CristyCurves 169032 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 Is family more important than friends,or should we not choose. What if family is not in contact,severely disfunctional? Should we then give up ,throw in the towel,or is family family,to the end? When is a friend not a friend?what is considered crossing the line,should a friend always take a bullet for you,keep your confidences,stand up for you? My personal definition of a friend is someone that is there for me in my times of need,someone that is genuinely concerned for my well being,one who would NEVER divuldge my secrets & only wants the best for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baileydog 9367 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 As the old joke goes - a friend will help you move - a good friend will help you move a body If you are lucky, you will make a handful or two of really good friends over your life time - treasure them I vote for friends over family, if you use the broad definition of family - I'll do anything for my kids - but I have brothers I talk to once a year 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tokan 16826 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 I'd have to say that family and friends are equally important. My family was always there for me growing up, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. That being said you choose your friends, you don't have a choice when it comes to family, lol. And as much as I love my family there are times when we don't exactly see eye to eye on things. Baileydog was right when he said that if your lucky you make one or two really good friends during your lifetime. My best friends are practically family to me. We've been through so much together that it would be hard to call them anything other than a brother. I can honestly say they've stood by my side during some of the roughest moments of my life and for that I would take a bullet for them in a heart beat. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
backrubman 64800 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 Is family more important than friends,or should we not choose. What if family is not in contact, severely disfunctional? Should we then give up ,throw in the towel, or is family family,to the end? I think friends and family are completely different entities Cristy. As dysfunctional as our family may be they are still family (and we can't change that even if we'd sometimes like to). I have a very small circle of really close friends (so few people qualify or make the grade). Interestingly and on reflection, I think some of my best friends are CERB members. While I do rely, depend and expect that anything I share with my "professional" SP friends is to be kept in the strictest of confidence and the lines of demarcation are very clear to me (I don't ever expect an SP to invade my personal, "other" or "real" life and they can always rest assured that I will never do that to them) I find I can tell them things I would tell no one else in the whole world and really be myself (unguarded) and they are not only engaged (and sometimes amused) by my truly strange life but are bound by some odd (non written but well understood) canon of ethics and very non judgmental. In fact, although they are "paid for" and "professional" friends, they are in a way the best friends of all as you can really depend on their discretion, loyalty and dependability. Thank you ladies for doing everything you do. Us "complex" minds are really glad you are around :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 Family you have no choice in Friends you chose and they chose you Now I'm very fortunate, close to my immediate family (mother,father, brother, nephew) and they are as close, but in a different way as my friends. I do have some family members quite honestly I'd rather never see, but at family functions, just bite my tongue, and put up with them And I have very few, but true good friends, friends I've had for 20-25 years And friendship isn't a popularity contest, it's not how many friends you have, it's how good a friend they are. I'd much rather have 2-3 good true friends rather than 20-30 "friends" just to look popular A quick rambling RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrgreen760 37785 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 You can choose your friends and some will stay and some will go, just the nature of life and portability that wasn't an option even 20 years ago. Like it or not family is pretty much is forever. To me they are very different. I got to choose my friends......just sayin Peace MG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meg O'Ryan 266444 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 Well, I truly believe that people will come and go in your life but there is that one special person who will remain; be it a family member, a friend or a partner. I love my parents and my siblings but to be honest, the less interaction the better. Then we are all happy to see/hear from each other without any drama lol. My soulmate, well, we breathe as one :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ***t***iv*** Report post Posted April 3, 2012 Is family more important than friends,or should we not choose.What if family is not in contact,severely disfunctional? Should we then give up ,throw in the towel,or is family family,to the end? When is a friend not a friend?what is considered crossing the line,should a friend always take a bullet for you,keep your confidences,stand up for you? My personal definition of a friend is someone that is there for me in my times of need,someone that is genuinely concerned for my well being,one who would NEVER divuldge my secrets & only wants the best for me. I think it depends on the situation, as well as the family and the friends in question which are more important. If you need to choose, choose the healthier of the two groups. if one is making you choose, choose the other, unless you are at risk. in that case, take heed and seek unbiased counsel. If there is no contact within a family, and/or it's seriously dysfunctional to the point where it's damaging you, then yeah throw in the towel. Your SELF is more important that anything or anyone else. that goes double for your mental and physical well being. a friend is NOT a friend when they betray you. when they do not value you and respect you, then they are not a friend. they will not lie to you, even if it's to protect you or your friendship. that is the selfish, easy way out and really they're protecting themselves and not really valuing you. A friend is one who is willing to do right by you even when it's the harder path to take. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrrnice2 157005 Report post Posted April 3, 2012 I am again one of the lucky ones with a great family and also very good friends. They ARE different however. It is probably not uncommon, but one tends to 'protect' family from burdens while friends get to be the ones that truly share and hear everything. True friends are always there, no matter what and will be privy to your feelings and thoughts. You are able to share with them and probably even impart advice or so called wisdom even when it is not asked for. That as I well know can cause problems but if it is given or received with good intentions behind the words then one can usually accept it. I know that I tend to 'meddle' less in the lives of my family and I resent it when they tell me the 'facts of life', more so than when a friend does the very same thing. Interesting when one thinks about it. I suppose that is because the friends know more of the reality of my thinking and feelings than family might. I would never wish to choose between them because both friends and family are important parts of my life. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted April 4, 2012 Anyone who doesn't have your best interest at heart is not worthy of your time, emotions or anything that is connected to you. Sometimes the hardest part is letting go. You can not fit a square into a circle and in the long run you only hurt yourself. Just my opinion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maverick 2873 Report post Posted April 4, 2012 I don't believe in unconditional relationships, so if there are any people in my family that I don't get along with I phase them out of my life, as if they were a friend. Life is too short to waste time on people who make you feel bad. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LeeRichards 177238 Report post Posted April 4, 2012 fAMILY !! My friends have of course always been there for me when I need them when they can and have time to be there for me and vica versa.....My family is ALWAYS there when I need them and vica versa ! but that is just my life and my situation.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cometman 35115 Report post Posted April 4, 2012 Give me a very few close friends (which I have) and I am all set. Every family is different. My dad is deceased (we were close), I am close to my mom, I have a sis I was close to (cancer last summer), a sister that is bipolar, and an asshole brother. Yes, friends are the best- at least for me. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
