Destigmatizing clients, any suggestions?

[MightyPen 67414]

I don't have any data to support my opinion, it's just that, my opinion. I believe that today, people in general have a broader view of the type of man that visits sex workers, ie, the everyman.

 

Yes there will always be people who sterotype (or are naive) but I honestly believe that most people realize that the type of man that visits prostitutes is your neighbor, your co-worker, your brother.

Huh. I don't have objective data either, but I feel pretty certain that if I told just about anyone I know that I'm a happy, periodic sex work client, I'd meet stunned gasps, lose several friends, and co-workers would look at me askance.

 

BONUS: I just got to use "askance" in a sentence!

[roamingguy 300292]

Huh. I don't have objective data either, but I feel pretty certain that if I told just about anyone I know that I'm a happy, periodic sex work client, I'd meet stunned gasps, lose several friends, and co-workers would look at me askance.

 

BONUS: I just got to use "askance" in a sentence!

 

And me, if I told people I know that I see professional companions, they would look at me shocked, because I don't fit the stigmatized stereotype of a client. And if I disclosed this part of my life, they would be even further surprised when they knew how highly I respect the ladies I see and how much the connection made and their companionship means to me. For me this lifestyle bears very little in common with civilian society's version of it. If civilian society knew the reality about this lifestyle, they would see that it is a mutually beneficial lifestyle, where ladies and gentlemen are opposite sides of the same coin

RG

[LeeRichards 177238]

My question is for the clients on the board, if you could say anything to the people I talk to, what would you want to say about yourself? While I'm really good at defending my clients in these situations, I'm curious to see what other people would say if they could be open about their involvement on CERB.

 

Very nice post Nat :)

 

Me ? I would say that "I am exactly the same guy I was before I visited an SP the first time and continue to do so happily. I have many regrets in life but never a second thought or regret as to being a client and a friend. Life is still good as good as good can be :) "

[Phaedrus 209521]

They say, "it's alright that you're an escort, but... your clients... aren't they kind of gross? Isn't it nasty to have to do things you don't want to do with people you aren't attracted to, or who are dirty?"

 

OOI, is this girls? Guys? Both? Just curious.

 

I think something that most folks don't appreciate - or perhaps just don't want to think about - is how common the exchange of a sexual service for some other consideration actually is.

 

How many guys have bought drinks or dinner for someone in the hope (or possibly even expectation) that she'd give us something in exchange later on? Pretty much everyone, right? Maybe we got lucky and considered it a worthwhile investment; maybe we didn't and felt rather bitter about the money we wasted on doing shots with that goddamn prick-tease. Ultimately, it doesn't matter: it's the same as the difference between seeing a good SP and getting caught by B&S.

 

Or, if you want to protest that no money actually changed hands... most of us guys have been to a strip club on occasion, as part of a bachelor party if nothing else. Most of us have had at least one lapdance, which was presumably paid for by someone. I'll concede that not everyone necessarily enjoys lapdances (I have a couple of friends who, I'm genuinely sure, don't find them much fun at all)... but nevertheless: it's a sexual experience, it's paid for with cash, and most guys have been there and done that.

 

But that's not the same as seeing an escort? Well, maybe not, but that's a difference of degree, not of kind. After all, when you started learning to drive you didn't go on the highway on day one, did you? No, thought not. I'll concede that more of us get to driving on the highway than get to seeing escorts... but the difference in numbers is probably less than many imagine, and very hard to measure in any case.

 

So, if we're going to destigmatize clients, I think the most important thing is to realize that these clients are... pretty much everyone, really, whether they think of themselves that way or not. I don't mean "just normal guys"; I'm going further than that, and saying "almost everyone". If there's one thing I'd like to get across to the world at large it'd be the level of self-awareness required to see what you and all your friends and family are probably doing (or at least, have done in the past) and how that fits onto the same sliding scale, rather than being anything very different.

