Hobbiests - Sex Addicts or Regular Guys?

[GHT 798]

Another thread got me thinking about sex addiction.

 

Its a real adventure interacting with ladies be they SPs, girlfriends or SOs. Starting into the hobby thing has got my serotonin levels way up and I'm becoming a better person in a number of ways. Its so so good I'm hooked.

 

Now I've dabbled with other addictive things in my life, but they don't compare. Its sort of like I want to be addicted to ladies. Pardon the crudeness but I'm going to say that:

Pussy is the most addictive substance know to man. And SPs are the most concentrated form of pussy available.

The BS, attached strings and overhead associated with regular relationships is what makes them less pure.

It's no wonder hobbying is addictive. What do you think?

 

So are we all sex addicts here on CERB or are we regular guys that for some reason have made the leap, tried it out and are now hooked. I'm wondering if you took a regular guy (assume he has some money and a sex drive) and introduced him to hobbying for a while as part of an experiment, would he be hooked to or would he revert back to himself after.

 

In other words, is the CERB community inherintly different or pretty similar to the general population in terms of having sex addictive personalities?

 

I'm very interested to see what hobbiests and SPs have to say.

 

BTW - I'm pretty sure that I have a higher than normal sex drive. I don't think that makes me an addict. Then again I could also be deluded so who knows LOL.

 

GHT

[andflemcol 3975]

Good thread GHT. I actually thought of starting a similar thread a little while ago. I had to ask myself if I am an addict. While I don't know the answer, I can answer some questions and readers can decide themselves if they think I am an addict.

 

1. Q:Do I need to hobby?

A:I need it to be a happier person but I won't die without it.

 

2. Q:Am I willing to walk away from it?

A:No, not right now

 

3. Q: Can I walk away from it?

A: no, not right now

 

4. Q: Is there anything stopping me from hobbying any time I want?

A: Yes... money and guilt

 

5. Q: Would I take an inceased risk of getting caught if there was an opportunity?

A: I am always cautious, so I would say no...I would probably be so worried that things may not come off as I would hope.

 

6. Q: Do I worry about how to get off the hobby?

A: Yes, but hope this will happen once the sex drive diminishes.

 

7. Q: Will I seek out sp's at whatever cost?

A: No, I have limitations.

 

I propably have more questins and answers... I could go on. So What do you think?

Food for thought.

[buggernot 588]

I think sex addiction is a definable and serious psychological problem. Being a 'hobbiest' is mostly guys who don't get as much sex as they want for whatever reason, and they don't have a problem paying for it. And sometimes it's just being lonely and needing some intimate human contact, not simply sex although that's part of it.

 

It is a bit insulting to throw the term sex addict out there if there was someone who actually was one reading it. There are addictive properties to this, but for the most part it ain't as simple as sex.

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

Even prior to becoming an SP, I always felt more empathy to the men who sought professionals to fulfill their fantasies, desires, need for intimacy, ect. than those who sought out a second relationship with another woman. I realize that many of you feel guilty, but sex is natural! And I feel those who treat themselves to an SP rank a lot higher in my books than someone who is truly cheating on their partner by starting an ongoing, emotional and sexual relationship. Many men have high sex drives. So what? Some women do as well. But rest assured that you should feel a lot less guilty for being a healthy, horny male, who still loves his partner but needs some no-strings-attached fun. So many women cannot wrap their heads around the fact that men are able to have sex without love. I also think you're guilt may also unfairly come from North American society's prudishness towards sex. Life is short, have fun while you can.

[Annessa 22743]

interesting thread topic. I will say that I have dealt with some clients who are serious sex addicts and this is no laughing matter...it can be very dangerous. Trusted clients (whom I would almost call lovers) would turn from good people to crooks overnight.

 

i remember when i didnt even smoke yet used to be the in-between as a teenager for a friend who sold pot and other things.....the return clients who would prove honest at first would eventually come back and ask for weekly fronts......delay paying because their wallet got stolen/ they were waiting for a cheque to come in/ got ripped off by their boss/ whatever story they had to not pay.....an uncontrolled addiction ....which is an oxymoron in itself (of ANYthing) will cause any honest person to burn whatever bridge possible to get what they want eventually...as every addiction has a price.

 

whether it leads to a client digging himself and his family into debt, or not paying his escort, or even worse, becoming a threat to an escort for his lack of respect due to his needs......sexual addiction is VERY serious and generally has very serious results

 

Just because you like the hobby or can't imagine your life without it does NOT make you an addict. losing control over your hobbying and taking advantage of others involved to feed your needs......thats something to worry about...and THATS addiction.

