SamanthaEvans

Without knowing which agencies are being referred to, it's hard to know how to respond to your post. Not all agencies put their staff's interests first. When someone else is taking the calls and deciding who to send out, it's very difficult to know how you're being represented and how they deal with potential clients in general. I've never worked for an agency. What When I was working in Toronto, I was as busy as I wanted to be, made a good income, and didn't offer bbbjs. Yes, some clients asked for it, but most were happy with what I offered.

Someone once told me that he couldn't be in a relationship with me because I had too many secrets. He said that, as far as he knew, I might even be protecting people who don't deserve protection (according to him). We proceeded no further from that point. Many professions have absolute confidentiality requirements. Psychiatrists and other therapists, as well as medical doctors, cannot discuss their patients' or clients' cases with anyone without that person's express permission. The same goes for lawyers, members of the clergy and people who work for CSIS. Many investigative journalists also cannot discuss their sources with anyone other than their editors and news media management. In all of those professions, as well as ours, maintaining confidentiality is non-negotiable. In my own case, I consider confidentiality to be sacrosanct, as long as my safety and well-being are not compromised. If a boyfriend threatened my stability or attempted to compromise my clients' privacy, the relationship would end, immediately.

I've had wonderful clients who were disabled and wouldn't turn someone down just because of his disability or because he's in a wheelchair. If you find someone who interests you, send a message or e-mail to her. Tell her about your disability and what is and is not possible for you. Let her know about your limitations and any special assistance or support you may require for a satisfying encounter. If you need to meet in your home or a wheelchair-accessible place, or if you need nursing care nearby, or if you need help bathing or getting ready for your meeting, please say so. These are all things that can be worked out with a little care and planning. It's true that not everyone will be comfortable. Most of the time, though, an SP will be concerned that she may accidentally do something that might hurt you or that she won't know what you need and when. If you can be clear, explicit and understanding, I think you shouldn't have a problem finding a companion.

I think that following your own heart is all that matters. If it's too complicated for you to work and have a relationship, it's good that you know that. If you can make the separation between work and the rest of your life, that's wonderful, too. One thing that many of us face is when the boyfriend or partner really isn't able to deal with our work. This is not unusual: men don't share very well, most of the time. Some men like the idea of dating a paid companion because they imagine she will be a fantastic sexual partner, or at least the sort of person who will never say no. These are fantasies; reality can be very different. But that's true for all relationships. Even good friendships start out with a lot of idealized expectations. It's when they settle down to the reality of life that we see what the relationship really is or can be. If he can understand that what you do is your job and not a series of relationships, that's best. But if he gets caught up with who you've seen, how many people you've entertained this week, what you earned, appointments you've scheduled for the days and weeks to come, and what goes on in your encounters, you may have a problem. If he's too quick to assume that if you're tired, or not feeling well, or preoccupied with something that it's because of your work, and is interfering with his life, you do have a problem. If he ever makes unkind remarks about you in terms of your work, you have a serious problem and should end the relationship.

From her Twitter feed, it seems that Libby Davies thinks the legalization motion will go through. It's very important to her. Her riding includes the Downtown Eastside and she's been a staunch advocate for sex workers' rights for a long, long time.

We debate the meaning of words like "upscale" and "elite" all the time. There's no consensus about what they mean or what it takes to be entitled to use them. In general, the ladies that use them are hoping to convey the message that they are professional companions who take their work, their encounters, their clients and themselves seriously and aim to create an enjoyable, safe and confidential experience.. If you are polite, respectful, clean and appreciative, by all means, contact whomever you like. I can't think of anyone on this board who would refuse to see you just because you don't wear a suit or work in an office. In general, most of us tend to decline meeting with a prospective client for three reasons: (1) we feel we have so little in common with him that we don't think that either of us will enjoy the meeting; (2) he's attempted to negotiate fees, objects strongly to our stated limitations, or doesn't seem to listen to what we say about what we will and will not do with him; or (3) we're concerned about our safety for some reason. Trust us to protect your privacy and confidentiality and be yourself--that's really all you need to do. Oh, and have fun!

I like Phaedrus' sense of humour. Besides, he's our very own frumious bandersnatch--how cool is that?

Thanks for posting that link, Eric Northman. It's a pretty good piece! I've never been contacted by someone's mother or father, but it wouldn't upset me if that were to happen. The disabled clients I've seen have been able to e-mail me directly.

I don't visit gentlemen in their homes unless I know them very well and know that they live alone. Even then, I did have a bad experience one time with a trusted client in his home. That made me reluctant to do outcalls to private residences for quite awhile. The only exception I make is if the client is disabled. My home is not wheelchair accessible. I have had several disabled clients over the years and enjoyed my time with them a great deal. Each of them was very different from the rest. All of them required round-the-clock care, and their caregivers were solid professionals who never interfered with anything.

