personal stories and threads re: sexual health

[Phaedrus 209521]

Oh no worries, I knew you weren't directing it at me specifically, but I did get a warning for this thread, so....perhaps I should follow my own advice, and think before I post. Hahaha.

I have to say, though... I'm glad you raised the issue and started a thread on it. I may disagree with you about it, but I think it's much better to get these things out in the open and have a sensible discussion about them than to let them fester, or simply have people drift away from the community/family/fellowship/whatever-you-want-to-call it without anyone ever really having much of a clue why they're going.

 

The site is a freedom of speech. and we have an option to ignore,block the person.

Actually... no. We don't have freedom of speech here - this site is quite heavily moderated, and that's the reason it's the asshole/troll-free zone that it is. Unmoderated boards with complete freedom of speech are available for those that want them; personally I find that they're too infested with crap to be worthwhile. [edit: I should probably add: if you click that link, don't be surprised at *anything* you may find there, from the delightfully cute to the utterly revolting]

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Compassion, solidarity and support are not only meant to be for those we have feelings for or have met in person. There's no rules about who one cares for, that is based on one's personality.

 

As for what you are 'allowed' to ask an SP during an encounter that depends on many factors like chemistry, things in common, etc. she may actually share some personal things with you or/and vice versa.

 

If you are the kind that wants conversation as part of the date then the key is to communicate with the ladies you are interested in visiting beforehand and get a sense on what you can expect.

 

Finally, 'we' are not expected to care about anything and is not a request here. Everyone is free to participate in the forum as much or little as they want. We expect respect to whatever of those 2 people choose to do that's all.

 

I find it a fascinating contradicition, in that when I take part in the hobby that brought us all here, I spend an amazing, and very intimate, period of time with an intelligent, fun, beautiful woman, but I'm not allowed to leave the encounter with any feelings for her whatsoever, nor expect her to have any for me. Then we come here, to a completely anonymous neutral ground, and suddenly we're supposed to be a kind, caring, compassionate "family," towards people whom we'll never meet. We're expected(in the sense that we're dicks if we don't) to genuinely care about things we would never be allowed to ask our SP about, even though she might be the only person in this community we'll ever meet in person, let alone do "personal" things with. Pretty much the definition of irony.

[MightyPen 67414]

I find it a fascinating contradicition, in that when I take part in the hobby that brought us all here, I spend an amazing, and very intimate, period of time with an intelligent, fun, beautiful woman, but I'm not allowed to leave the encounter with any feelings for her whatsoever, nor expect her to have any for me. Then we come here, to a completely anonymous neutral ground, and suddenly we're supposed to be a kind, caring, compassionate "family," towards people whom we'll never meet. We're expected(in the sense that we're dicks if we don't) to genuinely care about things we would never be allowed to ask our SP about, even though she might be the only person in this community we'll ever meet in person, let alone do "personal" things with. Pretty much the definition of irony.

Boy, are we ever having different experiences during our encounters. ;)

 

It's not that developing feelings (let's call it "affection") with an SP is forbidden; something like that is a natural consequence of the intimate interaction that goes with better sessions. But for practical reasons there are boundaries on that affection, and most especially when it comes to acting on it. Enjoy the feeling during a session, and in the afterglow, but learn to let it fade.

 

There's not much I discuss here that I couldn't talk to most SPs about during a session; I've had some amazing conversations and learned a lot. I wouldn't broach some subjects right upon walking in the door, but I do strike up a kind of easy back and forth with most SPs I see, and especially after a few sessions together. Conversations can go to most places they might go with someone I was meeting for a date, though everyone's comfort level is different. Also, keep in mind that I tend toward sessions of several hours' duration, since developing this rapport takes a little time; but to me it's an important part of a good experience.

 

Good behaviour here on the board is nothing more than you'd be expected to show to any group of people at, say, a big dinner party: be respectful, kind, and generous. Let people express themselves, and if you disagree, stay civil. If you kept that up at big weekly parties for a few months, you'd start to grow very comfortable with the crowd. I think that's sort of what it's like for a lot of people here.

 

I'm not really seeing the contradiction. Nor the irony, whose definition I gently suggest you check -- I don't think that word means what you think it means. ;)

[Phaedrus 209521]

In the thread about personal recovery, many ladies chimed in that they too were recovering addicts. While I can empathize, do you really think that's good PR, either for yourself or the industry?

This is a good point. Although I don't want to prevent people reaching out for support, I wonder if it might be a good idea to have a separate forum for this kind of thing with somewhat-restricted access (say, members only, or members with some minimum number of posts, or something - just enough to weed out the lurkers and search engine spiders). This is already done in some respects (e.g. you can't start a new reco thread until you've written a few posts), although we obviously wouldn't want to set the bar too high so there'd be a somewhat delicate balancing act here...

