Questions! (a.k.a. Newbies love slashes and brackets)

[Maotouying 462]

I'm new here and terribly sorry if this is a tired or recycled topic. And I'm sorry if this is one too many threads that begin with that. If this is in the wrong place please let me know. Wherever it fits, I'm dying to hear some thoughts that aren't my own.

The Short Version:

 

For fellas - Is the strange, cold, mechanical motion of a distant (but very pretty) girl's hand all it takes to get you aroused? I'm questioning my sanity. Maybe a better way of asking (or a completely ifferent question) is: How much does her mood infect/affect you? Is it mood-based or move-based?

 

For SP's - How much does your mood infect/affect him/her/them? Is it mood-based or move-based or based on the individual(s)?

 

The Long Version (for anyone brave enough): Tonight I had my first experience with an SP and I'm just not sure what to think. If it had gone anything like I'd hoped it would then I'd want to do it as often as possible. The way things went I'll do it once more, differently and with someone else, hoping that it will be different. No names, this isn't a review. I'm just wondering if I'm wearing a shirt that I didn't know I had. I understand that not everybody is meant to do the things that they want to do and that could simply be the case for me.

Anyway, I couldn't make anything happen (ya know, down there). She was very lovely and very friendly but the tone (of casual chit-chat) was a constant from introductions through (attempted) intimacy. The mood didn't evolve. Is that common? She was also a germaphobe, which I know isn't common. No saliva allowed and I couldn't touch anything in the room (including myself) before touching her, so she did a lot of the touching. And while she was trying to arouse me she kept glancing at the TV. The longer nothing happened (ya know, down there) the more it felt like my fault. I prepared for the the worst, hoped for the best and expected average. But I don't know average is. Best case scenario I'd hoped that she'd leave me no choice but to be turned on... but she didn't seem to make any effort beyond taking her clothes off. I felt like I was left alone and it was completely up to me, but I wasn't allowed to use my own hand (or else I'd have to wash it) and the one I was given to use didn't feel good. (It didn't feel good to me. It's obviously fine for others.) It was a say-something-funny kind of pressure. There wasn't really any context. It felt like her just being beautiful and in the room was supposed to be enough. Is that supposed to be enough?

If I'd known how things were going to go I absolutely would've made the same effort to be presentable and punctual, just done something else with our time together because she was a bright, kind woman and there were a million ways I could've enjoyed her company. But I didn't know, and when I left I felt awful and foolish. I thought, "I screwed that up." What she does is enough for enough people that she can tour and make a good living so I'm wondering if I'm maybe not meant to do anything but be happy for others.

When I got home I wondered, "Maybe... she screwed that up?" What happened tonight doesn't sound anything like the good experiences I've read about but it doesn't sound anything like the bad ones, either. So here I am, because I really don't know what to think. Did I screw that up? Did she? Was that average? Is this something I'm just not mentally/sexually built for?

 

If it's on anyone's mind I'm a pretty handsome dude and she noticed (twice), so that didn't have anything to do with it. I was freshly shaved & showered and she noticed that, too, so that didn't kill the mood could've been. I did some reading and tried my best to be the best date I could be.

 

Bless you all for your contributions to this site.

[beniger 100]

What a thoughtful post. From what you write, it sounds like you did nothing wrong but there was no chemistry or an attempt to put you at ease. I hope your next experience is better.

[Guest p**h*x]

Try not to sweat it so much. It sounds as if you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people just don't connect and it doesn't work out as you expect. There is nothing you can do about lack of chemistry. My first time with an SP was not very good and completely deflated my expectations of how I thought it would be. But this was before I learned all the ropes of the game and the next time I got up the courage to meet someone it was an incredible time that knocked my socks off.

[Maotouying 462]

No chemistry; that's what I wondered! But afterwards she told me I was the nicest guy ever. Said she was in town for a while and didn't know anyone so if I wanted to txt just to chat that would be cool. Is that a plot?

 

Is there such a thing as too nice?

 

What a thoughtful post. From what you write, it sounds like you did nothing wrong but there was no chemistry or an attempt to put you at ease. I hope your next experience is better.

[bcguy42 38594]

Maotouing, my heart goes out to you. I actually winced for you as I read your tale.

 

It sounds like your entry into all this came in at the wrong end of the Bell curve. You know the curve that says a few experiences will be earth shattering, most will be normal as in pretty damn good, and a few will be disastrous.

 

Your instincts are right. You did all the right things. You're inclination to give it another go is best.

 

Read the ads for your area. Find a person or two who catchs your interest. Then go read her recommendations. You will find someone who's reco' s consistently sound like what you're looking for.