 

we have heard many stories of SPs who trust a regular and leave the money on the table on for the client to replace some $50 bills with canadian tire money when they're not looking

 

addiction states that you dont have a control over your hobby......there are plenty of ppl on this board who are able to keep up with their hobbying.....just because its a sweet "high" and difficult not to repeat doesn't really nail someone as a sex addict.....just the same some of us SPs thrive on the thrill of the idea of being mysterious sex-objects out on a mission of pleasure to strangers each evening.......it doesnt mean we are slaves to our turn ons and we will never put ourselves in harm's way despite our love for sex and our job.

 

 

funny, I just watched the movie "The girlfriend Experience" (the movie filmed from the client's perspective" and I irked when he talked about the constant need and "going on binges" looking for street-walkers which lead to him eventually stalking a GFE.........that didn't play the role of the more respected client at all! there are so many degrees of being a hobbyist and being a sex adict is a totally different ball-game.....and a recipe for disaster or a plead for help or a proper intervention if you ask me

 

I completely cringe when I see an SP post that shes a horny sex addict or a member jest that they have needs and are sex addicts.......sexual addiction, as buggernot said so perfectly, is more than a need for intimacy. it may start off that way but a true addict will eventually put everything and anything that really SHOULD matter (be it family, or even the women they are supposed to be paying as SPs) as a secondary priority to their selfish addiction.

 

True clients who have needs generally know that being selfish will not land you a repeat date.......I have cut off men who I see as being consumed by a sexual addiction as it is a red flag for problems in the future

 

I've learned many lessons about when to notice the signs, read the excuses of a trusted client. I know better now after being ripped off an over 1k chunk last month by a retainer client who saw too many girls at a time to keep up to what his pocket could manage. Ironically i found out later from a friend that he bought coke behind my back when we were out at a club...then tried to get his money back after he had done most of it because the quality was apparently sub-par.

 

generally when an addict is faced with the invoice for what they owe there will be every and any reason to try and barter or play down the service they have received as a final plea to not have to own up to what they walked into willingly from the start.....drugs, sex, (tempted to say "rock and roll" lol), a once trusted relationship will always be thrown out the window due to money (or lack thereof)

 

addiction tends to present itself in many forms (as I mentiond above).......generally a client who is an addict has little respect in the end for his so-called favorite SP. And an addict usually will be the one to rip a girl off or cut his losses because its not like we're a collection agency that will follow them to the grave, right?

 

just my two (or three) cents

[ringo14 100]

I have been told that I should channel my EXTREME hornyness into other sorts of energy, I am 41 married to a 35 yr old who can`t keep up ,not a word of a lie but I could have sex 3 times dailey, either masturbation or with a partner, I have seen a doctor about it because as I am getting older I am getting more horny then I was when i was a teenager, almost uncontrollable, I am a very healthey man great shape, My doctor said I was a sex addict, nympho, I do not hink I am but just a regular guy but on the other hand who really cares, I hold down a very good job,and I get on with my life, know my wife only has sex only 1 time a month, thank GOD for massages, any way this is a great site very open and very informative, it feels like home!

[E.D. man 691]

I would say that 75% of men are regular guys that are hobbiest's and the other 25 % are sex addicticts.

Heres a question How many SP's are actual Nympho"s and can't live without sex.:D

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

Truthfully, as embarrassing as this is, I was on anti-depressants some years back, to help me get through some very rough years. The ENTIRE time I was on these pills, I had ZERO sex drive. So from the time I was 27 to 32, I was celibate. I swear to you it's true. Some might say I'm making up for lost time, I say it's a combination of no more sex-drive-killing pills, and hitting my sexual peak. I love sex, every minute of it, and I've certainly lived without it. But why? Life is far too short to avoid things that make you feel naturally good. Who needs drugs when we have all those incredible orgasms?

[buggernot 588]

Annessa, I think in many cases where it seems that a person is an addict in one way or another, whether it be sex or drugs, and they get to that point where they are ripping people off, it still isn't necessarily addiction. Some people are manipulators and exhibit sociopathic behaviour to get what they want because they don't genuinely care about others or think the world owes them something.

 

It's like lending a friend money and they don't pay you back. Someone with empathy and a sense of responsibility will feel obligated to do whatever they can to return the money asap. Then there are those who take the money and later you see them doing reckless things with their cash in the future, literally flaunting it in front of you, meanwhile you're still sitting there wondering when you're getting it back. You don't say anything at first because you think that they should have the same perspective, but they don't.

