One Mind, One Body, two lives.

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

I find that oftentimes when I sit down to start a post on CERB its often an emotional post. So here it is...

 

Sometimes like the rest of the amazing SP's here, my positivity slips. I am nothing short of human, and sometimes the scales of balance of me and Jade are no where near equal.

 

Sometimes my alter ego is the stronger of the two, able to give and receive pleasure and drown in that, and it feels so good, other times, my life slips in and every emotion flashes on Jade's face. Be it worry or sadness. Other times we are balanced perfectly. And happiness shines on both of our faces.

 

I often wonder if people realize the life of an SP requires 2 lives to balance in one mind and one body.

 

The joys, the triumphs, the worries, the laughter , the ups, the downs, To please.

 

All of the things we experience in our personal lives, often we experience at the same time different ups and downs that affect our alter egos.

 

I can only speak for myself when I say that no matter how hard you try, our lives within ourselves cross paths. Good and bad.

 

Both have benefits to the other as well, I am naturally sensual, I LOVE skin, the feel of it, the smell, the texture, Long slow kisses and seduction, that benefits Jade, as does my easygoing nature and ability to talk to people and make them feel comfortable. To please.

 

She has taught me that everyone has a story, and not just to listen, but truly hear. To be stronger, to draw my own line as to whats acceptable behavior, she's ironically taught me self respect.

 

I'm not sure why I started this post, perhaps because I find with so much going on in my life, I feel as though right now the scales of balance are tipped and find my emotions flashing clearly on Jade's face.

 

Try as I might to avoid that, it reminds me that Im two people in one body, today the paths have crossed and that its ok to be gentle with both, after all I might be two people, but they are both human.

 

And ultimately because it always does. The balance will return.

 

Thoughts for the day.

 

J xoxo

[Athos 108589]

This is a beautiful and moving post. I hope you find balance again soon Jade.

[Guest **cely***r***ne]

I totally understand where you are coming from...as porthos said, your post has moved me...

My personal life has taken me down many paths these last couple years. Becoming sober, having lost love and being a single mother. All of which are for the better, yet they have impacted me as Penelope.

 

Being an SP is a career, it is my business, and I feel everything I do reflects on my work and me as Penelope. Balancing work as an SP and life as an individual should mesh. Being yourself while being Jade is what makes you you and you are all you are...

 

I am happy sitting on my deck in my pajamas watching the chipmunks tear bark off the trees in my backyard, but Penelope would love to do that as well...only maybe naked while doing so. We`re not that different after all.

 

Because I am who I am inside, I became an SP, and finding that balance you seek at times comes on its own in time. Fret not, you will have it and it will be great.

[Guest realnicehat]

Jade,

 

Thank you for sharing. Your post is a welcome reminder to us gentlemen who may, in our excitement, forget that the person we are spending time with might be suppressing many different feelings in the hope of providing their client the most pleasurable experience possible.

 

Years ago I was lucky to become quite close with someone in the industry, so much so that she allowed me to see her in her entirety. While you (Jade) feel like two souls struggling for balance I always felt that what she displayed (as a provider) was truly her, but only that part of her that she was willing to share.

 

Having met her as a client I was amazed by her intelligence, her sensuality, her spark. As our friendship developed she allowed me to see other things. Sadness, anger, compassion, exhaustion, loyalty, a vulnerability you wouldn't imagine possible based on her "work" persona. And while there are those in society who would be quick to blame her profession for the negative emotions it was more often than not her personal life (much like everyone else's) that caused the most turmoil.

 

If I learned anything from her, and honestly she taught me so many things, it was a healthy respect for the women who choose this profession either as a short term solution or a career. The inner strength required to, on perhaps your worst day, go and be exactly what someone else needs you to be is incredible. For that alone you ladies should be revered.

 

I hope you find your balance soon. Life is hard for any individual, I can only imagine that trying exist as two intensifies the problem. Often just expressing yourself can be cathartic. I hope that is the case with your post and that the wisdom of others on this board will bring you some peace.

 

I look forward to reading about happier times from you soon,

 

RNH

[Guest ****ven]

I often feel lost in the balance. But then I remind myself it's all me no matter what name I use.

[Guest webothscore]

Mother Time is usually the most effective restoration of balance, whether sp, ma, client or other. I am sure time will restore your balance. How about a big virtual hug, a loving sensual kiss, and a face smiling back at you? Enjoy your day.