[Fresh start 17467]

I can't speak for others, I can tell you I'm the nice guy who cares a lot for others. The guy that worked hard and long hours and saved his money to own a house and car. The loving husband to a wife he will always love. The man who had a dream of having a family. To give my kids what I never had to love and support them. To be called dad, and to be the complete opposite of my mother. I was an "ordinary guy" like most, until tragedy struck. My dreams began to fade losing the chance at become a father, then sickness struck my wife and another chance at becoming a father was forced to abort due to degrading and debilitating health of my wife. As my wife intimacy and love for me faded my dreams shattered. Along with my will and faith to live. In my darkest hour I planned my final hours and being with a woman one last time was part of it.

 

It saved my life, the feeling of being loved stopped my dark thought, calmed me down and made me capable of thinking clearly enough to realize my need, to help me change. So your not providing some gross guy with sex, your saving a broken man life, helping him get back on his feet emotionally and mentally.

 

I really don't care much about what society thinks about me I learned that lesson long ago. According to society and even statistics I should of followed a different path. Coming from an abusive childhood I should of been a hard drug user with a criminal record a mile long. No I chose to be different I stayed away from the path, I never use drugs and I have a clean record. I love to prove people who say I'm something that I'm not, wrong. Society can kiss my ass just like my mom who said I was stupid. Well I did graduate and go on to college. Perhaps were not ordinary people after all were extraordinary people.

 

We don't have to waste time and energy to try and pickup some random girl. We don't have to lie to them and say we will call them. We are honest about it, yes it may be a transaction but its one that can end whenever I want without hurting anyone. We don't have to pretend we're something we're not just to "get laid". If that not being a gentleman I don't know what is.

 

I think bottom line we are people all unique in our own way. We just do what we do to satisfy a need, desire or fantasy. We all have our reasons and that what make us human.

 

So Nat you can tell them that we are human being and nothing less. Just like them.

 

Thanks for standing up for us!

[Nathalie L 112512]

OOI, is this girls? Guys? Both? Just curious.

 

Predominantly women have reacted this way when I've mentioned I'm an escort. They're fine with my choice to be an escort, but wonder how I manage to have sex with people I find 'repulsive'. Younger men I've spoken to have reacted similarly, but the older gentlemen I've spoken to (in a general sense) haven't reacted the same way at all. My theory is perhaps they've visited an establishment, MA, or SP already, and/or have considered it sometime along the way.

 

Of course, this is simply based on my personal experiences.

 

From what I've read so far, most people would like to me to continue mentioning that my clients are normal folk with a broad range of motivations for visiting me. Do you think it's effective for me to invoke the figure of the brother, uncle, cousin, father when talking to these people? It shocks them, but I think it gets the message across...

[qwertyaccount 15793]

They say, "it's alright that you're an escort, but... your clients... aren't they kind of gross? Isn't it nasty to have to do things you don't want to do with people you aren't attracted to, or who are dirty?"

 

"Civilians" don't seem to grasp the obvious -- an SP does not have to accept all callers and can refuse to see anyone for any reason, and do only the things you want to do (i.e., YMMV). Many other professions don't have that flexibility.

[MightyPen 67414]

Do you think it's effective for me to invoke the figure of the brother, uncle, cousin, father when talking to these people? It shocks them, but I think it gets the message across...

Yes, in fact I think it's key to making your point. If you just say "they're like regular guys you see on the street!" then people just mentally downgrade guys on the street. It's easy when you don't know the people being invoked.

 

But when you mention brother, father, etc. then you're saying "they're like the guys you care about." I think that conveys the message much more effectively -- clients aren't just "regular" people, they're good people.

 

Thanks again for raising this topic -- it's a brilliant subject for discussion here.

[Chanel Reign 28097]

Great post!!

 

I am not "out". But I have told a few people. Thankfully they are open-minded enough to understand that both sides of the coin have normal everyday people, and do not apply the stigma. Some have showed incredible surprise. But I have had to educate. I have been very lucky in that sense.

 

However, the general misconception can only be eradicated by more education of the general public. One of which we are all a part of. That, in and of itself, is difficult without outing yourself. But, I think as time goes on, our culture will change its general attitude, to a point.

 

There will always be a seedy side to this business simply because it is a demographic. Demographics always have variables, but it is paramount to understand that those variables mostly include everyday people leading everyday lives. Not the reverse.

