My SO Thinks I'm Having an Affair - Thanks Happiness

[NotchJohnson 214096]

I do everything on my laptop, of which I am the only user who can log on(password required). Am I safe?

Just install IE privacy keeper, works well for me.

[Guest]

Hi, Hun

You are in a rock and a hard spot. I would like to say that honesty is the best policy BUT. Perhaps you should do small thing to make her feel good. Not to big because that will give a big red flag. Maybe tell her friends that she has been looking great. So they tell her how sweet you are, doing dishes, ect. Sometimes it takes small things for a woman to feel extra special. Sometimes even telling her how happy you are with her. Just a few thoughts.

[GHT 798]

Hi, Hun

You are in a rock and a hard spot. I would like to say that honesty is the best policy BUT. Perhaps you should do small thing to make her feel good. Not to big because that will give a big red flag. Maybe tell her friends that she has been looking great. So they tell her how sweet you are, doing dishes, ect. Sometimes it takes small things for a woman to feel extra special. Sometimes even telling her how happy you are with her. Just a few thoughts.

 

 

Thanks Val for your concern and good suggestions.

Right now things are pretty good at home and I'd like to keep it that way.

 

My motivation for starting this thread is sort of "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best". Its what I have to do since things could change for the worse very fast.

 

Still Happy,

 

GHT

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

who does the truth help really? Telling your wife {this is for anyone}you are seeing escort{s} only really eases your conscience...and makes her feel bad. Then the questions would start...who? How many? Is she better looking then me? Was it better then with me?

So unless you want to really hurt your SO its best to keep quiet.

 

Date her again,wine and dine your S/O and you might be surprised..

[etasman2000 15994]

who does the truth help really? Telling your wife {this is for anyone}you are seeing escort{s} only really eases your conscience...and makes her feel bad.

 

Unless of course she is into it too.....

 

Is there a 'hot husband' fetish :shock:

[Emma Alexandra 123366]

Unless of course she is into it too.....

 

Is there a 'hot husband' fetish :shock:

 

perhaps there is...hmmmm8)

[capitalman 3861]

If a man really loves his wife, and his life, he will take his hobbying to the grave with him, even if his wife does find out about it.

 

There's no room for guilt around here, it's useless. If you feel guilt, then you have other issues and shouldn't be here, imho.

[dunkinsailor 1220]

A third option - don't lie, don't spill all. You can truthfully say you're not having an affair. If you're pushed into a corner, you can say you've been doing what u feel you need to take care of yourself, and you have the right to refuse to elaborate.

 

If this triggers a storm or accusations, you can let your SO know that "we have some serious issues in this relationship, and I only feel safe digging into them with the help of a marriage counsellor."

 

The sexual mismatch IS a big issue. For most couples, the prob isn't so much differing needs, but differing negative experiences associated with sex. We "get" our partners to a certain level, but often, we don't know how to become a safe enough harbour to encourage them to risk showing us even deeper levels of themselves. It's not taught anywhere, and it also involves risk on our part, esp. "what if the process brings us even closer, but I STILL feel sexually loneliness."

 

Somewhere the realization has to register at the deepest core in both partners that the sexual issue is robbing both big time.

 

If one or both don't want to risk going deeper, then the natural consequence is that the next best "solutions" are NOT going to be to the liking of one or both of them.

 

The quaility of a relationship is far more important than the type. Kids - and partners - will do a whole lot better when the SO's are good friends, and plan out well a departing of ways, rather than a mad-as-hell breakup.

 

A secret hobby that let's one stay in a marriage and still be relatively happy isn't the best solution, but it IS one solution, even with the flaws.

 

Any choice has a mixture of good consequences and bad consequences. Prepare as best u can for the bad ones, and cross your fingers. Or get pissed and decide you are going to do everything you can to work toward the solution you feel is best, and be ok with a possible acceptance that your partner doesn't want it too, and what choices you'll make if u reach that point.

 

Dunno if I got a bit too heavy, but this is something I'm giving a ton of thought to too.

 

And these are just my best guesses.

[dirkgently 1778]

Tell her the truth, but focus on the good in it for you both. I started seeing SP's after several miserable years with my wife (and vastly different sex drives). Shortly thereafter by some miracle we started getting along much better, all the tension and bitterness was gone.

 

When I told her I started with how much things have been better lately and went from there.

 

Now, we are more in love than ever and it is even to the point that if we start getting on each others nerves, she will tell me to go have fun for a weekend.

 

Somewhere in there we both agreed we would rather be happy and together than worry about the sex part.

 

Then again according to George Carlin: honesty is the best policy, but by the process of elimination, that would make dishonesty the second best. And second is not all that bad.

[dunkinsailor 1220]

wow dirk, that's a great result. You make a great point - a big part is the delivery, and WHY you're spilling the beans. If it's because you're cornered, and do it outta guilt, the odds aren't good.

 

From my reading of your post, what you did was to see - sorta a hail mary - if the truth could help further the building of your relationship. And it looks like she was ready to deal with whatever pain the truth brought up, and look at what she REALLY wanted, rather than cast you as the spawn of satan.

 

My hat's off to both of you.