Ran Into My Ex

[drlove 37202]

I ran into my ex girlfriend at the grocery store the other day. She was there taking her parents out shopping. I said hello and hoped that she was doing well. She seemed surprised to see me, and she obviously still has negative feelings toward me since she did the avoidance thing by hiding in the next aisle over while I was making small talk with her mom and dad. I hoped we would have been on better terms by now, but apparently not. I know I made a few mistakes in the course of our relationship, but what makes it really difficult is that my ex suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) so her emotions, thoughts and actions were not always rational either. It's unfortunate, since I was willing to work through our issues - she on the other hand, was not.

[Boomer 33202]

So is there a question here or are you looking for some justification for your decision to break up. What's the intent of the tread, sympathy. What do you want from the tread.

[drlove 37202]

So is there a question here or are you looking for some justification for your decision to break up. What's the intent of the tread, sympathy. What do you want from the tread.

 

No particular question, really... I thought I had gotten over her, and seeing her again brought back a flood of memories. I'm just feeling a bit down, that's all.

[The General 11309]

It is never easy to get over a long-term relationship, no matter what. There were always good parts, to go along with the bad parts. I know that I have some good memories. You would hope that you would not be totally ignored though, even if it is just small talk with no meaning.

 

Hopefully you can find that missing part of you, and enjoy what you like. That said, don't forget life is short and enjoy the present, you never know how long you have.

[J Galt 337]

You've reached a point where you're capable of direct and mature communication; she hasn't. You win.

[silverado17 12689]

I ran into my ex girlfriend at the grocery store the other day. She was there taking her parents out shopping. I said hello and hoped that she was doing well. She seemed surprised to see me, and she obviously still has negative feelings toward me since she did the avoidance thing by hiding in the next aisle over while I was making small talk with her mom and dad. I hoped we would have been on better terms by now, but apparently not. I know I made a few mistakes in the course of our relationship, but what makes it really difficult is that my ex suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) so her emotions, thoughts and actions were not always rational either. It's unfortunate, since I was willing to work through our issues - she on the other hand, was not.

maybe stay close to her parents might help u get back with her if u love her that much

[drlove 37202]

Thanks... I think what it is, is that in spite of the fact that there were problems, I still care about her and I miss her.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I guess you have heard it from many ppl already but is true,only time and yourself can help you get over her. Now, don't confuse 'getting over her' and 'forgetting her' because you don't have to forget her in order to move on.

 

I don't have any details of the kind/length of relationship you and her had but I was in very difficult relationship a while ago and healing or getting over it however you want to call it took sometime and the way I saw things changed with time. Today I know we both made mistakes (before I used to blame him for everything), at a point I wished bad things to him, was scared to run into him, etc. Now I know I can see him and do fine and also dont wish him any bad in fact last time I heard from him I told him I don't want/need him to be a part of my life but that I wish him all the best.

 

Again, I don't know what the situation was in your case but step 1 is you really willing to move on in order to be able to do it. As for her well, give her time and things may change. Don't forget we can't control/expect our feelings and reactions at unexpected situations if at a point you two meet having planned it her behaviour will be different for sure :)

 

Wow who is 'drlove' now? he he kidding ;) Cheer up! xx

[Parker 19761]

I ran into my ex girlfriend at the grocery store the other day. She was there taking her parents out shopping. I said hello and hoped that she was doing well. She seemed surprised to see me, and she obviously still has negative feelings toward me since she did the avoidance thing by hiding in the next aisle over while I was making small talk with her mom and dad. I hoped we would have been on better terms by now, but apparently not. I know I made a few mistakes in the course of our relationship, but what makes it really difficult is that my ex suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) so her emotions, thoughts and actions were not always rational either. It's unfortunate, since I was willing to work through our issues - she on the other hand, was not.

 

 

I get you may be sad, but as a woman I find it overly offensive that men are forever accusing other women of having serious mental disorders.

 

Even if she IS BPD, (or anything else for that matter,) what do you gain by announcing it to people?

