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Happy weekend gorgeous people! I am excited to publish this interview with @Shalom. We all love sex (we wouldn't be here if we didn't, right? 😛) but what actually *is* sex? How do we define it? I am sure you will find Shalom's answers thought provoking. Please do let us know your thoughts in the comments! Q: Hey Shalom. Thanks for agreeing to share your thoughts on this interesting topic! A: You’re welcome! I’m excited to get into these questions! This particular seems pretty perfect for me! Q: Thanks! So what got you into this industry and how long have you been a part of it? A: I’ve been doing some form of sex work for about 12 years. I started on cam sites out of necessity mostly. After working in retail stores and cafes since I was 16 I needed something that allowed me the freedom from all the hellish realities of the service industry and minimum wage work. I learned pretty quickly that camming was not for me. All respect to those performers who do it! But I am best in smaller spurts of individualised connection. I moved on to BDSM and Domination which I love and still do, but found it wasn’t consistent enough. So I tried offering full service sessions about 7 years ago. Best decision of my life! It’s the best fit for me, let’s me flex my Domme muscles on occasion, and I love being able to meet new people and connect on so many intimate and vulnerable levels. Q: You have had a varied sex work journey so far! So let’s talk about sex, baby! Initial thoughts - what is sex to you? A: Hmmmm, where do I even begin? First, I’d say sex is visceral connection. And many opposing human experiences. Vulnerability and strength, spirituality and depravity, something inherently human and animalistic. It’s also deep and meaningful, or fun and frivolous. Or just, a way to combat the boredom of an endless lockdown?! Q: Nice! Do you count solo masturbation as sex? A: Absolutely! The idea that sex only exists when there is 1 or more other people involved has always been confusing to me. Masturbation can be all the things I mentioned above, only the connection is with yourself, your spirit, your body. It’s also an act of self care and love which I think is something we don’t really talk about enough. A good wank-sesh releases the same neuro-chemicals as partnered sex and we need those chemicals to be healthy, happy humans. Q: A lot of people only count sex as penetration, but what about LGBTQ sex? For example, how do you define sex with a woman? A: I think that sex without penetration or a penis can often tend to be more cerebral and tactile. The focus is not on putting the ‘P’ in the ‘V’ but on experiencing pleasure (or pain!) in a way that is completely individual to those involved. And when you aren’t solely focused on mashing body parts together you get to focus on fucking each others mind, body and maybe even soul. Hot! But just like all forms of sex, queer sex can also just be a physical expression of 2 (or more) people’s horniness and that is still a great thing! Q: Being in the queer community has made me realise how heteronormative everything is. For example discussing different “bases” from school. How do you think we can (as a society) become more inclusive in our terminology and sex education? A: I think the easiest way to be more inclusive is to simply be mindful and remember that not all ‘women’ have vulvas and not all ‘men’ have penises. I try really hard to be non-gender specific with my words. It’s an adjustment, but it’s really not hard to say things like ‘people with breasts’ or ‘people with penises’ or some variation. Or simply, genitals. Everyone has genitals, gender doesn’t determine whether those genitals are an ‘innie’ or an ‘outie’. Another way to be more inclusive is to stop perpetuating the idea that sex is only what we call ‘PIV’ (penis is vagina), because, firstly, that’s a dull definition of sex (PIV is not dull, but the idea that it’s all that sex is, is dull! Get creative people!). And secondly, there are so many amazing experiences left out of that concept. Q: I’ve heard people say that lesbians are technically still virgins. What are your thoughts on “virginity”? Do you think we are classing it correctly? A: Nope! Not even a little bit, I don’t think we classify it correctly at all! I mean, what about lesbians who use strap-ons? Or digital penetration? Is a silicone penis that looks and feels as life like as modern technology can produce not still a kind of penis? Do fingers not hit those spots? The idea of virginity is so tied up in outdated ideas of gender and shame and sex negativity and I think holding on to those ideas is harmful to people of all genders and all ages. Q: I prefer the term “sexual debut”! Do you think there’s anything problematic in how we talk about virginity. E.g. We say that you “lose” it, and there’s a lot of pressure (mainly for women) to preserve it. A: Whoooooo, I’m going to try not be concise and not rant too much on this one! First, the term ‘virgin’ literally means an unmarried and/or young woman. Somewhere