Reference etiquette

[Fresh start 17467]

I have a few questions regarding references. I've searched some old threads but didn't find answers.

 

First I hate asking a lady if she can provide a reference, I feel as if I'm a burden. Maybe because I don't like asking for favours and this feel like one. So ladies how much do you mind?

 

Is there some sort of reference etiquette?

How many times can you use the same person before they get annoyed?

What if you haven't seen this lady in a while?

Should you of seen this lady x amount of time before you use them?

 

What sort of question are asked?

[Mister T 45020]

was this thread of help to you?

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=52419&highlight=open+minded

[Guest S****r]

I have been cotacted both by ladies asking for a referral themselves and by gentlemen asking if it is okay to give my name as a reference. I don't see that either one is better or worse than the other.

 

The purpose of a reference is to help a lady assess possible safety. I only ever say that yes, i have seen the guy and that he was safe and respectful of my boundaries, or not. It isn't like we go into details of what the guy is like, such as looks, personality, sexual prowess, etc. Basically, I am answering the question, "do you think this guy is safe for me to be alone with?"

[Guest]

See if the lady you want to contact, has the topic of references, on her etiquette section, or her blog section, of her website (if she has a website). I agree with summer, that if an escort does have etiquette for references, it will most likely have to do with safety and protecting the other escort.

[roamingguy 300291]

I have a few questions regarding references. I've searched some old threads but didn't find answers.

 

First I hate asking a lady if she can provide a reference, I feel as if I'm a burden. Maybe because I don't like asking for favours and this feel like one. So ladies how much do you mind?

 

Is there some sort of reference etiquette?

How many times can you use the same person before they get annoyed?

What if you haven't seen this lady in a while?

Should you of seen this lady x amount of time before you use them?

 

What sort of question are asked?

 

 

 

I think a lady would be happy to provide you with a reference (I assume you are a good client ;-) ) and not get tired of doing so. It isn't just for you that a lady provides a reference. It is done by ladies to keep other ladies safe and vice versa. Ladies want to be safe. And they will be happy to do so because you are a client willing to be screened, a sign of being a good client.

It won't annoy the lady being asked, because she may also require a reference for new clients for herself from other ladies. They do this to be safe, and ladies want each other to be safe. The only reference etiquette is to contact the lady you wish to use as a reference before you use her as a reference. That way the lady isn't contacted out of the blue by another lady about you, she will expect to be contacted.

In short, don't worry about contacting a lady you have seen to be a reference. She will likely be very happy to do so if you were a good client

A morning rambling

 

RG

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

I have only seen one lady who is a CERB member. I've seen her twice now and she told me straight up that I was free to move on to someone else at any point in time. She also agreed to provide a reference for me to facilitate a future encounter as she was supportive in this. We are on good terms and still keep in touch as I would like to see her again some time but scheduling and distance is a bit of an issue. So I will be seeing another lovely lady closer to my home and who has a more convenient schedule. I gave her the name of my provider. Personally, I think an SP not only should ask for a reference from another provider and providers should be prepared to do so as a matter of personal safety and for health concerns. As best I can tell many of the ladies here in Ottawa know or know of each other and there is an stream of communication about many things. Additionally, I hope that the new lady I am seeing soon will be in a position to speak well for me in a reference to another provider as need be. The two occasions I asked my only provider for a reference were well received and she was happy to do so and she told me to have fun! To me that's the way it should be. Note: On the two occasions I wasn't able to finalize the appointments due to food poisoning for the first and for a last minute MRI appointment for the second which caused a scheduling conflict so I cancelled well in advance of which I informed my first provider. Open communication on all levels is important.

[Guest]

I think a lady would be happy to provide you with a reference (I assume you are a good client ;-) ) and not get tired of doing so. It isn't just for you that a lady provides a reference. It is done by ladies to keep other ladies safe and vice versa. Ladies want to be safe. And they will be happy to do so because you are a client willing to be screened, a sign of being a good client.