 

I've seen that so much, and those type of people do the same thing to everyone. They get people to trust them, find a dealer that will front weed, steal from those who 'carelessly' leave money around, and generally try to take advantage of anyone who lets them. They have learned to know who is a trusting soul, can read the naive, and will latch on to them like a parasite.

 

So in my view, I wouldn't even give them the courtesy of labeling them an addict, even though many of the actions read like that. They are self-absorbed pieces of shit, plain and simple. I'm of the opinion that if you give them a term to define what they do, it almost acts as an excuse...you know? Many people who are addicts have a moral centre and are torn by what they do to feed their demons, which is why they eventually seek help to kick whatever habit is destroying them. Not so much for the manipulative types - the only thing that makes them stop is not being able to find another person to siphon. And that's more like a pause because they eventually find a new target.

[buggernot 588]

Truthfully, as embarrassing as this is, I was on anti-depressants some years back, to help me get through some very rough years. The ENTIRE time I was on these pills, I had ZERO sex drive. So from the time I was 27 to 32, I was celibate. I swear to you it's true. Some might say I'm making up for lost time, I say it's a combination of no more sex-drive-killing pills, and hitting my sexual peak. I love sex, every minute of it, and I've certainly lived without it. But why? Life is far too short to avoid things that make you feel naturally good. Who needs drugs when we have all those incredible orgasms?

 

Soleil, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You'd be surprised at how many others have been in the same boat.

[canuckhooker 19202]

An interesting thread and I would propose that there are probably three types of guys who hobby.

 

The "regular guy" who hobbies occasionally for whatever the reason. He does it once in a while, may have a few favourites, and is satisfied with the the infrequent experience.

 

Then there are those others who are frequent hobbiests. The first of those are the true sex addicts, those who cannot control their impulses and who resort to whatever means necessary to get their "fix". When their need outstrips their means to procure the fix, problems occur. Usually that may involve ripping someone off, or spending way beyond their means, thus causing difficulties in their private lives. What is disturbing is that since they are driven to get their fix, another wise "nice guy" could cause problems when he doesn't have the means. This could mean violence, which is scary.

 

In another life I worked in an environment where there was a high incidence of alcohol abuse. One of the key factors in deciding whether a person was an alcoholic or just a "heavy drinker", for want of a better term, was whether or not their use of alcohol caused problems in the rest of their life. (e.g. spousal abuse, problems with the law, poor performance at work, chronic absenteeism etc) In my opinion, this is the same as the true Sex Addict that has been described in Annessa's and other posts. However, I believe they are a very small minority in the hobby.

 

The other, and more numerous type is those who have a strong sex drive and are prone to impulsive behaviour. They are one's who know that at certain times, they probably shouldn't be "making a date" or hobbying, but will do it because of a strong impulsive desire or the fear of missing an opportunity for something unique. They will not resort to extreme means, will generally check finances, and judge the "pros and cons", but will find what it is they are seeking. They act relatively responsibly, and show respect for others. They generally don't become a problem. They aren't sex addicts, they are just constantly horny. :lol:

 

Just my 2 cents, based on life experience and a couple of University psych courses. LOL

[GHT 798]

It may have been insensitive of me to use the label sex addict, sorry. As Buggernot, Annessa and others have suggested, true sex addiction is very serious and destructive. A better term might be sex enthusiast.

 

My sense is that typical CERB members are looking for sex and intimacy and aren't morally hung up on seeing an SP. I'm not really sure if CERB members are bigger sex enthusiasts than the general public. Maybe its just that they have the right moral mindset to justify it and the means to pay for it. Just wondering.

 

GHT

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

An active and healthy sex life increase life expectancy!

 

http://www.themedguru.com/20091206/newsfeature/stare-boobs-longer-life-study-86131

[pjrd 324]

It may have been insensitive of me to use the label sex addict, sorry. As Buggernot, Annessa and others have suggested, true sex addiction is very serious and destructive. A better term might be sex enthusiast.

 

My sense is that typical CERB members are looking for sex and intimacy and aren't morally hung up on seeing an SP. I'm not really sure if CERB members are bigger sex enthusiasts than the general public. Maybe its just that they have the right moral mindset to justify it and the means to pay for it. Just wondering.

 

GHT

ya, I don`t think that just because we are members of this board that it makes us more enthusiastic than the rest of the world about sex. cerb is just a nice place to talk about it with other people that enjoy hobbying and providing

[TracieGold 282]

Let's mention the case and not the name because unfortunately for me Ilike the gentleman very much and he belongs to this board....

