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[B]U of O economist wins Polanyi Prize for research into the unfaithful [/B] BY ROBERT SIBLEY, OTTAWA CITIZEN NOVEMBER 25, 2013 OTTAWA â?? Infidelity. Sexual networking. Men cheating on women. Sexual disease. You might think such topics arenâ??t the stuff on which academic reputations are made, but youâ??d be wrong. Roland Pongou, an economist at the University of Ottawa, appears set to establish a stellar career of scholarly achievement on exactly these topics. In the three years since he picked up his PhD from Brown University in the United States, the 37-year-old has produced more than a dozen papers, book chapters and technical reports looking at the question of why more women than men become HIV-positive and suffer HIV-AIDs-related deaths in certain regions of Africa. (Pongou has also picked up a Young Researcher of the Year Award, as well as a $55,000 scholarship from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council.) His conclusions are likely to be controversial and, to some, discomfiting. Pongou, a native of the West African country of Cameroon, has determined that societies organized on the basis of ethnic differences are more prone to the spread of HIV/AIDs than societies structured on, say, institutional arrangements. Moreover, cultures that are grounded in patriarchal traditions and, at the same time, regard male infidelity as a norm are their own worst enemies when it comes to preventing the spread of the disease. â??Thatâ??s exactly what my research proves,â? he says in an interview a few days before the announcement that heâ??d won the prestigious Polanyi Prize for research in the field of economic science. He is one of five young scholars at Ontario universities to receive the award for 2013. Pongou, an assistant professor of economics who came to Ottawa in 2010, was recognized for his research into â??networks of people who are unfaithful to their partners while expecting fidelity in return,â? the Council of Ontario Universities said in announcing the prize winners. â??Pongouâ??s research highlights the impact of gender within these networks, and explains why women are more affected than men by HIV/AIDS in certain societies.â? According to Pongou, these sexual networks promote a â??gender gapâ? in the prevalence of HIV/AIDS. â??Iâ??m trying to understand why women are more infected that men in certain societies and not in others by HIV/AIDS. And also why HIV/AIDS is more concentrated in certain regions such as sub-Saharan African.â? Some 22 million people in sub-Saharan Africa are infected with the AIDS virus. Sixty per cent are women. As well, more women than men â?? 1.2 million compared to 800,000 â?? die each year form the disease. As far as Pongou is concerned, a clearer understanding of the relationship between gender and culture might go a long way to preventing millions of deaths. One reason HIV/AIDS is so widespread in sub-Saharan Africa is because of the continued hold of traditional beliefs about relations between men and women, he says. The idea of womenâ??s rights and the equality of women may be well established in the West â?? if not always practised â?? but in Africa the customs of patriarchy continue to hold sway; men seek multiple sexual partners while expecting their wives to remain faithful. Indeed, a woman in a patriarchal society is likely to be more severely punished for infidelity. It is, perhaps, no surprise then that the majority of those in â??infidelity networksâ? are men, Pongou observes. However â?? and hereâ??s where the issue of ethnicity comes in to play â?? these men are more likely to look outside their particular ethnic group for their adulterous partner, thinking that ethnic differences will keep their partners from finding out about each other. As Pongou puts it in his scholarly fashion: â??If I wanted to cheat on may partner, I would choose my second partner from outside the ethnic group of the first partner because I would like to maximize the social or ethnic distance between my partners. It might improve my chances of not being caught.â? The problem is that when the would-be adulterer has several ethnic groups from which he can pick his partner, the greater the likelihood of spreading HIV/AIDs, Pongou says. â??If someone is infected, that infection will spread because the sexual networks can be very large.â? In this sense, he acknowledges, ethnic diversity encourages sexual infidelity and leads to a large sexual network, and that, in turn, makes the transmission of the virus easier. â??My research explains that the high rate of HIV/AIDS in South Africa may be explained by the increase in the number of ethnic groups in that country,â? he says, noting that, after apartheid ended in the 1990s, immigrants from other parts of the continent poured into South Africa. Over the past 20 years, the rate of HIV/AIDS in South Africa has spiked from about one per cent of the population to 25 per cent. Much the same took place in Botswana, where the HIV/AIDS rate jumped to 35 per cent from about two per cent in the 1990s. By comparison, HIV/AIDS rates in Cameroon have increased from one per cent to five per cent over the same period. Pongou is careful to point out it is not so much ethnic diversity that is the problem, but rather the unwillingness of some societies to restructure themselves and integrate those diverse ethnic groups. Integration requires shedding long-held customs and cultural practices. â??The reality in Africa is that ethnic integration has to be addressed. Iâ??ve shown in my research that if, for instance, there are four ethnic groups in a city, that will increase sexual infidelity. And that will increase the prevalence of HIV/AIDs. If you address the issue of ethnic integration, which means that if you reduce ethnic divisions in Africa, that would reduce the overall rate of HIV in the population.â? As well, changing cultural practices that reinforce womenâ??s inequality would narrow the gender gap, and, thus, curb those sexual practices fostered by ethnically structured societies that are culpable in the spread of AIDS, says Pongou. In Canada, he notes, with its practices of gender equality, the HIV/AIDS rate is in the range of 0.3 per cent, affecting some 50,000 people. [url]http://www.ottawacitizen.com/economist+wins+Polanyi+Prize+research+into+unfaithful/9209288/story.html[/url]

When I was young I always avoided touching myself while I was with someone. I thought it was selfish. Then one day :-) my partner asked me to masturbate for her. I hesitated for the briefest moment, but then I just went with the flow and started touching myself. Next thing she says "Use two hands"... "Ya, like that"... "Stand over me... Closer"... "Now play with your balls too"... "Stroke your cock on my lips"... The more I got into putting on a show for her, the more uninhibited she became in expressing her desires. Of course the whole time she's touching herself I'm getting more turned on too. I'm seeing that hungry, sexy look in her eyes and how excited she's getting. It didn't take long for her to cum... or me to finish ;-) I learned a lot of things that day. Give your partner what they want... Women can enjoy visual stimulation as much as men... I enjoy being an exhibitionist. But most of all she made me feel desired and sexy. That might seem obvious, and basic to any sexual experience, but it's not something men acknowledge or talk about much. Women of course do. It's part of our culture. There are huge portions of our economy devoted to helping women feel/be sexy or exploiting sexualized imagery of women. Not so much for men. Believe me guys, you're missing out if you haven't indulged your partner with a show. It's not the same as masturbating by yourself! Since then it's just become a normal activity for me, part of any session, whether it's foreplay, the second act or the finale. Women I've been with have commented that not many men will participate in mutual masturbation. They comment that my willingness shows I'm comfortable with myself and this is also a turn on for them. That's a long way from where from initial understanding/comfort when I was a young man. My most memorable mutual masturbation session? Three women... and lots of mirrors.

