Going To Get Alot Of Backlash But..

[zoro1990 806]

I been in this hobby for about five years since I turned 18 I cannot think on how many ladies I have seen in my life. I would say about 90 percent of them have been nice and friendly during our time spent together but after out session if I want to message them days or weeks later just for a quick hi how are you or a chat I get blown off or just ignored. Yes I understand some ladies are busy but is it so hard to reply back with a hi?. Even though I am getting my ged doing homework plus doing what else I do with my life I still have time to chat to friends on facebook. Sorry I had to get this off my chest

[CristyCurves 169032]

I been in this hobby for about five years since I turned 18 I cannot think on how many ladies I have seen in my life. I would say about 90 percent of them have been nice and friendly during our time spent together but after out session if I want to message them days or weeks later just for a quick hi how are you or a chat I get blown off or just ignored. Yes I understand some ladies are busy but is it so hard to reply back with a hi?. Even though I am getting my ged doing homework plus doing what else I do with my life I still have time to chat to friends on facebook. Sorry I had to get this off my chest

 

There should be no backlash, you are asking a legitimate question and stating an experience. My answer-When we are with you we are your friend and lover, you are paying us to be, sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it is and when we leave it's done-you are paying for that as well:) But I do think it's only polite to respond to a pm, especially a quick hi, hello or nice to hear from you, etc. I respond to all my pm's, even phone conversations from past clients and send out greetings on holidays, although my friend list has grown so much sometimes I'll make a post to wish all happy holidays,etc:) Sometimes expecting someone to chat may be to much for some though. Imagine if every client we saw wanted to have a conversation? I feel bad that you're feeling blown off, none of us should want a one time or repeat client to have those feelings. Perhaps there were or are unknown reasons for the no replies, or short ones, since I don't know anything about your exchanges I can't make an opinion. You shouldn't take it personally though, hugs:)

Something I've learned-never expect anything from anyone and you'll never be disappointed:) but always stay true to yourself. If it makes you feel better to reach out to someone then do so, just don't be disappointed with their response, that's on them:)

[Guest c**io**m7]

Zoro1990, something I have learned as I have gotten older is that it is unwise to expect from others. I used to think that if I were true and kind, those I was kind to should be kind back. Life is not like that my friend.

Always do unto others as you would like done unto however, do not expect it shall be done.

 

Keep doing what you are doing, continue to say your "hello, how are you?" but, do it with your own good intentions and do it without expectation.

[Brad 49548]

Zoro, I hope this doesn't count as backlash, but in this my sympathies are with the lady.

 

Now, I too will sometimes send a hello or good wish to a lady I have seen, but if they have the time and interest to reply back I consider that a bonus, not an expectation.

 

You ask "is it so hard to reply back with a hi"....well, yes, for some maybe it is. You point out that you are busy but still have time to chat with friends on Facebook. But surely you must see for the that the relationship the ladies have with us gents here is not in any way the same as your buddies on Facebook?

 

Now, I'm not saying some don't become friends in a way, and it's not like there aren't conversations that happen. But again, that's a bonus when it does! It seems to me that a lot of grief and hurt that happens is when people have expectations that don't get met. You asked an honest question, but the answer I think is that, in this case, the expectation may be unrealistic.

 

To be frank, when a lady shares her time with us we are not buying the right to her friendship. And if a lady doesn't have time to carry on pleasantries with every past client that is her right.

 

And consider this, if they do give a quick hello back, does that not just encourage future messages? If there is no time or interest in such, isn't it better just to make that clear early?

 

Again, I'm not saying you're wrong to offer the occasional hello or see if someone wants to have a conversation. But they are not wrong or even rude if they don't want to take you up on it.

 

Best.

[Nathalie L 112512]

I understand this must be rather frustrating for you. When we have an intimate connection with someone, and spend a couple or a few hours intertwined with someone both physically and emotionally, it's hard to not have expectations or desire something more. (More is vague, but I think everyone knows what I mean).

 

It's true that everyone is busy, but people (in general) are usually selective about who they are friends with. This happens both in the industry, and outside of it. I'm certain you don't talk to every friend on your Facebook, just the ones you really care about, right? I'm not suggesting these SPs don't care about you, but I can only imagine how frustrating it gets to receive these sorts of PMs, texts, and e-mails continuously from every client, when most of those clients never book an appointment with them again. We all learn from experience, and there are a lot of people in this industry who will see a girl once and then never see her again, but expect texts, e-mails, and friendly PMs. I don't think that's a fair expectation to have.

 

Once you've established a regular connection with an SP or MA, that's a different story, but when you've only seen someone once? That's a bit more complicated to navigate, and will definitely be dependent on how busy the worker is (both personally and professionally).