It won't annoy the lady being asked, because she may also require a reference for new clients for herself from other ladies. They do this to be safe, and ladies want each other to be safe. The only reference etiquette is to contact the lady you wish to use as a reference before you use her as a reference. That way the lady isn't contacted out of the blue by another lady about you, she will expect to be contacted.

In short, don't worry about contacting a lady you have seen to be a reference. She will likely be very happy to do so if you were a good client

A morning rambling

 

RG

 

I completely agree, but I have to add, that a good client isn't someone you meet once six months/a year ago and you can hardly remember, or don't remember. I always ask for a little description and that the clients have at least seen me a couple of times, within three months to make sure. However, if it's past the three month mark and I completely remember the person, I do not mind giving out a reference. I'd say for sure ask the girl first and just like everything else, a little communication is key.

 

I also don't think the girl would get annoyed, if you were a good client. I also agree with Craig. I encourage my clients to see other escorts. That way when they're with me, they are truly wanting to be with me.

[roamingguy 300291]

I completely agree, but I have to add, that a good client isn't someone you meet once six months/a year ago and you can hardly remember, or don't remember. I always ask for a little description and that the clients have at least seen me a couple of times, within three months to make sure. However, if it's past the three month mark and I completely remember the person, I do not mind giving out a reference. I'd say for sure ask the girl first and just like everything else a little communication is key.

 

I also don't think the girl would get annoyed, if you were a good client. I also agree with Craig. I encourage my clients to see other escorts. That way when they're with me, they are truly wanting to be with me.

 

Definitely, that's why I said to contact the lady you are asking to give you a reference. She won't be contacted out of the blue about you, and (yes, you'll know if she'll provide a reference for you too ;-) )

And one thing to remember about this lifestyle. It is poly amorous. We all know everyone sees others, be it clients seeing other ladies, and ladies see other clients. Don't worry if the lady knows you see other ladies, she expects you to see other ladies

A rambling

 

RG

[Eva Laperle 7898]

Agreed ! The beauty of this lifestyle (for both gents and ladies) is the freedom to explore & discover pleasure without feeling restricted. :)

 

Unless the provider is jealous/possessive, she shouldn't mind you seeing other ladies. After all, this lifestyle is non-monogamous and everyone is expected sooner or later to see someone else.

 

Also, I don't recommend using the same lady more than 5 + times in a short time. I heard some ladies getting mad at clients saying they were abusing or simply getting jealous and thinking he was not interested in seeing her anymore...

 

Personally, I always encourage my clients to explore with different ladies if they wish and will gladly recommend them a lady according to their taste & preferences. I'm always happy to provide a reference for a client I have met usually within 3 months ish. As a traveling lady, I do prefer being asked first, it makes things easier for me. Also, it allows me to remember you and be prepared to give the reference.

 

Also, if possible, try to ask a lady you have met recently and not someone you have met a year ago or more. She might not remember you and you will end up with no references. (I speak from experience)

 

Remember, if you are a good client and everything is done in a respectful manner, there should be no problem. :)

[roamingguy 300291]

One more thing, often ladies have a blue ribbon on there websites

(I tried posting the image only, it didn't post)

Here's the link with the blue ribbon image

http://missy-mariposa.com/reference.htm

Ladies that have that on their websites are happy to be reference providers to good clients

Another rambling

 

RG

[mrrnice2 157005]

I have always been surprised, very pleasantly surprised by how often when seeing one lady she will say,"Oh - You REALLY should see ********. You would really like her." My experience is that the women here are quite supportive of each other.

 

When I do contact someone new, I will suggest a couple of ladies that I have met that I would use as a reference and then say that I have not asked them yet for permission. Very rarely do they ask me to get permission. So perhaps they contact the ladies anyway or maybe the screening doesn't always take place.

 

One aspect of this discussion that has not been raised, and I foresee becoming critical in the very near future, is a client asking for references FOR a potential provider. That can be a thread on its own.