 

Whenever I hear a guy complain about his girl or ex-girl like this my brain thinks either;

 

a) some guy just making stuff up.

b) he's blaming her, allocating blame to her illness

c) he's pointing out how great he was and how horrible she could be by making light of her illness.

 

I'm just getting really sick and tired of guys painting a woman as mentally ill for a multitude of reasons, none of them involving actual mental illness.

 

Which is a serious and sometimes very sad subject... not something to be thrown around just because a woman isn't interested in you.

[MightyPen 67414]

No particular question, really... I thought I had gotten over her, and seeing her again brought back a flood of memories. I'm just feeling a bit down, that's all.

These things never leave us. The memory of the relationship while it lasted, the misery of its slow death, and whatever meaning you've managed to draw from both of those afterward are with you forever.

 

"Moving on" doesn't mean forgetting past or that it has lost all of its power. It just means reaching a point where, despite those, you can engage with the world again and start something new.

 

Feeling grim after an encounter like that is perfectly normal. A good night's sleep often helps. Good on ya, though, for expressing something here and not just keeping it inside your own head. Sympathies. And good luck.

[Guest f***2f***]

It's hard man. Split for 2 years and still insane enough to think she might come back one day....the head knows but the heart won't let go...I know it sucks...sorry.

[April Dawn 12207]

Ugh that really sucks. The guy I am "trying" to date now has Borderline Personality Disorder. We go through so many ups and downs. I can really empathize with your situation. Currently he has decided that we aren't actually dating and I spent 2 hours crying only to get a phone call from him while he is at work asking me over for lunch tommorrow. With mental illness in someone we love things never quite end up the way we wanted, planned or ever considered.

All I can say is keep your stick on the ice and the farther removed you are from the situation the easier it gets.

Posted via Mobile Device

[stevecurious 42059]

I get you may be sad, but as a woman I find it overly offensive that men are forever accusing other women of having serious mental disorders.

 

Even if she IS BPD, (or anything else for that matter,) what do you gain by announcing it to people?

 

Whenever I hear a guy complain about his girl or ex-girl like this my brain thinks either;

 

a) some guy just making stuff up.

b) he's blaming her, allocating blame to her illness

c) he's pointing out how great he was and how horrible she could be by making light of her illness.

 

I'm just getting really sick and tired of guys painting a woman as mentally ill for a multitude of reasons, none of them involving actual mental illness.

 

Which is a serious and sometimes very sad subject... not something to be thrown around just because a woman isn't interested in you.

 

Who are we, the Cerb community, to say that drloves' former girlfriend doesn't have this particular disorder! How do we know whether she is or is not ill. I agree that bringing that topic up for discussion may not have been the most appropriate thing to do but that doesn't change the fact that she may indeed actually have a mental sickness! Dismissing it as one mans attempt to soften the blow of a break up is quite frankly wrong!

[Jazzitup 5652]

I think anybody that decides to enter a relationship with someone with BPD (or any other significant mental disorder) should be comended for attempting it. Relaionships are not easy, and BPD just makes it that much difficult.

[Parker 19761]

Can anybody give me an example of how or why this is an important fact (her mental illness, if such exists) that it should be broadcast publicly on an 'escort recommendation board'??

 

I don't think rants about ex gfs should be allowed anymore than rants about stalkers and bad clients... there's just too much one sidedness for my liking.

 

Honestly, break ups sucks.. they hurt... but it's not a crime for someone to not like you or not want to be with you. Such a decision should be accepted just as much as someone not wanting to perform a specific sexual act.

 

If you choose to be someone, especially if you claim to love them, that disorder (from what little I know about love) wouldn't be something you focused on. People with mental disorders already live with enough without having a partner who thinks they deserve a prize for 'living with them'.

 

I honestly think anyway you look at it, this type of thread is better left to other boards.

[MightyPen 67414]

Can anybody give me an example of how or why this is an important fact (her mental illness, if such exists) that it should be broadcast publicly on an 'escort recommendation board'??

The girlfriend is completely anonymous, so the illness isn't being attributed slanderously to some specific person. And this board features discussions on topics far, FAR wider ranging than just escorts and their recommendations; the depth of the community is part of its attraction.

