The Happy Hobbyist

[Loki318 1631]

OD i have enjoyed this soo true thread and only want to add that severing ties with one you Love is heart breaking no matter what the relationship is between you.

This one brought tears to my tired old eyes.

 

Was referring to the post on Love You BTW

[dallascarguy 130]

Well Done My Friend!!

[Real Deal 783]

Call me old school but

 

I read with some humour the contents of this thread, and would like to chime in, hopefully, in a meaningful way.Never have I had a bad experience with a cerb provider, they have varied in intensity of course, but I operate from the premise of respect. I show respect, conduct myself as a person not as a walking penis. I have found that attempting to determine what your companion enjoys, by email or by trial and error works wonders! Let her know that her enjoyment is important to you. I have seen that providing pleasure and orgasms to her, heightens the intensity and " what you give comes back to you". Little things , common good manners, a thank you card, a flower(s), lingerie, if the provider indicates a fondness for gift cards on her site, then why not.? just some "old school " musings from a mature hobbyist

[PocketNicks 110]

One minor exception to OD's post is timing, nothing wrong with 5 miniutes prior - must be the military in me many years ago.....

 

I have to say, I have been taught all my life to be early, as it is impolite to be late, so not being early goes against my life teachings but I understand the need for punctuality in this business and will govern myself accordingly.

[EvaAdore 7767]

This made me laugh out loud! This should be on a billboard somewhere. Just sayin.

[Guest Lu***ou***en]

What a wonderful way to put it and really send the message home :)

[Guest R**ee**ov***9]

Sounds good to me! Shower, be on time, and be polite! And we can charge whatever we want!!

[Vicero 140]

i haven't laughed my ass so bad for quite some time now :))))) as amusing as it is i can only say i totally agree with you...probably some guys are so proud of their sausages and believe is a great buisness card that needs constant advertising

[Bianca Jaguar 39183]

I have been laughing so much that Carrie is laughing herself hearing me...so well written OD...thank you :D

[sexygentleman 120]

One of the best posts ever! It saddens me that you even needed to say things that should be so obvious - but I guess it's important to remind everyone of these key thoughts, and to treat these ladies with respect!

[OralBigGuy 1308]

Where do I begin to say how amazing this forum thread is. I guess the best way is to review it like a movie ... "I laughed, I cried, I fell in love". Not with OD (although the whole bacon sandwich thing is tough to resist, he's just not my type ;)) but with how great the entire CERB community is.

 

As someone who lives 4 hours away in another country, and who has been on CERB just a week, all I can say is thank you to OD and the entire community for being so helpful, entertaining, and instructional. While I could barely stop laughing when reading through this thread, the amount of excellent information here is staggering and a must read for anyone new to the hobby. I'm nowhere near as active now as I was 10 years ago in Montreal, but having spent a bit of time hobbying there and interacting on the local Montreal boards, let me assure you that the CERB community is far superior to anything I experienced there.

 

Lastly, I want to say thank you to the providers whom I've contacted to setup dates with when I'm in your wonderful city in a few weeks. Reading OD's post about Lara's blog, and seeing the horrific misogyny that was perpetrated on that poor SP :mad:, made me wonder why any woman would expose herself to a new client without a note from his mother and 10 letters of recommendation from past service providers.

 

As someone who has no such recent history upon which to draw, I am grateful to the CERB community at large, and especially to those lovely ladies with whom I am setting up appointments, for letting my words prove that I am like most of the CERB hobbyists and know the proper way to treat a lady.

 

Thank you OD for this thread and thank you everyone else for making this entire experience a fantastic one even before I've met even one of Ottawa's most lovely and affectionate SPs and MAs.

 

OBG

[Alfnewdeal 238]

Lol thank You for the funny intro to the hobby

[Motorbykerider 4754]

New here as well. I have read all 9 pages but I think I'll read them all again, just for kicks.

 

OD, Is that maple bacon in that sammich?

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

41

Your lady has agreed to come to your home. You tell her when she gets there, that you have to go to the downstairs bedroom, because your wife is sleeping upstairs.

 

You wonder why she left. I mean, you know your wife sleeps like a log and won't hear you.

 

This is never ok. Please don't ever book a lady and neglect to let her know before hand that you are not alone. Same as your "friend" hiding in the closet. Never cool.

