We have a name...

[Annessa 22743]

this is an off-work situation but i have a close friend in a band that always sends spam-texts to all his friends and fans saying something like "hey you! whats goin on? are you coming to the show tomorrow?"

 

Then I'd find out that the msg wasn't personal as i did this weekend during a pretty big show downtown...in the lineup with friends (which was more than probably 150 ppl long!) I heard they they had all got the same message

 

so the invitation wasn't personal, youch...i waited longer than I should have in the cold and then was just so angry after texting my "friends" in the band who we could see smoking outside who checked their phones and then texted back that they already played and that we didnt need to come in to support them in the contest.. that i left (as they were good friends of mine). I told them i left in a text and to not invite me to any future shows unless they had my name in the message.

...

 

it might seem like a different situation completely but many SPs get "spammed" by clients. it may not "hurt" us as most of us are pretty strong to appreciate the realities.....but it still taps a nerve....we work very hard to make our communications as personal as we can, and in the end it is a good sign that you will receive the most personal session. I get it somewhat,: they want to have a couple back-up options and some are terrible at replying when its needed.

 

Generally tho, if someone feels like the subject of a chain of generalized requests and you fulfill them.....they're going to consider the sender guilty of making a mass request. how many people get forwards in their emails that are moving or appeal to them and there is only BCC and everyone thinks that the sender was thinking of them...or something

 

perfect example: a gent who just recently was banned for ill behavior towards a lady on here used to send out multiple generic messages...subject : "want to get to know you" (or something of the like) but would send out multiple spam messages starting with "hey sexy!" or "hey baby!"

 

many of us decided not to see him after comparing our messages. Some even said that because of his behavior to another we did not fee comfortable seeing him)....there was then some serious hate mail sent to the girl who saw him last from him....this is obviously an extreeme case tho....but still, something to think about

 

the great and honest gentlemen definitely dont want be thrown into the same category of this guy....but after many of us have experienced issues like this this, we tend to cut things off right from the start when being addressed at first contact in a certain way....our red flags go up. And those of us who have been in the business long enough know to listen to our gut and acknowledge those red flags .... after what that one SP went through (which was pretty brutal) can anyone blame us for being careful?

 

(at this point I realize this may seem like a total long winded rant but I dont want to re-hash anymore into the subject and just...yanno...get it all out)

 

I am drawn however to a new light when I recently responded to a new client's email entitled "hey sexy"

 

the content of the email started off with my name....so it was a tough draw....however I politely mentioned that given some of the most recent threads on this that addressing someone you dont know like that is sometimes not needed and sometimes a simple "hello" in the headline is awarded. I was honest in saying that I was just trying to give an opinion that may be helpful even if he decided not to see me.

 

I thought he would be completely offended.

 

he wrote back and was still interested and apologized....sometimes people just dont know, and thats ok (and thats why we're here to provide our experiences with seemingly small things leading to larger issues from our experiences), but this was the first non-angry response I got from a reply like mine.....i told him not to worry, this man has my business :-)

[MiaBella 10988]

I find that some clientelle often don't give me a real name for several pms, therefore I often refer back to pet names, i.e. sweety, babe, etc. However, If you give me a name, I almost always use it in conversation.

Exceptions being those clientelle that I have such history with, that they have 'earned' a pet name.

Again, I think it often varies between couple to couple, and each person has their own preferences. It is our responsibility and job to choose wisely and correctly.

[Jackie James 215]

Ladies and Gentlemen, i know i am not the only one here that hates this but i feel after receiving several letters and text and Pm's that something needs to be said....please please don't call me Hun...i hate it ...we all have a name and unless you know us already please call us by our name...please it's just so much more respectful and i know for sure your talking to me...thanks

Emma A

 

I've had many clients tell me they too dislike the, hun shit that many SP's use when talking to them. Seems the complaint runs both ways.

 

Personally, I don't like to be called hun or babe, nor do I ever call anyone by either of those terms. Sounds trashy and stereo-typical to me. <shrugs> To each his own, I suppose.

[ekimout 188]

I've had many clients tell me they too dislike the, hun shit that many SP's use when talking to them. Seems the complaint runs both ways.

 

Personally, I don't like to be called hun or babe, nor do I ever call anyone by either of those terms. Sounds trashy and stereo-typical to me. <shrugs> To each his own, I suppose.

 

Yes it should run both ways.

 

Why call me hun, babe, sweetie or whatever when addressing a reply to an e-mail/PM/text. A simple, Hi! Hello! would suffice, followed by my handle or name, which I always include.

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

I've had many clients tell me they too dislike the, hun shit that many SP's use when talking to them. Seems the complaint runs both ways.