in human history we assigned the word to this idea that the act of sex, specifically for the first time, is a tangible thing that a man is supposed to take from a woman. And that if a woman has given that mysterious item to someone else, she has lost all value and respectability. And whoa! What bullshit! Virginity is a concept that was invented in a time when women’s only value was in her ability to provide offspring and in many cases, provide status or wealth to her family (mainly father) by marrying a man of higher status. Sorry. I had to go there!! So, there’s really no reason to hold on such an outdated concept. Then there’s this whole idea of the hymen? Which actually, in most people with vaginas, is tissue that forms in the embryonic stage but during development opens itself. Some women do have more of this tissue than others, but it is not this weird freshness seal over the vagina that is meant to be torn open? I mean ew? Anyway, the concept is based on very outdated understanding of the bodies of people with vaginas and the vast majority of innies do not even bleed the first time they have penetrative intercourse. Ok, that wasn’t too painful. But yeah, let’s get rid of the whole thing! Q: LOVE that answer - you are so right! Back to PIV sex… do you think that we often define sex as penetration in order to keep our “body count” lower? A: I think that can be true for some people for sure. I also think that the urge to keep ‘body counts’ lower in any way, is part of how our culture is still so sex negative. So classifying sex as only being an act of penetration is a way to avoid all the various different ways we still shame ourselves not only for being sexualised people sometimes, but really doing anything that is pleasurable. Like don’t eat too much of that chocolate cake, don’t watch too much Netflix, you should feel bad that instead of cleaning your bathroom you watched some porn and rubbed one out!! Lol, no, do what makes you happy as long as no one else gets hurt. Q: It’s funny how as a society we tend to class penetration as sex yet there are other sexual things you can do which are incredibly, and arguably more, intimate. Such as oral. What are your thoughts on that? A: I think there are sexual acts that can be infinitely more intimate than penetration for sure. It all depends on so many factors. And there are things that aren’t sexual that can be extremely intimate as well. The client who opens up to me about his struggles with his own sexuality while we cuddle fully clothed is trusting me with something far more vulnerable and intimate than the client who has a menu and a to-do list and is checking items off with whoever is available when he has time. There’s a time and place for all these experiences and they’re all valid (mostly…) but when we limit intimacy to PIV or sex to PIV we miss out on a whole universe of amazing possibilities and experiences. Q: Thank you for your time. Anything else to add before we wrap up (excuse the pun)? A: Thanks for including me in this series!! I think the thing I want to add is, a quote from a great song that has been playing in my mind as I write this. ‘Free your mind and the rest will follow’.
Good morning Canadian lovers! ❤️ Delighted to share an interview with you today, this time with a Client on Lyla. @loopie has been a member for some time and has many years experience in this industry. In this interview, we talk about the very beginning of his journey, what new experiences he has had and some sound advice relevant to anyone, regardless of how long you've been seeking Companionship. Q: Hey there, Loopie! It is great to get the chance to interview you. Let’s start by finding out a bit about you? A: I'm a middle-aged man who got into this lifestyle after reading a comic book (or "graphic novel" as some people like to call them). The comic book was 'Paying For It' by a cartoonist named Chester Brown, whose other works I really liked. Brown's works are often autobiographical and this one chronicled his experiences as a client seeing escorts in Toronto in the 90's. The way he depicted the experience made it seem like something I would enjoy. I had not really thought about it before. When I was younger, I had wanted to have a traditional nuclear family with a monogamous marriage, but my relationships had not panned out. I had not dated for a bit and was at a point in my life where I was starting to have a fare bit of disposable income, so I decided to give this lifestyle a shot. I shopped around and found a provider that seemed ideal and she turned out to be wonderful. So it was a great first experience and I just kept going. Q: How long have you been seeing Companions? Is it a regular thing? A: I've been seeing companions for close to 15 years now. Normally, it was a regular thing. That changed during the pandemic, during which I saw nobody. But normally I would see a woman monthly. Some of it was driven by women's touring schedules. A woman I really fancied might come to town for a few days every couple months, so if I wanted to see her, it