Non-sexual aspects of good incall dates

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I, too, like to learn new things (particularly about people, what can I say, I'm somewhat of an anthropologist), so when my clients share a bit of themselves, it's always nice, especially since I'm pretty open about my life and background.

 

I'm much the same, myself. I wouldn't be a companion if I didn't like people. The stories folks tell about their lives and their interests always fascinate me. I try to find ways to engage with them. It often improves the connection between us. Since I usually entertain at home, I'm already sharing a lot of things about myself and my life.

 

Our time together should be the most sensual of experiences. That doesn't just mean sex but accoutrements that tickle all the senses: slightly scented room, candles, soft sexy music, refreshments, entertaining conversation, a relaxed and intuitive partner, lingerie, mouthwash, antibiotic and unscented soaps, fresh sheets & towels, hot cloths, etc. There's so much that makes for the perfect visit but you get the idea.

 

Engaging all the senses is what makes a good time great, IMHO.

 

I agree, Anna. (Welcome to the board, by the way!) Engage the senses while keeping everything fresh, clean and comfortable is a terrific recipe for a great time.

[a******s.m*****e 187]

 

I, too, like to learn new things (particularly about people, what can I say, I'm somewhat of an anthropologist),

 

We have a lot in common :)

 

I am a science freak. Gossip or everyday chat bores me to tears, but give me a good conversation about the origin of the universe and you got my attention :)

 

I was born the wrong gender ;)

[a******s.m*****e 187]

Another good thing this job does to you is that you lose your fear of authority completely.

Once you have seen a CEO naked, worrying about his size, you know they are people just like the rest of us LOL

[JoyfulC 132299]

Each visit to a lady is unique. I see mostly incall ladies and they've done a variety of things to make the non-sexual aspects each date a good time. The following is a list of some of the things I like to make the overall experience more enjoyable. No date would have all of these, but rather its a collection of things ladies can do to make our times more enjoyable. For you other guys (or ladies), feel free to add your own ideas or experiences.

 

Booking a suite. I love the ladies that spend a little extra to book a suite instead of a regular hotel room. It gives the opportunity to spend time on the sofa talking and then heading to the bedroom. It just helps it feel more like a date.

 

No TV. If a lady is watching tv before I arrive - turn if off when I knock. I listen to those idiot boxes enough at home. I want a break.

 

Be ready, rested and clean. Give enough time between meetings to shower, do your make-up and hair. Even if I'm not the first you've seen that day I want to feel that way. Emotional rest is also just as important so you can give me your attention.

 

Turn off and put away your business cell phone. I understand that many ladies keep two phones and keep their personal ones on. That is fine but have them in a discrete place.

 

Bags in closets. Don't have bags and clothes all over chairs or the other beds. Keep the whole room or suite calm and relaxing. It also gives less of a feeling of the meeting being arranged and temporary.

 

Good conversation. Some ladies are not good conversationalists. Others ramble non-stop about themselves. The best are the ones that ask me questions about myself and take an honest interest in my what I saw and are interested enough to ask follow-up questions. Usually there is then a gradual opening up as they reveal a bit about themselves in response. The really good ones remember these things about me and come the next date things keep developing.

 

Some wine or something else to drink. Its nice to have something to drink while talking and some ladies have made it a point to have one or two beverage options available. I don't mind if the lady chooses not drink. I find a glass of wine quite relaxing and enjoyable. Simple foods are also great, who can say no to strawberries and chocolate sauce.

 

A lady that starts with her clothes on. Some ladies have you shower and meet you fully undressed - not my cup of tea. I like the anticipation of meeting her clothed and undressing her. Of course a lady the meets me in very sexy lingerie is quite fine. A strip tease also works wonderfully. In general I like the shower to be optional. If I've literally showered before going over, I don't feel I should be made to take one. It can be a bit of a mood killer. I prefer the more natural course of kissing and undressing.

 

Mood music. This just doesn't happen enough. Ladies bring an iPod and speakers or laptop on speakers and have a variety of playlists on hand. We guys are of different ages and musical tastes so have a variety on hand. Have each playlist at least 1 1/2 hours long so it doesn't end or have to be changed half-way through. For ladies in suites, have the music in the bedroom.

