Men with Disabilities

[tas510 483]

I'm a guy with a disability and confined to a wheelchair! I find it difficult to find a SP in general because of no return calls or e-mails and have been told they would not be comfortable seeing me. I know that Soleil and Tracey have no problem seeing someone with a disability which is awesome but are there any other SP that don't have a problem seeing a guy confined to a wheelchair. Getting an idea which SPs will or won't be a service provider for men with disabilities would sure help me and anyone else on Cerb with the same problem. We have a sex drive too!

[Kaylee Kisses 1526]

I have no problems seeing a guy with a disability as long as we can communicate before hand so we both know what the expectations and limitations are

 

xo

Kaylee

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I've had wonderful clients who were disabled and wouldn't turn someone down just because of his disability or because he's in a wheelchair.

 

If you find someone who interests you, send a message or e-mail to her. Tell her about your disability and what is and is not possible for you. Let her know about your limitations and any special assistance or support you may require for a satisfying encounter. If you need to meet in your home or a wheelchair-accessible place, or if you need nursing care nearby, or if you need help bathing or getting ready for your meeting, please say so. These are all things that can be worked out with a little care and planning.

 

It's true that not everyone will be comfortable. Most of the time, though, an SP will be concerned that she may accidentally do something that might hurt you or that she won't know what you need and when.

 

If you can be clear, explicit and understanding, I think you shouldn't have a problem finding a companion.

[DeeperConnection 19567]

I agree that with communication to get familiar with the disability, it wouldn't be a problem for me either.

[Smirk 1920]

I've had some wheelchair play and found it very errotic. I would certainly try that again. Communication and creativity are key ... as they are to most things ;-)

 

xoxox

Sensual Porscha

[tas510 483]

I would never ambush a SP and have always communicated by telling them the nature of my disability and what I can or can't do. Plus what kind of help I would require from the SP so that we can both work around my limitations and have a fun time together.

[tas510 483]

Thanks for the comments and they are greatly appreciated as I'm making a list and checking it twice

[livenudecats 4067]

I know Soleil has provided services for a disabled gentleman in the past.

PM her.

[PatrickGC 10792]

Hello tas510:

 

As a fellow disabled member and a longtime advocate of sexual rights I know all too well some of the difficulties you face. The people here have really hit the nail on the head as far as advice. One aspect which hasn't been mentioned thus far, and it can be a sticky one for some people because it in itself can carry a stigma of its own, is the consideration of a potential client on a fixed income, which includes myself.

 

What follows, is my methodology to insure that all needs are met both in regards to myself and the service provider. If none of this is applicable to your situation please do feel free to ignore it.

 

I actually keep a separate account exclusively for service provider dates. [For some reason, overtime this has become known as my "Secret Squirrel Account" :) I can hear the psychoanalysis having a field day with regards to that title.] Having the money separate really does take the pressure off on so many levels. You probably have some idea of what a, if there is such a thing, "typical" date costs after looking around CERB. Aim for that; it may take some time, but you know it will happen.

 

Each letter of introduction send out to it perspective service provider is personalized. I spent a fair bit of time reading the individual's web site and forum messages to anticipate any concerns they may have. This helps encourage dialogue. When it comes to disability, some service providers can be rather shy about asking questions directly. It is a human trait we all share. Encourage people to ask questions in her own words. Provide links to articles related to your particular condition so they can look infomation up on their own, if they want to.

 

Be clear about what you expect and want. [i avoid acronyms to encourage openness and clarity. The huge arraying of these short hands also drive my voice dictation software crazy.] If you are unsure about how to accomplish something, say that too. Sex workers are incredibly creative people who love to explore.

 

I explicitly state in each letter that I am on a fixed income. But beyond that though, I do not make it an issue or haggle about the price. Simply stating that I may not be the most frequent client is sufficient. It keeps things honest and clear. Removing another potential stumbling block to communication.

 

Unless they prefer phone calls as the initial communication. I only contact them directly after a successful dialogue via e-mail has been established..

 

Finally, do not expect a reply immediately. Some people have a large amount of e-mail to go through. Do not be disheartened if there is no reply. But do keep on looking.

 

One last thing. If you're inclined to be apolitical in this regard. A number of years ago a grass-roots group, here in Vancouver B.C. was formed by disabled persons and health professionals to explore and expand the issue of sexuality for the disabled.

 

The "Equitable Access to Sexual Expression" group.