 

The Gents that choose to share their lives with me, are for the most part, all normal everyday people. Some of my clients are high profile, so there can be a difference; but the general Gent is just that.

 

The same goes with most SP's. If you saw me on the street you would never guess my little secret. I am the woman next door, I love my family, am active in my community, care about my neighbours and have many friends.

 

I in turn extrapolate that to Hobbiests. It is so unfortunate that our culture doesn't see things that way. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground of opinion yet in the civilian world. To be honest I doubt there ever will be total acceptance.

 

We place too much emphasis on sex in our society. Too much rides on who's doing who, how they're doing it and for what reasons. Until that ends there will always be a stigma. It's unfortunate, but true and wont change.

 

So until then, humanizing the business is something we can all do, to a certain extent. Some more than others.

 

I subscribe to SexBrainsMoney and I too applaud Mistert for being so forthcoming. Not everyone can do these types of interviews but the more that are out there, the more it helps. The more advocates that speak out, both SP and Hobbiest, the more mundane it will become. But sadly, not soon enough.

[Guest realnicehat]

Predominantly women have reacted this way when I've mentioned I'm an escort. They're fine with my choice to be an escort, but wonder how I manage to have sex with people I find 'repulsive'. Younger men I've spoken to have reacted similarly, but the older gentlemen I've spoken to (in a general sense) haven't reacted the same way at all. My theory is perhaps they've visited an establishment, MA, or SP already, and/or have considered it sometime along the way.

 

Of course, this is simply based on my personal experiences.

 

From what I've read so far, most people would like to me to continue mentioning that my clients are normal folk with a broad range of motivations for visiting me. Do you think it's effective for me to invoke the figure of the brother, uncle, cousin, father when talking to these people? It shocks them, but I think it gets the message across...

 

Question Nathalie:

 

It may be effective in humanizing your clients but do they seem satisfied at the end of the conversation? Certainly you have established that they are not filthy or disease ridden, they are everyman, but how do you address their ideas about personal appearance?

 

While I see efforts being made on a daily basis to move society away from the advertising industry's image of the human body to one that is more natural and realistic, people still have their own ideals about attractiveness.

 

As much as I (and my fragile ego) hate to admit it, there are women out there, especially those below a certain age, that would find the idea of sleeping with me "gross". Whether it is age, weight, height, hirsuteness, race or ethnicity almost everyone has drawn their "would you" line in the sand and are not easily persuaded to cross it.

 

While my expectations aren't that at the end of these conversations each person walks away saying "oh my god, johns are awesome!" I am assuming you have at least given them something to think about.

 

If I may ask, what do you say to someone younger who's sexual ideal may still be based on the movie star poster on the wall or the Maxim magazine beside the bed? How do you get them to consider that, for example, a middle aged man of questionable physical fitness can still be sexually desirable?

 

How do you convince them that this guy:

can, in many ways, be just as sexy as this guy:

 

Ok, that's a bad example. No one is as sexy as Bradley.....but you get my point. I'm wondering what your approach to this line of questioning is?

[WriteOn 3250]

And me, if I told people I know that I see professional companions, they would look at me shocked, because I don't fit the stigmatized stereotype of a client.

 

 

What is your definition of the "stigmatized stereotype of a client"?

[Nathalie L 112512]

But how do you address their ideas about personal appearance?

 

If I may ask, what do you say to someone younger who's sexual ideal may still be based on the movie star poster on the wall or the Maxim magazine beside the bed? How do you get them to consider that, for example, a middle aged man of questionable physical fitness can still be sexually desirable?

 

How do you convince them that this guy:

can, in many ways, be just as sexy as this guy:

 

Ok, that's a bad example. No one is as sexy as Bradley.....but you get my point. I'm wondering what your approach to this line of questioning is?

 

Very good and provocative question. Not only do people in the general community ask me this, but I have clients who has asked me this on occasion. I don't think my clients have asked because of a lack of self-confidence, but rather, because of a genuine curiosity about who I'm attracted to, and under what circumstances.

