The Pros & Cons of Being a Hobbyist.

[belladonna 279]

What you are about to read is my perspective on how it must be like if you were to fall madly in love with an escort. I think it would be a painful experience. Let me know if I'm completely off base, because it's never happened to me! <3

 

 

A woman unshaved, yet groomed, trimmed, waxed and plucked in just the right places. It is an image of sensuality and of a profound connection to nature. There is something so honest about a French beauty, sprawled on a bed, naked, wisps of hair covering her Venus mound... Time slows, only a few frames per second, the air seems stagnant with colors of red and grey from the bedroom window. You can feel the heat of her body rise into your own, and can barely notice the cold morning air trembling with sounds from the bustling streets.

 

The cocaine is making you sick, you are anxious and trembling... Only she can calm you, placing her finger on your chest, drawing circles. The bedroom melts and crumbles as she kisses you, her lashes laced with tears. You want to run; you think she is mocking you with her vapid smile—a smile that contorts into a frown, into a grimace, into a burst of laughter.

 

“Are you just going to look at me?”

 

She spoke in whispers, and almost sang every word. You could have looked at her all day.

 

You loved her.

 

And yet... the two hours were already over.

 

 

 

Lame Harlequin Romance FTW! :]

--Belladonna

[ottanon 2930]

Its very painful especially when you expect too much and end up taking advantage of the SP without even knowing it, thinking she is there for you and you only.

 

After seeing somone for many years and so intimate, its hard not to fall for them.

[belladonna 279]

I agree, and yet, you have to be true to yourself. You don't want to hurt anybody, but you're hurting yourself even more by trying to convince yourself that you're not in love.

[ekimout 188]

You had me at perspective.

 

It's all about perspective.

 

We don't choose to fall in love, it just happens when it feels right.

Client or SP, it runs both ways.

 

You can't love someone that doesn't love you back.

[etasman2000 15994]

You can't love someone that doesn't love you back.

 

Stalkers would disagree......

[pjrd 324]

You had me at perspective.

 

It's all about perspective.

 

We don't choose to fall in love, it just happens when it feels right.

Client or SP, it runs both ways.

 

You can't love someone that doesn't love you back.

 

I also disagree and I`m not a stalker. When a beautiful woman is giving you everything you always wanted sexually with no hassels about anything in day to day life, that`s easy to fall in love with. But most of us know it`s not real, don`t we?

PJ

[ottanon 2930]

Not always. While I havea freindship with some SP's There has been 2 that I have had such incredible chemistry with that I was blinded by the fact of what we were really doing. I would try to see them more and more to make sure they had money (which I am sure they did not need as much as I thought). They would always be in my thoughts. My most recent did give me everything I ever wanted and more. The line does get blurred sometimes, but reality does catch up..

[YoungStud 468]

Most of us who have been doing this for awhile would probably agree that it's probably best to see this as paid sex for fun which can be endlessly enjoyable, rather than some unrealistic (as well as an often sad - frequently pathetic - and sometimes dangerous - for all concerned - "love" fantasy.")

 

That doesn't mean you can't have some really good friends - and once or twice perhaps (in my experience, at least - YMMV), if you are really honest with yourself - and she is as well, you can find someone you really love as a person - as opposed to being "in love with".

 

And that's pretty damn good. But she's not your "girlfriend". Or your "wife". She's a true friend that goes way beyond this "life".

 

And sometimes, that can be as good as, if not better than, any alternative.

[ekimout 188]

Stalkers would disagree......

 

Very true. But that's not real love, more of an obsession.

[ekimout 188]

I also disagree and I`m not a stalker. When a beautiful woman is giving you everything you always wanted sexually with no hassels about anything in day to day life, that`s easy to fall in love with. But most of us know it`s not real, don`t we?

PJ

 

You may love how she makes you feel, but I don't think you fall in love with her. I would agree, most of us know it's not real, or at least should.