If you click on the link, there's an online interview with Jenn Tisdale embedded at the beginning of the article. It's worth listening to also. It's actually better than her article because she isn't trying as hard to be funny and covers some issues not addressed in her article. My Amateur Porn Date With James Jenn Tisdale, Writer and Standup Comic Huffington Post I made a porn. Well I shot two scenes but porn by any other name is still somebody fucking on camera. Have I always wanted to film a porn? No. I use porn sparingly and only when absolutely necessary. What I'm saying here is when I can't cum I watch a porn. Most of the time I nerd out by reading some sort of erotic fiction involving a woman getting nailed by the bejeweled handle of the sword of the Captain of the Guard but that doesn't always work. When it fails me I turn to the Internet, everyone's best friend/worst enemy. I don't really have any favorites. I prefer two women because that provides what I require visually, otherwise it's heavy on the beej jobs and tons of cum shots through the heart. I suppose I'm an artist in that respect. I need to dig a little deeper. When James Deen tweeted that he was accepting submissions from regular folks like me to film scenes with him I laughingly turned to my coworker and said, "Oh, let's submit!" I was the only one who submitted. A few hours later I received an email from his model coordinator letting me know I was oh-so-adorable and if it wasn't too last minute could I pop up to New York next weekend to shoot some porn y'all! That's when I realized we were actually talking about porn here. I went back and forth, listing the usual pros and cons: Pro: Porn! Con: Porn. I considered what this could mean for my future as a standup comic, or as a person. I don't have any religious or emotional ties to sex. I don't think I'm going to hell nor do I think you have to be in love to do the deed. You see, if those two factors were really an issue then women wouldn't get wet and men wouldn't get erect unless we were happily married. That's not how the human body works, however, so it seems like we were built for sexual speed as opposed to marital comfort, at least physically. I finally decided to do it for the simple reason of: why not? As a female standup comic, and as a female human being, I've heard all manner of horrible things said about me, most of which are unfounded. People are going to think or say terrible things about you regardless of what you do in life so you might as well have some control over it. I can't stop a man on the street from attempting to secretly undress me using his brain when I walk by, but I can ensure that he has to pay X amount of dollars to actually see it so... voilà! Porn. It helps that James Deen is what I like to call a bit of a hipster porn star. He is respected both within and outside of the porn community and feminists the world over really dig him. Why he's even done a non-pornographic film written by the amazingly talented Bret Easton Ellis and starring the formerly talented Lindsay Lohan. This wouldn't have happened if it was with 95 percent of the men I've seen doing porn... big dicks, bigger stomachs. The first thing I wanted to do was tell my mother about my plan (this is a great sentence to write immediately after referencing big dicks). My mother is fairly progressive. She's not the inappropriate drinking with her underage children cool mom. She's just very forward-thinking. I knew she wouldn't disapprove and would only be concerned in the way a mom would be in a situation like this. I told her while we were in the car. As I was assuring her that nothing could go wrong, literally as I am uttering the words; a story came on NPR about a recent HIV outbreak in the porn industry. OH COME ON. The first rule of porn club is, get tested. The second rule of porn club is, get tested. The third rule of porn club is, smile! Let me be very clear about one thing... I do not like needles. I have 10 tattoos but something about blood donating/vaccination needles has always given me pause. Could it possibly be because they are so large it would appear they are about to penetrate your very soul. Could that be it??? It's probably because I have small veins, or so I've been told. It takes even the most accomplished nurse at least two tries before they can find one, all while giggling about how tiny they are. This trip to the doctor was no exception. Although this time was extra fun because they required three vials of my blood. I assume that's one vial for every letter in HIV. Jesus Christ. I almost died. Lucky for me I aced that test. I am Less Than Patient Zero. I shared the good news with Deen's press agent and received this email from Mr. Deen himself: hello, first off, hi, i am james . now that is done... i was told you went and got tested yesterday. i was wondering what days would be best for us to shoot? also, what type of stuff are you into, what you envision for this scene, would you want to do more than one scene, is there a place you would feel comfortable shooting? all that type of stuff. basically i just want to make sure to provide you with the perfect porno experience and that we have as much fun as imaginable. i look forward to meeting you. I immediately felt comfortable. I had never seen any of his films. Friends that had told me he was occasionally somewhat rough with women but this email proved that all activities were decided upon beforehand and it let me know that this is MY porn and I'll cry, get spanked, get tied up if I want to. During the course of our exchanges we discussed how we wanted things to go. James told me that if there was no sexual chemistry we could just hang around and joke all day. No sexual chemistry? What does that say about me? I envisioned Deen not really "feeling it," so I would just do 20 minutes of standup in some hotel room for him. Cum here often? Not today I guess. I just flew in and boy are my arms tired guess I'll just nap in front of the TV no sex here. Do not look behind the curtains. Nothing to see folks. I'm very good at travel research. I weirdly love planning a trip almost as much as I love going on the trip itself. I started researching hotels in New York with only one criteria in mind: find a room that is the least porntastic as possible. Out of curiosity I watched one of Deen's amateur videos. The only thing I could think the entire time was why didn't this girl make her bed? I could not get past the fact that her bed was so disheveled. I was determined to avoid a similar fate. Once I found a lovely room I booked my train and that was it. The first thing I did when I checked into the hotel was take note of the two giant red velvet chairs that were not pictured on the website. Sometimes the best get laid plans... I went to the gym for obvious reasons then proceeded to treat the whole affair as if I were going to prom. I got a manicure/pedicure. I showered and shaved everything. I looked around the room and had bizarre thoughts like: Should I leave the book I'm reading on the nightstand? Maybe I should put my laptop away. I don't want the whole world to see what my laptop looks like. It didn't occur to me that the whole world was about to see what my lap looked like, my naked lap. The room felt a little warm so I decided to adjust the temperature to, you guessed it, 69 degrees. JOKES. There was a knock on the door and I opened it while brushing my teeth. I'm late to everything, including my own porn movie. James rolled in with a huge suitcase and an even bigger smile. I signed a bunch of paperwork. At this point he may have complete ownership of all my internal organs. Who knows! The shoot began outside with us strolling through the streets of NYC while he filmed us on his cell phone, just chatting. I read aloud funny good luck text messages from various friends. We got a coffee then sat in front of a church, as one is wont to before a porn, and joked around like old friends on God's front porch. Then it was off to the task at hand and other body parts. It was just James and a giant (peach) camera. We filmed two scenes. In between we talked about comedy and I mentioned liking John Mulaney. So there we sat on the bed, huddled around my laptop watching John Mulaney's special New in Town. After he left I felt really good. There are few words in the English language more annoying than the word empowered. Imagine that feeling but swap it out for a different word because I would sound like a complete asshole if I used it. I started telling strangers all about what I did. I needed a new cell phone charger as my sole purpose in life is to lose cell phone chargers and wallets, and I ended up telling the woman at the Verizon store everything. She made me promise to come back and let her know when it was available because, and I quote: My husband and I love watching porn. I filed her away as my first fan, sort of. That has shocked me the most. People are not only interested in it but excited. It's further proof that porn is not the Wizard behind the curtain it once was. The Sexually Liberated Dorothys of the world have pulled back the drapes to reveal something not quite frightening after all. Surrender Dorothy, turns out she's a submissive after all. Has anyone been hurt by this decision? The simple answer is yes. It's the only aspect of this entire experience I regret. I am sorry. Those people are handling it in the best way possible and for that I am grateful. I am surprised by how supportive and excited some of my friends have been, to my face at least. I've heard through the grape-bullshit gossip-vine that some people think I did this for the story. They're right. I did it so I could experience something and share it with others, so in a sense yes... it's for the story. The fact that James and I exchanged a few emails and talked a bit prior made it all feel quite easy. I hardly noticed the camera, the idea that thousands of people would be viewing this soon, or what my ass was doing the entire time. Dear God, what was my ass doing the entire time? That was a month ago. The video went live on his website Friday. James says it's great! Whatever that means. He informed me that the first part is hilarious, as it was intended to be, which of course speaks to the comic in me. I'm glad that's the case. When I visit his website and watch trailers of other movies I do feel a bit nervous. Everyone does seem pretty goddamn naked. That is completely fine and normal. If you really break down the idea of porn it's quite silly that anyone would react negatively to it. Most of us have sex. A lot of us have used a camera. Some of us have put the two together. At least one of us got paid in money, experience and fun. Jenn Tisdale is a writer and standup comic. This piece first appeared on brightestyoungthings.com. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenn-tisdale/my-amateur-porn-date-james-deen_b_4215113.html

