e 6175]

Hmmm, this is such an interesting question! But, you know, I often think a better questions would be "why do we consider some things fetishes (or obsessions, fixations, whatever), and not other things?" By which I mean, if I was really into bubble baths, rose petals and lighting candles as foreplay and felt they were really integral to my sexuality, that wouldn't get questioned or thought of as weird because the 'mainstream' thinks of those as typical and normal things for women to associate with sexuality.

 

But, if I was in to whips, masks and gang-bangs, I would probably spend a lot of time feeling shame about that, trying to figure out how to get away from those or hide them, because the of how the 'mainstream' sees them. Really, I don't think rose petals are more or less inherently sexual than whips, I just think that most of us have internalized cultural ideas about sexuality and what is "normal".

 

To me personally, I try not to worry as much about where my/our desires come from or how long we've had them. I think I'm more interested in pushing for space for everyone's desires to be accepted and seen as natural, as long as they're consensual and not harming to other people.

[MightyPen 67414]

... I just think that most of us have internalized cultural ideas about sexuality and what is "normal".

Absolutely, and a critical point about lots of things other than sex. It takes a lot of work, confidence, and a fundamentally open mind to examine yourself and find what YOU want. If you don't do that work, or simply aren't capable of it, you end up just being what the prevailing culture tells you you should be.

 

Sometimes you really do want the same things the culture expects of you. But other times... no so much.

 

You make the point well here about our sexual lives Audrey but it's true of other things too. Should we buy cars? Get married? Have kids? Buy houses in the suburbs? Go to a church and do what it tells us? Lots of people genuinely want these things, and more power to them. Lots of others, though, just do them because they've simply absorbed the expectations of the culture around them, or of the people who have social sway over them.

 

Tragic.

[mister_crufty 4891]

i hope everyone will forgive me for using this forum as a personal sounding board yet again but here's something I'm finding interesting.

 

In the month since I've started this hobby, I haven't gone for Greek yet. Not sure if I even will. I know it's a huge turn on for me (it's pretty much the only porn I get off to) but I find the encounters where I really spend time with the lady in oral and fs are more than satisfying.

 

The wife is a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. She has no interest in me performing oral on her and generally just wants to get off quickly. She likes greek but we both get off so quickly, it's not particularly satisfying. I only have real staying power on my second go but with her, it's almost always off the table.

 

So I don't think my obsession is fading but I think I'm a little afraid of it. I think it turns me on too much and might jeopardize my "second-go stamina". I'm afraid that if I'm with a provider that really likes Greek that I might disappoint her by finishing too quickly. Maybe I need to discover my "third go stamina" but that seems like a 'my mileage might vary' thing.

 

Anyway, just some of the thoughts that I wrestle with. Everyone says I always overthink everything.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Ever since I played 69 style with an Asian lady in TO 20 years ago, where we each gingerly explored our anuses with gentle fingertips, I've had a bit of an unrequited anal fetish. Recently I've been more excited about receiving it than giving it. Also, after having had a bit of dominance for the first time a year or so ago, I'm fixated on the notion of meeting a women in a semiprivate place and her jerking me off in her hand and then ordering me to lick up my sperm. Actually, it'd be cool for her to jerk me off beforehand, save my sperm, and then have me eat it publicly in various places. LOL Also, I really miss drinking, yes drinking, the hot squirt my ex served up.....shit, even piss would work at this point! LOL While licking clit my tongue has a habit of venturing asswards, nothing I can do, has a mind of its own!

[mister_crufty 4891]

Awesome story. I love hearing this stuff. Makes me feel pretty darn vanilla though...God I'm boring!

 

:-D

 

Ever since I played 69 style with an Asian lady in TO 20 years ago, where we each gingerly explored our anuses with gentle fingertips, I've had a bit of an unrequited anal fetish. Recently I've been more excited about receiving it than giving it. Also, after having had a bit of dominance for the first time a year or so ago, I'm fixated on the notion of meeting a women in a semiprivate place and her jerking me off in her hand and then ordering me to lick up my sperm. Actually, it'd be cool for her to jerk me off beforehand, save my sperm, and then have me eat it publicly in various places. LOL Also, I really miss drinking, yes drinking, the hot squirt my ex served up.....shit, even piss would work at this point! LOL While licking clit my tongue has a habit of venturing asswards, nothing I can do, has a mind of its own!

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

I dont as a rule consider the things I like fetishes, I give them no thought beyond the the thought that I enjoy them, though I will say I did struggle with a couple of things that I thought really?? I like that?? LOL

 

In the beginning anyway lol

 

I do things now that I would have never considered 10 years ago, with age, knowing more, knowing myself better and a lack of caring what society would say is "normal" I've learned to get out of my comfort zone.

 

I like that..

 

I wish I could say that I was always comfortable with my own sexuality, comfortable in my own skin, I wasnt, but I definitely am today! lol

 

I think for many women fear of being sexual is predominant, it always has a form of stigma attached, slutty ect..

 

I tried to squash for years what I would now consider the normal and natural state of being myself.

 

Once I learned to get out of my own way thats when I felt more, well everything ;)

[mister_crufty 4891]

Thanks for the post Jade. Not everything about getting older sucks. It's nice to be more accepting of yourself and your quirks. Life is too short to be self-conscious.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Life is too short to be self-conscious.

 

Indeed it is! Which reminds me, I have to get myself pegged while I still have a prostate and before my hips get all seized up with arthritis (gotta be able to spread those legs for missionary!). LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

I have a fetish for booger porn! I love the snotshots, where the guy holds one of his nostrils and blows fiercely, expelling all the booger from the other nostril into the eager mouth of an awaiting hottie. I am especially fond of boogake, where a lady takes multiple snotshots on her face and then tantalizingly plays with the glistening green ooze before gulping it all down! That Japanese boogake is the best!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh God, I think I just made myself ill. :P