He was traveling and got referred to other SP's internationally...before he left he came twice to see me and I offered not to charge him because he said to me he could not afford it.....when I learned he was paying others big sums I felt cheated and upset and it took all sorts of courage for me not to call him or email him and tell him what a piece he was. After a couple of big breaths and taking my big heart away from site, I decided not to contact him

anymore, and not toanswer to his mails at all.

NOw, I ask you gentlemen and gorgeous ladies in this forum:

What do you think of this?

Tracie (I appreciate your views, please get back to me because I feel realbad about this!)

Is this addiction on his side and stupidity on mine?

Tracie:cry:

[Annessa 22743]

its funny....I used to joke that I was addicted to the Godiva dark chocolates. No lie! I used it loosely but I had a bar once a week...its good stuff! I never understood what the big deal of these overpriced chocolates were....then I had one taste and was hooked. YUM!

 

however just because I like them doesnt mean that I would spend all my money on it and leave my family broke, decide to try and leave early from work because the shop closed early on weekends or try and break in to a shop or cause a robery if I needed my fix and didnt have the money

 

I just like the stuff....mmmmm.....dammit now I want dark chocolate. grrrr.

 

on a serious note I think the same metaphor can be said about hobbying. Eventually I do think that money and manipulation and a loss of moral values plays a big role in a serious addiction.

 

everything else is just your weekly chocolate bar ...metaphorically speaking that is ;-)

[capitalman 3861]

I own every book known to mankind about addiction including Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous, and no where does it say that visiting SPs makes you a sex addict.

 

I'm sure there are sex addicts that visit SPs, but there are regular guys too. Just like there are regular guys that smoke pot and drug addicts that smoke pot.

[Loki318 1631]

Experiance leads me to agree with you with the following elaboration.... we all start as your "regular guy", as we get past the guilt and find that we can "Get Away" with it if careful we become "frequent" guy and then if the finances allow we graduate to letting our sex drive take over and go full out.... Then after all of this if we can not slow down or back off to the point that our finances allow us to maintain meaning we spend more on the hobby than we can afford ie:running up CC's;cashing in investments, remortgaging the family home etc that is addiction....

At this point I expect we either come to our senses by our selves and pull out of it (cold turkey) OR we get sloppy and get caught which would usually mean we "loose it all" to the Lawyers.

 

I havent been caught yet and am contemplating Retirement ..... someday maybe next yr ;)

 

Loki318

 

 

An interesting thread and I would propose that there are probably three types of guys who hobby.

 

The "regular guy" who hobbies occasionally for whatever the reason. He does it once in a while, may have a few favourites, and is satisfied with the the infrequent experience.

 

Then there are those others who are frequent hobbiests. The first of those are the true sex addicts, those who cannot control their impulses and who resort to whatever means necessary to get their "fix". When their need outstrips their means to procure the fix, problems occur. Usually that may involve ripping someone off, or spending way beyond their means, thus causing difficulties in their private lives. What is disturbing is that since they are driven to get their fix, another wise "nice guy" could cause problems when he doesn't have the means. This could mean violence, which is scary.

 

In another life I worked in an environment where there was a high incidence of alcohol abuse. One of the key factors in deciding whether a person was an alcoholic or just a "heavy drinker", for want of a better term, was whether or not their use of alcohol caused problems in the rest of their life. (e.g. spousal abuse, problems with the law, poor performance at work, chronic absenteeism etc) In my opinion, this is the same as the true Sex Addict that has been described in Annessa's and other posts. However, I believe they are a very small minority in the hobby.

 

The other, and more numerous type is those who have a strong sex drive and are prone to impulsive behaviour. They are one's who know that at certain times, they probably shouldn't be "making a date" or hobbying, but will do it because of a strong impulsive desire or the fear of missing an opportunity for something unique. They will not resort to extreme means, will generally check finances, and judge the "pros and cons", but will find what it is they are seeking. They act relatively responsibly, and show respect for others. They generally don't become a problem. They aren't sex addicts, they are just constantly horny. :lol:

 

Just my 2 cents, based on life experience and a couple of University psych courses. LOL

[buggernot 588]

Let's mention the case and not the name because unfortunately for me Ilike the gentleman very much and he belongs to this board....

He was traveling and got referred to other SP's internationally...before he left he came twice to see me and I offered not to charge him because he said to me he could not afford it.....when I learned he was paying others big sums I felt cheated and upset and it took all sorts of courage for me not to call him or email him and tell him what a piece he was. After a couple of big breaths and taking my big heart away from site, I decided not to contact him

anymore, and not toanswer to his mails at all.

