Are you ready to meet a provider? The Cerb test.

[zorobaby 4121]

Call me a clairvoyant.. (LOL) Something tells me that these are all situations that have manifested themselves....

Thanks for reaffirming the reality... because it is something that can be easily be blurred when one has starving soul and a hungry heart...

I'll stop here..

D.

Her statement is kind of like all warning labels. You know deep down inside there is a warning label for something stupid (like on pesticides) that says 'do not ingest' because some ass hole somewhere did it, and sued because it wasn't labeled as toxic or inedible

[Phaedrus 209521]

Those who fail will be restricted to booking with the Fat Bastard BBM until they pass a subsequent rewrite.

 

If this happens, you should:

 

a) Bring beer

b) Bring pizza

c) Grin and bear it

d) Hope you didn't accidentally book with Lee

e) Eat the pizza and drink the beer so you can get hired

f) RUN!!!

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 25:

 

What is it that you hope to achieve from an appointment?

 

a) Show her I'm a porn star. I consider anything less than 57 solid minutes of thrusting a failure.

b) I'm going to cum three times if it kills us.

c) The beginning of our life together.

d) Something fun and mutually pleasurable.

[olderguy 5797]

Question 26

 

You see the required gratuity on a ladies website, so you:

 

a) Call and ask "what's on special this week?"

 

b) Explain that you aren't well endowed so you deserve a "price break"

 

c) Pretend not to speak either official language

 

d) Graciously pay the amount requested

[PhantomKnight 7914]

Question 5:

 

An appropriate way to handle the donation is:

 

a) Wait for the lady to ask. Maybe if you're lucky she'll forget.

b) Ask if a post dated third party cheque is ok.

c) Quietly place the envelope in plain site upon entering.

d) Make it rain baby.

 

 

 

I won't lie, making it rain just once with a lady would be pretty fun. Haha. Something I could probably laugh about later on in life. (Also laugh at the black eye the lady would give me for doing it)

[JoyfulC 132299]

I read this a half an hour ago and I'm still laughing lol. I've always to make it rain :-P

 

Someone actually did this to me once!! Not my client, but a regular of a friend I did a duo with. I couldn't believe it!

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 27:

 

Please answer the following as true of false

 

a) all ladies love to be surprised with COF. T__ F__

 

b) once in bed a "dutch oven" is a great way to break the ice. T__ F__

 

c) Old Dog is not actually a dog. T__ F__

 

d) when an escort says "no" to a particular service she really means "keep asking". T__ F__

 

e) singing "I wanna sex you up" by Color Me Badd as you approach will in no way disturb her neighbours. T__ F__

 

f) Cleo and Nathalie spend every Tuesday reapplying temporary tattoos to each others bodies. T__ F__

 

g) The 55 minute mark of an hour appointment is the perfect time to initiate round 2. T__ F__

 

h) Roamingguy really is John Malkovich pretending to be a guy that isn't John Malkovich. T__ F__

 

i) You can't believe I made a Color Me Badd reference. T__ F__

 

j) You're still trying to find the train with all the Ottawa ladies on it. T__ F__

 

k) the "J" in EmilyJ stands for "Jesus Christ she gives great head". T__ F__

 

l) this should have stopped at d). T__ F__

 

j) Kathryn Bardot has a latte control problem. T__ F__

 

n) you noticed I used a 2nd "j" instead of "m". T__ F__

 

o) Catherine St. Claire: Not officially a "Saint" but should be. T__ F__

 

p) You have to pee. T__ F__

 

q) You miss Sara MQ. A lot. T__ F__

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Question 28

 

When considering a duo its always best to;

 

A) Have the other person waiting to surprise the SP when she arrives.

B) Remember its a lower price because some times you're just watching.

C) Find a lady who advertises this or communicate your interests to a lady to set up.

D) Always match an SP with an MP because then you get both services.

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 29:

 

Please match the cerb member with the word or saying that you feel best describes them:

 

Penelope ............................ Stunning

Emily R .............................. Alluring

Nathalie ............................. Whorenado

Peachy ............................... Exotic

Annessa ............................. Seductive

Emily J .............................. Radiant

Gabriella ............................ Smart & Sexy

Cleo Catra .......................... Lovely

Jessica Lee ......................... Intensely Sensual

Malika ................................ Bewitching

Victoria J ............................ Ravishing

Kathryn B ........................... Cute & Cuddly Cocksucker

Realnicehat ......................... Blatant Ass Kisser

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Question 30.

As the end approaches to your first great encounter you should;

 

A) Just keep going and ignore when she says time is up...she only means the paid time.

B) Thank her for the amazing time and leave happy.

C) Tell her she is the one and you're ready to spend the rest of your life with her.

D) Suggest extra time will ensure a good recommendation.