 

I know it sucks, but that's the way it is =(

 

You're definitely not the only one that feels that way, but we all learn with experience.

 

I really hope you find what you're looking for,

Nat xox

[Athos 108589]

service providers are, indeed, wonderful. And they provide a lot of things we might be missing in our lives, including both physical and emotional intimacy. Over time, if you build a relationship with a regular, they may even become a friend. Even there, the boundaries and parameters of that friendship may be different than other friendships. It is a hard line to travel, for both the lady and client.

 

Don't be surprised that the occasional "hello" message doesn't get replied to. As Nat rightly says, there can be lots of reasons why this might be. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you, whether you were nice or not. Don't interpret it as a negative commentary on you, but you may want to reassess your expectations of what you want from seeing providers.

[roamingguy 300291]

Well my two cents. If you see a lady once, and that's it, I personally think expecting on going emails/PM's/texts is unreasonable. Possibly a thank you email (either from you to her or vice versa) for a good encounter and maybe sending a copy of the recommendation (if you wrote one) to her for her preview first, but that's it.

Now in the case of a lady who you have gone beyond seeing just once, a different matter. She is a lady who, well you are a regular client of hers. In fact your encounters seem less SP/Client and more like friends getting together. In such cases you may very well have regular emails beyond just scheduling an encounter. Emails just connect you two between encounters so to speak

What has to be kept in mind, are your emails going to be viewed by the lady in the same light as "tire kicker" type emails? Or are they emails from a regular client/friend who she will see again. If the former, don't expect a lot of replies. But if the latter, it is very possible that the lady will email back.

Anyhow, a rambling

 

RG

[Darr 1019]

I have only been a hobbiest in Canada for a short time. So I may not have the knowledge as some. Previous to this my encounters have always been on foriegn soil during my travels. I have two lovely ladies I converse with regularly, one of which is almost daily. We also meet when we can on a personal bases. Offen without engaging in sexual activities.

 

Now for Canada, to say it doesnt happen is incorrect. Ive had at least a halve dozen text after encounters. Most recently was last night from a SP in Toronto just asking how I was doing. I have never been promped by a SP for an encounter. Never. They are always professional and its usualy when they are in a different LOC.

 

I wouldnt suggest texting a SP first just for talk, for the same reasons already given. What I would suggest is if you don't mind a text or two later, from them, is: 1. to ensure the SP know your phone is safe to text, 2. you dont mind a text when they feel the need. Do this when your a paying customer and during the session's converstion. This means handles have to exchanged and saved on phone. Few people remember numbers. Remember if you dont want to talk during a session why would they talk after. Be reserved. It makes both your heads feel bigger if they text first anyways, and my upper head is not that attractive.... hehe

 

Remember no-one likes anoying texting during working hours. Unless paid to do so..........now Im rambling but I love it that others have such good advice.

[Guest *l**e]

this is a tough one. Because of the nature of the business, the dynamic is totally different from anything else. You get naked, kiss, touch, share things, sometimes even share personal experiences, etc and then when the hour is up it all stops.

 

I have been guilty of it from the other side. I've had very nice ladies book me for a massage and then was sad when the "connection" we had stopped at the end of our time together. I'm willing to bet many ladies on cerb have had similar feelings towards certain clients.

 

Strange, though, we wouldn't expect friendly texts or calls from our butcher, grocer or proctologist. (thought I'd throw that one in for an even weirder dynamic). lol

 

Try not to take it personally, although I know that is pretty tough. Enjoy your time with the sp's that you are lucky enough to meet, and relish the memories. If any further communication ensues, take it as a bonus.

[cinelli 22184]

To be frank, when a lady shares her time with us we are not buying the right to her friendship

 

It is only natural that ladies like...make that NEED to keep their personal and professional lives separate. Many need to be as discreet as possible!

 

As for busy: I once picked a lady up at the airport. She had been in Mexico for a week. She had 300+ messages on her phone! You can't expect her to reply to that kind of volume.

 

And on top of those 300 messages she has university courses, family life, real job etc that all need attention.

These ladies can have a big load on their shoulders without us guys trying to turn them into our girlfriends.

[mrgreen760 37785]

In the end it's called sex work for a reason, because it's a job and we are customers and not friends.

 

Be pleasantly surprised when or if some one texts or emails back a social message. Twitter can make social communication easier.

 

Peace

MG

[MightyPen 67414]

...after out session if I want to message [an SP] days or weeks later just for a quick hi how are you or a chat I get blown off or just ignored. Even though [i am very busy] I still have time to chat to friends on facebook.

 

As so many others are saying, be careful how you position your relationships with SPs in your life. SPs offer awesome times, but it's paid companionship for a specific duration. I don't think SPs should really be expected to maintain that relationship outside your sessions.