Peachy, the activities I offer, or am invited to partake in, generally run along the lines of lunch or dinner, going to the theatre, a private party, gallery opening, book or poetry reading. I charge social rates for these events. I am also willing to go to dungeons and to kinky events, assuming that the prospective client meets my screening requirements, and my fees are significantly higher then. In those cases, the dungeon or event hosts have insurance that covers participants and in some places we'd need to sign waivers, accepting that there's a risk of injury for which the management is not responsible. I have third party liability insurance for my home which should take care of anyone being injured if, say, there's a fire or someone trips on a carpet and falls down. I think that for most activities, you don't need to worry. You're just two people who are doing something together, like playing tennis or jogging. You're not assuming extraordinary responsibility for your client or representing yourself as someone who has particular expertise upon which the client can depend. If you're really worried about something, though, check with a lawyer.

It's good to know that your establishment has some type of video surveillance, Lee. Even better, it recognizes obvious bottom-feeding parasites <ahem> lawyers. I expect the negotiations may take quite awhile, if only because my lawyer charges far more per hour than I do, on principle. He claims that grad school got him into his line of work, having made him unfit for anything else. That happened to me, too. Irony abounds! My apologies for the dark humour, Mr. Richards. After the most glorious Easter in decades, Vancouver has reverted to rainy greyness for most of the last week. Mr. Churchill's black dog, disguised as a somewhat damp apricot standard poodle, has been plaguing me recently, demanding long walks in the rain. I am fending off memories of Toronto in the winter: the slush was disgusting but the skies were clear, bright blue.....

Cyclo, I, too, am grateful to you for providing this overview. Thank you for taking the time and for having the care to show what you've learned. Two things occur to me, in addition to the good points already raised by others about interpreting those percentages and the reliability of reporting rates. First, the B.C. Centre for Disease Control estimates that there are about 3,500 people in B.C. who are unknowingly infected with HIV. That's a lot of people. The Vancouver General Hospital did a year-long study that concluded in 2012 in which they offered HIV testing to anyone who was having blood tests for any reason instead of focusing on people in high-risk groups, primarily IV drug users and gay men. In one year, more than 30 people were diagnosed HIV+ and VGH estimated that at least 10 of those would not have been diagnosed otherwise within that time. Focusing on people in designated high-risk groups isn't adequate. True, the discovery of 30 or so infected people is fairly small, given that VGH is an enormous teaching hospital that conducts many, many thousands of blood tests every year. Nevertheless, early detection of HIV makes treatment much more effective than diagnosis after someone has symptoms of full-blown AIDS. As for honesty about homosexual contact, this is a more difficult matter than it may seem at first. A significant number of men who are involved in sexual relationships with women also engage in sexual activities with other men. They don't always inform their female partners that they participate in homosexual acts. A lot of them don't admit it to themselves, either.

Empty, several antidepressants are notorious for making orgasms more difficult to achieve. For people who have trouble with premature ejaculation, this can be a good thing because it helps them regain control over their response. But for others, like you, who find that orgasms are simply impossible, there are alternative medications that may not have the same side effect. Did you discuss this problem with your doctor? I recognize that some men feel very uncomfortable talking about sex and their erectile function with their doctor, but I want to assure all of you that your doctor hears about these problems several times a day, or more. Your doctor should not be unkind, harsh or judgmental with you if you talk about a sexual matter. If he or she is, they're the problem, not you. Find another doctor! Problems with sexual function are not trivial in the least. Our culture is puritanical and encourages us to feel that we shouldn't want sex very much, that there's something to be ashamed of when we we want it, and that there's something virtuous about not having sex. These are moral judgments, though, not medical ones. If you're having sexual function difficulties, you may be having vascular or neurological problems. The veins, arteries and nerve endings in our genitals are very fine and very sensitive, especially in comparison to those in, say, our arms or legs. When they aren't functioning properly, that can be one of the early signs of a growing, significant health problem such as heart disease, diabetes or circulatory disease. If the problem is due to a drug side effect, it's still serious because it may lead to a general deadening of sensation if it goes on for very long. It is unfortunately true that what we don't use we may lose! If you find that you've enjoyed sex for a long time but you don't enjoy it or want it now, please also consider that as a sign of a significant change. Men, in particular, should feel a need to have ejaculations regularly, all their lives. It's a biological requirement for the production of healthy sperm. Please take your body seriously. Pay attention to significant changes. Don't diagnose yourself--"I'm getting older," or "this always happens after menopause"--because the chances are that you're wrong! It is normal for human beings to have healthy, satisfying sex for our entire lives, including in our 80s and 90s.