[dunkinsailor 1220]

I think it makes a big difference you have a core understanding that "falling in love" is part of an emotional feedback loop inside of us, that happens when an SO (significant other) helps bring out our core essence and magic, while at the same time welcoming reciprocation.

 

I'd love to fall in love - if the Sp is ok with it - during a session. The aftermath is so delicious, and lasting. It's like Christmas when you're a kid - it's amazing while it lasts, but you don't need to ask your dad to rope and chain Santa for the rest of the year. It will happen again.

[Guest s******ecan****]

I can't say it any better than Youngstud did in an earlier post. While SP's are friendly and caring (sincerely I believe in the majority of cases) any hobbiest who starts confusing this hobby with a relationship based on love is going to be disappointed.

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

Never said I loved you, I only want to like you a lot!

 

A line that has stuck with me for years since first hearing it in th 80s and a line I've found my self using a few times while participating in this hobby.

 

The lyrics of this song can be interpreted so many ways and they go much deeper than the surface if you look at them from the perspective hobbiest or provider.

 

I love this song for so many reasons, sorry I like this song...

 

 

Never said I love you ...

Cause I didn't wanna lower my guard.

Never said I love you ...

Cause - I ain't always this hot!

 

When the waiter shouts for last call

Says her name with total recall

Suggests the perfect place to go

No human being shall ever know

The places places I can take you to ...

We've even got a sky line view!

 

But I ... Won't say I love you

Cause I - didn't wanna lower my guard.

Won't say I love you ...

I ain't always this hot!

 

She acts surprised to hear his scheme

But answers yes just like a dream

But don't forget I need respect

Important things I must protect

My reputation at the office ...

Please forgive My cowardice

 

But I ... Won't say I love you

Cause I - Only want to like you a lot

Won't say I love you ...

I ain't always this hot!

 

After all the groanin's over

He starts to smile and rolls her over

Another number in the book

I'll have to ask her if she cooks

I'm sorry if you've been misled

But I'd rather you than an empty bed

 

Disappearing in thin air

She starts to smile and combs her hair

I hope he phones on friday night

I've nothing planned and he's alright

Maybe could catch a show

With subtle words I'll let him know

 

Never said I loved you

Didn't wanna lower my guard.

Won't say I loved you ...

I ain't always this hot!

Never said I loved you

I only want to like you a lot

Never said I loved you

I ain't always this hot

ohhhhhhhhhh I never said I loved you

I only want to like you a lot!

never said I loved you ...

I ain't always thiiiiiis hooooooot

 

Got a room with a view

A room with a view

A room with a view

ohhh how do you do?

Come up to my place babe

And I'll check over you

Roll you over in my

room with a view

Looking out over the chimneys

My room with a view

I'll be next to you girl

In my ... room with a viiiiiiew

[etasman2000 15994]

While SP's are friendly and caring (sincerely I believe in the majority of cases) any hobbiest who starts confusing this hobby with a relationship based on love is going to be disappointed.

 

Unless the relationship, based on love, is reciprocated.

[NotchJohnson 214076]

It was one of them popular song in the 80's and it played on the radio all the time.

[BownChickaBown 4829]

Excellent summary of a common occurrence.

 

Most of us who have been doing this for awhile would probably agree that it's probably best to see this as paid sex for fun which can be endlessly enjoyable, rather than some unrealistic (as well as an often sad - frequently pathetic - and sometimes dangerous - for all concerned - "love" fantasy.")

 

That doesn't mean you can't have some really good friends - and once or twice perhaps (in my experience, at least - YMMV), if you are really honest with yourself - and she is as well, you can find someone you really love as a person - as opposed to being "in love with".

 

And that's pretty damn good. But she's not your "girlfriend". Or your "wife". She's a true friend that goes way beyond this "life".

 

And sometimes, that can be as good as, if not better than any alternative.

 

I've talked to a number of SPs about 'love' in the Industry, after having the word thrown around a fair number of times now when sharing companionship. (To note: IMHO, 'love' is confusing at the best of times, let alone when the lines are blurred like in this hobby.)