(EASE)

 

Things are starting to rock and roll. They are beginning to open up dialogues all over the place, on many fronts. I encourage you and all interested members to check them out! Here is their face book page. A web site is in the works.

 

Take care,

PatrickGC

[Guest S****r]

I have stated publicly here several times that I would be pleased to cater to anyone who is disabled. I do offer outcall service. I would also prefer some dialogue beforehand so that both of us have reasonable expectations. If you check my "threads started" you will see a few times and places where I have made reference to this idea.

 

Please know that if you contact me, I will not hesitate to respond to you, also as to any other potential client or friend.

 

Good luck in your search!

http://www.SensuousSummer.com

[PatrickGC 10792]

One quick thought which occurred to me right after Summer's post. Location, are you looking for someone who lives in your city explicitly? There are many members who travel across Canada etc. regularly. Where they live doesn't make a difference to the date and would greatly increase the possibilities.

 

PatrickGC

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I've personally seen quite a number of clients with differing capabilities. In truth it all started with a wonderful young man named 'Big Al'. He lived 8 hours away, suffered severe cerebral palsy and was very sad to be a virgin at 25. When I drove the 8 hours to see him the first time, I had no idea what I was in for. I had no clue that I would be responsible for doing everything. Including using a massive hoist to get him into bed. I suspect he didn't tell me all of this for fear it would scare me away. But I was determined to bring some much needed joy into this young man's life.

 

To me, 'disabilities' are a complete non-issue. I have had clients tell me ahead of time, and I've had more than one never mention anything until I meet them. Either way, we ALL need intimacy and human contact. The body is a mere shell of the truly beautiful soul inside, and if physically some things don't work so well, then just enjoy the journey and worry not about the final destination.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Communication is key. Be open and honest about your mobility and what you are looking for. I've had clients with a range of mobility and communication was important for both sides. Good luck in your search!

[PatrickGC 10792]

To me, 'disabilities' are a complete non-issue. I have had clients tell me ahead of time, and I've had more than one never mention anything until I meet them. Either way, we ALL need intimacy and human contact. The body is a mere shell of the truly beautiful soul inside, and if physically some things don't work so well, then just enjoy the journey and worry not about the final destination.

 

Indeed! Well put. When one thinks about it, all great achievements, all the "Eureka moments" which people have shared throughout the ages, all have one thing in common: seeing beyond the obvious status quo and powerful intimate moments. The human body may survive on food, but intimacy and acknowledgment is really the only way the spirit of an individual can grow. This may sound trite but it really is at the core of the human equation. Creativity is always the result of a powerful emotion.

 

There would be no creation without the desire to do so in the first place. Thank you so much for the wonderful post :)

PatrickGC

 

Additional Comments:

And while this thread is moving along on the main topic lets me hijack it for a moment to mention an issue which is equally as important and more widespread than most people think.

 

Women with Disabilities. Face essentially the same issues discussed here and thus far. Where do they get meaningful, sincere service? This is a call to all the open-minded "Gigolos" out there. There is a customer base just waiting for you!

 

I suspect the reason we don't hear more about this, is because women face more stigma on all fronts in society today. If we're going to be truly just an open in addressing these needs this must be an inclusive topic for all. Did I mention gay, lesbian, transgendered etc.? The full rainbow of lifestyles and orientations... Yahoo for variety, they need service too!

 

Food for thought. .... and now let us continue the thread.

 

PatrickGC

"Down with marginalization! Up with inclusion! [and everything else :) ] ."

[athompso 290]

For anyone reading who's wondering what this might be like... go see/rent/download the movie "The Sessions" (2012) with Helen Hunt.

 

Hunt plays the part of a [licensed] Professional Sexual Therapist, which is not *exactly* what SPs here generally call themselves, but it's close enough to get the flavour of what it's like for both parties.

 

I've had bad enough reactions from my partners to simple erectile dysfunction and an insulin pump; I sincerely hope I never have to worry about what it's like from a wheelchair!

[Guest Lu***ou***en]

I think this is a wonderful topic for discussion!

 

I agree with keeping communication open between both parties. It's too bad that some of the SPs you have tried contacting did not reply, but that is perhaps a silver lining, as the session may not have been as great as it should be with someone who is not comfortable with a disability.

 

I am very open, non judgemental, and flexible in terms of disabilities or medical conditions. In fact, when one client had a medical situation, I was able to offer help, and remedy the situation.

 

I hope that the tidbits and advice help you to make an informed choice regarding an SP.