Gentlemen, thank you for your kind offer to become the Madam of your establishment. It's no secret that I am considering in engaging in a similar enterprise at some point in the future, though I had a somewhat different model in mind than the kind of thing you're doing. Since the sort of position you've described will naturally involve a significant financial contribution on your part, I have forwarded your suggestion to my attorney for consideration. I'm sure that he will contact you and your counsel in due course. So that there may be no argument between us, I hope you will agree that it is much better to let the lawyers hammer out the details than for us to do it ourselves. I'm happy to blame lawyers for difficulties in negotiations! In the meantime, I came across a large sale of chocolate Easter rabbits yesterday and am arranging to have a case of the sweet things delivered to you today or tomorrow. Serendipitously, the store was also having a sale on case lots of Lysol cleaner. I'm sending two cases of that, as well. Do take care not to mix them up, okay? :biggrin:

I did consider hiring an assistant at one point, not long after I returned to Vancouver. I was seeing more clients then than I do now and I thought it might be helpful to have someone take my calls, keep my schedule up to date, and so on. Finding the time to interview people and be sure I had the person who would really understand the way I work was just too much, in the end, and so I didn't do it. I later learned about problems other ladies had had with assistants they'd hired. If the assistant worked for more than one companion, sometimes it seemed that they succumbed to the temptation, or were even paid extra, to funnel prospective clients toward one lady even if they'd initially responded to a different lady's advertisement. In one case, when the companion decided she no longer needed an assistant, the one she had tried to blackmail her using information about her, her clients and the way she worked. That last story is what convinced me not to take on a secretary. Confidentiality is of such high importance to me that I can't imagine having someone else know all the details about my work and the gentlemen who visit me. I do think that it makes a lot of sense for a travelling lady to have this kind of support, however. Not only does it help her shield her clients' privacy, but the assistant is also a back-up for her safety, which is particularly important when she's away from home. The ladies who tour all the time work incredibly hard, planning travel, arranging for bookings, dealing with the hassles that are inevitably involved. Having some extra help with that could be a wonderful thing! manitoba, your remark about running a business like a business is a little off-key, to me. I know that I do that very well and that the presence or absence of a secretary or personal assistant has nothing to do with my professionalism or success. My clients know that I am the only one who will know their personal details and that I will gear our encounters to fit them, specifically. The personal touch is a significant part of what they expect from me and I'm happy to provide it. Phlipspecial69, I think it is reasonable for you to expect to have a phone conversation with the SP before you supply these details, if that's what would be most comfortable for you. That said, many of the men who contact me provide their real-time information in their first e-mail to me. Their willingness to be open and trusting earns them significant bonus points with me!

Some SPs do have an assistant who takes their bookings, posts their ads and things like that. I wouldn't say that it's common, but it's also not unheard-of. Some prospective clients don't mind, but others want to speak to the lady herself. If you're not feeling comfortable with the way things have been handled so far, you shouldn't have any difficulty finding a lady who doesn't have an assistant.

Sometimes I write long posts. Okay, I write long posts a bit too often! When I want to make some specific points, the bullet list option seems good to me. It's less demanding and "rankish" than a numbered list. But it doesn't seem to work here. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong. I know that what I'm doing is making an "unordered list." Once the list button is clicked, it should start a new line, with a new bullet, every time. At the end of the list, pressing Enter twice should bring the list to an end. But the bullets don't appear reliably. I've tried to work around it, with no better success. Sometimes I get a list that's partially bulletted, but most of the time, just [--] instead, and sometimes two or three of those. The post box doesn't like posts with HTML in them. Revealing the page source isn't helping me figure this out, either. This is not a terribly important problem. No one's life, future or even business concerns really depend on this. I'm just a little OCD about things like this....