[peacectryguy 12523]

As for myself, obviously, I'm in an area that doesn't really give me the opportunity to see many CERB ladies unless they happen to tour up this way. If/ when I do get an opportunity to get out east and possibly visit one of you lovely ladies, I would hope that I could get a reference from someone that you all would consider reliable. Having said that, most of my experience out here in the west is with ladies from CAF as the ladies from Alberta are the ones coming to my area, more often than not. So far, I have yet to be asked for a reference. Part of this is to do with posting reviews and getting positive responses to those reviews. I would think that another part is having conversations with some SPs that give them a better idea of what I am like. Of course, maybe some of them have pm'ed each other and asked without my knowledge.

Now, I know all too well that people can portray themselves on message boards and chat rooms as upstanding, honest and respectful people and be completely different behind closed doors. This is a real legitimate concern for all you ladies but I would like to think there would be some weight given to how we behave and respond on here as well as some reference from reputable SPs out there. Correct me if I am wrong.

Fwiw, I am quite willing to try and fulfill a ladies wishes for some type of idea of who they are about to see. Your safety and security are of utmost importance as is ours.

[Andee 220524]

Some of us don't normally require references but are quite willing to give them. My only requirement is that the client contact me and ask me if it's okay and tell me who will be contacting me.

 

If he only saw me once more than six months ago or saw me a few times, but hasn't in over a year, I would probably suggest he ask someone more current.

[FunValerie 8573]

References tend to be a US thing because US law is different from Canadian law so providers want to be sure that a client who shows up is a real client and a safe client.

 

With the new law possibly coming into effect in Canada, it is likely that both providers and clients may want references to make sure that when an escort shows up she really is an escort and not a police officer in disguise and the same goes for clients being real clients.

 

References are a part of life in this job and are likely to be a bigger part of life in the future. There is nothing with asking for one but please inform the person providing the reference that she or he will be hearing from such and such.

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

References tend to be a US thing because US law is different from Canadian law so providers want to be sure that a client who shows up is a real client and a safe client.

 

With the new law possibly coming into effect in Canada, it is likely that both providers and clients may want references to make sure that when an escort shows up she really is an escort and not a police officer in disguise and the same goes for clients being real clients.

 

References are a part of life in this job and are likely to be a bigger part of life in the future. There is nothing with asking for one but please inform the person providing the reference that she or he will be hearing from such and such.

 

Yes indeed and this is another reason I am trying to build a network of a few reliable ladies for me to see if and when this stupid law comes into effect. Well said Valerie.

[Tempted Monk 5057]

I am probably missing something here but with all due respect this reference practice looks strange to me. Or it works inside the elite circle of escorts and clients knowing each other (but then reference is a nonsense).

1) Discretion is a must in this area. My understanding was that service provider should never admit to any third party even knowing client. Am I wrong?

2) Client usually does not give the real name. How client is identified for the reference - by some description, by phone number? So, provider keeps some records of the clients?

3) Not all service providers know each other. How can you be sure that reference is asked by other provider and not by client's wife?

Being occasionally a client for many years, I always avoided escort asking for reference because saw this practice as not safe for me as a client.

[Andee 220524]

I am probably missing something here but with all due respect this reference practice looks strange to me. Or it works inside the elite circle of escorts and clients knowing each other (but then reference is a nonsense).

1) Discretion is a must in this area. My understanding was that service provider should never admit to any third party even knowing client. Am I wrong?

2) Client usually does not give the real name. How client is identified for the reference - by some description, by phone number? So, provider keeps some records of the clients?

3) Not all service providers know each other. How can you be sure that reference is asked by other provider and not by client's wife?

Being occasionally a client for many years, I always avoided escort asking for reference because saw this practice as not safe for me as a client.

 

As a lady who does not normally require references, but is reference-friendly and understands the dynamics, I will take a run at answering your questions.

 

1) Ladies do not normally go around talking about which clients they have seen. But if a lady is reference friendly and doesn't mind disclosing to another provider her experience with that client and the client is the one requesting, then how is there a problem?