 

One young lady said she no longer knew what 'love' was, which I found unfortunate, but understood with clashes in today's culture of polyamourous sexual relations vs. yesterday's culture of monogamous coupling (not saying either one is for better or for worse). (Then add delusional TV/Movie fantasy love and viola!) At least she was honest about it.

 

I don't believe sex or marriage = love.

 

Sex/marriage can most certainly be an act of love, as much they can be nothing about love (which I can only I assume are both better with love than without, cause sex is better (don't know about marriage - I'm a proud marriage virgin :) )).

 

We've discussed the differences in Loving sex, saying things like I Love your ass, or I Love your oral skills, or I Love how you look today (example, sexy and radiant) - with none of it the same as saying 'I Love You'. *hair raises*

 

Having an SP saying this during the throes of passion really got me thinking of what exactly this, in context of the hobby, was all about. (Who knows though - the World's one mixed-up place most days.) I did not reciprocate.

 

I like the quote in Wedding Crashers about: What is 'true love'?

 

True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.

 

...and the girl responds: "...cheesy but I like it." I concur.

 

So, to the reality of unacquainted love, if ones flinging of woo is not countered by the other - then simply move on, as continuing to obsess beyond that then moves one into stalker territory (remember, don't use 'pet names' either! :P - sorry, joke from another thread). While one may like to believe it's flattering to the object of ones desire to have you desire them, if they do not want said desire, it's fruitless. It's like when you offer help to someone in need of help (from your perspective), but they don't want your help, as they don't think they need it - so it's useless try to help or keep nagging the person, you know what I mean? If they want help, and they know you are willing to give it, and they take it, then great, both parties are that much better off. I believe life is too short to waste time on fruitless endeavours. Reminds me of a quote I heard from an old guy once: There are 2 things in life you never chase - Buses and woman - as you will get left behind every single time. Ever try chasing an OC Transpo bus? Like love, Good Luck!

 

The other reality is this is a hobby of fantasy, and a 'True GFE' can be made to feel like 'love' - as if the SP were your GF. (Would you not be in love with your GF if/when one has one?) ...but they are not your GF, SPs offer the 'experience' of them being your GF for which money is exchanged for time, albeit un-rushed. ...of which the 'experience' should end according to you agreement to only do it for whatever amount of time was paid for. In other words, after ones session, while it may be enjoyable to bask in the afterglow and adding footage to the ol' spank bank - believing one 'loves' the SP (again, just IMHO) is only opening a can or worms to ones own disappointment to the fact anything beyond business is highly unlikely.

 

(To compliment: I can see in other perspectives how a hobbyist falling in 'love' with an SP can be a testament to the expert skills of the SP to act like your GF enough to make one (mistakenly) do so. ...with this a double-edged sword, as I am also sure SPs like repeat customers whom hold them on a pedestal (I know I would! A nice stroke to the ego, but more importantly - more business! After all, that's what this service industry is principally all about isn't it - business (vs. love)? (Not to say one can't love their work :) don't we all want a job that you 'love' so much it doesn't seem like work at all?)). Such a fine-line to walk that it's inevitably things get blurred sometimes - another part of the 'dance' I spose.)

 

Regardless of how mind-blowingly amazing the SP may be and one would 'love' to find a real GF like that, whom was your true counterpoint - just 'love' your shared time together and appreciate it for what it is/was, and look elsewhere for your 'true love' where others are in the same business of finding the same (ex: plenty of fish).

 

To me, this hobby is an outlet for passion/recreational sex while waiting for 'true love' with someone I know wants to be with me as much as I do them (sans monetary payment). ...but man, do I ever 'love' the practice! :)

 

Be honest to yourself and to those around you and it will save yourself and others unnecessary heartache.

 

Carpe Peaciem! (...or should that be: Carpe Lustiem! :P )

[pjrd 324]

You may love how she makes you feel, but I don't think you fall in love with her. I would agree, most of us know it's not real, or at least should.