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 31:

 

You are pleasuring a provider when suddenly she squirts. You reaction is to:

 

a) cry in the shower

b) do a victory dance

c) request a break so you can post about it on cerb

d) shake like a wet dog and get back in there

e) I'm confused, why would I be pleasuring her?

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 32:

 

Logic Problem

 

You are sharing a cab from the airport with Penelope Davis, Lee Richards and Katherine en route downtown to the Ottawa social. Due to a mind boggling confluence of car accidents, construction and acts of nature you are forced to cross the Rideau in a two person canoe. For obvious reasons, at no time can Lee be left alone with either lady. What is the most efficient way to get everybody across?

 

a) take Lee across, return, take Katherine across, return with Lee, take Penelope across, return, take Lee across.

b) take Lee across, return, take Katherine across, return with Lee, take Penelope across, wave goodbye to Lee and set canoe adrift.

c) kneecap Lee with a paddle and cross any way you wish.

d) sink the canoe and suggest everyone get naked and swim for it.

 

 

 

Question 33:

 

You've scheduled an extended outcall with a lovely lady. Your idea for serving refreshments would be:

 

a) everybody loves squeeze cheese on a Ritz and Kool aid.

b) leaving a note for the pizza guy that says "come on up, we're in the bedroom."

c) it's peanut butter jelly time.

d) there's water in the tap.

e) asking ahead to see if there is anything she would enjoy.

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

You've just had a successful encounter with a most wonderful provider who pleased you in every possible way. You would like to show her your appreciation, so you should:

 

a ) get her name tattooed on your back and post pictures on facebook & twitter

b ) send her a quick email to thank her for her time & attention, & plan a return visit when your schedule permits

c ) text her "good morning beautiful" every day until your next visit

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Question 35.

You really want to visit with a lady however, cash is a little tight. You can;

 

A) Explain that you've calculated her rates and can afford 18 1/2 minutes...so is that ok?

B) Tell her your a handyman and can do odd jobs around her place to make up the difference.

C) Save hard and wait until you can afford what you want.

D) Explain that you've got some odd items and collectibles around your place she might want.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

Question 36.

 

You arrive on time at the location. You texted, and called every 10 minutes for a half hour to no avail.

 

Do you:

 

a) post on you can, ranting and raving about how badly you were treated

 

b) realize that there could be something outside the ladies control preventing her from receiving your call, like being subscribed to Rogers

 

c) go and peek into every ground floor window - maybe you can spot her

 

d) go to the reception desk, show the clerk a copy of the ad and ask what her room number is

 

e) accept it as part of the process, and go and find that train that Cleo, Cat, Emily, Nathalie, Kathryn, Eva and Meg are on

 

f) b and e

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

You have met with an SP a few times and enjoyed her company very much. You should now:

 

1) text or email all the time, but never book because really, you've moved past that

 

2) make promises to book and never do, just to keep her guessing!

 

3) book her the next time your schedule allows to show her you appreciate the effort shes made, and write to her every once in a while (within respectable reason) to say hello.

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 38:

 

You discover the destination of the SP Express and rush to the next station along its route. Unexpectedly, four trains roll in at exactly the same time. Which train do you get on?

 

a) train 1 because it's windows are all steamed up.

b) train 2 because all the men getting off look very satisfied.

c) train 3 because you're sure you can hear moans and the buzzing of at least 16 vibrators.

d) train 4 because you realized that these are professional business women, not sex crazed nymphomaniacs, and that the only way to know the correct train was by asking at the terminal which one was from Ottawa. You also had the foresight to reserve a hotel room at the destination and pre-booked appointments with your preferred ladies because you, sir, are one well prepared mother fucker. Now sit back and enjoy a well deserved glass of wine and some knowing winks from the ladies who will later give you the best night of your life.

[Guest realnicehat]

Question 39:

 

When given the opportunity to Role Play your first choice would be:

 

a) The "Big Bang Theory" - Penny gets Sheldon drunk and takes his virginity. As coitus ensues with every third thrust you stop to say "Penny" (Thrust, Thrust, Thrust, Penny, Thrust, Thrust, Thrust, Penny) and finish with a rousing Bazinga!

 

b) The "Homeland" - Passionate forbidden lovemaking followed by a brief nap from which you awake wide eyed, sweaty and screaming only to find her huddled in the corner crying and muttering "I was right" repeatedly.

 

c) The "Two & a Half Men" - A quick, unsatisfying half hour. As you leave you apologize and explain that you used to be good.

 

d) The "NCIS" - You can make your own rules with this one. It's been on 11 years but I don't know anyone who's seen it.

[sa00 240]

How come nobody has posted the answers yet?

[qwertyaccount 15793]

How come nobody has posted the answers yet?

 

You've just volunteered - get to it!

[6dave9 4008]

How come nobody has posted the answers yet?

 

You've just volunteered - get to it!

 

You will need to compile all questions with all multiple choice answers along with all your answers on an Excel spreadsheet and send to MOD for evaluation...