Here's a link to a very, very similar thread. I think everything that needs to be said has already been said. http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=117449

[I]This is the third or fourth case like this that I've heard of recently that has resulted in criminal charges being laid. Since you never really know when your webcam has been taken over, the general advise to avoid becoming a victim of this is to either close the lid of your laptop when not in use or put some tape over your webcam when you're not using it.[/I] [B]Miss Teen USA 'Sextortion' Suspect Faces Prison After Guilty Plee [/B] Los Angeles Times Richard Winton November 13, 2013 A 19-year-old man who pleaded guilty Tuesday to a "sextortion" scheme involving naked photos and videos of at least a dozen women, including Miss Teen USA, faces up to 33 months in federal prison. The guilty plea comes less than two months after the family of Temecula college freshman Jared James Abrahams apologized through an attorney for "the consequences of his behavior." Abrahams pleaded guilty to four federal crimes, including extortion and unauthorized access of a computer, in a case involving victims from their late teens to their early 20s around the globe. Among them was Miss Teen USA Cassidy Wolf, who went public with the effort to extort her. Abrahams' attorney, Alan Eisner, told The Times that his client was cooperative with law enforcement throughout the investigation and "gave them a full and complete admission." Abrahams, Eisner added, is autistic, and is "socially disconnected," although there is "no good reason for his activities." "We are not looking to blame his conduct on that," Eisner said. In his plea Tuesday, Abrahams admitted to taking over womenâ??s webcams to capture naked images of them and then blackmailing them for more. The criminal complaint identifies at least seven victims by initials only -- some of whom, including Wolf, he knew personally. He acknowledged infecting the computers with malware, watching his victims change their clothes and using the photographs to extract more images, according to the affidavit. The FBI had been investigating Abrahams since March, officials said, when authorities learned he compromised victimsâ?? computers to obtain nude photographs and, in some cases, videos of the victims by remotely operating their Web-enabled cameras. The investigation was sparked after Wolf alerted authorities to a change in her Facebook password and a "sextortion" demand, law enforcement sources said. The criminal complaint states that Abrahams changed Wolf's Twitter account photo to a half-naked image of her and then sent her two images, showing her naked, that were taken inside her home by her webcams months before. Wolf said the images came with an attempt to extort her to ensure that the photos were not made public. In each case, officials said, Abrahams contacted the victims using two AOL accounts he had taken over, and sent them nude photos to show what he had obtained. Abrahams is said to have threatened to disclose the images and videos unless the women did one of three things: send nude photos, send a nude video or log on to Skype and do what he said for five minutes. Authorities said that when FBI agents raided his Temecula home in June and seized computers and hardware, cellphones and hacking software, they found evidence to show he had gained unauthorized access to computers of victims in Southern California, Maryland, Ireland, Canada, Russia and Moldova. According to court records, at least one of the victims is a minor. [url]http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-miss-teen-usa-sextortion-suspect-guilty-plea-20131113,0,6515331.story#axzz2l2p2TSCr[/url]