 

Take your heart in your hands and contact her. Since I am a strong believer in the balance of the universe I think your next session will rock your world.

[EvaAdore 7767]

Hey Maotouing! I am so sorry you had such an awful experience! I can assure you it will not always be like that...

 

- Some people just don't have good sexual chemistry, no matter how hard you and/or the other person try

 

- Some SPs get into this job for the wrong reasons, and their service reflects the fact that they just aren't in it for anything but the money (I think people feel this on a subconscious level)

 

- Maybe she was just having an 'off' day but didn't want to cancel on you

 

- You said she was a germaphobe: no offence to any germaphobes who might be out there, but I really don't see how you can be in this profession with a condition like that; sex is messy, it's squishy and wet and there are all kinds of bodily fluids... At the risk of sounding controversial or ignorant, it just doesn't seem like it could possibly be a good time if you are constantly worrying about germs, touching, etc.

 

You sound like an amazing client, and I feel bad that you had such a rotten time. Perhaps try someone who enjoys the raunchier, wetter and messy side of sex!

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I'm so sorry. That was definitely not the way to enter into this experience. I am happy you've found CERB though as there is so much good information, people and top notch ladies here that I can safely say if you take some time to plan your next date, it will go much better.

 

The one thing you didn't touch on was how you happened to connect with this SP in the first place. So I will touch on the best way to approach. As others have said, browse the ads in your area and find a lady or two that entice you and you are attracted to. Look at their websites, read their reco's and then contact them in their preferred way. Have a conversation and see how that feels to you. One step should build on the next in excitement factors, you should always feel comfortable yet excited. If anything seems off or uncomfortable, determine if it's your interactions or perhaps a question you need to ask. Your gut will never lie to you.

 

I hope your next date is everything you anticipated positively for the first and more. Never forget, there are gentlemen here who have been in your situation in case you need help or advice. Good Luck! <hugs>

[Guest realnicehat]

Hi Maotouing,

 

That sounds like a horrible first encounter. I do hope your next one is more to your liking. I assure you, you did nothing wrong and your expectations were not unreasonable. Sadly, your first choice of providers what not the type that is suited to your needs.

 

There are gentlemen in this lifestyle who are only looking to fuck the most beautiful women possible. I say fuck because that is really all they are there to do. While it isn't often discussed here on cerb you will find reference to it on other boards. These guys aren't looking for affection or companionship, they just want to be able to say (even if only to themselves) "I hit that". There are some very beautiful ladies out there that play to this market. While stunning, their expectation is that their beauty alone is enough to get you hard and they are going to provide you with the minimum service to get you off. Essentially, they are going to allow you to use their body as a masturbation tool.

 

It sounds like you are like many of us here, certainly interested in sexual release but wanting more of an overall experience. I would have reacted the same way you did in that situation. Without kissing and touching there is absolutely no point in me being there. If you have a look at the board you will find several threads about intimacy, cuddling, kissing that will show you how many men and ladies enjoy this.

 

Did you make a mistake? Yes, you chose your first provider poorly. Many of us have done the same thing. By coming here and asking for help I think you will have a much better second encounter.

 

Best of luck,

 

RNH

[IamaGeek 3664]

I will just echo most of the advice you have received.

 

However, I did just want to note that one of the women I saw some time ago had a similar germaphobe approach. This is obviously her right and she is a well-reviewed provider so it just as obviously isn't a problem for her many repeat clients. However, I had the same reaction: "Is just being in the same room with you naked supposed to do it for me?". When I was 14 it probably would have been enough but that isn't how I work now. Anyway, I just had a nice time hanging around naked with this beautiful woman, chalked the whole event up to experience and moved on. I'm glad it wasn't my first encounter, it might have had me doubting too.

 

Try again.

[roamingguy 300292]

Sorry about your first experience. Sometimes two people just don't click, it happens. Chalk it up as a learning experience and move forward. I didn't have my first great encounter until I met my fourth companion (and even now, even though she is retired, she is still special to me).

My first three encounters, two absolute failures and one ok, not outstanding, but ok.

See another lady, you may turn out to have a great encounter and will post a recommendation instead

Good Luck

RG

[futileresistenz 28253]

To the OP, I was truly saddened by your first unfortunate experience. Don't dwell on it or get disheartened by it, though. Instead, read the ads and recommendation threads here for ladies that interest you, and that should make it clear to you that there are very, very many ladies who would make you feel like a king.

 

You obviously are very deliberate and tactful and seem to have done everything right. If you do your research and communicate / click well with a lady beforehand, then plan on many wonderful experiences in your future!

 

All the best!