There's a lot of very good advice here, Karina. While telling this gentleman your feelings could be good, pay attention to the wise advice you've received from Old Dog and Cat. Take some time to think about you, too. [--][--]How are you feeling, in your own life, right now? [--][--]What kinds of stresses and concerns are you dealing with in your life? [--][--]Ours is one of the loneliest professions in the world. We spend time with many people but few ever know us well. We need to maintain good boundaries for the sake of our clients and for ourselves. Most of the time, our friends and family don't know how we're making a living or, if they do, they don't approve. It can be difficult to integrate both parts of our lives--professional and personal. Who knows you well and knows about the reality of your life and work? What kind of care and support do you receive from them? [--][--]When was the last time you had a great evening with friends or family? [--][--]When was the last time you took a vacation by yourself or with a friend or family member? [--][--]Most of the women in our line of work are kind, nurturing, compassionate, highly intuitive givers who get a lot of satisfaction out of caring for other people. One thing many of us struggle with, in our personal lives, is feeling that others care for us. If you get sick, who makes soup, brings you some tea, a movie or a stack of books? Who remembers your birthday without being reminded? Who calls you just to say hello, not to get you to do something for them? [--][--]How many clients are you seeing, on average, each week? [--][--]Do you take last-minute meetings or do you know a day or two ahead of time who you'll be seeing? [--][--]Do you see more clients than you'd like to because you need the money? Or are you working hard to advertise and communicate with potential clients but not actually entertaining as many or as often as you think would be ideal? [--][--]Our clients come to us for sex. Sure, other things are part of the encounter--talking, sharing a meal, exploring one another's thoughts and ideals. Those things are often part of what makes sex work really well for us women. Only you can know whether you've really enjoyed the sexual intimacy in your work. Be honest: how has it been for you, especially in the last couple of months? Even when our bodies respond, becoming aroused, having orgasms, we might feel that something is missing, or that our responses are almost automatic. Other than with this particular client, when have you felt lust, deep desire, yearning and exaltation for someone? [--][--]When you entered our profession, what were your long-term plans? Maybe you thought you'd work for a year or two. Perhaps you were needing to earn some money, quickly, and then realized that you might be able to pay for your education, put some money away for the future, buy a house or do some other significant thing. What goals did you have? [--][--]Every paid companion should have a retirement plan, whether that's based in putting away a certain amount of money, reaching a particular age, or being in a position to pay for something important for her future. What was your plan, originally? Has it changed, and if so, how and why? [--][--]With many important things in our lives, the reasons we start doing something are often different from, and less important than, the reasons we continue. How might this be true for you, as a paid companion? [--][--]Have you had a boyfriend or partner while also working as a paid companion--even one who may not have known about your work? If you did, what was it like for you to work and have that intimate relationship? Did you feel that the two things gave you energy? Did you feel that one got in the way of the other sometimes? If your boyfriend or partner knew about your work, how did he handle it? Did you believe what he said? Did his behaviour match his words? Some time ago, I had a client who was perfect. He never hit a false note, never did even the tiniest little thing wrong or at the wrong time. Over a couple of months, I saw him three or four times a week, for two or three hours at a time. The erotic pendulum swung very wide and never wobbled at any point in its arc from tenderly gentle to wildly kinky. I have never, in all my adult life, known anyone who always knew exactly how to touch me, where to touch and when to do it. It felt like he could look deep inside me and find things that I wasn't really sure were there. It was exhilarating. It was madness of the most delightful kind. He paid me a small fortune, though after the first couple of meetings I hardly noticed. It couldn't have continued the way it was, though. Heated romance like that always burns out eventually, and I knew it. When I realized that our interaction was basically taking over my life, not in terms of the amount of time we were spending together, but in the amount of time I was spending with him in my mind, when he was gone, and when I recognized that he may have been the best sexual partner I'd ever had but he really didn't know anything about me (and that maybe that's why it worked so well), and that my own emotions were driving me very strongly, I stopped seeing him. For weeks, I felt bereft. I felt empty. I felt dull. But after awhile, I started to feel myself again. A year or so later, he asked to see me again and I agreed. Having had some time to ponder, I was curious about what had happened. It was as good, or better, than it ever had been. And so I ended it permanently. Others might have made a different choice. But for me, this was more like an addiction than the kind of love I want to feel and to give. Everyone wants to be loved. No one ever feels loved enough. We all feel insecure about the love we feel, whether we're showing it adequately, whether it matters to the ones we love. I think this is part of being human. I also think that, if there's a grand purpose for our lives, it is to learn to love others, even when loving doesn't bring us what we most deeply need for ourselves. Love and be careful.