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that massage parlours offering hand jobs/happy endings are not providing prostitution services and therefore are not classified as "common bawdy houses" under the prostitution laws of the Criminal Code of Canada. The following comments illustrate this point of view. "Note however, that in some places (like Ottawa) some massage parlors are licensed by the City and thus have a permit to operate, as long as they only go so far (ie no oral or FS)." "You cannot get "full service" at a massage parlor, that would be illegal." "... to Offer BJ or FS to the gentlemen... this would make the spa a brothel which are clearly illegal..." Since many cities license erotic massage parlours/body rubs, and everyone knows what goes on inside them, it's understandable that this would lead to the mistaken belief that everything is legal. A hand job is a sexual service. Providing sexual services for money is prostitution. Any location where prostitution commonly occurs is a common bawdy house. Therefore massage parlours commonly providing hand jobs... are providing sexual services... and therefore are engaged in prostitution... and therefore the massage parlour is a common bawdy house. There's a legal distinction made between "erotic" services and "sexual" services. (I know, I know... it's a fine line ;-) ) Municipalities can regulate "erotic" services through zoning and licensing. These include strip clubs, adult video stores and massage parlours for example. They can't authorize "bawdy houses" since the Federal Criminal Code of Canada prohibits them. Another way to understand this is that a lower level of government can't adopt laws which are inconsistent with those of a higher level of government. This is a basic principle of constututional law. Therefore a municipal massage parlour license can't authorize a massage parlour to provide sexual services, including hand jobs, because that would make it a "bawdy house" and bawdy houses are illegal under Federal law. As stated in a Library of Parliament Research Publication on prostitution, "... municipalities walk a fine line between federal and municipal/provincial jurisdiction and must be careful not to take any measures that might deal with actual prostitution. Part of this balancing act consists in maintaining the illusion that escort services and massage and adult entertainment parlours are not fronts for prostitution-related activities." As for why massage parlours don't get busted, it's for basically the same reasons that the police look the other way with most indoor prostitution. If you operate discretely and the neighbours aren't disturbed, the police aren't going to go looking for trouble. They've got plenty of other crimes to investigate where there are real victims. This includes prostitution where there is real and obvious harm being done such as underage prostitution, violent pimps, and foreign sex workers who are trapped without their passports. Since it is so rare for police to bust a massage parlour, this gives the impression that they are all legal. But, they do get busted occasionally, so what causes the police to take action in a very few cases and look the other way in the majority of cases? I've attached a few links to news stories about massage parlours that were busted. These were all in inappropriate locations that drew complaints (next to daycares, ground floor of a condo). There are of course other examples of massage parlours being busted. These usually involve foreign women working in massage parlours who are being victimized or under aged girls. It's not my intent to scare either massage attendants or clients with this information. Clearly the vast majority of massage parlours generally operate without any problem. I do however think that we should all be knowledgable about prostitution law (and sexual health information) so that we can assess the risk of our activities. Avoiding massage parlours which are likely to draw complaints from neighbours is a simple step to take. The upcoming Supreme Court of Canada decision on prostitution laws will likely affect the current legal status of massage parlours as bawdy houses. So if you work in or frequent a massage parlour, you should be interested in the outcome of that case. http://metronews.ca/news/calgary/839283/inside-a-calgary-bawdy-house-evidence-of-happenings-at-massage-parlour-found-online/ http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/massage-parlour-busted-in-residential-building-1.1240820 http://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/police-lay-prostitution-charges-at-gatineau-bawdy-house-1.574116 One final point. When massage attendants and clients discuss sexual services/price in the private massage room of a massage parlour this is not considered public solicitation. The private massage room has the same status as a hotel room. It's a private space, not a public space.

Originally Posted by Cleo Catra I think you're right, and I think that's why a lot of us go in circles in these discussions on here. In most cases, it seems like the women participating are not the ones the clients are talking about.... so the points never seem to get resolved, because the ladies can't seem to offer resolutions to situations they can't imagine happening. I think these discussions can be worthwhile. They can be frustrating... if you think a consensus is going to be reached or... if you think you're going to change a participant's point if view. (The internet is not the place for that lol) This particular thread has had over 7,000 views. That's far more than any other current topic. Obviously there's interest, even if only a small minority of members participate. And even if cerb only represents a small percentage of all sp's and clients, it's still our community and we're developing norms of behaviour and conduct in an underground economy/activity where it's difficult to get useful, real, respectful, healthy etc information. I look at these discussions as being similar to any public debate. The point isn't to change the mind of the other debater(s). It's to be persuasive to the audience and provoke them into thinking. This is best done when different points of view are expressed and hopefully expressed well. Hopefully these discussions are also an opportunity to share information and viewpoints that readers would not otherwise have access to, whether that's factual information, personal experience or a different perspective.

