Are you ready to meet a provider? The Cerb test.

[Guest realnicehat]

While reading another thread in which one of the ladies was issuing a friendly reminder it occurred to me, perhaps some new members need more help.

 

We spend most of our young lives learning skills and training for the future. And how are we evaluated on these skills? We are tested. Would we do our homework otherwise?

 

There is a wealth of information in the newbies section for anyone that chooses to read it, but by the number of reminder threads appearing I'm guessing a lot of gentlemen don't.

 

So I propose to you the Cerb test. A tongue in cheek yet useful tool to perhaps help our new friends find their way. If you feel so inclined please submit a fun yet helpful question.

 

Once enough questions have been submitted newbies will be able to take the test. Those who fail will be restricted to booking with the Fat Bastard BBM until they pass a subsequent rewrite.

 

 

Question 1:

 

When initially contacting a provider by text or email an appropriate greeting might be:

 

a) Hey baby, how much for a beej?

b) What will you do for $50.00?

c) Hello, my name is _______. I'm very interested in meeting you.

d) Hi. (repeat every 5 minutes)

 

 

Question 2:

 

When going to an incall one should:

 

a) Be casual and confident. No one cares why you are there.

b) Pass by at least 6 times before entering. You can't be too careful.

c) Create a character profile with a back story and disguise.

d) Arrive 30 minutes early. Sit in the lobby or your car. Check watch often.

[6dave9 4008]

Question 3:

When initially contacting a provider by text or email:

 

A) tremble and shake thus your text is sent as - jhr svjvv lkrfjelvjnvvd-

B) perspire profusely that you cell phone slips out of your hand and falls to the ground.

C) you spend 4 hours re-reading and editing your email or text.

D) take a deep breath, dial the number and politlely introduce yourself.

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

question:

 

when you are asked to confirm your appointment 24 hours prior via call or text, you should

 

a) confirm when requested, with the method requested

b) confirm via email

c) ignore the request, you're too busy for these little details

[Guest webothscore]

Check this out. First three answers spell out acronym for our currency!

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 5:

 

An appropriate way to handle the donation is:

 

a) Wait for the lady to ask. Maybe if you're lucky she'll forget.

b) Ask if a post dated third party cheque is ok.

c) Quietly place the envelope in plain site upon entering.

d) Make it rain baby.

[Bianca Jaguar 39183]

Question 6:

 

preparing for my encounter I should?

 

a) Watch porn and get myself ready...

b)go to the gym and have a good sweat...

c) take a nice long shower, brush teeth and smell squeaky clean for the lady....

d) take a few beers to help me relax...

[EmilyRushton 253356]

When asked to share more about yourself on the booking form or email you:

 

A) attach a penis photo

B) share an brief introduction and ask if the lady requires any more details

C) ask the lady if she is a cop

[bcguy42 38594]

Check this out. First three answers spell out acronym for our currency!

 

Your mind works in a very odd manner to have noticed that. The good news is that this is a condition with which one can thrive. At least, I've been able to low these many years! lol

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 8:

 

MSOG stands for:

 

a) May see other guys.

b) Montreal Society of Gynaecologists.

c) Must supply organic grapes.

d) Multiple shots on goal.

[andflemcol 3975]

This is real easy. I got more than half of them right.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Question 9

 

If asked for references you should;

 

A) give them your current bosses name and contact information

B) explain that you are just a great lover so no need for references

C) check with a recent provider that you've seen that it is ok to share her info and pass on name/contact information.

D) send her a full resume of your skills and experiences

[6dave9 4008]

Question #10:

 

Upon meeting a lady on your first time, do you..:

 

A) slap her on the ass and shout - YEEHHAA.. HOT Damn... !!

B) Great her with a warm smile, take her hand, and say "Its wonderful to meet you..."

C) ask for Rolaids " this spicy burrito isn't sitting well.."

D) request her -Suck start a Harley-Davidson- qualification papers.

[sparhawk 4169]

Question

 

If a lady doesn't return your initial PM or text do you.

 

A) Send another 5 minutes later?

 

B) Wait a day before sending another?

 

C) Wait until you receive a reply from her?

 

Next Question

 

If a lady hasn't responded at all do you

 

A) Send another asking why she hasn't responded yet?

 

B) Wait a few more days for her response?

 

C) Move on realizing she doesn't wish to see you?

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

If you're new and don't have a reference to provide when she asks .. you should:

 

 

a ) make up some names

 

b ) lie and tell her you've seen everyone

 

c ) politely explain you're new, and don't have one yet, and hope she'll accommodate your request for a meeting and provide you with that reference for next time.

[LeeRichards 177238]

On a second date now that you have broken the ice .....do you ??

 

A. On an early morning visit walk up to her window like a rooster and go "Cock a diddle you" ?

 

B. On an evening visit walk up to her window and hoot like a horny owl ? "Hoo Hoo Hooters " ?

 

C. Open with something like ...."Knock knock.... My name is Lee. Remember me ( That rhymes ...right ?) I have a package for you" ?

