Loneliness?

[carlosage 1004]

Hello,

 

Not to be too mushy, but this is a question to SPs:

 

Do you honestly/objectively think that seeking the services of an SP is a good way to cope with loneliness?

 

Do you SPs feel lonely at times? I guess we all do at times...

 

Thanks

[Frank7 3939]

If it's temporary loneliness, as in-between relations, sure.

 

If it's because you've always been alone, it won't help the lonely part. Mostly because, unless you're very rich, you won't be able to see an SP as often as you'd want someone.

 

There's a lot of very good reasons to see an SP ( for your first time, to get better at sex, to get confortable with yourself, to try new things, cause you're horny, etc) But loneliness isn't a very good one from experience.

[Ice4fun 78396]

I think any time you can experience companionship with someone it can help with loneliness

 

Unfortunately we tend to think if loneliness as the absence of people in your life... i can tell you from experience you can be surrounded by people but still live a lonely existence.... if a regular meeting with an SP helps meet that need then yea it us a great way to deal with loneliness.

 

Just my opinion.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Everyone is lonely at some point it's the cause that should be the important thing. There are those who aren't comfortable in their own skin or with who they are so lonely follows them. Other have picked the wrong people to be their friends so find themselves lonely in a crowd. Some find it a challenge, for whatever reason, to sustain a meaningful relationship. All these require personal change in order to change the circumstance.

 

In these, an SP might make a very short term impact but in order to maintain it, it would cost a lot of money. It would be like an addiction, you crave to feel better even if for a short period so do anything to get that "hit". Definitely not healthy.

 

Now for those who are between relationships or have a very healthy social life, content with who they are, adding an SP to their lives as a companion, then yes, very much a way to cope.

[rileydaniels 1901]

I think it depends on the type of person you are, if you are able to separate feelings and get back to your normal life then yes seeing a SP is a good way to cope with loneliness.

 

but if it becomes a regular habit then that is where hiccups could happen. I know I've expereinced it on both sides now and it can get complicated.

 

I've also learned it is unrealistic to go in thinking you can separate feelings and try and ignore them. I think setting boundaries is a little better, because you always have them to remind yourself why you are seeing a SP in the first place.

[MightyPen 67414]

Do you honestly/objectively think that seeking the services of an SP is a good way to cope with loneliness?

I think it can be... not as an end itself, but as a means of helping you to make other, more permanent change in your life that will make you less lonely.

 

Loneliness comes from the absence of people who share in your life. It's not the absence of people -- you can be surrounded by people, even married to someone, and yet still be lonely because they're not truly sharing who you are and what you care about.

 

So the question becomes -- how can you add such people to your life? That can be tough, especially if your experiences to this point have resigned you to your fate; if you don't believe you're capable of emotional intimacy, or you feel you've lost that capacity you once had.

 

Time with an SP is only temporary and brief, but the effects can be long-term. Just spending some time with someone who can be intimate, who can be sexual, who can be focused on you and pay attention to your desires and your body... that's therapeutic. It can remind you that you're capable of that kind of intimacy, and of its importance to you. It can also teach you some lessons about handling yourself in intimate situations -- not just sexual, but in conversation and in interacting with someone in a caring and open way. If you've been afraid of such things the SP can help you overcome those fears. And then you can take those lessons and apply them to your non-SP interactions with people in other parts of your life.

 

So... does a relationship with an SP fix loneliness? Not by itself. But it can be genuinely valuable in equipping you to overcome whatever obstacles are keeping you from finding someone, and which are leading to your loneliness in the first place.

 

Don't look at time with an SP as just a brief respite from the symptoms of the problem -- look at it as a cure for the cause, if you're willing to take the opportunity to learn and then do some work.

[carlosage 1004]

Thanks very much.

 

To be honest, I don't have a lot of confidence with women right now and thought that a brief encounter may help my game (so to speak).

 

Plus, there are a couple of things I'd like to try that I've never done :P

[Guest S****r]

I find some of these remarks a little disturbing. But I suppose that is because I am going by my own experience, and everyone's experience is different.

 

I guess I have seen/experienced two types of encounters. I get a few guests who only come one time and never come back. These are usually the type who are purposely seeking only variety and perhaps putting notches on a belt. I don't think these guys are seeking anything more than the sexual experience itself. They are not the men whom I reach out to in my advertising, but they sometimes cross paths with me anyway.

 

However, most of my guests are regulars who come often--usually as often as they can. And I want to genuinely say that I count these gentlemen as good friends who enrich my life, and I think it is safe to say that I also enrich their lives. I would say that anyone who enriches another's life is, by default, lessening any degree of loneliness.