I totally agree Cristy. Dirty talk that sounds like it was lifted from a really bad porn movie does not produce the desired response for me. I either start laughing or get turned off! Dirty talk that comes from uninhibited pleasure and is in the moment... well, now we're talkin' :-)

[I]This is a very humorous, yet touching article.[/I] [B]Sex after 60 calls for intimacy[/B] JOYCE WADLER NEW YORK â?? The New York Times News Service I was messing around on the couch with an old boyfriend when he mentioned that he had a new sex med and that it was stashed in the fridge because it had to stay cold. This is the sort of info that brings things to a screaming halt, but feature writers like me donâ??t mind at all, because it is so weird. â??What?â? I say. â??I thought this stuff was just pills.â? â??Theyâ??re new little pills,â? the guy says. â??You have to keep them cold.â? â??What if you have to travel with them?â? I ask. â??I put them in a plastic bag with two ice cubes,â? he tells me. â??What if youâ??re Lawrence of Arabia, and you want to have sex in the desert?â? I say. We are both laughing. â??You donâ??t get to have sex in the desert,â? he says. Iâ??ll tell you the truth. This is one of the things I like about middle-aged sex: the level of comfort required. â??I have diabetes and have to take these little pills, which in my case take a few hours to work, so you got to give me some notice before we pull off the highway.â? â??Itâ??s been a while. Iâ??m a little out of practice.â? â??Iâ??ve had breast cancer, and my new breasts, while spectacular, will be different from others you have known.â? The new breasts, by the way, are mine. I had breast cancer decades ago and kept my breasts, and wrote about the whole experience. When cancer cells popped up again in the same breast, the options were fewer. Mine diminished even more when I had healing complications. I was disappointed, though not surprised, when the plastic surgeon told me I was not a candidate for nipple reconstruction. I remember very clearly the time it took to come to a mental accommodation. I had gotten into the elevator after leaving the surgeonâ??s office on the 10th floor, and the elevator floor numbers served as a kind of clock. Tenth floor: Damn it to hell, damn it. No nipples. That sucks. Sixth floor: Of course, the new ones are beautiful. Like Barbieâ??s. And Barbie is beautiful. Fourth floor: Iâ??ll just be beautiful in a new way. I was, too, especially as I was able to have these trick-the-eye nipple tattoos. But there was the problem of what to say when you are about to first get naked with a guy. I take this up with a shrink. â??You say, â??Iâ??ve had breast surgery, and I am a work of art in progress,â??â? she tells me. I had to trim that â??work of artâ? bit â?? itâ??s just not how I talk â?? but I use the gist. â??Thereâ??s something I have to tell you,â? I say to the fellow, as things are about to heat up. â??Iâ??ve had breast cancer.â? â??Yeah, I know,â? he says. â??I read your book.â? â??No, since then,â? I say. â??And Iâ??ve had surgery. Theyâ??re really gorgeous. They have all this new stuff these days â?? itâ??s really interesting â?? but I havenâ??t, you know. â?¦â? â??Youâ??re telling me Iâ??m the first person whoâ??s going to see them?â? he says. â??Iâ??m the first guy to see the new breasts? You chose me? I am really honoured.â? You see what Iâ??m saying? The first time I had sex, when I was a teenager and didnâ??t really know the guy? Deeply disappointing. The first time I had sex as a 65-year-old woman with a 66-year-old man, and weâ??d both had illnesses that could have killed us and left us scarred and that we had to talk about? That was trust, that was intimacy, that was real connection.

This is a very good point. Ultimately it does come down to effective communication by both parties. That's not just stating what you want/or will provide, but also effective listening by both parties, as opposed to selective listening. Most disagreements or conflicts in life are not the result of fraud or someone trying to take advantage of another person. They result from legitimate misunderstandings. Once, the misunderstanding is realized, effective communication becomes even more important or the misunderstanding escalates to a conflict. Now, for those of who would like to pursue the conflict route, that's where the law comes in lol. An offer of service by an sp and payment by a client is an oral contract, regardless of whether we like to think of it in those terms or not. But for those clients who think "Ah ha! That's what I've been saying." It's not that simple. As Samuel Goldwyn is claimed have said "A verbal contract isn't worth paper it's written on!" Let's put aside for a moment the very real life personal issues that would arise from "actually appearing in court" over a dispute with a sp. In our hypothetical case, what would a judge be looking for? The first thing to understand is that "the burden of proof" to show that there was a verbal agreement and that it has been violated falls to the person bringing the case to court. That's a pretty high bar. If the testimony is "he said/she said", you're pretty much assured you'll automatically lose without witnesses or supporting documentation. Second, and even more importantly, you have to show that there was a "meeting of the minds". In other words, there is a shared understanding of what the "essential parts" of your agreement are. As many of the sp's have said in numerous posts, "ymmv is always front and centre in their minds". If a client hasn't also factored in ymmv as an "essential part" of the agreement, then you don't have a legal agreement because there's no meeting of the minds on this essential element. It might become an issue after the session starts because as Cleo pointed out above, "It hurts" or it could be because of any number of things such as hygiene, roughness, concern that the client will try bareback etc...). So, if you think you're legally entitled to xyz because you discussed "the possibility", think again. If you don't take into consideration ymmv, there was no "meeting of the minds" and no legal agreement. Having said that, ymmv isn't a license to rip off clients. But as most people have said, if you choose a reputable sp, this is an extremely unlikely scenario. If on reflection you honestly believe you were the victim of a scam, you always have the option of posting about a Bait and Switch. If however on reflection you believe it was a misunderstanding, learn from it and communicate clearer up front in future. If you've paid extra for a service such as Greek, and through no fault of yours, the sp cannot provide it in your session, Cleo's suggestion of refunding that portion or agreeing to put it towards your next session is a very reasonable and ethical option. Once again, the foundation for these solutions is effective communication.

Yes, potential risk increases with the number of sexual partners you have. It's not the most significant risk however. There are lots of other more significant risk actors which the women and men on this Board avoid. These include intoxication from drugs and alcohol while having sessions. Why? Impairing inhibitions and judgment for example... results in higher risk sexual behaviours. You'll also see clients and providers avoiding bare back intercourse and anal, both of which are high risk activities. My point isn't to review all of the STI risks, it's just to quickly point out that you shouldn't focus primarily upon the number of sexual partners as your primary STI "prevention" concern/strategy. Secondly, once you become better informed, you'll then have to decide what "your" risk tolerance is (e.g. bbbj or cbj). There are various threads on here where people have discussed STI's. My advice is to go to the websites and publications of various public health agencies, where you will get information directly from knowledgable public health and medical professionals. These days the information is provided in a non-judgemental and non-moralistic manner. Here's a couple of sites. The first one is the Public Health Agency of Canada, covering the full range of STI's and STD's, with links to all sorts of other provincial and international agencies such as the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Since you live in Ontario, the second link is to Sexual Health Ontario. Good luck and enjoy yourself :-) And... be just as concerned about protecting your partners health as you are about protecting yours. http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/std-mts/faq-eng.php http://sexualhealthontario.ca