 

Not only would that be impractical to keep up with every client; it also erodes the boundaries that keep sex work healthy and sensible for both parties. One of the big hazards as a client is getting confused about the nature of your relationship with an SP. It's cool and awesome but it's at heart a professional relationship -- not personal.

 

Also, maybe think about the way you're interacting with the SPs when you contact them casually:

 

• If you just want to let her know that you're thinking about her or wish her well, send her a quick message and leave it at that. It's one-way, and you aren't expecting anything back or measuring the outcome by her response. This kind of message is thoughtful and generous.
   
   
  
• But... if you're sending an SP a message in order to get a reply, and to start a conversation... well, that's different. Now you're asking her to give YOU something -- her time and attention -- and that's not really being generous any more. In fact, it's kind of the opposite.
  

Last thing: you mention that you've been seeing SPs for five years, since you turned 18. I don't know you, but that kind of worries me a little. I hope you're also making time in your life to develop personal relationships with "civilian" women in your everyday life. Time spent with SPs is awesome, but that experience is just a very tiny subset of a full relationship. It takes work and meeting responsibilities to earn an ongoing place in someone's thoughts and life. More time and energy on that stuff for a while, maybe? Just a thought.

[zoro1990 806]

Thank you everybody for sharing your thoughts with me, I will keep doing what I am doing if I get a hi back great if not I won't worry about it :)

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

I do chat quite a bit in the time preceding a meeting, I enjoy the virtual foreplay and that sort of communication makes for a successful session ... for me.

 

I do have a problem when people take advantage of that, or assume that because that's my style before a meeting that I have time to text them continuously over the next several weeks or months.. even years...after the meeting.

 

I met a gentleman for an hour once, over a year ago. He texts me frequently and says he wants to book, maybe for "next week" which of course never comes. It's extremely frustrating. He dangles an appointment like a carrot ..almost like he wants me to ask him for a meeting, which is so not my style.

 

I told him recently that I was tired of it, that his $250 bucks ran out a long time ago and that my service didn't include constant texting over months & years.

 

Understand that first, not every lady appreciates frequent or lengthy communication, and second, some gents take complete advantage and that spoils it for everyone.

[Frank7 3939]

My answer-When we are with you we are your friend and lover, you are paying us to be, sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it is and when we leave it's done-you are paying for that as well:)

 

So if i forget to pay the 2nd part, the lady will stay forever? =O

 

 

 

Personnaly, out of the 3 ladies i've seen, only one is keeping in contact. She texted me just after the meeting. Then i found out she also do webcam, so i chatted her a bit there. She looked really happy to see me so after that, i PMed her asking if it's okay to chat her up, even if i'm not a paying webcam costumer. So now when she's online, i chat a bit and it's really nice to see she's still doing well and is happy.

[JoyfulC 132299]

I been in this hobby for about five years since I turned 18 I cannot think on how many ladies I have seen in my life. I would say about 90 percent of them have been nice and friendly during our time spent together but after out session if I want to message them days or weeks later just for a quick hi how are you or a chat I get blown off or just ignored. Yes I understand some ladies are busy but is it so hard to reply back with a hi?. Even though I am getting my ged doing homework plus doing what else I do with my life I still have time to chat to friends on facebook. Sorry I had to get this off my chest

 

So do you expect the same thing with your dentist? The clerk at your local beer store? The tow truck driver that roadside assistance sent out that time you needed a boost?

 

It's not uncommon for SPs and customers to become friends. But we aren't automatically your friend because we saw you and were nice to you, or even enjoyed ourselves with you, while being paid for our time. There's more to friendship than that. I hope you aren't holding it against them as professionals that they aren't jumping through these hoops you're setting out for them. Isn't the only thing they're really responsible for is providing a great service during the time you pay for, and protecting your privacy?

[zoro1990 806]

Le sigh I knew I was going to get at least 1 back lash from this post.

[roamingguy 300291]

One point to make. In other threads (the negotiating thread comes to mind) ladies were pretty much across the board and most gentlemen too that this lifestyle is unlike any other business and shouldn't be compared to other businesses. In fairness it shouldn't now be compared to other businesses. This business is a very unique, very intimate and very special lifestyle

lifestyle with really no other comparisons. To compare it to other businesses now seems a tad unfair.

And I do believe the OP asks a valid question. One function of this board and community is to learn. There is a unique intimacy in this lifestyle. But the intimate nature of this lifestyle notwithstanding, friendship is something that is special and may happen, but more than likely won't happen in this lifestyle. But sending emails in the hopes of making a friend isn't going to happen. When you see someone regularly, it might happen. But friendship is something that unfolds naturally.

Hopefully he received the answer he is looking for.

Good Luck

 

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

Le sigh I knew I was going to get at least 1 back lash from this post.