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

There is a private group that was recently started

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/group.php?groupid=73

 

Those who want to join have to Pm the administrator (r100rs) to be invited.

 

This is a good point. Although I don't want to prevent people reaching out for support, I wonder if it might be a good idea to have a separate forum for this kind of thing with somewhat-restricted access (say, members only, or members with some minimum number of posts, or something - just enough to weed out the lurkers and search engine spiders). This is already done in some respects (e.g. you can't start a new reco thread until you've written a few posts), although we obviously wouldn't want to set the bar too high so there'd be a somewhat delicate balancing act here...

[antlerman 17064]

here I was out of touch for a few days and this thread blows me away.....

I am speechless.......stunned...

 

I debated saying anything.......and yet there is so much to say......

 

But I read every post.....and I usually read every thread.....and if I do not like it I move on.....

 

reading a thread about not liking to read threads is...well..just a little odd.....but I still read it....

 

why?

 

because it gives me incite to peoples thought patterns and personalities.....some I like..some I don't like.....and by getting to know some people I decide if we are at all compatible for friends or an intimate encounter........or to just not get involved with.

 

so I decide what to read and what not to read......and if I am upset....so what..it is only a forum.......

[Chanel Reign 28097]

I have many definitions of family, that have many different versions.

 

I have my immediate family, my communities (both cyber and real life), my tribe (bff's), and extended families (groups of bff's).

 

My interpretation is pretty loose.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Julias That is one of the best written posts and responses i have ever read.

But lately i think more people need to get some loving and hardcore sex :) than complaining over someone posts about a loved one or pet or cancer or met my ex etc

The site is a freedom of speech. and we have an option to ignore,block the person.

Its funny about 95% of sp want to know something about the client before they see them this is a good way to get to know someone and by bashing and complaining i am sure it won't do you any favours in the respect and repeat of clientale.

These are my 2 cents worth.

I want people to encourage putting in there thoughts and questions its a good option.

I am shock MOD hasn't put an end to this thread already.

 

You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want free speech, then you can't be worrying why MOD hasn't ended the thread.

 

 

How Mr Pete that i am contradicting myslef by saying that people the right to do either here. but when one person or multi people feels its there job to bash others then there a point it needs to be stopped.

But there are reason people leave this site for long periods of time because of non sense and garbage. But some i think like the garbage among other things.

 

It was not my intention to "bash" those posting personal stories, though it came out that way. And again, because it was lost in the rant, I said that folks should think about what they're posting and where they are posting it. There are a number of groups devoted to special topics. I posted whilst cranky, and realize, yes, many of you are right, I don't have to read the threads. I was frustrated because as of late, I've come on CERB and read the titles of posts and gone, "ugh, really?" If it has gotten to the point where I don't want to read half of what is being posted, there is something wrong! I love this site, I've posted over two thousand times. I don't keep coming back here everyday because I have nothing better to do, I come back because I like reading the threads. BUT NOT LATELY. That's all I'm saying. I guess I'm what I'm asking is for some lighter, happier posts! And again, I'm not saying don't reach out if you're having a rough go of it, I just don't know if the public forums are necessarily the best place.

[Angeltbay 612]

I dont understand this post... how would being an addict reflect on the industry? there are plently of people who hold different occupations, who are addicts, or recovering addicts.... and i think if you are brave enough to be in recovery, it would be a good thing?

 

First my apologies to those I offended; everyone has a cranky day.

 

But, people SHOULD be hesitant to post personal stories. I will give you an example as to why. In the thread about personal recovery, many ladies chimed in that they too were recovering addicts. While I can empathize, do you really think that's good PR, either for yourself or the industry?

 

As for this thread, i thought it was harsh as well. Frankly, i didnt want to even read it, because it did make me feel like crap, because i did it too... but then i thought again, people only respond to what they want to.Weather it be good or bad responses, thats life! i know alot of people are tired of hearing about the same old thing, or are tired of reading the "personal" or "controversial" threads, but what about the new people? i agree with whoever posted that (im not to sure who it was after i finished reading all this) I myself have only been a member for a few months, and have never been involved with this type of community before, so i find everything intriguing.

Ive started some threads you are talking about, posted in some threads you are talking about, as well as just read and not responded.

 

I believe in freedom of speech as well, And im not to comfortable joining groups yet if i dont know what they are all about. As for sensoring what you say on here... you are right, but to a point. Perhaps some posts/threads should/could have been worded more carefully, but I dont think anyones intentions on here is to offend people, its just personal opinions.