 

Personally, I don't like to be called hun or babe, nor do I ever call anyone by either of those terms. Sounds trashy and stereo-typical to me. <shrugs> To each his own, I suppose.

 

i totally agree..

[fortunateone 156618]

Yes it should run both ways.

 

Why call me hun, babe, sweetie or whatever when addressing a reply to an e-mail/PM/text. A simple, Hi! Hello! would suffice, followed by my handle or name, which I always include.

 

That's true. Why run the risk, on both sides, of encountering someone who finds this unattractive or unprofessional. Many sps loathe that some sps use this in their correspondence or conversation in that it, no matter if entirely genuine, is such a stereotypical "fakery" that we all suffer for it in the end, lol, by being accused of not being genuine, sincere but for being fake interested. No one is going to be offended if you use neither a name nor an endearment. Using one may be offensive to anyone, tho.

 

Like others here, if anyone calls me honey, baby or sweetie on a first phone call, it is unlikely I will see them, it is unlikely they are a serious/sincere caller, but it is likely that I will scold them for calling anyone baby that they have not even met. For sps who call everyone "hun", same thing. You run the risk of having someone assume you are one of the fakers, and you may miss out on good clients by this. It is so overused by the unprofessional sps that anyone who hears it often tunes it out, and instantly goes "pass", to call or contact someone who just says, hi how are you. thanks for calling me!

[BownChickaBown 4829]

re: fakery

 

How many people use their Real Names here?

 

I know I don't. (...but that's not unique to CERB - I don't use my real name for most anything: on my art, for my books, booking hotels/restaurants, contest forms, etc.)

 

Isn't a majority of the names used in this business fake to begin with? I wouldn't expect anything less, and rightfully so - as privacy is a highly valued commodity. In other words, there's usually something 'fake' between Hobbyists' and SPs right from the get go. ...but I find this is easy to overcome by jumping into the fantasy for which a rendezvous is to me. (The brain is the biggest sex organ!) Fake SP names, as can be pet names, are part of the fantasy for some.

 

Therefore, to revert to something generic is how some people bridge the 2 areas of 'fakeness', by not using the fake name given, but using a 'pet name', which for some people, is a sign of intimacy.

 

Since time is money, unrushed as it may be, one has to admit, things can go from 0 to 100 km/h mighty fast. Some experiences require no names at all. Even the greatest ones :D

 

One of the best birds I ever 'dated' (when living overseas) never knew my name for 3 weeks (as much as we worked together for 4 weeks before that), while I only called her 'me duckie' until we were in a situation where she was introducing me to her flatmate, and realized she didn't know. I thought that was hot! So I introduced myself to her (my GF), and her to I, before then introducing me to her flatmate. Up until that time - names didn't matter, we just lived in the moment. Another fun/endearing part of our tryst.

 

If I may suggest, there is a 2-Step solution to minimizing this, and other pet peeves:

 

1) List on ones CERB Profile/Website ones 'Dislikes' and 2) then in ones Advertisements, state something like this: "Be Sure to Read My Profile/Website Before Contacting Me - Thanks!" People just don't 'know' these idiosyncratic things.

 

I believe this is a case where ignorance is not bliss. Bring on the information age!

[whatsup 11893]

re: fakery

 

How many people use their Real Names here?

 

I know I don't. (...but that's not unique to CERB - I don't use my real name for most anything: on my art, for my books, booking hotels/restaurants, contest forms, etc.)

 

Isn't a majority of the names used in this business fake to begin with? I wouldn't expect anything less, and rightfully so - as privacy is a highly valued commodity. In other words, there's usually something 'fake' between Hobbyists' and SPs right from the get go. ...but I find this is easy to overcome by jumping into the fantasy for which a rendezvous is to me. (The brain is the biggest sex organ!) Fake SP names, as can be pet names, are part of the fantasy for some.

 

Therefore, to revert to something generic is how some people bridge the 2 areas of 'fakeness', by not using the fake name given, but using a 'pet name', which for some people, is a sign of intimacy.

 

Since time is money, unrushed as it may be, one has to admit, things can go from 0 to 100 km/h mighty fast. Some experiences require no names at all. Even the greatest ones :D

 

One of the best birds I ever 'dated' (when living overseas) never knew my name for 3 weeks (as much as we worked together for 4 weeks before that), while I only called her 'me duckie' until we were in a situation where she was introducing me to her flatmate, and realized she didn't know. I thought that was hot! So I introduced myself to her (my GF), and her to I, before then introducing me to her flatmate. Up until that time - names didn't matter, we just lived in the moment. Another fun/endearing part of our tryst.