had to be then. And sometimes a few of my favourites would come to town very close to each other. Q: Do you have a “type” that you go for? A: Typically it's big boobs. I think that's the most attractive physical trait a woman can have. The bigger the better. When I'm doing my initial scan of the ads, that's what always gets my attention first. As far as personality goes, if I can get a sense that they're more relaxed and down-to-earth that makes for a much more agreeable encounter. Q: Have you found that you discovered new types of attraction, kinks or things you like through exploring with Companions? A: Yes, although I typically just want a vanilla rendezvous, this lifestyle has allowed me to broaden my horizons and experience new things. I tried some sensual dom stuff and enjoyed it. I think there are some people who do just enjoy pain and degradation, but that's not me. If all I wanted was my ass kicked, I could just honk the nose of any bouncer at any bar. I wanted to try dom because I hoped it could bring a sense of suspense and constant psychological engagement to the encounter. And it accomplished exactly that. When I was in Japan, I saw an escort and got to see what the experience was like there. I got to go to one of those love hotels I'd heard about. And the woman did the whole ceremonial washing thing where she scrubbed me down before our encounter. I had always seen that in Japanese films and it was really exciting to experience. The whole scrubdown is really nice foreplay for me. I've also had some other unique companions, like a woman who had committed to an extreme body transformation. Not the type of woman I even see in real life often, let alone get to be intimate with. Q: Do you find that, for you at least, variety is important? A: That's one of the great advantages of this lifestyle. There's very little commitment, so I can see a variety of different types of women and try different things. I still tend to settle into seeing a small rotation of providers who I know I like, but it's good to mix things up. Q: What are your main reasons for hiring Companions? Is it purely sexual? A: Yes, my interest in escorts is purely sexual. There are many women I have seen regularly for many years and I would say we have a friendly rapport and a familiarity, but our relationship is still a professional one. Q: Has spending time with Companions had any effect on your personal life; how you see yourself, sexual confidence, relationships? A: I have not dated in a long time. I don't know what I would want from a relationship at this point in my life. I'm very used to living alone and feel too old to have children and start being a father. A romantic relationship at this point in my life would basically be a friend that I have sex with. But I already have lots of friends for friendship, and I have escorts for sex. So, seeing escorts has simplified my life. Seeing companions has definitely helped me articulate my sexuality. The keys to getting what you want from any professional are knowing what you want and being able to describe it clearly. Q: Are there any other fantasies or experiences that you’re excited to try? A: After more than a year of being alone in my apartment, just hugging somebody is pretty exciting. Now that I'm all vaccinated and easing back into my regular life, I'm mostly just getting used to having vanilla rendezvous back in my life. Maybe I'll start thinking out of the box again in a few months. Q: What advice would you give to someone looking to explore new experiences with Companions? A: Be clear in your mind about what you want and communicate with your provider. Not just the what, but also the how. You may be trying something that's new to you, but it's probably not new to her, and letting her know your lack of experience and expectations can definitely help her in guiding you through it. Q: Thank you for your time, Loopie. Anything else to add? A: Thank you for your interest.
We all know this name, don't we? I'm delighted to share an interview with @KylieJane on how she keeps her customers cumming, sorry, I mean COMING 😉 back for more. Please share your thoughts in the comments! Q: Hey Kylie! Thanks so much for doing this interview with me. You’ve been on Lyla for a while from what I can see! Can you give us some background on your journey as a Companion? A: It has been awhile, approximately 6 yrs. I've always been very sexually open-minded and had an ability to relate to anyone. I would say becoming a companion was a pretty natural fit for my personality. Q: Do you remember your first Client? What was it like? A: I certainly do! I remember I actually had an ad on a non-sex worker site, I was just starting my journey and didn't know where to place an ad. He was an older gentleman and was the only one who got a chance to send me a message before I was shut down. I was nervous, but fortunately he was not. He had seen providers before and was very understanding and patient with me. We continued to see each other many times until his health deteriorated to the point he wasn't able