joe2342345 100 Report post Posted February 5, 2017 Hi. Just wanted to get some thoughts on the following situation. When asking an SP for list of restrictions, some say something like, "I do A, B and C" but don't list things any specific restrictions. If I am interested in X, I would ask if there is any restrictions or anything not on menu. This usually gets a response of "I don't do X, Y and Z" or something along the line of it depends, which is fine. Every now and then, however, an SP will respond with "I do A, B and C but not (or never do) X, Y and Z". When I want X, I usually respond by saying thanks but I was interested in X and wish them a good day. Last week, an SP stated "I do A, B and C and never do X, Y and Z". I responded by saying thanks but I'm interested in X. The SP responded by indicating she would do X. I'm a little wary of this type of response. If she first states that X is not on menu but then states it is available, would she also do the same for Y which could be an unsafe activity. Just wanted to get some thoughts for others when faced this situation. Cheers! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
randy36 1078 Report post Posted February 6, 2017 Joe, first of all I will say you setup a situation nicely. I see this often. If initial restriction to "X" changes to a yup, I am okay. That's a pass for me, not worth spoiling your mood. That's why I try to see elegant ladies, check my post: https://www.lyla.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=247093 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest st*****ens**ors Report post Posted February 6, 2017 Hey Joe, Personally I'd share your concern. If a boundary drawn around a (presumably) safe activity you are requesting is the same boundary drawn around patently unsafe activities, and it turns out to be flexible? I would treat that as a warning. But I choose to err on the side of caution. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Prufrock Cummings Report post Posted February 6, 2017 Your question is "what would you do?" I would follow my gut instinct and just be safe within my envelope of security. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blacklabdog 3049 Report post Posted February 6, 2017 I'd pass. If she isn't into X or not enjoying it, what's the point? 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MGSP 1590 Report post Posted February 7, 2017 Sometimes, X is not offered on first contact. But once a relationship is established and the lady gets to know you better, X may become available. It's all about respecting each others boundaries. Don't forget, whether your a client or a provider, the first contact is always the most stressful and where reasonable caution is in order. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest st*****ens**ors Report post Posted February 7, 2017 I believe that in the OP's experience, a provider whom he had never met posted a number of restrictions, some pertaining to safety related issues, and one (at least) to a safe activity he likes. When he indicated that he would move along if x was a restriction, it was suddenly back on the table. His concern, unless I have misread, is that if one restriction is negotiable, then others, including those related to safety, might be as well. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GoinDown 3669 Report post Posted February 7, 2017 Sometimes, X is not offered on first contact. But once a relationship is established and the lady gets to know you better, X may become available. It's all about respecting each others boundaries. This implies that boundaries are targets that are open to discussion after a few sessions. In my view boundaries are there to be respected not revisited by the client with a view to renegotiation down the road. Once a provider's limits have been made known to the client that should be the last time the subject is raised. Even gentle coercion is still coercion. I've never known an SP to say 'hey! X is now available because Ive seen you a few times'. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
randy36 1078 Report post Posted February 7, 2017 In a slow business scenario SP will say okay, I will do "X". Most likley when money has changed hands, you will be at SPs mercy. So I will pass and not even ask a SP to meet my requirement of "X"!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nicolette Vaughn 294340 Report post Posted February 7, 2017 This could be a case of "your mileage may vary" depending on her texting conversations with you. Then again, I'm not a mind reader and only a proposed scenario. Some SPs may feel pressured for whatever reason but contradicts what she previously stated which can confuse a potential client. In my personal experience, when I state a restriction, it's something I won't do -period...even with regulars because I'm not into it. If asked at a later date, I tell them it's not my thing. They can either accept it or go see someone else. Boundaries are in place for a reason and money or losing a client is not a factor in changing my mind. No one should feel coerced into doing something they don't like. Im not saying this was happening in the OP's situation but saying no to a certain activity (provided it's not something detrimental to their health and safety), this can be harder for newer SPs to deal with. They may want to avoid the feeling of being uncomfortable after saying no. This could also be another factor. They may feel they are losing out on something which is simply not true or may fear some sort of negative feedback/fallout with men who write comments on review boards especially when they are trying to establish clientele. They also may be struggling and feel they can't afford to say no. That truly is a personal decision when placed in that position so I can't comment nor am I in a position to judge. Some new SPs can be impressionable not realizing that enforcing a restriction by stating "no" doesn't necessarily mean there will be a negative impact on her. And if someone does give an SP a hard time on those boards ( I've seen it happen) after she has said no and he feels it's his duty to make this known in a disparaging tone then that shows who they are. I once had a new client for massage and he said he wanted to take a shower with me. I have a rule where I will only shower with long term regulars. This is something I'm willing to offer at a later date when someone becomes a regular with me but I also have restrictions where it's the same for everyone where it's something I'm not willing to negotiate ever. I have my reasons for not showering with new clients and told this person upfront on the phone. I said if it was a deal breaker then it's best to find someone else because I wouldn't want to damper the mood. He still chose to visit me and it was one of the worst dates from hell. I had never walked away from an appointment feeling so mentally drained like I did that day. He complained about everything from the coconut oil I used, to the body wash I had for my clients in the shower and then tried to guilt trip me about not going in the shower. Being the experienced SP that I was, I remained professional but no matter what, he would still find something to complain about. What he should of done was found someone else when I told him it's probably best but on the phone, it didn't seem like it was the be all end all for him. Boy was I wrong! Had I choose to lift that restriction because he was whiny about it, I wouldn't be staying true to myself. My advice is if someone first says something isn't available then it's best to move on. 8 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