 

I think it`s hard to tell if a service provider really has feelings for you.

It`s their business to make you think you`re the best thing they ever had. Some ladies are very good at their job and that I do love. I guess if you didn`t pay them you`d find out in a hurry what`s real and what isn`t. No direspect intended Ladies but that`s the way it is. Friends yes but love is only going to get your heart broken .:motion:

PJ

[belladonna 279]

I'm glad to see that everyone is so passionate about this subject - too often do I encounter people who are stoic and would not care about the idea of Love and Romance.

[MandalayBay 575]

One aspect I would like to add is that it is possible for an SP to fall in love with a special man, leave the industry and eventually go back into functioning in a normal life.

 

We are not immune to being overcome with emotion and falling in love with the gentlemen we see.

 

It does, however, take a lot of patience and love to adjust to leaving this very addictive industry. It does happen though. It happened to me and I'm currently in the happiest and healthiest relationship of my life.

[Guest]

Escorts I would say, will be the most honest with you. We will not play games with you. Why would we? In the game of dating it is hard to know who is honest. So many people take advantage of raw feelings. Why fix what is not broken. Remember us escorts don't wake up perfect. We do get morning breath and a little bicthy on our period. We are fulfilling a fantasy. Giving you what you desire. I could see clients falling in love. As long as you are not a stalker. Why not go back to see your select girl. If you have the funds. Beautiful moments are meant to stay that way.

[Cato 160314]

Belladonna, you start the most interesting threads. We may have a future 'valued member' in the making here. Keep up the good work!

 

There have been a couple of times where I felt very personally close to an sp, over the past 15 months or so that I have been hobbying. I think this is clear from my reviews, which a friend described as joyous. Love? Not really, but a very intimate relation, going well beyond the merely commercial aspects. I always look for a personal connection, with lots of conversation and prior messaging, to get the feel of the person. And I can't imagine doing just a half-hour session, for that reason.

 

Anyway, I'm now involved in a very interesting exchange with a woman I met through cerb, but whom I haven't yet met personally, because she lives far away. This relation has been going on for a few months, and in this time we've exchanged lots of information, and more than that, affectionate and highly sexually charged feelings. I've sent her stories and poems I've written. I want her to thrive in her undertakings, I share her joys when she's feeling ecstatic, her sadness when she tells me about a frustrating day. I look forward to her e-mails. Love? maybe, in a way, not an unrealistic expectation, but a connectedness and gratitude that she has opened herself trustingly to me, and let me do the same.

We are arranging to meet in the new year, and I can hardly wait to see her in person. I know it will be amazing to finally connect in the flesh, after this intricate dance of foreplay.

This has been a great experience for me, well beyond my expectations of the hobby. So far, I've enjoyed every sp I've had the pleasure to meet, and I'm especially happy when a genuine friendship emerges and can be cultivated. Such a friendship has emerged. I love it.

[Guest f***2f***]

The thread is titled "The Pros and Cons of being a Hobbiest." So far we have only dealt with the "falling in love" issue, but there is more to this. I agree that it is easy to attach emotions and there are ladies who I really, really like, lust for and perhaps...am infatuated with but love is much more multi-dimensional than the physical desire we feel for a "dream/fantasy woman." It may sound corny but the wedding vows say it best perhaps....love is about someone we love in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, in poverty or in weatlh....well you know...

 

I''m not saying you have to get married to love and indeed lots of people get married that aren't in love, but it seems to me that the ideal is expressed there.

 

The Pros and Cons for me though are this; Renting versus Buying.

 

When you have a relationship (love or not), with the possible exception of FWBs, you are buying. You have to deal with overhead and maintainence costs. You are assuming risk and loss of income and assets if the relationship fails.

 

When you visit an SP you are renting. The SP assumes most of the O & M and the risk.

 

Like anything we do in life there are times to buy and times to rent. Ain't the free market great??;-)

[belladonna 279]

The service provider amplifies the romantic situation to make it seem that she is more than just a sp, she is the ultimate girlfriend. A no-strings-attached, eager to please, and yet, completely unattainable girlfriend.

