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'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile." He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. "This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"

The majority of my clients see escorts and may or may not engage in unsafe practices. I have no problem with this and I don't feel that my client's sex life is any of my business unless he wants to share it with me. As long as he understands and he respects the services I offer, this will not be an issue. Posted via Mobile Device

Try the Ambassador (Princess Street) ask for your room to be in the west wing. Rooms comfortable, and west wing of hotel has seperate entry door (which doesn't appear to be locked, at least in my experience...don't know about late late evenings 11pm after) away from check in desk You could also try Travel Lodge (also on Princess) and Best Western...geez, also on Princess...all three hotels are relatively close to one another Motel 6 economical, but no frills...definitely not upscale (but clean) RG

In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "Shit Happens." It wasn't malicious, it was an accident. It's like the first door ding on your new or newish car. The little scratch on the screen of your iPod, iPhone or Blackberry. That mark on your carpet where someone accidentally spilled their wine. It makes you angry but you accept it... it's not worth mentioning because (1) it can't be undone (2) it wasn't intentional and (3) in the grander scheme of life in general, it doesn't really matter. Just my two cents...

Wow, I am suddenly reminded of when my ex-wife used to ask me "Do I look fat in this dress?" The kind of question all men hate! HATE! There is no correct answer to this one. And I will reply the same way I did then! HOLLY SHIT is that a deer in the back yard! And like that..... he's gone......

Cerb Women are the best. How about these: 1) What are you' biggest fear as escorts. Getting old? not enough clients, privacy issues? 2)What races do you prefer if any and why? 3) What percentage of clients are people you think you would be interested in knowing (in a non-romantic sense) in the real world, if you didn't already know them as clients? 4) What's the funkiest place that a client has wanted to have sex with you? 5) Does size matter? I mean really? Is bigger better? EDIT: I am so, sorry. These a questions that have come up amongst to populus. I did not mean any disrespect. I have learned my lesson. I was also trying to give examples to start the thread. The ladies are all wonderful.