Prostitution, obscenity and nudity laws are all contained in the Federal Criminal Code of Canada. These laws are therefore uniform across Canada, regardless of which province you're in. There might be differences in enforcement by police from one jurisdiction to another, but the interpretation of the law should be largely the same if the case goes to trial. In general, when police find a couple having sex in a vehicle, they don't charge them anymore. They just ask them to "move along". As I mentioned earlier, there have been plenty of cases which have established that there is no public obscenity if the couple is in a secluded area. Here are a couple of quotes from an Ontario Appeal Court case in which the majority decision was that sex in a "public place" does not automatically make it "public obscenity". The obscenity laws were "absolutely not intended to cover police officers who surreptitiously sneak up on people in the middle of the night, shinnying down 20 feet though the Niagara escarpment, through the bushes, then getting up to a foot-and-half behind you and yelling Gotcha!... There is no question that, had the police officer not sneaked up on the car to see what was going on inside, no one would have seen or been aware of the sexual activity going on inside."

I agree with your comment and didn't intend to imply otherwise with my response. My intention was to only focus on the op's question about communication. Thanks for the clarification ;-) To ensure I haven't contributed to any confusion, I've amended my post (#7) to clarify that a hotel incall can be considered a "common bawdy house" which is a prostitution related offence. In addition a client being "found in" a common bawdy is committing a prostitution related offence. The likelihood of charges being laid for either offence are extremely low if the escort and her clients behave discretely.

Relax. You appear to have a case of first time jitters. The police have absolutely no interest in you or who you're having sex with. They have much more important work to do. Remember prostitution is legal in Canada. Furthermore, all that happened in the hotel lobby was that a woman texted you and said she was still getting ready. That's an innocent conversation that happens a few thousand times a day between couples across the country :-)... and then she invited you up to her room when she was ready. No problem. Not even close to the definition of public solicitation. While public solicitation is a prostitution related offence, private communication is not. When you originally set up the appointment by text, you were engaging in private communication. Texting or e-mailing someone, while discussing price, is private communication, regardless of where it takes place. You were not publicly discussing, offering, signalling, or negotiating compensation (financial or otherwise) in a public place (street, park, car, bar, hotel lobby etc). A simple way to think of public solicitation is that it is a "nuisance" law to ensure that prostitution activity occurs "out of sight... out of mind". (There are all sorts of safety issues that this raises and the recent Supreme Court hearing is considering these.) It prevents men from soliciting any and all women that walk past them on the street for example. It also prevents extra traffic in neighbourhood strolls. Seeing an escort at their incall location (e. g. hotel or residence) can be considered a prostitution related offence (being found in a common bawdy house). However, as with all indoor prostitution, if the sp and her clients are not doing anything else inappropriate to draw attention to themselves, the risk of any police action being taken is extremely low. The hotel would more than likely deal with it directly and confidentially themselves rather than calling the police. They don't want a bunch of police marching through their lobby, disturbing the atmosphere they have carefully created, unless something very serious is occurring. A couple having sex in a hotel room... As long as you're discrete, the hotel doesn't care, and the police care even less. Whether you're married to each other, common law, lovers, having an affair, a one night hook up, or a client and an sp getting together, it's all just sex between consenting adults.

I think you're correct that her blog and resulting books/series have helped change the pubic perception of prostitution from the cliche of drugs, pimps and sleazy loser clients. She's been both congratulated and criticized for this. If her supporters and critics can both agree on this point, it's probably true lol. I think her experience is also a cautionary tale on the complications which arise with fame and wealth... and those who want to get "their" cut.

Many of you have probably seen Secret Diary of a Call Girl on tv. It was based upon a blog entitled Belle de Jour: Diary of a London Call Girl and two subsequent books Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl; and The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl. The author has also published The Sex Myth under her real name Dr. Brooke Magnanti. Dr Magnanti has a PhD in Forensic Science. She worked as an escort while she was finishing her PhD thesis. There have been many discussions on cerb about discretion and whether we as sp's or clients are "out" as well as the potential complications that this business brings to the relationships of sp's and their so's. For those interested in a little weekend reading and a real life story, here's 4 articles that document this for Brooke Magnanti. I know not everyone is going to read all of these, so here's the Coles Notes. - An ex lover was going to "out" Brooke Magnanti as being Belle de Jour so she beat him to the punch by outing herself on her own terms. - Another ex lover (Morris) now claims that she wasn't an escort, in part because "he would never sleep with a prostitute" and that he's suffered damage to his career and reputation since she's identified herself as Belle. He is suing her. - Brooke Magnanti is ironically now required to defend herself in the lawsuit and show that she was in fact an escort. She has documentation to show her income, income tax statements, ads, her diary and his diary etc. She feels that her integrity as a writer has been questioned and that she's being called a liar and a fraud. - An anonymous source has leaked a portion of Morris' diary to the Secret Courtesan blog and the excerpts show that the he knew she was an escort while they were together and wasn't happy about it. - One of these articles also has a short interview with another ex lover who supports Magnanti's claim that she was an escort. - The lawsuit has not been heard yet. A previous lawsuit that the ex lover (Morris) brought against a couple of newspapers was settled in his favour. As Magnanti has pointed out that was due to errors in their reporting, not to any inaccuracy in her story. Pre-emptive Outing http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2009/nov/15/belle-de-jour-author-blogger-brooke-magnanti?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487 Lawsuit by Ex Lover http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/jul/28/brooke-magnanti-belle-de-jour-sued-ex-boyfriend Magnanti's Response http://sexonomics-uk.blogspot.ca/2013_08_01_archive.html Copy of Ex Lover's Diary Published on The Secret Courtesan http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/diary-of-a-sad-man/

Here http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=18 and here http://www.escorts-canada.com/listings/NS/Halifax.html