 

My personal opinion on this thread is that it could have been worded more carefully in the beginning as well, but it was also very enlightening. I know next time I post I WILL make a note to word things more carefully, and thats why i appreciate this entire thread, overall.

[sandimoon 72517]

To begin;

 

As to your response in regards to the definition of family

it would be prudent to read & quote the ENTIRE definition

of said reference prior to posting an opinion.

Since you have negated to do so I shall fill in the missing info:

FAMILY:

a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

2. All the members of a household under one roof.

3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry. See Usage Note at collective noun.

4. Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.

5. A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.

6. a. A group of like things; a class.

b. A group of individuals derived from a common stock: the family of human beings.

 

7. Biology A taxonomic category of related organisms ranking below an order and above a genus. A family usually consists of several genera. See Table at taxonomy.

8. Linguistics A group of languages descended from the same parent language, such as the Indo-European language family.

9. Mathematics A set of functions or surfaces that can be generated by varying the parameters of a general equation.

10. Chemistry A group of elements with similar chemical properties.

 

DETAILS MATTER!

Clearly this was the intention of SecretAdmirers post.

 

NEXT POINT

 

The general discussion area should be used for just that: general discussion.

Definition of GENERAL

1

: involving, applicable to, or affecting the whole

2

: involving, relating to, or applicable to every member of a class, kind, or group <the general equation of a straight line>

3

: not confined by specialization or careful limitation

4

: belonging to the common nature of a group of like individuals : generic

5

a : applicable to or characteristic of the majority of individuals involved : prevalent b : concerned or dealing with universal rather than particular aspects

 

If you do not want to encounter random vitriol in the form of many subjects

simply avoid the General section & peruse only the specific

forums pertaining to your personal areas of interest.

Otherwise you get the whole ball of wax.

FINAL THOUGHT

I wouldn't want those discussions to dominate the board, but in their current proportion I find them not just tolerable, they actually make the place more human.

I agree that they are few & far between & I for one welcome the respectful,

caring, concerned aspect of this board.

I have never felt more safe & secure in my role as an SP than as a member of CERB & I see great value in the allowing of ANY thought, feeling,

fear, concern or rant from every person here.

Whether I agree with it or not.

 

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all. XNoam Chomsky

Love & respect to you all,Sandi

[LeeRichards 177238]

I have decided I should try to stay out of the serious posting thing. I don't word stuff worth a **** I will try to be in my happy place !!

 

So. At the end of the day. Here is what I see. The ladies or the gents for that matter that want to post just ads, read pleasant posts should do so......and that is it. Someone gets business, someone gets laid.

 

The people that want to post ads, or read ads, set up encounters, read pleasant posts, but have fun with some witty cerb members, or feel genuinely for some cerb members in time of need or perhaps they need a little boost, then that is cool too !

 

Read what your want to read. See what you want to see.

 

Cerb is a big place now. It is about SEX ! It is also about some fun and compassion. It does have room for all of us. I hope !!

[Guest e**m***h]

As a fairly marginal member of this community, I have been following this thread with a kind of morbid interest, the way I might watch a big altercation in a public park. Normally, this place has a varied, but mostly good mood to it. For me, I absolutely love the pictures. They are always a source of beauty and happiness, no exceptions. Often the threads have been very worth reading too. Some have made me laugh until I can barely stand up. Others have been touching in a really human and memorable way. There are some truly fascinating, larger-than-life characters on here, no question.

 

So if nobody minds I would just make two points, sitting quietly at the more serene edge of the place. The first is that it is a common space, perhaps not completely unlike a public park to be shared, and I have always thought it to be governed by the unavoidable banner at the top ending with 'so if you do not have anything nice to say...Please don't say anything at all.' Although like most banners I stopped really reading it years ago, that phrase still catches my eye from time to time and it still makes me smile somehow. I just like seeing it. I do try to follow it when I am here.

 

The second point is that, while the freedom to express is a truly important right, a very fundamental one, it is not a justification for being mean or offensive. Being mean or offensive is possible because you are free to express, but adds little to the value of the freedom and maybe even takes some away. I know how easily it can happen. I have shot off a few work emails to colleagues when I was intensely frustrated and still regret it, because frankly I behaved really poorly. I apologized after, and kicked myself in the ass not to do it again. I will probably do it again. Hopefully not.

 

So from my view it is just a matter of treating the space well, which is usually what happens here. And to Erin's original point, if this was a public park and what was mostly going on was weeping, lamenting and the gnashing of teeth by large crowds of visibly unhappy people, I would no doubt saunter away for a while and come back when it was a bit more lively and happy. But I have yet to see anything close to that.

