Jump to content

Funny sex stories/injuries

Recommended Posts

Well I has daty, when the woman started having intense orgasm. Her hips and pelvic where moving and pulling away cause it was too intense. Me very much enjoying the pleasure I was giving just kept going until she managed to pull a way far enough for me to catch a flying knee (by mistake of course) right on the nose. Which of course make your eyes immediately water up. Luckily it wasn't broken but was swollen, must admit didnt take long to lose my errection after that. So I've learned it's not an all you can eat buffet! Lol

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest M****ella's C****s (retire

Ahahaha, well at least you've learned from your experience!! We can't control our limbs mid orgasm :p

 

I hit my foot on a moving ceiling fan when I was doing 69 while being held upside down by my ex...We did it to say we had tried it...my foot was sore and because it startled him he dropped me on my head; luckily on the bed, but I took most of the impact on my neck..Sore foot, sore neck, no orgasm, but achievement unlocked. LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Way way back in time, my girlfriend and I were enjoying each other's company one evening. Her face seemed to have a special glow. Then I realized one of the mood candles had set fire to her pillow! I'm all for hot sex but one must draw the line somewhere.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest M****ella's C****s (retire

Jeeze Louise!! Talk about heat in the sheets! hehe Well I'm glad you both escaped unscathed!! ^_^

 

 

Way way back in time, my girlfriend and I were enjoying each other's company one evening. Her face seemed to have a special glow. Then I realized one of the mood candles had set fire to her pillow! I'm all for hot sex but one must draw the line somewhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest D***el B***e

I once made love to my SO with the lights on! can you imagine????

 

Additional Comments:

oh yes, the injury ... well, it hurt me a bit !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I first started as an SP, I went to see a young university kid and being around that age myself, I didn't find it weird that I found myself walking up the stairs to one of those old downtown 4 story buildings that looked like something out of a bad movie.

 

Everything was going smoothly in his twin bed when I heard something creaking. Yes, that's right, he had a twin bed. I was known to get a little wild in the cowgirl position but something did not seem right. He chalked it up to his old bed and we joked that it would be no surprise if it broke. It was getting hotter and more intense and the sex was good. Building up in anticipation, I heard this creak once again and really thought the bed was going to collapse. The pace was just right, our bodies both in rhythm and our young fit bodies closely intertwined with one another. I looked into his eyes and thrusted into him harder when all of a sudden I heard a splitting crack.

 

Without further notice, we screamed as we went right through the ceiling!!! Our naked bodies clung to each like saran wrap and below us some young Asian guy sitting on the floor watching t.v. only a few feet away from us as his jaw dropped to the floor. Boom!! We were sitting on a mattress smack dab in the middle of his living room both butt naked. I screamed in some pain for him to get me a towel and he called the 9-1-1, the fire department and paramedics. Forunately we were not hurt to the degree that we should have been ( ask my back that years later) and I was so embarassed that I snuck out of there with only a towel on and ran upstairs to see if the door to the guy's apartment was still open.

 

Fortunately he never locked it and I got out of there like a bat out of hell. I never stuck around and if this happened today, you can bet on it that I would have sued the property management company who oversaw that building. I later recounted this story to someone I knew and they told me their ex boyfriend was a firefighter and him and his buddies were on the scene that night and that this incident was a legend. I don't know what was worse..this incident or banging a guy and causing him to have a heart attack. My back has never been the same since!

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
When I first started as an SP, I went to see a young university kid and being around that age myself, I didn't find it weird that I found myself walking up the stairs to one of those old downtown 4 story buildings that looked like something out of a bad movie.

 

Everything was going smoothly in his twin bed when I heard something creaking. Yes, that's right, he had a twin bed. I was known to get a little wild in the cowgirl position but something did not seem right. He chalked it up to his old bed and we joked that it would be no surprise if it broke. It was getting hotter and more intense and the sex was good. Building up in anticipation, I heard this creak once again and really thought the bed was going to collapse. The pace was just right, our bodies both in rhythm and our young fit bodies closely intertwined with one another. I looked into his eyes and thrusted into him harder when all of a sudden I heard a splitting crack.

 

Without further notice, we screamed as we went right through the ceiling!!! Our naked bodies clung to each like saran wrap and below us some young Asian guy sitting on the floor watching t.v. only a few feet away from us as his jaw dropped to the floor. Boom!! We were sitting on a mattress smack dab in the middle of his living room both butt naked. I screamed in some pain for him to get me a towel and he called the 9-1-1, the fire department and paramedics. Forunately we were not hurt to the degree that we should have been ( ask my back that years later) and I was so embarassed that I snuck out of there with only a towel on and ran upstairs to see if the door to the guy's apartment was still open.