 

The original post just expresses one board member's state of mind at one moment in time, and why he feels he's at that point. Maybe he's wrong about his ex. Maybe the whole story is completely invented -- we don't know. But I'm inclined to take the man at his word, and just express some sympathy for his unhappiness and for the situation he describes.

 

I don't see the harm in just throwing the guy some support. If the claim of mental illness is a sore point, just a "hey, are you sure about that?" and measured follow-up would probably do. Just sayin'.

 

That way everyone gets to play.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

MightyPen mentioned a very good point and I agree with him, drlove did not mention her name or any detail that would compromise her identity. He also did not blame it all on her having BPD and admitted to have made mistakes too.

 

As for him just mentioning that just because she is not interested, that's assuming, we don't have those details and probably not even drlove does. She may be interested but hurt, perhaps a part of her does not want him to deal with the situations that her disorder caused? We can speculate many reasons but again only they know what really went on. We don't even know who ended the relationship or if it was a mutual agreement separation, etc.

 

I do consider offensive when someone generalizes (no matter the gender or profession) claiming mental illness to be an issue like we recently saw on a thread here but the OP on this thread was talking about one particular person and if I read him right he did not accuse her of anything nor did he blame the BPD issue on the fact that she is a woman. April just shared a similar situation and I don't think men here got offended or even thought she was suggesting men's flaws are based on mental illness.

 

As for how BPD is an important fact on his situation? Well, for what I read on this site and drlove said it didn't help make the relationship and her emotions stabled as well as it may have a connection to her reaction when saw him in the store which is what I think OP was trying to explain.

[drlove 37202]

Hi Naomi,

 

I understand and respect your point of view, and I happen to agree with it. My situation is a bit different - my ex GF told me that she had been diagnosed with BPD by a psychiatrist. The only reason I mentioned it in my post was to illustrate the fact that because of this, it made the relationship that much more difficult. This saddens me because I know it's not her fault; No one asks to have a mental illness. However, I feel that things may have been easier to manage if the dynamics had been different. Perhaps we may still have been together.

 

As an aside, I work in the mental health field, so no disrespect to this population was intended. Thanks for reading.

 

I get you may be sad, but as a woman I find it overly offensive that men are forever accusing other women of having serious mental disorders.

 

Even if she IS BPD, (or anything else for that matter,) what do you gain by announcing it to people?

 

Whenever I hear a guy complain about his girl or ex-girl like this my brain thinks either;

 

a) some guy just making stuff up.

b) he's blaming her, allocating blame to her illness

c) he's pointing out how great he was and how horrible she could be by making light of her illness.

 

I'm just getting really sick and tired of guys painting a woman as mentally ill for a multitude of reasons, none of them involving actual mental illness.

 

Which is a serious and sometimes very sad subject... not something to be thrown around just because a woman isn't interested in you.

[Old Dog 179138]

I ran into my ex too... it was only a glancing blow and she couldn't prove it was me...

[Parker 19761]

 

As for how BPD is an important fact on his situation? Well, for what I read on this site and drlove said it didn't help make the relationship and her emotions stabled as well as it may have a connection to her reaction when saw him in the store which is what I think OP was trying to explain.

 

I still don't think it was tasteful... I doubt people would care so much for the thread (or even accepted it) if people weren't all hung up on the mental illness angle.

 

About what you said here though;

 

I don't think it had anything to do with mental illness.

When you break up with a guy, is it not because you don't want to be with him?

Depending on how long ago it was and how bad the end was, I'd be a little creeped out if there person I was trying to get away from (separate from) has now not only run into me, but has decided to make small talk with my parents in the store.

 

This is what I mean about these posts, there's too much speculation about what is going on... so why not just not post it?

 

Posting something like this will have some people supporting you and some people not, even if there not voicing such opinions.

 

Look at the thread about ladies who have partners...

Some gents actually spoke out that they don't like knowing, but these threads complaining/talking about girlfriends, ex girlfriends, ect... usually get the 'it's okay buddy' response quicker than anything.

 

Seems completely hypocritical.

[stevecurious 42059]

Seems completely hypocritical.