<gently clearing my throat ever so politely> Boys... about food for your treasured companions? Perhaps, once or twice upon a time, you and someone dear to your heart decided to throw a Grey Cup party--remember? You thought it would be easy, because all you really needed was three or four cases of Blue or Canadian, a few bags of chips, maybe some nacho cheese Doritos and some onion dip? And remember how the one dear to your heart was scandalized by your, well, maybe she called it "cheap, sophomoric taste," or maybe she didn't use actual words because she was speechlessly gaping at your notion of a menu? Whatever, you know I'm not here to criticize her. I never criticize the dear ones--I have such enormous sympathy for them, including in matters like food. Recall that your willingness to upgrade to serving Moosehead and McCain's pizza brought little comfort to your dear one, and that you were perplexed, weren't you? Thank you for nodding so quietly! What you boys enjoy when you're watching the hockey game together is fine. (Frankly, it's pretty bad for your health, but let's not get into that now.) Food is about a lot of things--culture, family, tradition, what Mom cooked when we were little children. But when you're entertaining a delightful companion, I have one suggestion that will never fail you: Call a caterer. Explain that an exquisite woman deigns to spend a couple of hours with you and you want to impress her. You don't want to be too flashy or extravagant--no peacock's tongues, for example. You just want to demonstrate sensitivity, consideration, elegance and, er, unquestionable safety in terms of ingredients, proper refrigeration and cooking. Some hors d'oeuvres (you know: those things made of puff pastry filled with wild mushrooms; exotic cheeses with artisanal crisp breads; maybe a few tiny quiches), a light main course, and for dessert, a few petite fours or perhaps a small cheesecake. A silver tray with a few strawberries dredged in dark chocolate makes a lovely statement on the bedside table. Never forget that champagne goes with everything. Caterers take credit cards. And cash.

I really like female condoms, Meaghan. They work very well. They may be somewhat more effective at protecting against STDs because the "flange" --the opening--covers a wider area than a regular condom ever could. They're NOT made of latex, so they're terrific if you're sensitive to latex or if the man is. They're lightly lubricated, but you may still want to put a bit of lube inside the condom for the man's comfort and pleasure. You can put lube on the outside, too, if you want to. They're more fiddly than a regular condom, to be sure, and you need to be sure that the penis goes into the condom instead of into your vagina beside it, which can happen if you're not paying attention. That happened to me the first time I used one. Fortunately, I was doing my test run with my boyfriend, so I wasn't worried about anything. Here's a photo of a female condom: The ring on the inside is intended to fit around your cervix and helps to anchor the condom in place inside you. The man shouldn't feel it. You can use them for anal sex, too. Just remove that inner ring and have your partner put the condom on, around his penis, holding the opening against the base of his cock. Put some lube on it that way--on the outside of the condom. When he enters you, the condom is in place. And yes, they're plenty strong enough for anal sex. I have some clients who prefer these to regular condoms. I'm the one who introduced these to them. The men say that it's a LOT more like sex without any barrier, which is an advantage, because nothing fits tightly around the penis. You can insert the condom before your date begins, if you want to. When removing it, I take care to pull it a little way out of my vagina, then give the open end a couple of twists. That prevents the condom from turning inside-out or emptying on me or on the bed. They are significantly more expensive than regular condoms--anywhere from $2.00 to about $6.00 each. You can buy them in some drugstores and in most good-quality sex toy stores that sell condoms. I get mine from a toy store, but sometimes they're available at my local Safeway, and I buy them there. Also, many public health clinics that provide free safer sex supplies provide them.

I use the Trojan Magnum XL and the Lifestyles XL. I prefer the Lifestyles because I don't like the way the Trojans taste. I also use female condoms and, like Kyra, I find that they're wonderful for larger men. One thing you may want to test, though, is whether it's really the tightness of the ring that's uncomfortable for you. I notice that some men imagine the ring is too tight when the fit around the head of his cock is what's really the problem. Too much tightness there can be unsettling. I find that condoms that have a reservoir end are better for those fellows. My suggestion is that you try out some different brands and see what feels best for you, when you're by yourself. Then you can tell your SP what you prefer so that she can make sure to have that particular brand available. I say this because, if she's like me, she won't accept even an unopened box of condoms that you bring with you. There's no way to be sure that box hasn't been left in a hot car or frozen in a trunk. Heat and freezing are bad for condoms. I only use condoms that I've purchased myself.

I'm sure you'll know what's best for you, Lexy, but please.... don't compromise on safety! Motels and hotels that have entrances to suites that can be accessed from outside without going through a lobby make me anxious. Those discrete, private entrances sound great, but they often make it easy for the wrong kind of person to hide.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, RG, and that your next trip around the sun will be full of peace and joy.

My champion standard poodle gave birth to nine beautiful puppies on March 10th. Juno, a brown girl, will be coming home to us at the beginning of May. Here she is, three weeks old:

On March 10, Penny, my standard poodle gave birth to nine gorgeous puppies: three males (one black, one cream and one red) and six females (one black, one cream, one brown and three red). Our breeder says that Penny is one of the best mothers she's ever seen. The brown girl is the best in the litter and will be coming home to us at the beginning of May. Here's a photo of the puppies when they were five days old, and two photos of Juno, our puppy, taken on Sunday when she was three weeks old. .