to. I have many fond memories of him and our time together. Q: Would you say the majority of your Clients are nervous when you first meet? I know I would be! A: I would say meeting a companion for the first time is a unique adventure and can understand someone being nervous. But when I see someone for the first time I make sure they are set at ease, It makes spending time with someone more enjoyable for both of us. And i believe I have a reputation for being easy going and making people comfortable. Q: Do their nerves settle when they’ve seen you more than once? A: Yes, I like to think so, as I make sure they are set at ease firstly, then I like to think my repeat clients enjoy our comfortable time and have many who say so, I believe my regulars enjoy my personality as much as other attributes. Q: I guess nerves can really get in the way of things sometimes, do you ever experience cancellations or sessions cut short because of nerves? A: I have and completely understand when someone tells me so. Thankfully when this has happened I've gotten plenty of notice, this is all I ask. Even then sometimes after a bit more chatting/texting they relax and keep their date. But if nerves do get the best of someone I do get it. And some will still send a donation regardless even if they aren't ready to see me, which is always appreciated. Q: I imagine in the time you’ve been a Companion you’ve learnt some valuable skills, including settling nerves. So, set the scene, it’s a Client’s first time seeing you and they’re messaging to say they’re super nervous - what do you do? A: I assure them I understand and explain sometimes I get nervous also, it can be stressful meeting someone new in any situation. I explain my where my hosting location is and what to expect when they walk through the door. I also explain that once they are with me there is no pressure or expectations. We will do what we are comfortable with and I will make sure you will enjoy our time together. I will also say that in no way will I do aggressive messaging, no pressure and always friendly. Q: And what about in person, if they’ve arrived and they’re still nervous, what course of action do you take? A: Always when someone arrives, I show them in and greet them with a smile, hug and a cheek kiss (I never assume they are ok with a mouth kiss) I find this type of greeting goes a long way in settling nerves. As they come in, I like to sit them down, offer a beverage to their liking and ask them about their day. Q: Do you have any aids at your incall/outcall to help settle Clients’ nerves? A: Does my sparkling personality count as an aid? Lol kidding. Sometimes music, mood lighting and a glass of wine, including non-alcoholic, are always great ways to relax. Q: So what about you? Do you ever get nervous before a session? A: Absolutely, meeting new people can be stressful no matter the situation. Q: What has helped you personally with feeling confident before a session? A: I like to pick out some of my favourite outfits that make me feel sexy. Then I'll look in the mirror, take a deep breath and say "I look great and I feel sexy". This gets me in a confident mood, and I believe feeling good about myself is a good thing for the person I'm seeing. I really enjoy what I do, and anyone I see will know this. Also a glass of wine can help, hehe. Q: Thanks so much for your time! Anything else you’d like to add? A: Thank you, I appreciate you asking to contribute to this wonderful forum. I will add, getting to know your client/companion helps set them at ease. Find out likes/dislikes, boundaries and expectations. I believe these things are necessary for the best possible interaction, xo.
Happy Sunday sexy, smart and sensual people! Today's interview is with someone I've had fascinating discussions on Twitter with and who is relatively new to Lyla - @Callista Carter ❤️ I hope you enjoy and please do comment with any life lessons you have learnt from this industry, whether you're a Client or Companion. Q: Hey Callista! Thanks for being our interviewee on this exciting topic. Let’s start with getting some info on you - where are you from and what do you do? A: I'm from a little bit all over. Originally Alberta, although I've been in BC for almost 5 years. I've lived on Vancouver Island, Prince George BC, and now in the Okanagan. I am currently a masseuse! I just rebranded from fully escorting when I moved to the Okanagan. Q: Thanks for the intro! So how long have you been doing this? What services do you offer? A: I have been in the industry most of my life off and on. I was trafficked quite young and was brought into the industry on a few platforms then. As a sex worker, I have been working off and on since I was about 21 (I'm now 26). I say as a sex worker - because that's what I currently do and there is a huge difference between a label of child trafficking and sex working. Q: I am so sorry you went through that. Can I ask what the transition was like between trafficking and consensual sex work? A: Unfortunately it happens in this world. But I've really made a good