 

Subtle lighting. Give the room a subtle mood. Glaring overhead lights, bright windows or the horrible lights on the bedstands are not great for the mood. If you cannot arrange subtle lighting think about bring one a light of your own. We want to see you but not feel to overly exposed ourselves.

 

Massages - both giving and receiving work great either before or after sex. Have some real massage oil on hand but also understand some gents cannot leave smelling much different than when they arrived.

 

Don't rush. I know whats reasonable for the timeframe I've booked. If for one reason or another the sex parts finishes quicker, make me feel relaxed and enjoying the rest of my time. Offer another drink, ask for a massage or lay with me and make me feel relaxed.

 

After the sex. One girl I knew would go to the bathroom and return with a facecloth warmed with very hot water and a tissue. I would still be on the bed, take the condom off myself and she would take it in the tissue. Then she would gently wash my dick with the hot facecloth. This felt wonderful and made me feel very pampered.

 

Ultimately its more than the sex - its about a break from everyday life, feeling relaxed, making emotional connections and feeling a bit pampered. We know its not a real date but the greater the illusion, the better.

 

These are all excellent suggestions -- however, a couple of them (such as booking a suite, limiting the number of appointments so as to be fresher for you, providing beverages and food) increase the SP's costs or limit her earning potential, and therefore will affect her price.

 

No matter if someone is paying for a budget-priced service or a high-end luxury service, there's never any excuse for the SP answering her phone during the session. Some customers insist that they must leave their cell phones on and answer them -- but it drives me nuts when someone interrupts the session to answer the phone. It sure breaks the mood. Voicemail isn't really dead -- you can still rely on it in an emergency.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

These are all excellent suggestions -- however, a couple of them (such as booking a suite, limiting the number of appointments so as to be fresher for you, providing beverages and food) increase the SP's costs or limit her earning potential, and therefore will affect her price.

 

This is an excellent point. When I visit ladies that have modest prices I fully expect some compromise in the non-sexual aspects of the service. Most of the ladies that do offer most of the items I listed are at the upper end of the price scale. I have no problem with this as you get what you pay for.

 

I think that ladies that move to serve this type of market are more likely to have stable, repeating clients and fewer incidents of 'bad dates'.

 

Is this a valid assumption?

 

OFF

[YoungStud 468]

Personally, I'm really not into food, beverages,seductive music etc when I visit an EP. I can do that at a good restaurant and probably more economically.

 

I'm more into lots of fun sex for money that a ersatz frat party or day-time soap opera experience. Though I know that, for a number of clients, the "pretend girlfriend" thing is a really big deal and that various EPs do a great job of catering to that fantasy with bunches of extras.

 

However, a friendly, honest, experienced professional who is good at what she does and can simply get naked and fuck in a variety of ways is worth more to me than any "room service" extras. And a much better long-term repeat value.

 

But to each his (or her) own.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

This is an excellent point. When I visit ladies that have modest prices I fully expect some compromise in the non-sexual aspects of the service. Most of the ladies that do offer most of the items I listed are at the upper end of the price scale. I have no problem with this as you get what you pay for.

 

I think that ladies that move to serve this type of market are more likely to have stable, repeating clients and fewer incidents of 'bad dates'.

 

Is this a valid assumption?

 

OFF

 

I think it's valid only to a point. How we set our prices is a whole other discussion, and there are lots of threads about it. I don't think that my returning clients come back because of the amenities. They want to be with me. I work hard to attract a particular demographic: men who are 50-75 years old and who want a mature companion of comparable life experience and education. There are very few women my age in this profession in the Vancouver area. My clients feel that I understand them and that we have things in common. They can also afford me.

 

I'd like to get past the continual focus on bad dates, danger and nasty, evil, violent clients. I think it's w-a-y overplayed when the escorts are independent and working indoors. That's the key factor. Women who work outside, on the street, face very different challenges and higher risks. They're more likely to be preyed upon, robbed, beaten, raped, abducted and killed because the kinds of men who do such things can find them easily and they think they can get away with what they do to those women.