 

I don't write those words lightly, either. I definitely think that the relationships that we develop here in this community are as real and as valuable as those we develop outside of this community.

 

This, of course, is based purely on just my own experience.

xo

[loneskater 25635]

... I definitely think that the relationships that we develop here in this community are as real and as valuable as those we develop outside of this community...

 

Having been involved in this business for 3+ decades I definitely agree and found this out a long time ago. I have made many friends in the community now and before CERB and do keep in touch with quite a few of them even though some have retired.

 

It was through my involvement in this industry that I long realized that you don't judge people by what they do but by who they are.

 

For the OP, all I can say is go ahead meet some ladies. Having different experiences will enrich your life!

[FunValerie 8573]

A fun encounter with a SP creates a very human connection. Over time, the SP and the guest get to know each other and it is the most human of bonds. Does it help loneliness? I would suggest so.

[Ice4fun 78396]

There are some ladies that I see regularly who for me it is undoubtedly about more than the sex... it's about the relationship do it would have to help with loneliness... but that said there are a number of times I see an SP because I see their ad.. they are sexy and I just go for the sex.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Interestingly I've seen more than a couple of SP's whom I would describe as being lonely. This profession can be quite isolating for those who keep their involvement private from family and friends. Now all SP's enjoy a comradery with others.

 

More than a few times it's been me watching the clock or having a hand on the door knob and could have stayed to chat as long as I was available.

 

Peace

MG

[Ice4fun 78396]

Unfortunately we seem to think if loneliness as some kind of dreaded illness.... everyone can be lonely from time to time.... it not a lack of friends or people who care about you... you can be lonely even if you are in a great committed relationship with someone you love.... loneliness is for most of us a temporary state if bring where for that time we are craving a connection with others... that might be a sexual connection or an emotional connection.

 

Let's not paint everyone who says they are lonely as damaged..... we all get lonely.

Just my opinion

[Guest **sh****he***ac***th]

Being an unattached widower with no family I find loneliness to be a constant condition I live with. I am now at the point where I am willing to consider another relationship, however it's not something I am prepared to undertake hastily. I very much enjoy female companionship and I do have a lot of female friends to do things with. Since my wife passed away I have minimal intimacy in my life.

[Guest Be***iful****lah]

I think that there are varying degrees of loneliness, some much deeper, more painful, and more chronic than others.

 

When you become aware of that ache...that gaping vastness...that is when it hurts.

 

For whatever reason that void is present, when something comes along in life to help you momentarily forget about that ache, it is a blessed relief.

 

Perhaps it is only temporary, but for every moment you are distracted is a moment you don't feel the loneliness.

 

Life is moment by moment, I try not to think about what will come or what has been. When I am with my clients I try to bring them to a world where that kind of pain ceases to exist, even if only for a moment. Because that moment does count.

 

As for myself, focusing on the person I am with enjoying every second we have together DOES help me forget about any sort of pain I may be experiencing. It is therapeutic to mutually distract each other from any aspects of unpleasantness.

 

Will the pain return as soon as they leave the room? Possibly.

Will the repeated encounters eventually rid the problem? Probably not.

 

But for those brief moments loneliness did not exist. And this moment right now is all that matters.

[Ice4fun 78396]

I think that there are varying degrees of loneliness, some much deeper, more painful, and more chronic than others.

 

When you become aware of that ache...that gaping vastness...that is when it hurts.

 

For whatever reason that void is present, when something comes along in life to help you momentarily forget about that ache, it is a blessed relief.

 

Perhaps it is only temporary, but for every moment you are distracted is a moment you don't feel the loneliness.

 

Life is moment by moment, I try not to think about what will come or what has been. When I am with my clients I try to bring them to a world where that kind of pain ceases to exist, even if only for a moment. Because that moment does count.

 

As for myself, focusing on the person I am with enjoying every second we have together DOES help me forget about any sort of pain I may be experiencing. It is therapeutic to mutually distract each other from any aspects of unpleasantness.

 

Will the pain return as soon as they leave the room? Possibly.

Will the repeated encounters eventually rid the problem? Probably not.

 

But for those brief moments loneliness did not exist. And this moment right now is all that matters.

 

I couldn't agree more.... well said.

[carlosage 1004]

Objectively, does anyone truly think that an encounter with an SP could (or would) help me gain more confidence with women? I admit that I don't have much of that right now...