[roamingguy 300292]

Hey Folks,

 

Can we all have a group hug here and move on. There is so much more positive to focus on in our site...

 

Musings from a guy who wants to move upwards and onwards (like Tarzan or Superman, lol)...

 

Reiterating Gentleman's post...group hug and move on.

At this point, and I may be wrong here, but now it seems we are flogging a dead horse. Let's let it go, and move on

RG

[Tiffany Amber 7031]

I dont understand this post... how would being an addict reflect on the industry? there are plently of people who hold different occupations, who are addicts, or recovering addicts.... and i think if you are brave enough to be in recovery, it would be a good thing?

 

Angel, Do you think if a potential "client" knows that you are an addict he will want to see you? There will be many hesitations on his part. Drug addicts are unstable, sometimes dangerous, unruly.... Do you really think he is going to say, Ummm, she probably needs her next fix, so I should go and give her my hard earned money so she can score some drugs?? I think not!

 

That's what Berlin is trying to say. If the men of this board start hearing some of our most personal stories, there is a chance that they may choose NOT to see you. Do you really want to known as the "Crack head Escort"??? No!

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX--

 

As for the main reason this thread was started in the first place, Berlin had good intentions, I dont think she was trying to put down the previous posters who started these "personal stories". I too believe there is a place for personal strories, and the general forum should not be one of them.

 

Some one said people may not be comfortable joining a group....Really? Your not comfortable joining a group, but yet your comfortable hashing out your very personal issues on a public board??

 

I agree with the groups being some what hard to find. This is where we should be suggesting the Mod, that we makes a visible area where people can see all the groups.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

And now I also see people making smart-ass remarks. "Ooops, I just said something personal, hahaha" Or making more personal threads, just to prove something. I am definalty not going to call out names, cause I know that will get me in shit and start a fight for no reason, but is it really necessary to do something like that?

 

This is a board, community, family, whatever you want to call it, we are ALL adults! Why do some people have to be so catty? And they are the ones that are bashing and saying the original poster was rude for started this thread! Hypocrit? YES!

 

Join a group and pour out your hearts there!!! No, not every thread is going to be about sex, titties and ass, but as of late, it's been very depressing and sad news all around. WE are here to have fun, talk about things that we may not be able to talk about with our family, SO, GF/BF.... When it all comes down to it, guys, when your wife/SO is bitching at you cause you didnt bring out the garbage or you left you wet towl on the floor, doy ou really want to come on here and here more depressing shit??? Probably not!!

 

Additional Comments:

I have to add before anyone thinks or gets the wrong idea, Iam NOT calling Angela a crack head, I was using that as an example!

[Angeltbay 612]

I said this because there are people who are not in this industry who are also addicts, or recovering, who are we to judge?

 

I dont understand this post... how would being an addict reflect on the industry? there are plently of people who hold different occupations, who are addicts, or recovering addicts.... and i think if you are brave enough to be in recovery, it would be a good thing?

 

 

And i would much rather let out in the open that i am recovering, im proud of myself, and if no one likes the fact that i will open up about that, owell, im not on here to make people like me, im just on here to be myself. If a gentlen doesnt like that, then they wont call me, plain and simple, and iim ok with that.

Angel, Do you think if a potential "client" knows that you are an addict he will want to see you? There will be many hesitations on his part. Drug addicts are unstable, sometimes dangerous, unruly.... Do you really think he is going to say, Ummm, she probably needs her next fix, so I should go and give her my hard earned money so she can score some drugs?? I think not!

 

And i also said i wasnt comortable joining a group, ive just started to check them out now, most i dont know what they are about, so, id rather not join

 

Some one said people may not be compfortable joining a group....Really? Your not comfortable joining a group, but yet your comfortable hashing out your very personal issues on a public board??

Additional Comments:

I have to add before anyone thinks or gets the wrong idea, Iam NOT calling Angela a crack head, I was using that as an example!

 

this is completly off topic already, and i wouldnt have even bothered responding to your post if it wasnt directed at me

[antlerman 17064]

Reiterating Gentleman's post...group hug and move on.

At this point, and I may be wrong here, but now it seems we are flogging a dead horse. Let's let it go, and move on

RG

 

 

well I will start.......big happy hug to all the cerbites out there

 

I feel so good now..........

 

in fact I feel so good I will start a thread about how good I feel and why........

 

hehehehehehe

[Guest f***2f***]

I would like to lodge my personal vote in keeping with Berlin and Cleo's post for more threads about Escort related topics. That's what I come here for...to hobby.

 

While I take the point that there is some good community stuff going on for the most part I avoid the most obvious stuff that doesn't interest me. I usually go to the New Posts section first and scan the topic lines. Obvious fluff I don't bother to look at. Interesting new SPs, fav SPs posting availability, Recos these are the things that get my attention.

 

I totally avoid jokes (I get enough of those sent to me in my email, which are usually the same ones being posted), Babe of the Day, (I can surf the net myself for pics of hot babes), Politics (again there's enough of that easily available) and downers such as STIs, STDs, death and drama.

[Tiffany Amber 7031]

I said this because there are people who are not in this industry who are also addicts, or recovering, who are we to judge?

 

I dont understand this post... how would being an addict reflect on the industry? there are plently of people who hold different occupations, who are addicts, or recovering addicts.... and i think if you are brave enough to be in recovery, it would be a good thing?

 

this is completly off topic already, and i wouldnt have even bothered responding to your post if it wasnt directed at me

 

If you want to be straight out rude, send a pm! I was not being rude to you or calling you out! I was simply saying how it would reflect in this industry if you were an addict or a recovering one!

If I knew a gentlemen was battling an addiction, ex: crack, coke.... I would choose NOT to see him and I am sure the same goes for the men of this board, they would not want to see a lady is an addict.

You brought up the question, so where am I going off topic???

[VedaSloan 119179]

I dont understand this post... how would being an addict reflect on the industry? there are plently of people who hold different occupations, who are addicts, or recovering addicts.... and i think if you are brave enough to be in recovery, it would be a good thing?

 

One of the biggest stereotypes that sex worker activists are constantly fighting against is that we are all drug addicts. Posting that you are an addict in some people's minds will only prove that stereotype. Yes it is true that there are recovering addicts in all industries, but the sex industry is one of the few where we're all tarred with the same brush if one of us is.

 

And as Tiffany pointed out, from a consumer point of view, what you post on these public forums basically amounts to advertising. It is bad PR for you if you are posting that you are an addict--recovering or not. If a potential client knows you are an addict, maybe they will also wonder whether or not their money is going to your next fix, or whether or not you might try to rob them.

[Tiffany Amber 7031]

One of the biggest stereotypes that sex worker activists are constantly fighting against is that we are all drug addicts. Posting that you are an addict in some people's minds will only prove that stereotype. Yes it is true that there are recovering addicts in all industries, but the sex industry is one of the few where we're all tarred with the same brush if one of us is.

 

And as Tiffany pointed out, from a consumer point of view, what you post on these public forums basically amounts to advertising. It is bad PR for you if you are posting that you are an addict--recovering or not. If a potential client knows you are an addict, maybe they will also wonder whether or not their money is going to your next fix, or whether or not you might try to rob them.

 

Thanks Berlin! That's exactly what I was trying to say! Maybe it will be understood the way you wrote it!

[Angeltbay 612]

yeah, i understand what u mean now, you're right

 

Additional Comments:

Well, Instead of trying to make my words sound better.... because they are really seeming to come out wrong, id just like to apologize publicly to you Tiffany, i did not mean for it to come out rude. and i do sincerly apologize.... And berlin explained it very well, as did you, and i get it now, some things are just better left unsaid

 

 

I said this because there are people who are not in this industry who are also addicts, or recovering, who are we to judge?

 

 

If you want to be straight out rude, send a pm! I was not being rude to you or calling you out! I was simply saying how it would reflect in this industry if you were an addict or a recovering one!

If I knew a gentlemen was battling an addiction, ex: crack, coke.... I would choose NOT to see him and I am sure the same goes for the men of this board, they would not want to see a lady is an addict.

You brought up the question, so where am I going off topic???

[drlove 37202]

Cerb is our own little community, and at times it DOES feel very much like a family. Personally, I welcome threads from members who have issues in their personal lives. I know I've posted a few... Moreover, why not take it as a compliment that a fellow poster feels comfortable enough to share a bit of their personal life with all of us? I'm reminded of the saying "the whole is more than the sum of its parts". That is the case with Cerb. It's so much more than simply a board to exchange adult industry information on. Let's not forget that Cerb is not a separate entity - WE comprise it. WE are the ones who make Cerb what it is through our daily discourse and interaction with one another. That's what makes it great, IMO.

 

I'm sure most of us have seen the movie "Boogie Nights". I've always liked that film since it has an underlying message. The astute viewer will realize that the movie itself is not about sex, or about the adult industry per se. Really if you read between the lines, it's about family, as dysfunctional as most are, but still a family. It's particularly evident toward the end of the film and it's probably the main reason why I enjoy watching it. So it is with Cerb... (IMHO)