 

I think it is a subject that should not be ignored. Myself, I have been victim to feeling more than I should for a client. This can be extremely damaging, especially since professional boundaries have been constructed. Even more so is you already have a significant other that knows nothing of your pass-time/hobby/job.

 

I consider it to be very difficult to write about such a touchy subject, even a misuse of language could offend. However, the GFE phenomenon and its consequences are very real to this community. :oops:

[r100rs 859]

Interesting thread. I started a thread last year about "did I fall in love with my SP" where I explained about my sense of loss when she left town/the business. I hadn't realized how attached to her I was. I am in a different place now....something miraculous happened: I become unemployed and could no longer afford hobbying. I am past withdrawal symptoms now and have relapsed only a couple of times but those times were not pleasurable anymore, I feel although I loved hobbying, in the end it distorted my sense of reality: it became too easy to minimize women as sex objects, I was so addicted I couldn't see a single women without visualizing her naked in a sexual position with me. I was in no place to even contemplate a relationship. I am starting over now, abstinence has given me the ability to be less impulsive and to work towards dating maybe a relationship again. Will I ever have that relationship? I hope so and am working towards meeting the right person....then there's the devil in me fantasizing again, well I'll meet a retired escort and we'll be a perfect match .. but so if the life of an addict...one day at a time. And what brought me to login today after a long while? destiny to see this thread I guess. I am fully employed again and actually saving money and have hopes/plans for the future - this is a far cry from the impulsive addict I was... I am in control now for today.

 

r100rs

[Guest *e*****2]

Interesting thread, I like hearing about it from both sides of the hobby.

 

Love, love is a word that has been mashed up with a wide range of emotions and I would say has nothing directly to do with Romance.

 

Love is when you are willing to sacrifice everything you have/are for another person and not expect anything in return.

 

It can be painful, it can be fun, it can break you or rebuild you. The main baseline for if I know I love someone or something is if I am willing to die for that person or ideal.

 

Anything less than that is not really love.

 

Romance on the other hand is a tricky one, it's been package and sold as a specific format (seriously how many women in your life have done anything 'romantic' for you, the onus is on men to fit into this halmark/hollywood style of romance).

 

Romance to me is the small moments of enjoying life together, the quiet time between storms, the small surprises that bring real joy.

 

I personally hate the marketing and sales of romance as something that one can 'buy'(buy diamonds or you don't REALLY love her), flowers should be spontanious, dinner out should be a nice surprise but the most romantic moments are just sitting on the couch, watching a movie and knowing that I have provided a real solid life for my family (yes I am married, I am a bit of lurker here, we are thinking about having a third, neither here not there for this post :) )

 

This industry is going to come out of the shadows one day, and it's going to be because of people like CERB members, both SP and Clients. A real courtesan/client relation can be healthy for a person. I can think of a few times in my life were I just need contact, not a relationship and instead I just picked someone up and lied... it didn't help and just made me feel worse afterward. The only time I used an SP was a great experience (mid 20's, can't remember the agency, we had a few 'dates' and it got me over a rough period, wish I knew where she was now, just to say hi and thanks).

 

I was nice and sweet and we both knew what it was, no lies, no games, purely a contract and it was GOOD for me at the time but until society allows us to take this hobby out of the shadows and into the light of day that it deserves I worry that it's NOT good for the SP (have to say that CERB changed that worry, it's good for the ones that are not being exploited).

 

It's an honorable profession, one of the best fantasy novels I have read recently is the Kushiels series from Jacqueline Carey, amazingly good fantasy world wrapped around erotica. The concept is an interesting one, well worth reading if you like fantasy and erotica (the story is so good that the erotica *fits* into the story and is believable).

 

Anyway starting to ramble, love the work everyone is doing here, from the Cowboy to the SP's that maintain and establish the ethics for your industry...well done!

 

cheers,

 

The Techie