 

To those younger people who are attached to a movie star poster on the wall, I say "grow up". There is so much more to physical attraction than the purely physical. For me, it's the whole package deal that counts.

 

I'm attracted to gentleness, kindness, a touch here, and a touch there. I'm a hopeless romantic, too. Respect, being treated well, and feeling cared for all make me feel...well...aroused. I find intimacy arousing. Usually, when I first meet someone and sit down to talk, I notice something. It's hard to put a finger on what, but there's always something. For example, handsome fingers (where will they go?), beautiful eyes (where will they look?), or a chest of hair that I can softly run my fingers through. I don't focus on one thing; for me, attraction is a whole package deal.

 

When people talk to me about 'gross' physical characteristics based on weight, age, height, ethnicity, etc, I tell them we clearly have different definitions of 'gross' and challenge them to think beyond the 'poster'.

[roamingguy 300292]

What is your definition of the "stigmatized stereotype of a client"?

 

The one you elude too and I'll quote you again here (copy/pasted)

 

"I always thought that the general consensus was that all men were dogs and would do what ever they needed to to get laid"

 

For me and other gentlemen seeing companions is much more than just about sex. It is the emotional connection, conversation, sharing time together, sometimes even friendships developed. This lifestyle is about mutual respect and mutually beneficial. For me it has nothing to do with being a dog or doing whatever to get laid.

But your posts I'm guessing are reflective of what society's stereotype of a client are. Frankly it's hard to destigmatize clients when there is one hobbiest here through his posts perpetuating that same stigma.

And frankly I resent being painted by the same brush

RG

[Nathalie L 112512]

Yes, in fact I think it's key to making your point. If you just say "they're like regular guys you see on the street!" then people just mentally downgrade guys on the street. It's easy when you don't know the people being invoked.

 

But when you mention brother, father, etc. then you're saying "they're like the guys you care about." I think that conveys the message much more effectively -- clients aren't just "regular" people, they're good people.

 

That's exactly how I feel!

[roamingguy 300292]

That's exactly how I feel!

 

And if I may interject without hijacking, the ladies we see aren't just regular people, they are very special and good people too.

And I for one am a better person for the connections I have made with them

A rambling

RG

[WriteOn 3250]

The one you elude too and I'll quote you again here (copy/pasted)

 

"I always thought that the general consensus was that all men were dogs and would do what ever they needed to to get laid"

 

For me and other gentlemen seeing companions is much more than just about sex. It is the emotional connection, conversation, sharing time together, sometimes even friendships developed. This lifestyle is about mutual respect and mutually beneficial. For me it has nothing to do with being a dog or doing whatever to get laid.

But your posts I'm guessing are reflective of what society's stereotype of a client are. Frankly it's hard to destigmatize clients when there is one hobbiest here through his posts perpetuating that same stigma.

And frankly I resent being painted by the same brush

 

It's interesting that you need to use my words to describe your version of the "stigmatized stereotype of a client".

 

The statement that "all men are dogs" was not originated by me. It is a statement that is commonly used by women (and not denied by many men). I'm surprised by your reaction to it, I really am.

 

I understand individuals saying that people who are close to them would be surprised that they see escorts, but I do not believe in this day and age that people stereotype the type of man who see escorts, they realize that men of all types see escorts. Rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, married, single, gay, straight.

 

There isn't a stereotype of a man that sees escorts, I think you are underestimating the general public.

[Guest realnicehat]

It's interesting that you need to use my words to describe your version of the "stigmatized stereotype of a client".

 

The statement that "all men are dogs" was not originated by me. It is a statement that is commonly used by women (and not denied by many men). I'm surprised by your reaction to it, I really am.

 

I understand individuals saying that people who are close to them would be surprised that they see escorts, but I do not believe in this day and age that people stereotype the type of man who see escorts, they realize that men of all types see escorts. Rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, married, single, gay, straight.

 

There isn't a stereotype of a man that sees escorts, I think you are underestimating the general public.

 

WriteOn,

 

It has already been established through Nathalie's experiences and the general consensus of the board that a stigma does exist. You have repeatedly expressed your differing opinion while admitting that you have nothing to back it up.