 

D. "Hi I missed ya ! Can I have a hug . I need a hug"

 

E. Almost in trouble there....forgot how to spell "E" for a second ;) anyhooooooooo

 

F. "Did you see my penis photo ? You like ? No wait you HAVE seen it.... We really should get married before we shag a second time" !! ;)

 

Ya I got nuttin..... Probably played this game wrong

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 15:

 

Hygiene is:

 

a) for other guys, I shower almost everyday.

b) key to an enjoyable rendezvous.

c) a greeting for Mr. Hackman.

d) a quick sponge bath for the boys and I'm good to go.

[Guest webothscore]

Q. 16

 

My breath:

 

A) not sure

B) smells like a skunk got into a boxing fight with a pig's ass parts

C) is refreshing due to proper care

D) I like the smell of hard liquor and/or substances so she should too

[zorobaby 4121]

Question 5:

 

An appropriate way to handle the donation is:

 

a) Wait for the lady to ask. Maybe if you're lucky she'll forget.

b) Ask if a post dated third party cheque is ok.

c) Quietly place the envelope in plain site upon entering.

d) Make it rain baby.

 

I read this a half an hour ago and I'm still laughing lol. I've always to make it rain :-P

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 17:

 

The best way to establish yourself as a respected member of cerb is:

 

a) ask for advice on how to negotiate a better price for BBFS with an underage provider.

b) try to become King of the White Knights in one afternoon.

c) contribute and share your experiences.

d) cupcakes for everyone!

e) both c & d

[emiafish 30979]

At the conclusion of an encounter you should:

 

A) Wipe all your drippy sticky parts on her good linens.

B) Just hang out until she begs you to leave.

C) Be polite, get dressed, say you had a great time and go.

D) Suggest she surprise her next client with a MMF experience.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

When you request a ladies availability and she responds do you

 

A) say I'll keep you posted

b) wait until 5 minutes before her stated available time and ask can I come now?

C) make an arrangement that is realistic for both parties

D) make an appointment when you aren't sure you can make it and end up not showing

[xxxAxxx 21016]

You have an appointment booked for 8hrs from now. you should:

 

a) Text her 15 times, and call twice, asking if we are still on for later?

b) Show up 2 hrs early

c) Be on time, and take any confirmation steps (if necessary) seriously

d) Show up 2 hrs late

 

Seriously folks, I do not appreciate being harassed by people who have an appointment at a later date and feel the need to converse with me via text every hour until that appointment. Not to sound rude, but a lot of you have been doing this since I posted my number, and folks wonder why I hadn't been posting it for the past year....

On the same note, "idle chit chat" is not what my cell phone is for. If you have questions/concerns use the PM system to communicate or look for me in chat, texting is to BOOK.

If I don't answer a text, it means I am busy. It does not mean call me 6 times in a row then text me demanding I answer your text. I blacklist gentleman who display these behaviours.

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 21:

 

While grocery shopping you recognize a provider from a previous visit or her ads. You should:

 

a) immediately start calling out her professional name from across the store.

b) demonstrate some ideas for your next meeting with a cucumber.

c) offer to pay for her groceries in exchange for some parking lot fun.

d) respect and value her privacy as you hope she would yours.

 

 

Question 22:

 

A train is departs from Ottawa carrying 16 popular cerb ladies. They sit four per car. If the train is travelling 120km per hour which of the following statements is true:

 

a) Cleo is on the same car as Cat but not on the same car as Emily.

b) the train is going to Hawaii.

c) Nathalie, Kathryn, Eva and Meg are all on different cars.

d) who the fuck cares, just get me on that train.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

Question 23

IF and when you start developing feelings for a lady companion, do you:

 

 

A) Text her every single day because you miss her and because your day never feels complete without talking to her

 

B) Start showing up at her incall unannounced so you can see her

 

C) Drive by her incall and sit in your car and wait to see if she is seeing other clients

 

D) Write her a love letter expressing your feelings in hopes she feels the same way

 

E) Give yourself a headshake and take a step back to realize that, even though what you share with her is very personal and intimate, the lady has not become an SP to find friends, friends with benefits, personal lovers and/or a boyfriend and is not looking for any of the latter even if she genuinely likes you and appreciates your company.

[6dave9 4008]

Question 23

IF and when you start developing feelings for a lady companion, do you:

 

 

A) Text her every single day because you miss her and because your day never feels complete without talking to her

 

B) Start showing up at her incall unannounced so you can see her

 

C) Drive by her incall and sit in your car and wait to see if she is seeing other clients

 

D) Write her a love letter expressing your feelings in hopes she feels the same way

 

E) Give yourself a headshake and take a step back to realize that, even though what you share with her is very personal and intimate, the lady has not become an SP to find friends, friends with benefits, personal lovers and/or a boyfriend and is not looking for any of the latter even if she genuinely likes you and appreciates your company.

 

Call me a clairvoyant.. (LOL) Something tells me that these are all situations that have manifested themselves....

Thanks for reaffirming the reality... because it is something that can be easily be blurred when one has starving soul and a hungry heart...

I'll stop here..

D.