 

2) We all have different screening requirements. Some Sps require that a client complete a booking form and/or give his real name and other information such as a reference for verification purposes.

 

3) The client should always ask the lady first if it's okay to give her name as a reference and tell her which SP will be contacting her. That way she will know it's not someone's wife. If an SP contacts me out of the blue to ask me about a client, unless I know her from her board presence or reputation, I do not disclose anything until I've spoken to the client first. And her email address must match the one she advertises.

 

4) There are some of us who do not normally require references. After all some of us are same day bookers with short notice windows and asking every single new client for a reference would be logistically unfeasible. That aside, does not mean we might sometimes ask if there is a special request or other reason we feel we may require one.

 

It's your perogative who you would like to book with, but that eliminates you being able to see those who do require them. Your choice, but if the lady has a good reputation, there is no need to assume that she will do anything nefarious with your information.

 

For ladies who tour, only take pre-bookings, etc. whatever reason they choose to ask for references, this practice has been going on for many years and those who avoid that, to me, I ask, what is you have to hide?

[roamingguy 300291]

I am probably missing something here but with all due respect this reference practice looks strange to me. Or it works inside the elite circle of escorts and clients knowing each other (but then reference is a nonsense).

1) Discretion is a must in this area. My understanding was that service provider should never admit to any third party even knowing client. Am I wrong?

2) Client usually does not give the real name. How client is identified for the reference - by some description, by phone number? So, provider keeps some records of the clients?

3) Not all service providers know each other. How can you be sure that reference is asked by other provider and not by client's wife?

Being occasionally a client for many years, I always avoided escort asking for reference because saw this practice as not safe for me as a client.

 

It may look strange but in fact, contrary to stereotype, seeing escorts is not about anonymous sexual encounters. And screening/verification commonplace, for me at least, appears more the rule, not exception

A prospective client wants to be intimate with a lady. Intimacy begins with trust. And a lady, until she knows you beyond a board handle, disposable cell phone number and email address (also easy to get) is not likely to book a date with you. In my experience, most ladies I see screen/verify which has required my giving my real name, board handle confirmed by PM, cell phone number and email, and of course a reference by an established professional companion

You want to see a lady (who has never met you) alone intimately. You want and expect her to trust you based on your word that you are and will be a good client. But you don't trust her with your personal information.

Her concern first and foremost is her safety and security, and second,

whether you will be compatible. Your concern, is your privacy

To put another way, you argue concern that the request for information isn't done by a provider, but by the client's wife.

Let's put the shoe on the other foot. For the companion, her concern is that the prospective client is really a legitimate client, and that you aren't the next Robert Pickton. A lady's safety trumps a man's privacy each and every time

SP's don't necessarily need to know each other, but they do know of each other. And a verifiable reference is done with the lady's name, board profile, email and her website. Ladies who screen don't for the most part use SP's booked off BP/CL. They also don't consider escort agencies a reliable reference. They want a reference from an independent escort with her own webpage etc.

Is a clients wife going to go to the trouble of creating a escort's webpage to nab her husband acting on her suspicion alone that her husband sees escorts. And how does she even know he would pick her (under guise of an SP) to contact with so many SP's to choose from...really a far fetched scenario JMHO

A wife would have better luck checking her husband's history on the computer first or if that concerned, install keylogging software on her husbands computer

Ladies will admit to knowing you as a former client if you, the former client asked that lady to provide you with a reference to a companion you wish to see. They release information to that third party with your consent and after you request it. Of course a lady will have to remember you as a client, because she destroys all contact information about you after your encounter which is why a lady you saw say four years ago, just once, won't likely give you a reference but one you saw at the most a year ago would be a good reference. The only exception to discretion is if a guy turned out to be a bad date, then the lady may have the guys name added to the black list/bad date list

I don't know how long you have been involved in this lifestyle, but I've been involved since 2010 (not all that long compared to most) but most of the ladies I've contacted for dates, starting in 2010, required full verification/screening including a reference and my real name. Until we met in person we didn't know each other. But with that information given, they accepted my request for a date.