 

If you truly would like to debate the existence of such a stigma then why don't you start a thread on that subject? I am all for the evolution of conversations on this board, especially if it in any way helps educate or stimulate thought amongst our members, but at this point you are clearly more interested in baiting Roamingguy than anything else.

 

Speaking of which, Roamingguy, with your experience and reputation on this board I would have thought that you would be able to see through WriteOn's game. I realize that giving and receiving respect means a great deal to you but both of you gentlemen are way offside.

 

You are ruining what is one of the most intelligent threads that I have seen on this board in a while. If you must continue this then I will ask you politely to please take it somewhere else.

[Chanel Reign 28097]

Question Nathalie:

 

It may be effective in humanizing your clients but do they seem satisfied at the end of the conversation? Certainly you have established that they are not filthy or disease ridden, they are everyman, but how do you address their ideas about personal appearance?....

 

Im going to try to bring the ball back around here.

 

While everybody has a "type" that may make them tingle; not all is based on looks. Obviously.

 

I learned a long time ago that everybody has something to bring to the table that is sexy and sensual. Be it personality, or a wonderful smile or respect, handsome hands, whatever.

 

Example...when I was in my 20's I thought David Lee Roth was da bomb; until he opened his mouth in an interview. Any sexy in him went right out the window. That taught me a lot in judging what I personally find attractive in a person.

 

I am a Nudist at heart, and have belonged to a club long before there were many. When you have been around as many naked people as I have, you learn pretty quick not to buy into the poster people. They are not real. Airbrushed, coiffed, make up, graphic manipulation, all add up to what you see. Yes some people are generally more physically attractive that others; but that does not make others non attractive.

 

Perhaps I have become a realist where the human body is concerned. In my opinion everyone has something about them that one can find "sexy" or "attractive". To me it's also a package deal. The whole enchilada describes who a person is rather than looks.

 

When one is young, people tend to buy into the poster people. But maturity and real life usually soon dispel that. I was considered cute at that age and was pretty popular.

 

Cute usually doesn't last beyond 30 imo. Age and illness has changed my looks, but I am no less comfortable in my skin now than then. And how I view peoples sensuality abruptly changed with the David Lee Roth experience.

 

I also belong to an historical group. Something that hit me very profoundly one day was a bigger woman saying why she loved dressing up and being in this club. She said it made her feel pretty. That stunned me as I always thought she was anyway. But her perception of her own self was rather skewed in that she still thought of herself as unsexy and unattractive when not wearing the pretty clothes. How does one tell that woman that you are beautiful, clothing or not? You can't. That is their own journey.

 

I am in complete agreement here with Nathalie. There is always something. And it doesn't take long to figure it out. Intimacy is arousing, being treated well is arousing, men who actually care for me as a person is arousing. Those are the men that I personally want to come back.

 

Because it is, to some of us, more than just sex.

[Guest realnicehat]

When people talk to me about 'gross' physical characteristics based on weight, age, height, ethnicity, etc, I tell them we clearly have different definitions of 'gross' and challenge them to think beyond the 'poster'.

 

Nathalie & Chanel,

 

Thank you for your responses. I imagine most of the people on the board would heartily agree with your thoughts.

 

I am curious, and if I may ask another question, how do people respond when you challenge them to "think beyond the poster"? I do recall how rather obstinate I could be in my younger years so I wonder, do they seem open to considering this idea or do you think they must learn this lesson (as most of us do) over time?

 

You have asked the membership to offer further ideas regarding how we might wish to be described in this situation as well as offer opinions on what you have been presenting to these people. Was your interest in confirming the validity of your own approach or were you hoping for more ideas to help bring things to light?

 

Also, and this is directed to all of the providers, based on your experiences, do you see attitudes towards clients changing at all or do you think the stigma is here to stay?

[Nathalie L 112512]

Was your interest in confirming the validity of your own approach or were you hoping for more ideas to help bring things to light?

 

Also, and this is directed to all of the providers, based on your experiences, do you see attitudes towards clients changing at all or do you think the stigma is here to stay?