An sp can legally refuse to engage in sexual activity with anyone they choose, regardless of the reasons. The question of whether an sp can legally refuse to see clients of a specific ethnicity also applies to whether they can legally refuse to see clients of certain cultures, nationalities, religion, age, gender, size, hygiene, manners, ability to follow instructions, reputation, previous contact... Every reason that's ever been discussed on CERB. You name it! They are legally justified. The Canadian Human Rights Act prohibits the "denial of service" based upon "race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, disability...". Therefore if you only look at the Canadian Human Rights Act, you might think an sp cannot refuse to provide service to a client based upon race. However it's not that simple. Regardless of what the Canadian Human Rights Act says, neither the state nor a client can compel an sp to have sex with someone they don't want to have sex with. Why? Because compelling/forcing someone to engage in sexual activity conflicts with the sexual assault provisions of the Criminal Code of Canada. When there's a conflict between the Canadian Human Rights Act and the Criminal Code of Canada, the Criminal Code takes precedence. The Criminal Code protects the person who doesn't "consent" or want to engage in sexual activity, regardless of what their reasons are for not consenting. Even if their reasons for not consenting conflict with the Canadian Human Rights Act, they are protected by the Criminal Code. The harm caused by legally forcing someone to have sex against their will is greater than the harm caused by denying sex to a prospective client. The Criminal Code of Canada provisions for sexual assault require that "consent" be given when engaging in sexual activity. Sexual activity without "consent",regardless of why consent is withheld, is sexual assault. The Criminal Code also states that "Consent" "requires the voluntary agreement... to engage in the sexual activity in question." If an sp felt legally "obliged", "compelled" or "forced" to engage in sexual activity with someone because of the Canadian Human Rights Act they would be engaging in sexual activity under "duress". In other words, there would be no "voluntary agreement... to engage in the sexual activity." This is the very definition of sexual assault. This is also a good example of why "No means no." Not, "No means no... but only if you have a good reason." There's a fundamental principle at work here. Neither the state nor another individual can compel us to do something with our bodies that we do not want to do, regardless of whether our reasons are reasonable or unreasonable. This is a very good thing!

You should contact Victoria at her Libero Paradiso web site. She will gladly answer any questions you have. Here's a link to Libero Paradiso http://www.liberoparadiso.com/

[B]Sex Research Pioneer Virginia Johnson Dies[/B] The Associated Press Posted: Jul 25, 2013 4:32 PM ET Last Updated: Jul 25, 2013 6:27 PM ET In an era when even talking about sex was virtually taboo, Virginia Johnson had a way of putting research subjects at ease, persuading them to participate in groundbreaking investigations that changed the way human sexuality was perceived. Johnson, half of the renowned Masters and Johnson team, was remembered Thursday as one of the key figures in the sexual revolution. Johnson, whose legal name was Virginia Masters, died Wednesday of complications from several illnesses at an assisted living centre in St. Louis. She was 88. "She has one of the most extraordinary lives of any American woman in the 20th century," said Thomas Maier, author of the 2009 book Masters of Sex, the Life and Times of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the Couple Who Taught America How to Love. "She literally came in without a degree and became one of the most well-known female figures in medicine in her time," Maier said. Johnson grew up in rural Missouri, near the small town of Golden City. By the late 1950s she was in her 30s and twice-divorced, raising two small children and looking for a job. She landed work as a secretary in the medical school at Washington University in St. Louis. That's where she met Masters, an obstetrician-gynecologist who hired her as his assistant for his research into human sexuality, studies performed first at Washington University and later at the Masters and Johnson Institute in St. Louis. It was a strange indoctrination: Masters convinced her that having sex with him was part of the job. They eventually became lovers and wed in 1971. (They divorced 20 years later.) Over time, Johnson grew from an assistant to co-collaborator. They were a good fit together: Masters had impeccable academic and research credentials, a brilliant scientist but aloof and lacking in people skills. Maier said it was Johnson who managed to recruit the countless volunteers needed for the studies â?? graduate students, nurses, faculty wives and other participants for what was almost certainly the largest human sexuality experiment ever in the U.S. "He was a rigorous scientist most comfortable in a white coat," said Dr. Robert Kolodny, who worked alongside the couple for years and was associate director of the Masters and Johnson Institute. "Ginny had people skills and a warmth about her, and projected an interest in humanity that was a very good foil to his austere scientist demeanour." In after-hours research, Masters and Johnson shattered basic precepts about female sexuality, including Freud's concept that vaginal â?? rather than clitoral â?? orgasm was the more mature sexual response for women. She took the case studies and asked the uncomfortable questions. Hundreds of couples, not all of them married, participated in the observed research. [B]Sex researchers penned best-selling books[/B] That research was later discussed in their 1966 book, Human Sexual Response. And their 1970 book, Human Sexual Inadequacy, explored a therapy they'd developed for men and women with sexual problems. Both books were bestsellers translated into dozens of languages. Kolodny said Johnson played a major and creative role in devising their sex therapy, which helped people focus on sensation of touch rather than performance. Before Masters and Johnson, Kolodny said, medicine was in the "dark era" when it came to human sexuality. "She gave women sort of permission to honour their own sexuality," Kolodny said. At the height of their careers, Masters and Johnson were huge celebrities, the topic of late-night talk show hosts and on the cover of news magazines. Their work had its critics, and it was often frowned upon in some circles in an era when sex was seldom discussed publicly. "There was a lot of grief," Johnson's son, Scott Johnson, recalled. "There were threats, things of that kind. She was a very strong woman." [I]TV series launching in September[/I] As Masters' health was in decline in the 1990s, and Johnson was caring for him, he announced he was divorcing her, leaving her to pursue a sweetheart of his youth. The Masters and Johnson Institute closed in 1994 after Masters retired. He died in 2001. Scott Johnson said his mother also retired in the 1990s. But their work still fascinates and resonates. Showtime will debut a TV series in September, Masters of Sex, based on Maier's book. "She brought equality to women in the field of sexuality," Maier said. "Their studies underlined the power of female sexuality." Along with her son, Johnson is survived by her daughter, Lisa Young, and two grandchildren. Private funeral arrangements were pending.

