Do you really know them?

[CristyCurves 169032]

Online writings and pictures gives us a glimpse of a persons personality but certainly doesn't give us the right to say we know them. To know anyone you'd have to meet them, talk to them personally, hear their voice, see their facial expressions, body movements, how they live, dress, treat the public, contribute to society, spend time with them. Getting to know anyone is a journey and doesn't happen overnight.

Here is a site that I find interesting posts on how to know and understand people:) You might like it too.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201302/how-read-people

[Guest c**io**m7]

You are absolutely right Cristy. Let's look at Cerb...you and I have enjoyed each other's posts and lord knows I enjoy your pics but, in person, we may despise each other and not get along...conversely, when facial expressions and body language confirm that which already garners a little admiration or curiosity, we may connect wonderfully

 

People cannot and should not be judged based on online postings or pictures but, it can certainly give insight and a starting point.

 

If I may go one step beyond...texting...such a frustrating form of communication. Forget an "lol" or a wink and suddenly you have offended someone...or, as you are limited in characters, your point is not clear and something innocent suddenly becomes blown out of proportion. Oops...sorry to hijack here. ;-). Lol

 

Online, someone can be the sweetest person but be a complete asshole in real life. In contrast, an online asshole can be the sweetest in person. Not necessarily is an online persona a reflection of the real person behind the keyboard

[CristyCurves 169032]

Good points C7 and you are right communicating through text can lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings, I don't like it, find it to impersonal and veer away from it. I like to see hear and feel;) who I'm meeting:) Then I'll admit to knowing them.

[Guest c**io**m7]

Good points C7 and you are right communicating through text can lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings, I don't like it, find it to impersonal and veer away from it. I like to see hear and feel;) who I'm meeting:) Then I'll admit to knowing them.

 

 

"Feel"??? Hmmmmm...yup, we would get along just fine. ;-)

[will1977 480]

Thanks for posting Cristy...there are some really interesting articles on that page you linked to.

 

That stuff has always interested me and I totally agree, you never fully know someone until you have met them, and even then it takes a while.

 

I also agree about texting and emails...no emotions and tones in them so they can be very easily misunderstood/misread

[roamingguy 300292]

The only thing you can know about a person, whether through a board/email or in person is what that person feels safe and comfortable revealing about him/herself. Whether what they reveal about themselves makes you know them is in large based on trust. If they reveal little about themselves doesn't necessarily make them untrustworthy, it just means they don't feel safe enough or are open enough to share. But the person they are with may not be open or willing to share

But in a board like this, with few exceptions (ladies I have seen ;-) ) we are all really anonymous board handles. And some can be really "brave" behind a computer screen, yet in person a sniveling wimp. (I know a manager at work, bravely barks orders through emails, but in person, cowers down when challenged)

A rambling for whatever it's worth

RG

[Luscious.Tianna 12254]

I dont think we could ever truly no someone...Even if you have known the person for years, you may think you know them quite well, but everyone has something there hiding, or not revealing; everyone has one or many skeletons in their closet

 

Thanks Christy for posting that link, it was extremely interesting and I very much enjoyed reading all the many articles from that page

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

"Feel"??? Hmmmmm...yup, we would get along just fine. ;-)

 

You two need to get a room! :thedeed:

[Guest c**io**m7]

You two need to get a room! :thedeed:

 

Yes please!!

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I agree with everything mentioned so far. the one thing I do disagree with because it personally impacts me, is the basic guidelines to body language. Because there actually IS a guideline and most are along the same lines, people mistakenly believe they are truth when they are not. They are a guideline for a reason, a starting point.

 

To make my point, take the arms crossed in front of your body. Many guidelines state this a non verbal communication for stay away or unapproachable. I have met many wonderful approachable people who do this because it's comfortable.

 

the one I dislike because it has personally affected me in both personal and business settings is the whole "look away to the left or right". One denotes a lie while the other denotes thoughtfulness. Unfortunately my 'thinking" goes the opposite way so have been told that people believe I'm lying when I'm actually thinking....and no, I'm not thinking of a lie! lol

 

Point is, as was briefly mentioned, getting to know someone takes time and effort and you may never know "all" of someone" because we are definitely not a full disclosure species. Even the things mentioned such as being one way behind a computer screen and another in person, can tell you something. Sometimes people feel powerful and confident when they are alone but lose that with others. They may not even be aware of it. It all tells a story if you care to listen.

[Brad 49548]

Interesting topic.

 

I'd like to propose a dissenting viewpoint, however. I think it is possible to get a sense of people from their writing and posts, though of course with exceptions.

 

I'd agree that typically in person you can find out even more about someone, especially after time and multiple interactions. However, in my experience there's many people I've first met through online forums, and more often than not if we meet up in person I absolutely recognize aspects of the persona I pictured from their writing.

 

In fact, in some cases you can learn more about someone from their posts. There's people I know who are very shy and quiet in person, and it can be very difficult to get a sense of their beliefs, preferences, ideas, etc. But they are in fact much more open and confident in their writing, and I learn much more about their thoughts and personality through that medium than I do in person. Sometimes--for good or bad--people are more revealing of their true selves through their writing than they are in person.

 

It is true that people have more choice of what to share of themselves in their posts, but I'd say this is also the case in person as well. Sometimes someone can be a real charmer in person and in fact more easily fool you about their true personality.

 

Again, I'm not suggesting that overall meeting in person is more revealing, and that it takes time to get to know someone better. In many cases the points being made by everyone are true. I just wanted to offer a different perspective for consideration.

[will1977 480]

Interesting topic.

 

In fact, in some cases you can learn more about someone from their posts. There's people I know who are very shy and quiet in person, and it can be very difficult to get a sense of their beliefs, preferences, ideas, etc. But they are in fact much more open and confident in their writing, and I learn much more about their thoughts and personality through that medium than I do in person. Sometimes--for good or bad--people are more revealing of their true selves through their writing than they are in person.

 

Very true Brad and I agree with this.

[Guest M*****le*****c-H***s (Reti]

I think that most people are not really different online/offline. I met someone a few years back and he was just the same in person as he is on youtube. I have also heard from others that people are pretty much, what you see is what you get.

However, I think there are some people who can express their behaviours more freely on the interwebs than they can in person.

Another point is, and I think this is most important, as you say, people only share with you what they want you to know. You can never really know anyone else unless you have mind-reading capabilities (rare, but some people do have this); I have watched many true crime documentaries where the worst of the worst of society's dregs offer one persona to those that know them, yet they have this secret life where they fulfil most disgusting fantasies and commit the most heinous crimes. Our politicians are great examples of this, too.

Not wanting to end on a pessimistic note, I think that we can learn to suss people by using our intuition or gut feelings. If we are really paying attention, we can all learn to read people.