what's in a number?

[Guest *l**e]

Recently, I was dating a girl and she was quite concerned that perhaps her number was too high; that she had slept with too many men, and future men would think she was a slut or something because of it. Her number did not seem high to me, but it really concerned her. I never told her mine because it was way higher than hers and I thought she might panic...lol

 

Personally, I have never taken much stock in the whole "number" thing. In my opinion, everyone has a history, a past, whatever you want to call it and once today is here, yesterday is just a memory. I know people who have slept with 100's of people and never had an STI, and I know one poor girl who slept with one guy and got one. I don't really even know what my number is, but I could ballpark a number if I wanted to.

Is a higher number better?? Does it mean that person is more experienced and therefore a better lover?

Is there a number that, if you heard it, would make you not want to have a relationship with someone?

 

I'm wondering what the providers and hobbyists on here think about "the number".

 

I'm wondering what everyone's "number rules: are too;

Do you count it if you only had oral?

If you're a provider, do you count clients or just people from your personal life?

If you're a hobbyist do you count times you paid or do just freebies count?

 

Any other "rules I'm leaving out?

 

I know this is a lot of questions, but I'm really curious about your opinions.

[roamingguy 300292]

The only number to me is this if I was relationship looking. If I found Miss Right, I don't care how many as long as once we're together I'm number one, and she has no number two's and so on, and she'll be my number one and I'll have no number twos and so on.

And that number is not as important as being happy together

My two cents

RG

[Guest realnicehat]

The only number to me is this if I was relationship looking. If I found Miss Right, I don't care how many as long as once we're together I'm number one, she has no number two's and so on, and she'll be my number one and I'll have no number twos and so on.

My two cents

RG

 

Interesting idea but where are you going to find a girl that doesn't have "number twos"? Everybody poops RG. Everybody poops. ;)

 

I agree with both of you guys. A person's number has little bearing on their current relationship. It is simply insecurity that makes it an issue, whether it is your partner's or your own.

 

As far as what I count in my number, only those that I had intercourse with and providers are included.

[MightyPen 67414]

Worrying about numbers, high or low, is just one aspect of the complicated psychology behind sex and its association with personal worth. It's a dangerous and spiky pit to fall into, because that number is really only a reflection of one set of social skills and hardly defines our overall worth. But it's so emotionally loaded that yeah, people get kind of weird about it.

 

That said, there are a few reasons people might be concerned about a high number of partners, and they're all bad.

 

- if you're just sexually insecure, you'll be worried about your lover comparing you to former partners and you fear you'll come up short.

Antidote: sex isn't a single uniform experience subject to objective competition; it has many facets and is a different experience with every partner with different psychological and emotional context. You vs. another is apples vs. oranges. Just focus on making the apple the best apple you can; that's what he/she will value most.

- people might really believe, if only subconsciously, that everyone only has so much affection/passion to give, and if they've had lots of former partners then their supply is diluted among all of them -- and most importantly, by implication, he/she is less invested in this relationship than you are. (For an extreme example where this is easier to understand, assume someone's partner's number is 100 and theirs is 1.)

Antidote: understand that affection really doesn't work like that. Once again, every relationship is unique and people are able to invest and bring their full faculties to bear each time. Focus on being a good partner, and you're you're more likely to receive their full commitment.

- people might really believe that ever partner beyond 1 saps your virtue.

Antidote: grow up.

Fundamentally, if you're worried about your partner's history instead of your present moment together and maybe your future, YOU have a problem. As a general principle, and on issues ranging far beyond just sex, you shouldn't be trying to make a prison for your partner out of the events and decisions in their past; instead you should be helping them to open the doors to any prison they may have built for themselves, and be whoever they want to be today and tomorrow.

[roamingguy 300292]

Keep in mind two things, I said if relationship looking, and I'm 52 and single, enjoying this poly amorous lifestyle. I was stating my ideal number, not saying that is what happens, nor I expect it to happen

RG

[qwertyaccount 15793]

I use a tally counter to keep track of my number, and every time I meet a new girl I reset it to zero making her my first. I expect no more or less of the young lady.