 

I don't consider the replies as 'backlash' simply a bit of key information.

 

The concerns are valid and the examples as well. If you went to a physiotherapist, a massage therapist, a barber or HR Block to get your taxes done, would you then expect them to follow up with a 'nice to meet you, hope to see you again" text, or respond to 'hi, how are you, how's your day going today' texts (especially knowing those are not preludes to booking another appointment with them?

 

And then extrapolate from there and ask yourself, why do you expect the sps you have seen are supposed to be different from any other sort of service provider?

 

I read an article the other day, based out of Edmonton. There is an organization there called CEASE, which is designed to promote exit for sps from sex work. Fine, dandy, however they teamed up with a couple of other anti sex work groups and spam texted all back page advertisers in the area telling them to contact them (assuming that these sps wanted help with anything at all, especially to exit sex work). On their work numbers, thru their ads, taking up the sp's time and energy and away from what they paid and posted the ad for and pay for their phone for, which is that this phone is for work.

 

Any texts or calls they get on that phone they want to be in direct relation to them giving info or booking appts. They do not want unsolicted texts from 'helpful' organizations, they do not want drivers looking for work texting them and they do not want people who have seen them once in 2008 continuing to contact them to ask how their day is going. Not on that phone and not by text.

 

If you wish to stay in touch with sps first do not expect a reply if you do not intend to book an appt, and please do not tie up their work phone with these messages. Send them an email, or if they are on here, a pm, or post a visitor message on their profile.

 

You are one person sending out a half dozen messages to sps you have seen, so each one gets one message. So you think what's the big deal, one message?

 

Well, that sp by the time 6 or 8 months or a year goes by has seen literally hundreds of different people if not 1000. Imagine if every one of them thought they should stay in touch once a day, sending texts, or even once a week. That would mean she gets 100 texts in one day minimum, each one expecting a reply and not one single one booking another appt. in the mean time other clients get delayed replies because she is so busy, because once she replied once, sure enough, the guy thinks they are having a conversation because she isn't busy right now, and no new callers are getting thru to make appts.

 

Send an email.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

First, let me say that I agree with almost everything that has been said so far.

 

Second, many SP/client professional relationships are successful, in part, due to understanding and respect for the unwritten NSA rule... NO Strings Attached once the rendez-vous has come to an end; a concept that some will gladly embrace while others will always choose to push the boundaries of. The latter will most likely affect your chances at a second (third, fourth...) rendez-vous or will unfortunately ruin what you've already established with the lady/ladies in question.

 

Coming across as too needy, high maintenance and entitled to xyz, with expectations on top of that after a rendez-vous is, let's be honest, a real turn off for the ladies.

[JoyfulC 132299]

Let's put the shoe on the other foot: how many guys here would appreciate having an SP that they saw once continue to contact them, as if a running dialogue were part and parcel of having seen each other once? How would you react to an SP who makes the statement that because they saw a guy once, and he seemed pleasant and to be enjoying of the SP's company, that that automatically meant he was okay with the SP contacting them to say "hey" whenever? And even more so, on judging the hobbyist, saying something to the effect of "how hard can it be for him to respond with a simple 'hi'?"

 

We must respect one another. I don't blame the OP for floating it out there, to see if someone he met is interested in more. If you really felt you clicked with someone, it's always worth a try. I only blame him for his seeming to pass judgment on those who don't respond the way he wants.

[Peachka 4334]

Last thing: you mention that you've been seeing SPs for five years, since you turned 18. I don't know you, but that kind of worries me a little. I hope you're also making time in your life to develop personal relationships with "civilian" women in your everyday life. Time spent with SPs is awesome, but that experience is just a very tiny subset of a full relationship. It takes work and meeting responsibilities to earn an ongoing place in someone's thoughts and life. More time and energy on that stuff for a while, maybe? Just a thought.

 

This is what struck me regarding the OP's post. if the OP is forgoing civilian relationships in favour of SP's, he needs to take a step back and evaluate the situation.

[zoro1990 806]

I am just going to leave this website I am not in the mood to debate this I did this because of my good nature and clearly it`s a problem

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Sorry but from my POV when one starts a thread, it should be implied that there will be feedback and that some of that feedback will contain comments we don't agree with. The wonderful part of of a discussion forum is the vast amount of perspectives that allow us to broaden our views :)

[roamingguy 300291]

I am just going to leave this website I am not in the mood to debate this I did this because of my good nature and clearly it`s a problem

 

If you weren't in the mood to debate this why did you post the topic to begin with. And you, not every one else, prefaced your post with the title "Going To Get A lot Of Backlash But..."

Actually you didn't get a lot of backlash, you got different opinions, but the tone of this thread has been respectful.

Why you feel the need to leave CERB I don't know.

 

RG