 

I screen clients. That alone makes me different from women who work outside. I can take the time to screen and choose from among the men who contact me. I turn down over half of those who contact me for all kinds of reasons. It could be that they've tried to haggle over my fee, that they ask questions I don't feel are appropriate, that they argue with my restrictions, or that they clearly haven't read my website at all. It could also be that they're looking for things I don't do and am not interested in doing. Not everyone that I see returns. I don't expect that they will. But I've never had to ask anyone to leave nor have I felt that I needed to go, myself, because the client has done something threatening or dangerous.

 

The simple fact is that the men who want the experiences I and most others here provide are basically good guys who want some personal care and attention. They don't want to cause any trouble for anyone and they don't want to find themselves in the midst of trouble, either. No one who crosses my doorstep would imagine that he could hurt me and get away with it.

 

The men I entertain are teachers, doctors, lawyers, social workers, police officers, construction workers, engineers, computer technicians and programmers, clergy, accountants, stock brokers, salesmen, writers, artists. They're only as dangerous as you are.

[JoyfulC 132299]

I don't think that my returning clients come back because of the amenities. They want to be with me.

 

Truer words were never spoken. In a nutshell, that's exactly how it works.

[Guest Ou**or**n]

Samatha - thanks for the detailed and informative post. It is wonderful to see that you have such a clearly defined view of yourself, the services you provide and the type of client you cater to.

 

I agree completely with your statements about the dangers of indoor independent providers being vastly overstated. I am very much like the clients you have (even one of those professions).

 

Reading various threads in CERB for a number of months has really broadened my understanding of the ranges of both providers and clients. It has also made me ask myself more closely about what it is that I am truly looking for.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Samatha - thanks for the detailed and informative post. It is wonderful to see that you have such a clearly defined view of yourself, the services you provide and the type of client you cater to.

 

Thanks. The thing is, while I do get paid to have sex, I'm not in this profession in order to have sex. I've never had a problem finding a partner when I want one. This is a business, for me. It's how I make a living, support my children and provide for my future. I love my work, I enjoy my clients thoroughly and I feel very lucky to have such a fulfilling career. I get to spend my time giving pleasures of many kinds on many different levels. Companions who forget that this is what we're doing get burned out, feel jaded and quit, or should!

[coachg 388]

Well, I for one think it is great that you can work at a job you love....very few people get to work at their passion....hats off to all the lovely ladies who look at this as a labor of love....they are so damn lucky!

[VedaSloan 119179]

I think it's valid only to a point. How we set our prices is a whole other discussion, and there are lots of threads about it. I don't think that my returning clients come back because of the amenities. They want to be with me. I work hard to attract a particular demographic: men who are 50-75 years old and who want a mature companion of comparable life experience and education. There are very few women my age in this profession in the Vancouver area. My clients feel that I understand them and that we have things in common. They can also afford me.

 

I'd like to get past the continual focus on bad dates, danger and nasty, evil, violent clients. I think it's w-a-y overplayed when the escorts are independent and working indoors. That's the key factor. Women who work outside, on the street, face very different challenges and higher risks. They're more likely to be preyed upon, robbed, beaten, raped, abducted and killed because the kinds of men who do such things can find them easily and they think they can get away with what they do to those women.

 

I screen clients. That alone makes me different from women who work outside. I can take the time to screen and choose from among the men who contact me. I turn down over half of those who contact me for all kinds of reasons. It could be that they've tried to haggle over my fee, that they ask questions I don't feel are appropriate, that they argue with my restrictions, or that they clearly haven't read my website at all. It could also be that they're looking for things I don't do and am not interested in doing. Not everyone that I see returns. I don't expect that they will. But I've never had to ask anyone to leave nor have I felt that I needed to go, myself, because the client has done something threatening or dangerous.

 

The simple fact is that the men who want the experiences I and most others here provide are basically good guys who want some personal care and attention. They don't want to cause any trouble for anyone and they don't want to find themselves in the midst of trouble, either. No one who crosses my doorstep would imagine that he could hurt me and get away with it.

 

The men I entertain are teachers, doctors, lawyers, social workers, police officers, construction workers, engineers, computer technicians and programmers, clergy, accountants, stock brokers, salesmen, writers, artists. They're only as dangerous as you are.

 

Hear hear! I posted a blog entry (written by another escort) awhile back on this same topic. It drives me absolutely crazy when people ask me if I worry about getting raped or beaten or robbed. I usually turn around and ask them if they worry about those same things when dating someone new.