 

If I may suggest, there is a 2-Step solution to minimizing this, and other pet peeves:

 

1) List on ones CERB Profile/Website ones 'Dislikes' and 2) then in ones Advertisements, state something like this: "Be Sure to Read My Profile/Website Before Contacting Me - Thanks!" People just don't 'know' these idiosyncratic things.

 

I believe this is a case where ignorance is not bliss. Bring on the information age!

 

Everyone here has a stage name so to speak.

 

As one gets comfortable with the provider and the provider gets comfortable with the client then names maybe exchanged with more personal detail.

 

I am hesitant to ask any details with my provider until they actually give me some form of communication that discussing, shall we call it life details is acceptable.

 

Although I would love to ask many questions, one has to respect the personal communication boundaries.

 

Then after time, It is truly fantastic to have a established a great comforting relationship with a great provider/friend .

[derfla 100]

I know this thread has been all talked out but I thought I would still throw in my 2 cents.

 

For me at least there is no intimacy at all in being called by my name of convenience, my pseudonym. I would guess that most hobbyists who use pseudonyms don't really identify with those names--I certainly don't. On the other hand I think many sps may well internalize more their alter egos and really live out their pseudonyms. Hence they prefer to be called by those names. They are more individual, and specifically chosen, and not just a bunch of "John Does". In the throes of passion and intimacy I would far prefer to be called sweetie or hun or whatever than "John".

 

After all don't GFs and BFs use pet names with each other? If I am after a GFE, shouldn't we be using pet names with one another? It is all part of the intimacy.

 

Having said that, using such pet names in initial text messages and e-mails is another story entirely--no relationship yet exists--and one doesn't know if one is receiving a spam or a misdirected message or whatever. Here it is entirely correct to be polite and use names.

 

For me though, the anticipation that comes from the shift that occurs when the messages move from using my name to being addressed by a pet name, is an integral part of the pleasure I take from the experience.

 

Anyway, that's my two cents--

"Al"

[VedaSloan 119179]

I find pet names so disingenuous. The attempt to fake a rapport with someone where there is none seems manipulative in its obvious fakery. If the chemistry and intimacy are there, awesome, if not, I'm not going to disrespect someone by using something so false and artificial to try and make them think there is. Sometimes you click with someone, and sometimes you don't. No amount of sweeties, or huns is going to change that.

[irwin0072003 236]

You are all right on both ends, I have seen about 30 girls this year (Trying to find the right one) and have never written a review okay (maybe 1) all for personal reasons, nor have I used and sort of reference to anything other then the "SP's" name or just a plain old "Hello" but I too are not all that fussy about receiving email reply's with a multitudes of "Hun's" and "Sweetie", I was once called "Big Boy" before, during and after, not that I are or not that I an't. it just seems to cheapen the experince. Any ladies think they can be a good regular please contact me.:cooter:

[etasman2000 15994]

I was once called "Big Boy" before, during and after, not that I are or not that I an't.

 

hahahahahahaha better a little fib then a glaring truth I say :wink:

 

Seriously a term of endearment is just that, if you don't find it endearing just say so.

 

I have a non-SP friend who has a silly habit of calling me 'hun'. I'm not fond of it and told her as much. Now she gets teased whenever it slips out.

 

Any ladies think they can be a good regular please contact me.:cooter:

 

Personally I believe all ladies on Cerb would be a good regular. The catch is finding a good regular for you.

[Annessa 22743]

I sometimes feel a little weird answering PMs "hello there!".... yet while I havent used a terms of endearment while doing so, I do think that the client approaching an SP could easily avoid eventually being offended by such words (or attempts at what to address someone as, not necessarily a false illusion of familiarity) by signing a name (not their CERB handle and not a single letter like "C." etc) to their PMs.

 

if you dont give us anything to work with, how can we address anyone as they should be addressed?

[v*****m*n 220]

I sometimes feel a little weird answering PMs "hello there!".... yet while I havent used a terms of endearment while doing so, I do think that the client approaching an SP could easily avoid eventually being offended by such words (or attempts at what to address someone as, not necessarily a false illusion of familiarity) by signing a name (not their CERB handle and not a single letter like "C." etc) to their PMs.

 

if you dont give us anything to work with, how can we address anyone as they should be addressed?

 

I agree and when we met you did call me by my name many times and that went a long way. That showed me that you were a real genuine lady and I knew we were gonna have lots of fun, and we sure did. You are one very classy lady Annessa and don?t ever stop.

[misterme 110]

Then again, I don't mind being called 'hun' or 'sweety.' Call it strange, but I'm not a big fan of having my name be said. It always seems odd to me. I don't know why.

 

In addition, in general I don't think I use the girl's name (even if I know it), nor do I use pet names. But I'm sure that would change if I were with my (non-existant) SO.

[lipualipua 4704]

Scottthecanuck : Good points. Well-said.