And I trust the ladies far more with my information than I do the government, cable companies, bank, phone company etc

At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you. But by the same token, remember the ladies will do the same. I also foresee far more use of screening/verification once C36 passes

Anyhow, a rambling

 

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

You point about an sp providing her real name is not a valid point. The sp who is requesting a reference has already provided a wealth of information about herself, including photos, general location, email contact, phone # contact, general description including age, and references in the form of multiple reviews. You would not be asked for references or real name info from anyone with less than a solid reputation.

 

Which means that providing a real name isn't going to make her any more reputable or reliable, or trustworthy. All of that is and has been proven many times over, in the form of her reputation thru longetivity, never seeing anything negative about her, her posts either in forums like this or on a blog or twitter, etc etc.

 

All most sps ask from you is consistent contact information, and two names of other sps that you know of that are also reputable and reliable, and you know this because you have met them, spent time with them, and reviewed them positively. so these are the ladies you have trusted with your own time and $$, and these are the ladies who are going to confirm to another sp that you yourself are a reputable and reliable client.

 

And what leads sps to think someone is not reputable and reliable is a person who changes his contact information, phone #, email address and even his fake name, or even his review board handle frequently (to avoid 'detection')

 

So that and what has already been mentioned: when you contact someone who requires references, you don't just email back the names and website of those 2 sps, you first contact the 2 (or 3) and let them know you will be providing their names to be your references to,, for example, Mature Angela, who will then be contacting them to ask about you. In those emails you will remind them 'here is the email i used to contact and book you, here is the day and time of the appt, and here is the session i chose".

 

You'll note that during that exchange i haven't mentioned that you provided the 3 sps there with your real first and last name, your home address, or your work contact information. Just whatever you used to contact the other sps, and had successful appts with them.

 

We can debate all day about whether or not sps deserve the right to demand personal info from clients, (they do deserve that, and most have earned the right to demand it), or that they aren't giving out as much personal info as they are asking for, but at the end of the day, they've already given everything except their real first and last names, so what more could you possibly need from them. they are easy to find if you wanted to cause them trouble, you wouldn't also need their real name to do that.

[roamingguy 300291]

Remember, when an encounter is booked, it is the man (prospective client) who contacts the lady, not the other way around. The man does not set the terms for his contacting a lady. The lady sets the terms for a man contacting and booking an encounter with her. The man should know this by reading her website and board profile, plus her postings on CERB (or other boards)

Finally, a booking is made to the lady's SP Persona name. That is how the man knows her, and will continue to know her. Her persona is for a man's purpose and requirements, her name, he doesn't need to know her real name. For the lady, a man, a stranger is asking her to be intimate with him. The lady isn't going out soliciting men to see her. And she has to keep her safety and security in mind. A man, if privacy is his concern about seeing a particular lady should just move on to find one he does trust with his privacy. If he is uncomfortable with this, see ladies that don't require screening

Expecting the lady to give you her real name after you give her yours as some sort of quid pro quo you'll find yourself being denied a lot of dates

And a prospective client insisting on personal information from a lady is going to be raising red flags for her

At the end of the day, it is the man, out of the blue, who initiated contact with the lady to see her, not the other way around. Why would a woman give her personal information to a man who contacted her out of the blue

 

RG

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

In the words of Ronald Reagan "doveryai no proveryai", trust but verify.

Good strategy for the arms race and this business.

 

I have met with some women who required references in their contact info and I have provided a name but given my occasional hobbying it may have been 6 months or older. I sometimes wonder if they even remember me. Regardless, I've never been asked for another more recent reference. I imagine a lot of what helps a CERB woman decide to meet you is your duration and reputation on this board? Also, I have no qualms about giving my name under the current legal environment.

 

If you don't already, you should also ask in the SP only section if so and so is a good guy as additional verification. It may not work with everyone but it's an extra step to possibly reassure you.

 

Be safe.