[VedaSloan 119179]

This is an excellent point. When I visit ladies that have modest prices I fully expect some compromise in the non-sexual aspects of the service. Most of the ladies that do offer most of the items I listed are at the upper end of the price scale. I have no problem with this as you get what you pay for.

 

I think that ladies that move to serve this type of market are more likely to have stable, repeating clients and fewer incidents of 'bad dates'.

 

Is this a valid assumption?

 

OFF

 

I have a tiny problem with this idea of "you get what you pay for." My rates are moderate and considering the level of service I give, that comment feels like a slap in the face. Maybe I am a rare exception, but I don't think that you can say that the price affects the level of service.

[JoyfulC 132299]

I have a tiny problem with this idea of "you get what you pay for." My rates are moderate and considering the level of service I give, that comment feels like a slap in the face. Maybe I am a rare exception, but I don't think that you can say that the price affects the level of service.

 

I think that's true with respect to service. You can find excellent and poor service at every level. But when it comes to the amenities, I think there comes a point where "you get what you pay for" does apply. You can't expect someone to be renting high-end digs to receive you at and pouring fine wine into crystal and setting out fresh fruits and Belgian chocolate while still offering you a budget-friendly rate.

 

It's like the difference between a Lexus and a Hyundai. Both will get you where you want to go. If you're the type of person who enjoys all the little luxuries and the status then you might find it worth it to pay for a Lexus. But for many of us, the Hyundai would be just fine.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I think that's true with respect to service. You can find excellent and poor service at every level. But when it comes to the amenities, I think there comes a point where "you get what you pay for" does apply. You can't expect someone to be renting high-end digs to receive you at and pouring fine wine into crystal and setting out fresh fruits and Belgian chocolate while still offering you a budget-friendly rate.

 

It's like the difference between a Lexus and a Hyundai. Both will get you where you want to go. If you're the type of person who enjoys all the little luxuries and the status then you might find it worth it to pay for a Lexus. But for many of us, the Hyundai would be just fine.

 

Ahh, yes, you make a fine point. Also, I love your analogies, by the way, both this one, and another in a different thread (I think it was you anyway) where a gent asked about kitty shots.

[coachg 388]

I think everyone places a value on things and the value obviously differs from person to person...so every individual and I am talking from the SP's view here...has to decide what type of experience they would like to provide and enjoy themselves and really feel comfortable with the set value they place on that experience....and no it does not have to be outlandishly expensive or elaborate....but the more value it adds to the experience the more it is worth. I am sure this will vary from client to client as well, and if you have regulars, they will tell you what they like...I think most of them are looking for a great overall experience. Speaking from my own experiences, I place value on the total overall experience and appreciate the time and effort it takes into providing a satisfying experience, but I place the value on what I will spend on that experience by either seeing that SP or not seeing her. All I am trying to say is that everyone has to be comfortable in their own mind with the value of service provided and the value of service they are receiving. There is someone out there who will provide what you are looking for at the price you are looking for.....all the fun is in just trying to find the right luscious lady!

[imtheone2009 100]

I think it covers everything most gentleman wish for. Have that with good client etiquette and it makes for great odds of a ood and happy date.

 

:-P

[a******s.m*****e 187]

when money is involved, everyone asks you if you are worried clients might hurt you, when it is virtually the same situation, except that one person is getting paid.

 

True, but look at the bright side.

 

Because of the many prejudices, this profession will never be too popular amongst women and therefore will always remain lucrative.

Don't smarten up people, especially if they resent it. Does it hurt me what they think? Not in the least as long as they can't physically harm me....

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Well, yes and no.

 

Some SPs take customers on a basis more lax than your average single woman out on the town.

 

But many of us are more strict than that. [...]

 

I have come to believe that, even under our riskiest policies, sex work is safer than amatuer sex. At least we take calculated risks.

 

I think so, too. "Amateur sex" (a great term, btw!) tends to be based on trust, which can be influenced by alcohol, romance, chemistry, all sorts of unreliable things. And there's an odd idea that a "good girl" won't know much about STDs and safe sex. A girl who does know a lot is presumed to have had reasons to learn that stuff, which must mean that she's not such a good girl after all. <sigh>

 

We should take steps to stay safe, protect ourselves and look out for each other--absolutely. Let's just avoid promoting fear.