This thread seems to have morphed into a discussion of marketing strategy and more specifically pricing strategy. There are numerous pricing strategies that a business can adopt. Some of them have relevance to this industry, most don't. Selling "Price" If what you are "selling" is "price", it is difficult to be successful in any business. In general you're likely to attract clients who place more importance on low price and less importance on the quality of the service or product. As a result, those clients will generally be on the lookout for a "better" (i.e. lower) price. It makes customer retention difficult and encourages a race to the bottom of the market. Furthermore, in this industry, when a woman has to raise her rates (which has to happen sometime, even though it hasn't happened overall in the industry in quite a while), the client will likely go elsewhere. So if you've reduced prices and therefore your revenue and you don't have any significant cost cutting options to offset the reduced revenue, what do you do? The standard "marketing" response to this situation would be to increase the volume of sales. That's not so easily done in this industry for obvious reasons. Several women in this and other threads have described the unique challenges of being a service provider while maintaining their physical/emotional health and privacy etc. In addition, screening clients has been discussed on numerous occasions as a necessary step for personal safety and security. The higher the volume, the less time there is to do this properly and the greater the risks to the service provider. I think some are arguing that any customers receiving a price cut don't represent revenue loss, they represent new revenue from new customers the service provider wouldn't otherwise have. That's only correct if the service provider wants to increase the number of clients she sees in a day/week. Most commenting on this thread appear to be low volume service providers (whatever that number might be) and prefer to find other ways of optimizing their revenue (e.g. longer appointments, more frequent repeat clients or unique date activities). The whole idea behind the Girl Friend Experience for example is to provide intellectual and emotional interaction with the client that goes beyond just the sexual activity. Many clients place a substantial value on this. What Does Success Look Like? So what does success in a small business look like? The business is sustainable, with good customer retention (loyal regular/occasional customers). The business owner has good control over the costs relative to their revenues. And finally, there has to be sufficient profit to live comfortably. This includes a work life balance allowing sufficient time/money to enjoy recreation, family, friends and save for long term goals (e.g. go to school, start another business etc). Yes, I understand that not everyone is able to achieve all of this in life. It's been noted in previous threads that there is a high turnover of service providers in this industry. Most last only a few months to a couple of years. Most of the women who have posted on this thread however have been in this business for several years. Without knowing all of them personally, they appear by my definition to be successful. In part, though not exclusively, their success appears to be due to sticking with their pricing strategy and understanding who they seek as customers. It also appears to be based upon understanding their clients and being able to add value through services such as GFE. I think they are just trying to communicate an appreciation of that. This forum is unique in that the curtain is drawn back and allows clients to gain some insider appreciation of "the business". I think all business relationships are enhanced when clients have some appreciation of what it takes to achieve and sustain a successful business.

These are interesting examples, but I don't think they "debunk" anything. Some of these examples when applied to the sex industry are like comparing apples to oranges. Others, might represent a negotiating opportunity, if they are properly understood in terms of the limited and specific application they have to the sex industry. My comments on each example are included below.

[I]Thanks for posting this. Interestingly, Dan Savage provided a response this week to a similar question. He and his S&M advisor placed much more emphasis on the risks associated with this activity.[/I] [B]Gasping for advice: My girlfriend wants me to choke her during sex, but Iâ??m worried Iâ??ll hurt her. What do I do?[/B] Savage Love Dan Savage [B]Q[/B] Never thought I'd be writing to you for advice, but here goes: I'm a straight guy with a long-term girlfriend who has a choking fetish. She needs to be choked during sex to get off. I'm more of a vanilla kind of dude, but in the spirit of being GGG, I've been doing this for her. The thing is, it kind of scares me. I don't particularly get off on it, and it actually brings out parts of me that I don't like. More importantly, I'm really scared of hurting her. Recently while on vacation, hotel security was called because our neighbours thought I was assaulting her, as she's a screamer and likes to struggle during sex. I'm trying to be GGG, but now it feels like every fuck needs to be a rape scene, complete with choking. She doesn't like it any other way. I don't want to accidentally hurt her or kill her and wind up in jail, but she's dismissive when I share my concerns. My friends in the BDSM scene scold me and say that breath play is never OK. Your thoughts? â??Throat Harm Really Obsesses This Terrific Lady Entirely [B]A[/B] Here's what BDSM author, educator, and activist Jay Wiseman has to say about choking in his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction: [B]"I know of no way whatsoever that suffocation or strangulation can be done that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest...I know of no reliable way to determine when such a cardiac arrest becomes imminent. If the recipient does arrest, the probability of resuscitating them, even with optimal CPR, is small." Even if choking weren't dangerousâ??posts about people accidentally killing themselves during solo choking scenes appear on fetish blogs with depressing regularity[/B] â??being this woman's boyfriend/assailant has to be tedious. Even if choking were safe, THROTTLE, you need to ask yourself if you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who's as inconsiderate, selfish and sexually limited as your girlfriend seems to be.

Hi Lipualipua. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I didn't say or imply anything about social or economic status in my post. Please don't read that into what I said. I'm very aware that service providers and clients represent a range of social and economic backgrounds. I used the word "seem" because in general I'm reluctant to make definitive statements about most topics until I've learned more. My comments were based upon my experience and expertise as a negotiator and trying to transfer that to this industry. I don't pretend to understand all the nuances of this industry. To reassure you, I'm not saying it's the amount of money involved that qualifies a discussion as a negotiation. Quite the opposite. I'm saying that regardless of the amount of money at stake, all negotiations have similar qualities. Many important negotiations in life don't even involve money. Have a nice weekend.

I understood what you meant Meg. I thought now might be a good time to introduce the terminology since so many examples of each had been presented in the thread. Plus, since this thread was raging like a brush fire it took me a while to get up to speed and organize my thoughts. Have a nice weekend!