NOw, I ask you gentlemen and gorgeous ladies in this forum:

What do you think of this?

Tracie (I appreciate your views, please get back to me because I feel realbad about this!)

Is this addiction on his side and stupidity on mine?

Tracie:cry:

 

Tracie, I don't think this is either of those things. He's not an addict, he's a predator and you're not stupid, you're a trusting person. If anyone in the future tells you that they can't afford your services, give them a hug and say, "Well maybe next time then hun".

 

That's the male equivalent of a SP taking your money and then saying she has a headache. Chances are he uses that line on everybody to see what he can get away with.

[archer_kempt 258]

You raise an interesting point about differential between people who have affairs and people who seek professionals.

 

I believe that because its not a romantic relationship you seek with professional it should not be considered a threat to any primary relationship, so I agree.

[Annessa 22743]

You raise an interesting point about differential between people who have affairs and people who seek professionals.

 

I believe that because its not a romantic relationship you seek with professional it should not be considered a threat to any primary relationship, so I agree.

 

I think the idea of hobbying affecting your personal or family relationship might have been misunderstood as us saying that having an affair is wrong.

 

not the case. There are plenty of men who hobby and are attached, I dont see it as wrong if they are wise with their funds and aren't selfish putting their pocket or their playtime before their family's :-)

[jerican 657]

Hi Tracie, I agree with buggernot, he is in no way addicted, he took advantage of your good nature and I really hope you mention him in the SP section. Who knows how many other new SP's he has tried this with. Like many people have said, if they say they will pay you later or can't afford it give them a hug and say no hard feelings and have them move on...but still mention it to other women on the board. At the end of the day he booked with you in complete bad faith and others need to know about it.

 

Let's mention the case and not the name because unfortunately for me Ilike the gentleman very much and he belongs to this board....

He was traveling and got referred to other SP's internationally...before he left he came twice to see me and I offered not to charge him because he said to me he could not afford it.....when I learned he was paying others big sums I felt cheated and upset and it took all sorts of courage for me not to call him or email him and tell him what a piece he was. After a couple of big breaths and taking my big heart away from site, I decided not to contact him

anymore, and not toanswer to his mails at all.

NOw, I ask you gentlemen and gorgeous ladies in this forum:

What do you think of this?

Tracie (I appreciate your views, please get back to me because I feel realbad about this!)

Is this addiction on his side and stupidity on mine?

Tracie:cry:

[Andee 220524]

Annessa, I think in many cases where it seems that a person is an addict in one way or another, whether it be sex or drugs, and they get to that point where they are ripping people off, it still isn't necessarily addiction. Some people are manipulators and exhibit sociopathic behaviour to get what they want because they don't genuinely care about others or think the world owes them something.

 

It's like lending a friend money and they don't pay you back. Someone with empathy and a sense of responsibility will feel obligated to do whatever they can to return the money asap. Then there are those who take the money and later you see them doing reckless things with their cash in the future, literally flaunting it in front of you, meanwhile you're still sitting there wondering when you're getting it back. You don't say anything at first because you think that they should have the same perspective, but they don't.

 

I've seen that so much, and those type of people do the same thing to everyone. They get people to trust them, find a dealer that will front weed, steal from those who 'carelessly' leave money around, and generally try to take advantage of anyone who lets them. They have learned to know who is a trusting soul, can read the naive, and will latch on to them like a parasite.

 

So in my view, I wouldn't even give them the courtesy of labeling them an addict, even though many of the actions read like that. They are self-absorbed pieces of shit, plain and simple. I'm of the opinion that if you give them a term to define what they do, it almost acts as an excuse...you know? Many people who are addicts have a moral centre and are torn by what they do to feed their demons, which is why they eventually seek help to kick whatever habit is destroying them. Not so much for the manipulative types - the only thing that makes them stop is not being able to find another person to siphon. And that's more like a pause because they eventually find a new target.

 

Even if an addict has a moral centre, they will still be driven to lie, steal, manipulate or whatever to get what they want while they are active in their addiction. That is the truly tragic part of it because it's like good people doing bad things. In that sense, they appear to be the same as the no good pieces of shit you describe. You know, if it walks like a duck.

 

I agree that the majority of hobbyiests out there are just regular guys looking to get laid. I would guess the actual number of "sex addicts" is seeking the services of SPs is probably very low compared in comparison.

 

Oh, and let us not forget -many sex addicts don't necessary see only SPs if at all they are on the prowl to get sex whenever from whoever. If it's free, even better.