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

This is an excellent point. When I visit ladies that have modest prices I fully expect some compromise in the non-sexual aspects of the service. Most of the ladies that do offer most of the items I listed are at the upper end of the price scale. I have no problem with this as you get what you pay for.

 

I think that ladies that move to serve this type of market are more likely to have stable, repeating clients and fewer incidents of 'bad dates'.

 

Is this a valid assumption?

 

OFF

 

I think its valid although i also believe that our gentlemen repeat with us because of the experience we provide...not only in the sexual aspect but with our attitude..

 

Well, I for one think it is great that you can work at a job you love....very few people get to work at their passion....hats off to all the lovely ladies who look at this as a labor of love....they are so damn lucky!

 

yes we are....and in return you get lucky too...:wink:

[coachg 388]

Not totally lucky...that will only happen when we get you to Winnipeg, you sexy thing you!

[Akhenaton 221]

Sadly, I don't usually have beverages to offer.

 

 

Hi Erin, just a suggestion. I have had some ladies have bottled water and cranberrie juice as a beverage choice, they are not too expensive, and easy to keep in the fridge. They also work wonders even on those who pass on the drink, for you had something to offer :)

 

obviously, if you do not keep anything on hand by choice, that is another matter entirely.

[JoyfulC 132299]

Isn't it the gentleman's job to bring the "beverage"?? ;)

[capitalman 3861]

Prior to an incall date, some emails or PM's with the respective lady helps fuel this guys libido. Flirting, laughter and sexual innuendo help build up the date. I realize the lady probably has a lot of emails so I try to be brief, letting her take the lead on how many emails she wants to send back and forth.

 

This type of communication prior to a date really helps build some trust, some desire and anticipation. It's a good way to bring up any requests or special needs or whatever too.

[JoyfulC 132299]

Prior to an incall date, some emails or PM's with the respective lady helps fuel this guys libido. Flirting, laughter and sexual innuendo help build up the date. I realize the lady probably has a lot of emails so I try to be brief, letting her take the lead on how many emails she wants to send back and forth.

 

This type of communication prior to a date really helps build some trust, some desire and anticipation. It's a good way to bring up any requests or special needs or whatever too.

 

Sure. But let me tell you about the other side of that: the (many) guys who like to keep up a running banter of "stimulating" conversation, but when it comes time to meet, damn! Wouldn't you know it? Just our rotten luck. Have to cancel. Sorry! No way around it.

 

I had a guy back in the 80s in Toronto who used to book 4-6 weeks in advance. And then he'd phone me several times a week -- you know, to discuss really important stuff, like whether I should wear the red & black bra & panty set, or the white one. Because everyone knows we girls plan our underwear schedule out months in advance, eh? And at the end of the conversation, he'd always want me to "say something sexy, to keep me going." The guy probably only actually ever came through on one out of 3-4 appointments that he made. And in fact, once I started giving in to his demands that I talk sexy, I think his track record got worse.

 

I certainly understand that this sort of build-up to a session can greatly enhance the experience for some men -- but remember, if you're not actually paying for it, then it's a bonus. Usually you only pay for the time you spend with us. But if you expect a woman to do this for you and then you have to cancel on her, it would be nice if you compensated her for all the time she took out of her personal life to exchange emails with you or talk on the phone or IM with you. (Which can often exceed the length of time she'd have spent in the appointment.)

 

Once again, this is just one more thing that so many guys abuse that it puts many SPs off to be expected to do it. (Although most of us do it eagerly for good customers who have never canceled on us.) Nobody likes to feel they've been made a fool of, and when some guy comes on really heavy with wanting sexy chat or to exchange steamy emaills, and then cancels or never seems able to make an appointment, that's how we feel. If the shoe were on the other foot, I bet you'd feel the same way.

 

I know guys fall into that "kid in a candy shop" way of thinking, but please remember that this is a job for us. It can be a delightful job, but it's still how we make our livings. I never met an SP living on her trust fund and doing this for kicks. And for you, remember that it is a service that you are buying -- not an entitlement. I suspect that most hobbyists enjoy far better terms dealing with SPs than with anyone else they purchase services from. I know I never get the quality of service when my money's on the line that I give to my customers.