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Found 4 results

  1. A place for raunchy , funny , and downright ridiculous meme , because everyone needs a good laugh once in a while !
  2. I will just begin by saying I had never done this ever so I have nothing to compare my experience with. I have a very hard time opening up to people due to some very bad early childhood stuff. I have had ongoing intimacy issues for most of my life due to the memories and links my mind created between what happened to me as a child and what sex involves. It is really hard to go further than friendship with women when you don't want to explain it to somebody who you are interested in (unfounded fears of rejection) and your worried your equipment won't respond. I mean I won't really go into here much but I don't even find joy in self "pleasure". So I just let nature take it's course and live a very sexless life. I have throughout my schooling and worklife found that many people think you are strange if you don't openly brag about sexual encounters and taunt you for being gay if you don't follow suite and degrade women. That bothered me for some time now, but at least now I don't have to put up with the gay comments I know what I like and it definitely is not men. On advice of a psychologist I needed to try to have sex otherwise I was just working with unfounded fears. I decided to find a situation in which I was making the decision to have sex. To help me differentiate between the abuse I survived and consensual (normal) sexual relations. I know alot of women and I didn't know if I wanted to try and possibly fail with somebody who would see me around town so I searched the internet for escorts and found the cerb site and there was an ad in the Lethbridge section for Victoria Jolie. I thought for a while and decided this might be a good way to deal with my issue. I did not tell her my exact reason why I was doing this, I thought she might think I was strange or something I don't know (more fears of rejection) so I just told her the part about being a virgin and didn't know how to explain the rest so she just asked me some questions about myself and told me I shouldn't be afraid of women because there's nothing wrong with me that she could see. I am thankful she is so graceful and kind. I wrote this recommendation at a different time than the introduction so that I wouldn't let my own conflict affect the recommendation hopefully it doesn't take away from it. I have found it much easier to write this knowing I can remain anonymous. I feel like I need to explain the situation so that others who may be the same way can understand from my experience that you don't need to be afraid of intimacy. Victoria is an amazing lady. I made arrangements through her website which required info about me (workplace, phone number, etc) that I am actually glad was required, It makes sense for her to know at least something about you. Security is important, especially if you have no references like me. So after a few emails I scheduled and despite some travel issues due to flight problems things worked out great. I was really nervous and had no idea what to expect when I got to her hotel. My heart was in my throat and I was literally ready to run when I got there. I knocked on her door. I am soooo glad I didn't run, when I saw her I couldn't she is by far the most beautiful woman I have ever met! She was very friendly said hello hugged me and gave me a kiss. She asked me a few questions and asked if I had showered, it had been a few hours so I had a quick one and came back out. I was still very nervous so she got me to sit down and we talked some more. She is a great conversationalist she has a very wide range of interests ranging from sports (football, UFC, snowboarding) to wine and travel. She asked me what I wanted to do and I said "Whatever you want to. I have no idea." She just laughed and told me to be careful what I say. She has a great laugh and is really quick witted. She could tell I was still nervous. Then she started to kiss me which was awesome! I Felt like I could've passed out. Seriously that's what it felt like. She told me to give her my lips so I did! I have never felt such an overwhelming feeling of weight off my shoulders it was great. She was kissing me and french kissing and I loved it. Then she got me to go to the bed. Which on the way I got to take in her from. Her face is amazing and her body is glorious! She has an amazing hip to waist ratio and amazing muscle tone through her legs, great looking calves and a really really nice bum her abs are great she is what I would say to be the picture of beauty. She asked me if I was a boob or butt guy and I don't remember what I muttered but in my mind its the whole layout thats great, and she has everything, she really is perfect. She had me lie down and she gave me a back rub. We talked more and it was getting easier, I wasn't stammering or mumbling as much (I hope). We talked about all kinds of stuff, again she has a huge range of interests. I don't know what I was expecting but she exceeded it, she is so kind and accepting. So then she got me to turn over and put my arms around her and just hug and kiss and then she got me to take off her bra... Okay so after a while it finally came off and wow! Wowwy wow wow! Thank you! and I kinda stared "now what?" She just laughed and said to feel them and kiss them! I said I was sorry, I don't know why just nerves I guess, actually pretty well every time something happened I said sorry. Victoria told me I'd have made her a millionaire if she had a nickel for every time I apologized to her. I was worried about how to handle her breasts because I didn't want to hurt her, she told me that she would let me know for sure if I did something wrong. Apparently I made one boob jealous (which I had no idea was possible) so I had to spend time with both. Next she starts kissing more which I never thought would be so great and she moves lower and lower. And then she started to do things, wonderful, amazing things that I could barely stand! I let her know and she laughed and when she laughed it was unbelievable! The feeling of noise on my