 

42

Your lady comes to see you. After rocking your world, she goes to the bathroom to freshen up. She sees there are no towels or soap there. There is a crusty dried up towel on the floor, but nope, not a single clean towel for her to use. You might not mind using that crappy towel on the floor, but I can assure you, she does not.

 

Make sure there are clean towels for her to use.

 

43

So, you are having a great time with your lady. She puts a condom on you, and you are going at it and it feels so great. You decide it will feel even better if you unwrap your manhood and take the condom off and tell her "can I put it in for a sec?". She says no, gets another condom, you ask again. She again says no, and actually pushes you off her. Goes into the bathroom and comes out fully clothed. You are like "WTF", I paid you for the time.

 

In case you didn't get it the first time, don't ever take a condom off if the lady put one on you. When you take it off so "you can put it in for a sec", you stepped over the boundaries. Why would she have put a condom on you if she wanted to do it without?

 

This is probably the biggest issue providers face it seems. It happens all the time, and guys just don't get it. IMO, there is NO AMOUNT of money in the world that makes it worth taking the risk. If she says no, respect that. And sneaking the condom off while she doesn't know, is not consent, so therefore sexual assault.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

44

When you see an ad that has 7 pics of the lady, all very nice, clear and showing her as she is, do not ask for "more clear pics" I know this is code for nudity or face pics. If she wanted to show her face or nudes, don't you think she would have it on her pics?

[lilly 10171]

Thank you!

[perchie15 120]

I'm really not sure what to say.... Woo I love Roksi tho!

[sparhawk 4168]

Great thread OD. This should be required reading for all hobbyists IMHO. :D

When is the hardcover paper copy coming out. I'd buy a copy. ;) Lol.

[Sweet as Pie 266]

So insightful and hilarious.

[Old Dog 179138]

45. Howler Monkeys

 

Seriously. Don't bring them along to your appointment as a fetish thing. They are called howler monkeys for a reason. They howl. Lots. Try maintaining a boner with a howler monkey critiquing your best moves.

 

Can't. Be. Done.

 

Plus they poop. Lots. And they aren't satisfying just pooping. They fling it about. It's rather disconcerting.

 

Oh. And just try to find a bag of Purina Howler Monkey Chow. Apparently Ottawa is not big enough to justify keeping it in stock.

 

I tell ya, I won't make that mistake a third time.

 

46. Cannibalism

 

When she says, "eat me," it's an expression to satisfy her orally. It's not an invitation to run to the fridge for tomatoes, lettuce and mayonnaise.

 

Not everything you hear is literal. Hopefully you can figure that out.

 

Say no to cannibalism.

 

47. (This number is reserved for future use.)

 

I couldn't think of anything to write, so I just made this look official. I wanted to say something about bacon and boobies and brassieres and bums and bar mitzvahs and Barry Manilow and Barbapapa and Bananarama and beef and beans and other words that start with b, but I couldn't think of anything that made sense so I um.... just used a government trick that never works.

 

I apologize.

[redskin44 3588]

i enjoy this thread , very informative for a newby such as myself .

 

about the bacon sandwhiches , do i need to bring the ingrediants ? does anyone perfer peameal bacon ?

 

does frying bacon in the nude count as a fetish ?

 

lol , thanks again

[Brad 49548]

does frying bacon in the nude count as a fetish ?

 

I think that falls under extreme sports.

[Guest webothscore]

48. The Donation

 

If the MA/SP asks for her donation, it does not mean we should whip it out and put it in her hands and say "here you go sexy, we both know what you've been waiting for". There is a good chance that she wants her donation.

[Irish Prince 304]

This is informative. I have something to add though. I have seen maybe 5 SP's. Only a couple of them directed me towards the washroom to prepare myself. To all the SP's out there I think insisting a quick scrub is a must. If the guys are not classy enough to obey then they do not belong in your company.

[amber76x 241]

Well written. I read your post after receiving a pecker post from a potential customer via cell phone. I wondered why he felt the need to send this to me? He seemed nice to talk to before hand when he called? I had already qualified him to come by? Wtf?

I was wondering if you could make some "male" sense out of this for me?

Thank you ...Amber.