 

But yet April Dawns post has yet to be mentioned. She had made mention of being involved with a gentlemen who has the same condition but you have made no mention of her post...at least publicly.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Well that is your opinion and is fine but saying nobody would care for the thread if it was not for the mental illness part is a little extreme. I didn't even make BPD part of my first post.

 

I don't understand why you keep assuring she broke up with him, we don't have that information as far as I know. Also, why would she be freaked out? Is not like he was stalking her, he happened to be there that's all. As for him talking to her parents, perhaps he was close to them?

 

Are you saying any posts that do no provide full detalis and bring up speculation should not be made? In that case I believe the readers who do not like these kind of posts where the situations mentioned are unknown to them can refrain from posting?

 

I'm confused on what's bothering you here. Is it the fact that he mentioned her ex girlfriend having BPD or the fact that he actually mentioned having a girlfriend? Either way I think he was just trying to get whatever feeling he had out and he trusted us here by sharing it. Don't see anything wrong with that.

 

I still don't think it was tasteful... I doubt people would care so much for the thread (or even accepted it) if people weren't all hung up on the mental illness angle.

 

About what you said here though;

 

I don't think it had anything to do with mental illness.

When you break up with a guy, is it not because you don't want to be with him?

Depending on how long ago it was and how bad the end was, I'd be a little creeped out if there person I was trying to get away from (separate from) has now not only run into me, but has decided to make small talk with my parents in the store.

 

This is what I mean about these posts, there's too much speculation about what is going on... so why not just not post it?

 

Posting something like this will have some people supporting you and some people not, even if there not voicing such opinions.

 

Look at the thread about ladies who have partners...

Some gents actually spoke out that they don't like knowing, but these threads complaining/talking about girlfriends, ex girlfriends, ect... usually get the 'it's okay buddy' response quicker than anything.

 

Seems completely hypocritical.

[Parker 19761]

Well that is your opinion and is fine but saying nobody would care for the thread if it was not for the mental illness part is a little extreme. I didn't even make BPD part of my first post.

 

I don't understand why you keep assuring she broke up with him, we don't have that information as far as I know. Also, why would she be freaked out? Is not like he was stalking her, he happened to be there that's all. As for him talking to her parents, perhaps he was close to them?

 

Are you saying any posts that do no provide full detalis and bring up speculation should not be made? In that case I believe the readers who do not like these kind of posts where the situations mentioned are unknown to them can remain from posting?

 

I'm confused on what's bothering you here. Is it the fact that he mentioned her ex girlfriend having BPD or the fact that he actually mentioned having a girlfriend? Either way I think he was just trying to get whatever feeling he had out and he trusted us here by sharing it. Don't see anything wrong with that.

 

 

Neither actually... It's the politics of the situation and not the situation itself that's annoying me.

 

With such limited information (as is common with these sorts of threads) I don't understand how having a assumption pro-poster is acceptable, but having an assumption pro-someone/something other than the poster is bad?

 

With the limited information I don't understand how most assumptions wouldn't be right.

 

 

Another thing;

People talk as if when you post somewhere like in the General Discussion it's trusting and between us -- it is not.

It is public and visible to anyone who checks out the thread/site.

[dexterS3 134]

After 8 months being away you would think people might be a little nicer to one another.

And even if everyone can see this they would need to every person really etc before figuring out who its not like Dr.Love is going to tell everyone his and girlfriends name.

Naomi I think you need to relax and and have a stiff drink.

Dr Love all the best with this.

[mickey64 109]

Depending on how long ago it was and how bad the end was, I'd be a little creeped out if there person I was trying to get away from (separate from) has now not only run into me, but has decided to make small talk with my parents in the store.

 

I'd be creeped out too... and I was. Years ago this happened to me and I had to go loiter in another aisle while she chatted with my parents, who were too polite to tell her to go away. Yes they made "small talk" and were very annoyed that this person held them up. I'm not saying this is the same situation... but the attention from the ex was not wanted by myself or my parents. Some people don't get hints.

 

As for the mental health issue... I did feel that it was just tossed in there rather nonchalently and wondered why? Have to say I agree with Naomi's points.