doodle was absolutely INCREDIBLE! I was just trying to focus on not losing it immediately, so I just focused on the feelings and the whole unreal scenario. Then she put a condom on with her lips. She moved up and sat on it. AAAAAAHHAAA ahhh whoa... I think those were my exact words. It was so warm and it felt soooo good! I didn't know what to do so I asked her and she just told me to relax. She moved around, alot, and it felt fantastic. Like nothing I can compare it to. AND she has amazing muscle control! I had no clue that women have muscles inside their special places which Victoria can use to and I will quote here "I'm squeezing your cock!" followed by giggling. So just when I thought I couldn't handle much more she hoped off I don't know how she could tell and off came the condom and she started giving me another fantastic bj! I asked her what the protocol was for the um the I'm done moment. She said it's okay just relax... And so I tried but I pretty soon told her it was ready and she went even faster and I nearly died! When I finally orgasmed I thought my body was going to implode! I have never felt that kind of extacy like the most painful and great feeling ever! It was unbelievable. I said sorry and she tried to say something then kinda half said "I can't talk." Sorry I said again and she laughed and went around the corner to spit I think. Then she came back with a warm towel and cleaned me off and we talked more and cuddled which I really loved. Her breath smelt like mint and I don't know what her perfume was but it was delightful. I had just kind of relaxed and we talked about my lack of experience so she got me to feel her vagina which was awesome, she got me to rub her and told me what was sensitive. I kind of wish I had actually gone down to learn more but I wasn't sure if I was allowed to touch and kiss and stuff. I imagine I would've been but I didn't know if thats what she wanted so I just kept rubbing until she reached down and held my jimbob and just kept talking to me as if nothing was going on. I kinda laughed when she said "I can feel it getting harder" and then she started kissing me again, all the while I tried to apologize for it getting harder which got another laugh out of her. Oh and she loves to tickle which I found fun. I don't know why because normally I can't stand the feeling but with her in that situation it was great! So then she started at it again got me ready and then asked me to get on top. I was worried I was going to hurt her, I have no idea how much could break her and I told her so she just giggled again and told me not to worry so I got in there and It was amazing, I kept apologizing and she just put her arms around me pulled me down and kept grabbing my back and pulling me into her so I assumed everything was okay. As it turns out I didn't crush her and she was fine! It's kinda cool from that position too because you can kiss and hold her and she's just amazing looking. I couldn't tell if I was going to slow or fast, I probably should've asked but I didn't then she says she wanted "doggy" So I backed off and she flipped over but I'm kinda tall so however it was I couldn't get aligned. She got me to the edge of the bed standing and then she used her mouth on Mr. Happy some more before turning around and guiding me into her. It was at that moment I said "This might seem a little off topic but that's a really pretty tattoo." That got another laugh and a thank you I said sorry and just kept going. I got close to finishing and she asked how I wanted to finish, inside or blowjob. I told her it was up to her and she told me to lay down again because thats her favourite. So I layed down and she started up again with her stolen from an angel lips. I grabbed her hand because I dunno what are you supposed to do!? And again, whole body death lurch. I never thought I could feel so good. She cleaned up and came back and hugged and cuddled more. She asked me if I was more comfortable with her now. Uh huh I most certainly am. Victoria has a great personality and has a great depth of interests, she is really a down-to-earth person and very accepting. I told her I was worried the whole experience was going to be just a mechanical hi and goodbye operation, but this was way more than that. She told me it isn't supposed to be that way, sex is supposed to be a fun thing. She is so warm and welcoming, non-judgemental and beautiful. She was a real joy to meet, and I wish I could have stayed longer. But my time was already over so I understood I had to go. She offered me the shower again and I did. Then right before I left she kissed me again and sent me on my way. I really hope I can see her again. I am so glad I followed through and didn't let my fear get the best of me, if I had run I would never have proven to myself that nothing is wrong with the sexual side of me. I don't know if I need to run out and prove it to people. I am just happy knowing I don't have to be afraid of sex. I know it will still be hard explaining my situation to any woman I may meet in the future, but if she still liked me after, I know there wouldn't be any malfunctions or anything. I mean after meeting Victoria if I never did it again I wouldn't care! It was great meeting such a wonderful person and she can make you laugh which is super I would love to see her again. Victoria Jolie is Fantastic
  3. Kingston 8am-11:30am (today only) & brockville prebookings nice day to play on a really fun spinner .. Kingston 8am-11:30am only petite. fun. five foot none.... check me out you wont be disappointed http://superfriendhannahstar.com/photo_albums/7510 http://superfriendhannahstar.com/photo_albums/7509 SUPERFRIENDHANNAHSTAR.COM MORE PICS, REVIEWS, CONTACT INFO 5 foot zero, brunette, green eyes, great assets Please email anytime [email protected] or [email protected] 613******or ******8690031or 6132******** txt me prebookings- spinner visits to Brockville soon
  4. Let's hear some dirty Haiku poems, they are 3 lines only, 5 syllables, 7 syllables and the last line is 5 syllables for example cum shot went too far no more sex on roof again fell on street cops hat
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