 

To answer your first question, I was hoping for more ideas to bring things to light and I think this thread has done exactly that :) If there are more suggestions, by all means, post them.

 

To answer your seconds question, I'm not entirely sure. Similar to GLBTQ movements for rights related to gender identity and sexual orientation, I think both sex workers and clients will face less and less stigma as time goes by as local, national, and international sex workers' human rights organizations shed light on the industry for the general public. Also, a lot of sex workers are less and less 'closeted' about their experiences...

 

Other thoughts? I don't want to bump the thread if it's dead, but I'm curious :)

[Chanel Reign 28097]

When a Gent asks, "why an old/fat/whatever like me?"; I stare them in the eyes and state the obvious. As I said earlier, it's not too difficult to find something that is very charming and alluring with everyone.

 

I will say something like, "Are you kidding me? Yor smile makes me melt; or, you have an incredibly sexy ass; or something equivalent. But I am always honest about it. Saying something like, "You're the best looking guy around", sounds hollow and if it's not true a person will know you're pandering. People know where they stand on our cultures scale of "attractiveness". Why lie? But it is so easy to see beyond that for some of us.

 

This is why, when I do sometimes advertize, I never say words such as "stunning" or "the best" or "ultimate fantasy". That is desperate oversell imo. I am not stunning, nor am I the best (although I am very very good at a lot of things ;) ), and perhaps I am someones ultimate fantasy, but how would I know that?

 

So the reverse is also true. I will tell you the truth from my eyes. I will say what I find sensual or sexy about you and if you make my legs shake and know how to push my buttons you will know that as well.

 

I do not believe the stigma will go away any time soon, if ever. Some people just don't get it, and never will. It will lessen over time with what Nathalie says, but for some folks this will always be an industry of sleaze. Also all people are different and can lower the bar simply by participating in this activity.

 

Yes there is fantasy and illusion in this business, but there is also room for positive honesty.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Predominantly women have reacted this way when I've mentioned I'm an escort. They're fine with my choice to be an escort, but wonder how I manage to have sex with people I find 'repulsive'. Younger men I've spoken to have reacted similarly, but the older gentlemen I've spoken to (in a general sense) haven't reacted the same way at all. My theory is perhaps they've visited an establishment, MA, or SP already, and/or have considered it sometime along the way.

 

And where do older women fit in? Obviously I have no clue about the demographics of your sample and how well-balanced it is (or isn't), but I can't help but wonder if the difference isn't at least somewhat age-based. After all, the older folks among us remember what it was like to be young, but the young have no concept of what it's like to be old. I don't suppose many forty-somethings have the vigor and stamina and powers of recovery they did in their twenties (in many spheres of life, not just sex) but I suspect they'd appreciate that there are compensations that their twenty-something selves never envisaged.

 

From what I've read so far, most people would like to me to continue mentioning that my clients are normal folk with a broad range of motivations for visiting me. Do you think it's effective for me to invoke the figure of the brother, uncle, cousin, father when talking to these people? It shocks them, but I think it gets the message across...

 

Yes and yes. It helps to personalize things, and even more if you can put names to those people. This is especially true when that name is "you", as in when you're talking to a guy who has visited a strip club and gone home with a smile on his face. As I said earlier, that's true for most of us guys, I think.

Similar to GLBTQ movements for rights related to gender identity and sexual orientation, I think both sex workers and clients will face less and less stigma as time goes by as local, national, and international sex workers' human rights organizations shed light on the industry for the general public. Also, a lot of sex workers are less and less 'closeted' about their experiences...

 

I'm inclined to agree, given that the general trend these days seems to be happily towards less preaching and more tolerance in most areas of life. But I think there's a very strong parallel with the GLBTQ movements, which is the existence of a closet, and the enormous power of people coming out of that closet; not just the sex workers, but the clients too. I suspect many people won't care all that much about the stigma if it relates to faceless people, even if they accept the fact that those faceless people are no different from the ones they know and love; but when that stigma suddenly applies to your parent/child/sibling/cousin/friend and you see them suffer as a result of it, the problem suddenly acquires an urgency that it didn't have before.