 

 

[Luscious.Tianna 12254]

To me personally the whole 'number' thing doesnt make a difference to me, I put it in the same category as age....Its just a number

Like Il Re said "Everyone Has A Past"

Anyone and everyone has a past, a wild side or maybe just a little phase they went through, thats what makes us who we are...

I couldnt give you an exact number of how many people I have been with, but I also wouldnt expect to know the number of people my partner has slept with

 

Its all just a number

 

Kisses to all and Stay Sexy

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Numbers aren't the problem so much as the pattern. I agree we all have a past but history has a tendency to repeat itself. The concern I would have with someone I was dating with a "high number" is, does she measure her self worth by bedding a man? If it's a super high number I will wonder, what's up? Will I be enough? Can she commit to one sex partner longterm?

I don't think you should judge someone solely on his/her number but it could be a caution flag.

SP's are an exception as their number is high for obvious reasons. But then their choices would bring up understandable questions of a similar nature.

One last comment is that 100+ number could be no biggie to some while just 1 other could be a deal breaker for someone highly religious, although that's a bit extreme. It's all subjective.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

500,000 is the maximum. Anything over that is being greedy! LOL

[Guest S*rca****sid]

Like most things in life, I believe it's quality over quantity. It's more important to find someone special to be with rather than racking up the numbers of experiences. Once you found that person, it won't matter how many partners they had.

[2Legit 250]

500,000 is the maximum. Anything over that is being greedy! LOL

 

LOL LOL LOL !!! Thanks for the good laugh!!! That was really funny.

[Frank7 3939]

As for the initial question, yes i count "only" oral in that number and yes i count my paid dates in that number too.

 

What's the best number? Higher or lower? It depends on the person. Some will say 1 is the perfect number, others want to bone the most people possible and break some world record.

The number of different person you'd had sex with doesn't mean a thing in term of if you're a good lover or not. Someone who's only slept with one person 1000 times still have more experience then someone who's slept with 10 girls, but only once with each. Likewise, someone can sleep with a lot of people but only care about his pleasure, while the other is a devoted lover and make sure his Partner have fun, even if he's not experienced.

 

 

I don't think there's a particular number that would make me say "no, i don't want to date her". In any case, 1 or 100, i'll probably want a test before going fully without protection, just like i don't expect her to accept BBFS without my result first.

However Stevemcqueen makes a good point, maybe there's a patern. I think how (s)he got the number and why is important.

 

(Tried to write that genderless but it's so hard, i ended up returning to default guy point of view. What i said works for both gender, anything that goes for a guy goes for a girl too.)

 

 

edit: Got curious about the record and ended up there. A link with some math. http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/the-most-sexual-partners-in-history-2394373.html

[redskin44 3588]

there will always be a number , when and where it matters , if it does at all , depends on who you are with ;

 

the numbers in your address are located on the wrong street ,

the numbers in your bank account are too low ;

the numbers of hairs on your back too high , head too low ;

 

some people first thing they do when they meet someone is start looking for a way out .

 

as long as each person is comfortable with his/her number they will find that person who is comfortable with him/her .

[zorobaby 4121]

i dont care about numbers personally, i know mine, its low... really low... but when it comes to my partner im not going to stress out over their number especially if it is bigger then mine. the only numbers that start to bother me... if when my ex increased hers by 22 while we were together for 5+ years

[qwertyaccount 15793]

It's one thing to get a guy or girl's number, it another to interpret it.

 

From American Pie 2:

Jessica

: If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none.

Vicky

: None?

Jessica

: The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

 

Steve Stiffler:

When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you fuckers learn anything in college?

[sarah1987 110]

I don't care if my partners have slept with 1 person or 100. As long as they are attentive, caring and eager to please they can have as many notches on their belt as they please. I've had lovers who were nearly virgins be better than the ones who I know got around. Number just doesn't matter much in the long run although I guess I do have a thing for virgins. :)

[qwertyaccount 15793]

American Pie 2 - The Rule of Three: