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A Question For Everyone

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Guest C**rAz****e

This has been bothering me for quite some time now I know this is silly that this would bother me but how do you people get over brake ups so easily? whats the secret?.Allot of my friends lately have broken up with their girlfriends/boyfriends and it felt it nothing happened to them when my girlfriend left me and when a girl I loved never loved me back it took for almost a year to get other them.Am I missing something here? I would love to hear what everyone has to say

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You're not missing anything at all. I have been in the same situation and I have never found it easy to just shake it off like nothing ever happened.

I have loved and I have lost and it effected me deeply, to the point where I wouldn't even let anyone ask me on a date. I wasn't ready.

It just shows the type of man and person that you are. It sucks when you put yourself out there and give it your whole heart, just for it to be crushed and left wondering.

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When I was younger, I thought I was in love then another boy would come along and I was in love with him, and so on.. I thought, I thought..and when I finally found love, I knew and forgot(them)

Maybe you will never fully get over her and reflect back to her now and then for years to come, all we can do is learn and not give up.

"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. "

George Jean Nathan"

Good luck and I think you are doing a fine job getting over her, here on Cerb, there are lovely ladies that will help you forget all your troubles. :)

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Guest C**rAz****e
The best way to over someone is get under someone. ;)

 

Hehe I tried that but it didn't work but now it does :)

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Everyone deals with breakups differently...even those that make it seem easy or who seem to be not affected may be hurting inside. Just know that you're allowed to feel sad for your loss and that feeing that hurt may also be a good way to eventually get over it....rather than bottling it up and letting it get to you later. Go through whatever phases you need to to get past this difficult stage and dont let other people's situations dictate how you should feel at this moment......and above all, focus on YOU right now. Remind yourself what makes YOU great and the rest will fall into place. Good luck and chin up!

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Oh getting over break-ups isn't easy. But over time the pain goes away, and you look back, and wonder what you saw in her to begin with. If I talked about my break-ups at the time of the break-up, I would be sounding hurt, because I was. Now, I know I'm much happier in my life today, without those women in my life

Does that make sense

RG

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One of the problems, at least for me, is remembering only the good times and forgetting the no so good times.

 

It's good to remember the no so good times too.

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One of the problems, at least for me, is remembering only the good times and forgetting the no so good times.

 

It's good to remember the no so good times too.

 

Yup, reminds you of why you broke up!

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Break ups are usually not easy, getting over someone we really cared about is even harder. I think even though some of the advice giving by others is good, without knowing the particular details of your break up is kind of difficult to help you plus what works for one may not work for others for many factors such as personality and how much they really want to get over the person and move on, many times is ourselves who sabotage this process by not wanting to accept that person is not good for us.

 

My advice? Time! It worked for me when I really had to get over someone, one day I was crying(one of many days of tears) and the next day I woke up feeling like not wanting to see or hear from that person again, at first I thought it was just a good day. Let's just say every single day after that was good :) Best of luck!!

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If I may offer a little advice....

 

DON'T DO WHAT I DID! My true love and I broke up the day I came back from Edmonton after I went out to meet my bio Mom and family. Then we had to further live together for a month after. I was a mess for the first 6 months and cried everyday.

 

The epiphany came one night at the Penguin (old Ottawa bar) while he was on stage with Jeff Healey. I did a little ritual shot, cheered him on stage and that was it. I was done.

 

Unfortunately what happened was that I built a fortress around myself for any type of that relationship again. And its never happened.

 

My current partner of 18 years has always known how I feel, we have never said we love each other. But I know he loves me (he shows me everyday), and to my capability I love him (just not in "that" way). He has always been supportive of me, caring for me when I'm sick or injured (and vice versa); and our relationship just....works.

 

The biggest regret I have is that I cant love him the way he deserves. He is kind and open-minded; smart, loyal and has a huge heart when it comes to helping people. He's great in bed; always willing to try new stuff. He would make a wonderful partner/husband for someone who adored him. And I have told him that often.

 

Please work through this. Know that while a piece of your heart is gone, it will grow back as a memory; for good or bad.

 

That is your choice to make. :-)

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I agree with Isabella. In the end, it all comes down to time and what works for you.

 

There's never a set chain of events or general fix when it comes to heartache. Just ride that sucker out for however long it takes, it doesn't matter if it's a few weeks or a year, there's no right or wrong amount of time.

 

As well, it's not a bad call to have the other aspects of your life be healthy and positive in this time, which may take some effort. Feeling really crappy about something can have a bad tendency to bleed over into other parts of day to day life.

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It will make a man weak and it will make another one sing. Like many said before time heels everything, could be a day, a week a month a year or more who knows we are all different. But one thing is for sure the next love you will have will be measured by your previous one and I hope for you that its for the better.

You will give love another chance and it might bite you back but you will grow stronger and stronger and eventually you will find your true love.

 

Good luck, and take care of the #1 person in life, yourself.

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I watched the mivie "getting over Sara Marshall" tonight, and I really liked one part as it made a lot of sense.

After you get your heart broken, you have nothing left to fear..So there you have it!

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The common theme - time. Time may not necessarily heal a broken heart, but it will certainly distance you from the cause of your hurt, giving you the time to make changes.

 

I found at the end of my marriage that "time" was bittersweet. I used it to rediscover the man that I was and the man I was to become and to heal the damage that was foisted upon me. I am sure that she did the same with her time. I think that the most bitter part was thinking of the time lost and the time imagined to come. Seeing her during the time of healing was painful - it only caused wounds to re-open but then again, those wounds will be less vulnerable, given time.

 

Best advice? Use the time that used to be shared and spend it on becoming "you" again. We temper ourselves to fit each other's needs; now you can recapture the man that you were - the one that she fell in love with.

 

She may never be the "one" again - but you will be better for having loved her and better still for being prepared for the next one. Whether it happens now or in a week, a month, a year or even years down the road, you will still gain by truly being the person you were destined to become.

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The best way to over someone is get under someone. ;)

 

Great advice Nicolette, I had my first treatment yesterday, and feel better already, a couple more and I'll be cured.

Edited by alberta
punctuation

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