[CristyCurves 169032]

When anyone is as open and honest as you have been in your post its very touching and eye opening.It makes one think. Over the years I've been in and out of this business in different ways. When I came to cerb I came as myself, forthright, strong minded, rebellious, kind, honest, no more pretences or personas, my father was gone, so for the large part I stopped caring about anyone finding out about my past and present, even though I'd prefer it to remain discreet . I no longer fear anyone finding out and really the need to separate from it, nor do I have the ability to. Yes I use a different name but everything else is me, perhaps that's not for everyone but it works for my piece of mind. Physically I am a bit more glam as Cristy and even without this business I'd still want my implants, as I've always wanted titties that entered the room before I did lol, so I'm still working on those. However I can understand the difficulty for some who have to separate the two, it can't be easy. Life isn't easy to begin with, especially for those with so's, children, other jobs, school, its a heavy burden. So never be to hard on yourself . I feel that women who can eek out a living and more from this should be congratulated for when we deal with men, (and I don't want to offend, but men can be rather needy and big babies) we have to be a mother, lover, goddess, therapist, teacher, and more, that's alot ! Then turn around and be someone else's mother, sister, daughter, wife, girlfriend, student, co-worker and friend. This eventually takes a toll on the strongest most balanced woman. So whenever times get tough for you or your persona or both take a break and revel in the knowledge that you are special, strong, and will get through and can get through anything so long as you stay true to you and love yourself:)

[Guest A*ro**n]

Thanks Jade, for an important post and for sharing. For my short time here, my respect for SP's and what they've gone and go through is always increasing.

 

I try to think on how I would deal with things if I were in your shoes. First off, I'd be a pretty poor SP :). I don't know if I'd have the strength or self-awareness that a lot of SP's on here seem to have.

 

I suppose it comes down to the eternal struggle of maintaining balance. As much as you give to others try and give back to yourself in ways that please you.

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

As always the response here is nothing short of phenomenal. Thank you all for your unwavering advice, caring and support. xoxo

 

As Jade I can honestly say, she is mostly just me, with a Different name. I don't try to be something or perhaps someone Im not, the effort it takes to not be myself makes me weary.. :)

 

The only difference I suppose is not revealing that personal side, with its ups and downs, mostly difficult to hide the downs. To maintain the professionalism while unintentionally my mind wanders to my life unbidden.

 

And sometimes a flash of pain or anguish at a thought cannot be hidden.

 

but we all do this, every day don't we?. In one form or another, hide our emotions from others, whether in our personal or professional lives.

 

So all in all we will all do what we do, we just have to remember to be present in every moment as fully as we are allowed at the time to.

 

To feel the pleasure, to find the beauty and even not fight or ignore the sadness when it does come. Theres blessings and lessons to be found in everything. Truly even with its ups and downs, while you live one life, or two lives in one body, one mind....

 

Life is a really beautiful thing....

 

 

J xo

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I have found after being an SP for a while I can manage the balance but I'm not going to lie and say everything is perfect. I hold a lot of responsibility in my personal life and in my family I am the "go to" person when something is wrong. This has stressed me out a lot.

 

I am the second mother and always there. I play psychologist, nurturer, the one who listens, the one who helps. . I do it because they're family and I don't expect things in return. I am kind but at the same time I make sure it's not mistaken for weakness. This has often carried over into my job as an SP whether it affected my schedule or whatever.

 

If I'm having a real hard time personally, I find I can't see clients. However, there are times over the course of a day with something has made me upset and one of my favorite regulars or a new client will call and when they visit, I'm in a good mood again.

 

I don't find I have two personnas because I don't have to psych myself up to do this job or pretend to be someone else. However, I do admit that I don't go around in my personal life acting seductive to others but it is a natural part of who I am. I can turn it on or off but I certainly don't fake my passion and sensuality with clients. That's inherent within me.

 

When I am with a client, they have my attention and I put aside whatever it is on mind as there will always be a solution. If there is something really troubling me, I won't book appts. I have found that when I'm at home and have my "me" time, the phone is off and I don't focus on anything work related. I leave my work at the door. We all need that.

[Eric Northman 16522]

I have a theory that the closer your two personas are to each other, the happier you will be. It takes a lot of emotional and mental energy to 'act' and pretend to be something that you're not. If you can mostly 'be yourself' in your professional role as well as your personal one, I think it will not be so draining. Not to say that it isn't fun to play a role but truth is an easier path. If you consider 'acting' or 'playing a role' to be a form of lying then some form of truth will the most effective in the long run.

My father always told me that what's wrong with lying is that it's an admission of weakness. If you're the strongest, you can afford to tell the truth.

- K. J. PARKER, Evil for Evil

No mask like open truth to cover lies,

As to go naked is the best disguise.

- WILLIAM CONGREVE, The Double Dealer

 

 

When a liar became too skilled at deception, he could lose the ability to discern truth, and could himself be more easily deceived.

- DEAN KOONTZ, Velocity

And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but

The truth in masquerade.

- LORD BYRON, Don Juan

 

 

The closer to the truth, the better the lie, and the truth itself, when it can be used, is the best lie.

- ISAAC ASIMOV, Foundation's Edge