 

Fortunately he never locked it and I got out of there like a bat out of hell. I never stuck around and if this happened today, you can bet on it that I would have sued the property management company who oversaw that building. I later recounted this story to someone I knew and they told me their ex boyfriend was a firefighter and him and his buddies were on the scene that night and that this incident was a legend. I don't know what was worse..this incident or banging a guy and causing him to have a heart attack. My back has never been the same since!

 

Omg! That's the best story ever.

Little Asian guy was probably searching for porn when poof live porn show appears in front of him. Lmfao

You're one wild dangerous person Nicolette. Riding clients through the floor or knocking them out with falling dildos from balcony's. you should be a spoke person for those insurance commercial anything can happen lol.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Omg! That's the best story ever.

Little Asian guy was probably searching for porn when poof live porn show appears in front of him. Lmfao

You're one wild dangerous person Nicolette. Riding clients through the floor or knocking them out with falling dildos from balcony's. you should be a spoke person for those insurance commercial anything can happen lol.

 

Shall I tell the heart attack story and the dildo falling from 15 stories at Kent and Somerset St? LMAO! All of the stories ALWAYS have to do with cowgirl position and downtown Ottawa. lol.

 

Although I have calmed down since on the cowgirl position.lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest A*ro**n
Shall I tell the heart attack story and the dildo falling from 15 stories at Kent and Somerset St? LMAO! All of the stories ALWAYS have to do with cowgirl position and downtown Ottawa. lol.

 

Although I have calmed down since on the cowgirl position.lol.

 

Well Nicolette, you've already cemented your legendary status with your first post. Might as well add to the legend so we can tell our grandkids :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Shall I tell the heart attack story and the dildo falling from 15 stories at Kent and Somerset St? LMAO! All of the stories ALWAYS have to do with cowgirl position and downtown Ottawa. lol.

 

Although I have calmed down since on the cowgirl position.lol.

 

Might want to change your name to femme fatale wow. Should advice clients to write a will before booking with you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One year in July in the a.m.

 

Friend and I get in huge fight and I tell her to leave my house with all her things..I don't speak to her for 8 months.

 

I go to work to see a client who has the worst hygeine and I feel I'm about to die.

 

Since I was working out of a hotel at the time, I needed extra towels and went to the shopping mall to get some. I left the parking lot only to find out that 3 minutes after I left exactly where I had been parked, there was a shootout there after a bunch of thugs robbed a jewelry store in the mall.

 

Later that day in the late afternoon, I'm on my way to an outcall at a hotel with a client who is from the U.S. Everything seems fine until right in the middle of it with me on top of him, I see him sweating profusely and his face turning red. He is having a fucking heart attack!! I barely dragged this 300 lb guy who already had a triple bypass the year before and in poor health onto the floor to do CPR, calling front desk, calling 9-1-1, screaming at front desk to enter the room and at that point no one cared who or why I was there and told me I did the right thing. Well duh! It's not like I was going to bail on him or anything! Thankfully, he survived.

 

All in a day's work!

 

Additional Comments:

Here's another one to add to my list of mishaps as an SP...The Demise of Mr. Pink.

 

I was moving boxes one day in the condo I was using and unloaded some out to the balcony to move furniture around. Before I knew it, a dildo slipped out of the box under the glass partition where there was a space. I tried to grab it but too late. I was about to look over when I covered my ears for the downfall and all of a sudden heard some guy screaming `WTF`!!`A big pink 10 inch dildo ( exact one as pictured below and who I affectionately named "Mr. Pink") fell 15 stories from the condo building onto some passerby dude head on Somerset St. HAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!! I'm sure it continued rolling down to Bank St not long after. lol.

 

DJ0286-01-LG.jpg

 

Imagine getting hit in the head with the above in public on a busy downtown street in Ottawa!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest S****r

omg Nicky, your stories have me laughing out loud here all my myself!!!

 

 

Thanks for the laughs!

 

Summer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Back when I was younger, my girlfriend at the time really wanted to be fucked in a bed with satin sheets. I was game and so we somehow found this pair of read satin sheets. We get them on the bed and proceed to fooling around. After a sweaty round of DATY, she gets up to get some water.

 

After she comes back to the bedroom she sees me lying on the bed, gives me this wicked smile, runs toward the bed and jumps beside me. It is at this point that we discover that satin is very slippery. She slides the length of the bed right into the wall, leaving a rather large hole in the wall (especially when she barely broke 100 lbs).

 

Luckily, she was okay. Just some minor bumps and bruises along with some stiffness the next day. The fucking session was halted for a few days while she recovered but from then on we always used regular cotton sheets - for traction purposes LOL

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...