 

So as MightyPen said, communicating the message that "clients are just like guys you care about" is definitely effective, but what would be more effective would be if that were unnecessary because your interlocutor would already be thinking, "Yes, just like <insert name here>. Hey, I wonder if they've met...?". And that's NOT something that sex workers can do for us; sure, more sex workers going public will help as the negative stereotypes of both them and their clients tend to feed off each other, but ultimately if clients are going to be destigmatized it's going to have to be the clients themselves who do it by outing themselves to their friends and families.

 

Obviously the ease of this varies enormously depending on personal circumstances; the current client who's single has far fewer obstacles than the one whose currently-happy marriage wouldn't survive the revelation, and I'd image it's possibly easier for former clients to talk about things that happened some time ago than for current clients to be open about things that are happening now. So, I don't think it'll happen quickly - I'm inclined to think it's more likely to be decades than generations - but I think it'll happen.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

I think that strictly based on a shear numbers game most SP's have had the opportunity to meet and experience a very wide variety of individuals from our society. It's because of this that I think that (not because it's just good business on a lady's part) most SP's have a much greater appreciation for the cliché, "beauty is only skin deep" than your "average" person. Hence, a SP's skill at looking beyond to find that beauty (as Nat mentioned) when meeting with clients is much more highly developed than your Joe on the street so grasping the concept that "beauty is everywhere, if only you take the time to look for it" flows from that.

 

Not too long ago some of you may remember CBC did their expose on the booming sex trade in Newfoundland. For a week or two this business was brought right to the forefront of many "water cooler" discussions. I was privy to hearing many of these types of discussions and there was a general consensus of people being aghast and perplexed at who all these men were that were fueling this sex trade. In the piece the interviewed lady specifically said, "these guys are your fathers brothers and sons". With that you could almost hear the collective gasp of horror across the province from the general public. One of the specific points I heard a woman make was that, "all these guys who are seeing these escorts must have pretty good jobs to be able to spend thousands of dollars on escorts". Then the conversation evolved and a realization that, "yes it can't just be all dirt bags seeing these ladies, it has to be some well to do guys too". The conversation spun off from there but there was a sense of shock that "My God, sure it could be anyone". Then they started surmising guys that they thought probably did this, however the funny part is in an effort to be funny they'd offer the names of the straightest, stiffest, most proper guys. All the while I smiled and thought, boy if you only knew!

[Phaedrus 209521]

Look what just happened in France!

[JoyfulC 132299]

Years ago, as a young woman in my 20s, I was standing in the packing area at a drop zone, talking to some people I didn't know. One person noted that I had a pager (we didn't have cell phones way back when), and asked me what I did for a living that I needed to carry a pager. I replied that I was a call girl. Everybody laughed and wanted to know what I really did. So I said I was an obstetrician and I was on-call. They readily bought that.

 

Another time, a jumper's wife made a rare visit to the DZ one weekend, and was talking with us girls. At some point, we found ourselves alone and she had questions about E, another jumper. Her husband had told her that there was a prostitute jumping at the DZ, and she assumed it was E. E did her hair and applied make-up in the morning at the DZ. E wore sexy clothing and even a sexy jumpsuit. She was flirtatious. You should have seen her face when I explained that E worked for one of the hospitals in Toronto, and I was the prostitute.

 

No one hates the damned stigmas more than I do, but I also recognize that they protect us. I don't really look or act like what people expect a prostitute to look like or act like, except when I'm in a session. My customers don't look like what most people expect customers to look like. This allows us to walk free, with invisibility cloaks, unseen and unbothered by those who might bother us if they were able to see us.

 

Perhaps for single customers, it's more important to be able to come out and not be negatively judged for using the services of. Most of the men I've entertained over the years have been married men, men in position of trust in the businesses or communities, and for them, complete secrecy was probably more important than feeling understood by society. We know the stigma is way wrong. And we know that stigmas often are way wrong. Isn't that good enough?

 

Many of us have had people in our lives who knew who we were, and I think we've been able to challenge some notions on a person-by-person basis. But hey! We're up against Hollywood.