FR

[canuckhooker 19202]

Sounds like me you need to find another SP. From what you describe from being a 'germaphobe', to glancing at the TV, to not making much of an effort, it strikes me she was just mailing it in. The fact the TV was even on seems a little unprofessional.

 

To me she also sounds pretty restrictive (no saliva sounds like no kissing and a CBJ) although I may be wrong.

 

I just think you found the wrong SP for a first venture. Read some reviews and pick one who is well rated and less restrictive. That is my 2 cents, and from what you describe she is not someone I would want to see.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Just voting with the majority here. This is not a business for germaphobes. Neither is it a business for someone who's so dependent on the TV that they can't turn it off when she has a guest. Neither of these things is your fault, Maotouying. I should just chalk that one down to experience and find someone better.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

May I echo each persons sentiments that have spoken. If it makes you feel better I once had a guest that asked if the TV could be turned on . Fortunately I do not own one!!

 

I am truly at a loss as to what this lady was thinking. Sometimes I am not familiar with a new guest so my eyes and ears are on him looking for clues, anything that we can both use to make our date a memorable one. Communication, touching and listening, these are some of the keys leading to a really nice experience.

 

Be sure to ask questions, if you are not happy with the answers ask again.

 

If that does not work please move to the many eager ladies here that will endeavour to rock your world and maybe even their own!

[Maotouying 462]

If you don't make it through the whole thing, I don't blame ya. So I'd like to thank everyone now. I really do appreciate you taking the time to throw your cents/sense in. Thank you, truly, to everyone who's come to my rescue and everyone who's got anything else to say for others in the future.

 

I did indeed see someone else and it was beyond amazing. This second lady I saw was actually my first choice (things fell through) and the reason I chose her was because of the passion and consideration she seemed to give to her art. Whether it's music or boxing or architecture or whatever, doesn't matter, the people who will always be remembered as the best at anything are the ones who ask(ed), "What else can be done and how can I do what's been done better?" She seemed to do that, and god fucking bless anyone who takes that approach to anything. What was I talkin' about? Oh yeah! The waters were warm but, again, nothing happened. Saint beniger, who really has been an incredible pillar, thinks that the second flub might've had something to do with me not really eating or sleeping for the forty hours before the encounter. I created an experiment and tested his theory in a state-of-the-art laboratory. The results were inconclusive, but I'm staying positive. As far as flub #1 goes, I'm not down about that anymore, thanks to everyone here. Now I know that it definitely was, as a few of you have said, just a poor choice. It happens :icon_cool:

Anyway, my second go at this was anything but a disappointment. It was a mind-bending experience and after some reflection, like a carpenter looking at a pile of lumber, I saw all of the incredible things that it could be.

Not long into the hour, this girl, this unbelievably sweet and insightful girl, said with a big smile and sad eyes, "You just need love." It was so obvious to her but something I hadn't even considered because I have love, it's just out of town a lot...

 

Alot :icon_sad:

 

And when I realized how right she was and how lonely I was I got a bit weepy-eyed. We spent the rest of the time cuddlin' and talking. If someone had told me a week ago that I was just lonely I wouldn't be here, because I couldn't have imagined that an hour of anything with anyone would fix that. Right now, an hour of wanting and feeling wanted in the middle of a very lonely few weeks feels like it will always be enough to carry me through. I don't know yet if it's a cure or even true, but it's a wonderful feeling to know that if I'm lonely I don't have to be. Even though the best hour that I can imagine still probably isn't even close to as good as reality permits I won't do it as often as I could, but I'll certainly do it often as I need to.

 

(More thanks coming up. I was worried that if all of this was at the beginning people would stop reading before they got to the meat)

 

That's just a general response to some of what's been posted. I don't have much to say in my private life. Here, I can't shut up. I wanted to respond to every individual and every individual thing that's been said. That's how this post started but it got way too long. Poor beniger's been listening to my rants and revelations since Saturday. So this is a shout-out to that guy. Props? Is props still a thing? Either way, awesome dude. Anyway, I've read everything everyone has written and thought about it all. And when things were repeated I got to think about those things again with a brain that was a bit better than the one I had the last time I'd thought about it. With all of my heart, thank you.

[Guest realnicehat]

That's one hell of a third post dude.

 

Congrats on the revelatory second appointment and thank you for sharing it with us. I'm not sure a lot of people would have bared their soul the way you just did. That took some serious courage and if you stick with us I think you'll be a great contributing member.

 

Also, kudos to Beniger for taking you under his wing. I don't know if you guys were friends before or if he just volunteered but either way good for him.

 

I look forward to hearing what happens next.