 

Thanks

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Carlosage, I most definitely believe it can but it honestly depends on how YOU approach the situation. If you're up front, honest and willing to put yourself in the moment, learn and be open to suggestions then you will most definitely gain confidence and experience for dealing with women.

 

There are a number of threads on CERB discussing this exact thing and there have been many men who have gained so much from their interactions with an SP which is a safe open environment to do so. Like anything in life, what you put in you can potentially get out. You have nothing to lose by trying and potentially everything to gain!

 

Good Luck!

[MightyPen 67414]

Objectively, does anyone truly think that an encounter with an SP could (or would) help me gain more confidence with women? I admit that I don't have much of that right now...

 

Thanks

It can absolutely do that, with the right SP. (I think starting with an SP you find here on CERB would be a good idea.) And I think Midnite-Massage is exactly right.

 

Choose an SP who appeals to you, explain to her your situation, and go into the encounter with a positive and honest mindset. Be ready to take things slowly and learn as you go. And communicate, communicate, communicate. If things go well arrange a series of sessions so that you can continue to learn beyond that nervous first encounter.

 

Just remember that your main goal in this case is to learn, to find your feet and grow a little in a way you can carry into your other relationships. There's a real risk of getting overwhelmed by the intense emotional experience of caring sexuality. Be careful to keep your balance.

 

One more thing: be PROUD that you're taking positive action to tackle something you perceive as a hurdle for yourself. Now you have fun, and work, ahead of you. I wish you all the best in both of them!

[carlosage 1004]

Thanks folks.

 

A friend of mine that I confide it is totally against me doing this. She worries about STIs, legalities, and also about how I'd explain to a future/potential partner that I once sought the services of an SP.

[MightyPen 67414]

Thanks folks.

 

A friend of mine that I confide it is totally against me doing this. She worries about STIs, legalities, and also about how I'd explain to a future/potential partner that I once sought the services of an SP.

 

I don't fault your friend for trying to look out for you (as she understands it). But she seems to have the cliché, streetwalker view of SPs. That is NOT what you're looking for, and that's why I suggest you start with an SP from CERB. I think that offers the best chance to find someone responsible and caring.

 

Legalities aren't much of an issue (for now...). Check out the legal threads for specifics, as there's a change of law possible which MAY soon alter the legal landscape regarding prostitution in Canada.

 

STIs are a manageable risk; there are threads here for that too.

 

Finally... you aren't required to provide a complete sexual resume to all your future partners (nor they to you). We all get to choose what to share from our past. There's no shame in what you're planning, but it will be your call whether, and how, to deal with that and a future partner when the time comes.

 

Don't let some hypothetical future partner's possible prudery* keep you from taking positive action for yourself, today.

 

* alliteration -- it's fun!

[carlosage 1004]

I guess it's MY business at the end of the day...I'm trying to think of it almost as a therapy/training exercise should I go through with it.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Ice4fun 78396]

Thanks folks.

 

A friend of mine that I confide it is totally against me doing this. She worries about STIs, legalities, and also about how I'd explain to a future/potential partner that I once sought the services of an SP.

 

There are things you can do to reduce your risk but to be honest I would be way less concerned about STI's with a SP then with random encounters with people you meet in a bar.

 

In regards to legalities that is not a huge issue right now but if Mr. Harper has his way that will change so if you want to pursue this do it now.

 

The potential partner thing boggles my mind... i hope u never have to explain my sexual choices to a future partner if I do perhaps they should not be my partner.

 

Good luck with it.

 

Just my opinion.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Honestly, spending time with an SP is a very open, honest, non judgmental way to explore, learn and enjoy. You don't have to worry about many of the things associated with meeting a "real" person. By this I mean, you go into the relationship knowing boundaries and knowing that they are there to keep you safe and comfortable. You don't have to worry about someone thinking the wrong thing, seeing something that's not there, expecting too much etc.

 

This could be looked at as therapy because if you choose the right person, they will help you with whatever it is you need and want, the focus is on you within whatever limits are discussed. There is no need to "perform" or live up to any sort of expectation.

 

It's wonderful you have a friend you can be so open with and who cares about your well being. However, YOU are the one on CERB and seeing the true identity of the industry. Seeing what it can give you as opposed to all the fallacies attached. In the end, it boils down to what you want, desire, need, the risk you're willing to take and what is in your best interest. Listen to your inner voice as it will provide the right answers.

[carlosage 1004]

Thanks again all!

 

I guess another obstacle is that I've heard/read that seeking the services of an SP wreaks of desperation (no offense to any SPs of course)....