Open Letter to Dr. Laura. Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

[Carrie Moon 68826]

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant

Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus

18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

 

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,

and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

 

Dear Dr. Laura:

 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I

have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that

knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend

the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of

debate.

 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other

elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

 

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and

female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine

claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you

clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

 

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in

Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair

price for her?

 

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her

period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how

do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a

pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.

They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

 

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus

35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated

to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

 

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an

abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than

homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there

'degrees' of abomination?

 

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I

have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading

glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room

here?

 

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair

around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.

19:27. How should they die?

 

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes

me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

 

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two

different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments

made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also

tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go

to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family

affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy

considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 

Your adoring fan.

 

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,

Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a

Canadian)

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Is this a joke? Surely it's a joke!

Posted via Mobile Device

[Reddog2402 2221]

I love it! They actually did a take on this in The West Wing (the old political drama with Martin Sheen).

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHaVUjjH3EI

 

Not sure which one came first, but both are hilarious!

[Carrie Moon 68826]

I love it! They actually did a take on this in The West Wing (the old political drama with Martin Sheen).

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHaVUjjH3EI

 

Not sure which one came first, but both are hilarious!

 

wow.. that's pretty much verbatim what was said...

I never watched the West Wing much but looks like a show worth watching.

[Kyra.Graves 23779]

That letter is a classic.

 

The West Wing episode came out after the letter was circulated on the internet for a few years, though I believe the nude photos of Dr. Schlessinger came out first. 8-)

I have a special place in my heart for her, really I do I admire her integrity. :roll:

 

http://www.bay-of-fundie.com/archives/466/laura-schlessinger

 

Carrie the West Wing was a great show, definitely worth watching!

[Andee 220524]

Interesting how some people pick and choose what they want from God's law (as written by man).

 

So, does that mean as Canadians, we can have an American slave, then?

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Dibs on Nicolas Cage!

Posted via Mobile Device

[Alger 1898]

I get Anqelina Jolie!!!!

[Annessa 22743]

haha...in that case I'll start the bidding on Criss Angel. I'm sure having a hawtie illusionist-slave would be super convenient ;-) hehe

[wellie 652]

Carrie,

I do not understand how you can find the time to study the Old Testament so thoroughly, particularly Leviticus. There is some awful stuff in there.

:p

[1963Kennedy 10698]

Dibs on Cher

[wendigo 687]

Pretty funny, for another take on the don't-take-the-bible-too-literally theme here's a quick quiz, Do You Have Biblical Morals?

 

http://www.gotoquiz.com/do_you_have_biblical_morals

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Carrie,

I do not understand how you can find the time to study the Old Testament so thoroughly, particularly Leviticus. There is some awful stuff in there.

:p

 

ha ha.. not my writings but actually I'm a (retired) preachers daughter.. yeah.. I know the irony.

 

How about the song of solomon? That's pretty much a story of sexual love relationship blossoming. http://www.fourmilab.ch/etexts/www/Bible/Song_of_Solomon.html

[VedaSloan 119179]

The Bible contradicts itself in so many places it's ridiculous.

 

For example, Is it wrong to have sex outside of marriage?

 

Yes.

Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

 

Hebrews 13:4

Whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

 

No.

Hosea 1:2

And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms....

Hosea 3:1

Then said the Lord unto me, God yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress.

 

 

That was taken from the Skeptics Annotated Bible, conveniently located here: http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/index.htm

 

 

 

Also, if we're staking claim to American slaves, Johnny Depp is mine.

[masterowls 249]

I call Kat Von D...(La Ink) and Patty from Millionare Matchmaker

[Suzirider 737]

I can't bring myself to worship a Creator, that torments his creations, with other creations.

Why did God make Mosquitoes ?

When I get an answer to that, other than "God works in mysterious ways", :roll: I may think it over.

[E.D. man 691]

haha...in that case I'll start the bidding on Criss Angel. I'm sure having a hawtie illusionist-slave would be super convenient ;-) hehe

We want you to stay around Annessa he could make you dissappear!!!!

[Suzirider 737]

We want you to stay around Annessa he could make you dissappear!!!!

 

Imagine if he could make 2 Annessas :lol:

[Annessa 22743]

Imagine if he could make 2 Annessas :lol:

 

strangely this subject has come up twice this week...i wish i could be in two places at once.......sometimes people want two of me at a place at once...both would be danger indeed...lol

[masterowls 249]

strangely this subject has come up twice this week...i wish i could be in two places at once.......sometimes people want two of me at a place at once...both would be danger indeed...lol

I think prolonged exposure to two of you would prolly kill most men Annessa... 1 of you is quite hot enough... but I for 1 could think of worse ways to kick off...lol