transition between the two. I didn't work in the sex trade for a few years and decided to go on my own will and sought an agency at that time. It changed my entire life for the better. I've had tons of shuffles too, don't get me wrong. But I'm able to get back on my feet and heal and I'm feeling quite self empowered since deciding to work as a worker. Q: Did you have any preconceptions before going into sex work? A: Getting into sex work from a past of being trafficked, was a whole new world for me! I definitely had a stigma going into it, but honestly sex work gave me my power back! Q: This is a slightly loaded question but… sex work. Easier or harder than it looks? A: Sex work is way harder than everyone thinks. People think we just lay on our back and get paid. Or think that we JUST have sex. My typical day as a sex worker: Wake up, check my work Facebook, Twitter, Email, Text messages. I then get in the shower, get ready. I spend anywhere between 1-2 hours mentally preparing for my day via meditation, motivation podcasts, blazing, eating, hair, makeup galore! By that time, I'm then taking pictures, posting ads (which costs money too), I'm accepting texts, occasionally phone calls. About 1 in probably 15 messages are actually for the city I am located in, and half of those are people just wasting my time, or calling me horrendous names. The actual appointment is the easiest and best part of my job (aside from the fact that half the time you have to drag a gentleman into the shower so they aren't gross and actually smell nice). Q: It’s so much more than doing the session and getting paid, right? What else goes into it? A: Marketing lots and lots of marketing... that's a difficult part on its own.... ESPECIALLY Facebook and Twitter with the algorithms to flag most SW anything! I love the pay of my career, although sometimes the emotional labour that comes with it isn't ALWAYS worth the extra cash. That being said I absolutely adore my job! It keeps me challenged, every day is different, you meet the most amazing clients and people, you are part of making someone's day (even sometimes month or year). All that is such a rewarding feeling and keep me at it. Although I'm looking at school for another career, I feel I'll always still do SW in some form or another. Q: What life skills have you picked up during your career? A: As far as life skills go; there is so much to SW. Especially as an independent provider. I own a business. I have learned things like marketing and algorithms, how to make a website. Also how to get ready quickly. I've learned about budgeting, saving, and investments (I still have TONS of work to do, but I'm working on it). I've learned the value of my own boundaries and to value myself. I'm slowly becoming more knowledgeable on taxes too! And those are just the basics! Q: What about “emotional” skills? So stuff like setting boundaries, putting a Client’s nerves at ease? A: I used to have a hard time putting up boundaries and would beat myself and hate myself for almost letting someone harm me. Even emotionally. Now as I'm developing as a woman and have the time and space to do the work on myself that I need to, I see myself flourishing! I'm more clear in knowing what I like and don't like (and it's forever changing, as I evolve and explore more things too). Q: What about in terms of self exploration - has sex work enabled you to get to know yourself better in certain ways? A: Sex work has given me lots of opportunities to practice self care. I love the outdoors and can go often! I can afford a really good therapist. I have a life coach too, that's able to work in my corner. Although sex work is isolating in the "real world". I get to develop a beautiful relationship with myself. I have learned self respect, self empowerment, integrity, hard work and an ample of other personal skill sets. Q: There’s a stigma that sex work is a “dead end” job, right? But all these things we’ve spoken about proves the opposite. How would you “dress up” certain skills to make them civvy friendly? E.g. writing ads = copywriting. A: I have recently updated a resume and I was able to transfer a lot of skills. Instead of just saying I'm a masseuse, I just painted a picture I own a massage company and gain clientele via word of mouth/ Facebook marketing. The transferable skills I was able to highlight are things like, bookkeeping, reception, cleaning, organization, massage etc. I would also add, I feel that a lot of my career is also therapy for my clients. Being a good listener is super pertinent! Q: Do you think that Clients can learn something from participating in sex work too? Such as manners? A: Oh yes, Clients can learn tonnes of things!! Manners and how to treat a lady 100%. But also some sexual and non sexual techniques. I often will guide clients when trying new things to "teach" how to go about pleasuring in those ways! Clients can also have an opportunity to work on themselves I'm sessions too. That be patience, confidence, learning to relax/self care. Thank you sooo much for your time Callista!