So here is my problem

[Honey Man 12759]

So here is my problem and any advice on how to handle it would be most appreciated. I go and see a new SP and have an intimate time. However that intimate time is missing a real sense of intimacy. So then another time I go back and see that same SP and by that time we are talking more and opening up about each others lives and then when the intimate time comes around I feel like I am using the lady. I know this is not real and realize without the exchange we do, this would not happen. However the most intimate time I am sharing is when we are not being intimate. I guess I just miss what it would be like to have a real girl friend/lover. I just miss making love. And yes I do think to much and I care about people. I need to figure out how I can do this, be fully satisfied and not just physically (because that part is easy) and not feel like the lady is doing this just because of the exchange we do. Knowing full well it is because of that exchange we are doing what we do. And please the problem is mine. Its certainly not a reflection on the beautiful lovely ladies I have met. Perhaps if they where all not so amazing in many ways this would be easier. Perhaps this is just not for me. Maybe I am looking to get to much out of this and should just keep things physical. But that is just not who I am. And because of personal circumstances beyond my control its either figure this out or be alone for the next several years.

[fortunateone 156618]

Well, to be blunt, they are there because of the exchange that you do. But then, so are you. You wouldn't be there if it wasn't for the exchange, in other words this is a mutually beneficial arrangement.

 

There is nothing wrong with mutually beneficial arrangements between consenting adults.

 

Most sps do this because they are people who are able to be morally open minded. They wouldn't last long if they are judgmental, or if they were self judgmental for their choices. Many clients are also morally openminded, and non judgmental.

 

It is possible to share time with people that are friendly, fun and seemingly intimate, but are really only sharing conversation in a nonthreatening environment. This is a good thing, and will benefit you in your everyday life. Take and enjoy the experiences, and the sharing, and don't try to put a label on it.

 

I assure you that the majority of sps do not feel taken advantage of in these mutually beneficial arrangements, they will only feel that way if something changes in the agreed upon exchange.

[Guest p**h*x]

Finding the intimacy you're looking for might be a little difficult in this type of arrangement but I wouldn't say it is impossible. Some people are going to click better than others and hopefully you can find someone that can express a level intimacy that is satisfying to you both.

 

As for feeling like you're using someone you need to look at it from a different perspective. If you're with a lady that is doing this of her own free will, enjoys what she does, and you're complying with the expectations of the arrangement then you are not taking advantage of her. You are contributing to the success of her chosen career.

[Andee 220524]

If you are in compliance with the lady's requirements and do not overstep boundaries (asking too many personal questions, sharing too many personal stories with her where she might not feel comfortable, insisting on off-the-clock extended conversing/texting or email, trying to stay over-time or enticing her to stay over time or meet off the clock for free, etc.) there is no reason why you should feel you are taking advantage of her.

 

If you are getting a certain level of intimacy and other stimulation met through the time you spend with an SP without any unrealistic expectations, then I'd say you have a good arrangement.

 

If you feel you are not totally satisfied and crave more, then you might be putting unrealistic expectations on the client/SP relationship. I understand some men do not want to pursue a dating relationship because for whatever reason they don't want the commitment that goes along with it. But you can't expect an SP no matter how gracious she is or how well you connect and get along with her, to give you access to her personal life, or her heart so to speak.

 

Just because we are being paid does not mean we are there just for the money, but I would never want a client to think or expect it may develop into anything more. In some instances, a client and SP may click in the romance department and end up together as a couple, but it's not realistic for a client to see SPs hoping that will happen for him.

 

I am not suggesting that is what you are doing, I'm just putting it out there, that if you think you are taking advantage of someone, ask yourself what you are doing that is perhaps making you feel guilty.

 

I suggest you do a self-check, and if necessary, ask a provider you have been with who you trust who has the maturity to be honest and ask them if there is anything they have observed in your approach or behaviour that might be off putting.

 

Little things that might not seem like such a big deal can something make others feel uncomfortable. Doesn't mean it can't be corrected.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Well said Angela! Took the words out of my mouth:)

 

I can also reiterate, that perhaps you are asking too many questions of a personal nature with her? I too, get very uncomfortable with that, and it could cause a small wedge between us. Keep conversation fun and lively, with humor and yes some serious chats is intriguing as well. But if you begin to dive into her personal relationship questions, such as " well doesn't he mind that you do this? Or " how to hide it from your kids?" well it would defiantly a loss of romance and adventure for the lady.

 

One element many men miss, is that most ladies, when preparing for our date we switch into out alter ego. Much like an actor would. I call it " Sophiafied" lol...So by getting into deep personal questions, I loose my alter ego and get into my "me" mode and then I find it difficult to jump back into the sexy, seductive creature that I created for "Sophia"

It is not a lie of who we are, but a more pronounced version of our sexy side.

 

Another aspect to be an escort, is that for the most part we are givers by nature. This means, we much rather you spill your stress and worries on us if you need to talk about things in your life that are upsetting for you. Often lending an ear and shoulder if needed. I have had many of my dear clients unload their worries on me. Some heartbroken and shed a tear. But as a professional, I would never do this to a client. Never would I unload my inner most vulnerabilities. Because, we are here for YOU, you are the center of our attention and focus during our time together.

 

So why do we all that? Well for my ownself, I truly love my work, and although "Sophia" is an alter ego, she is still another version of who the real me is. So in staying true to my real self being a giver it is not just a façade.

 

I have a friend, the poor guy is so sweet and nice but always becomes the "friend or just like a brother" from most ladies he meets. But you see, when he meets ladies he wants to dive into their ways of thinking. Becoming like a confidant to them, helping them threw issues.....then before you know it, he missed the mark on when to make the move on them, and now is viewed" oh your just like a brother to me".

 

So as you can see it also can happen in the "real world" too. But in our professional mutually beneficial escort relations, it can happen much more quickly to loose that moment. And that's when you begin to feel like your being "used" or vis versa.

 

There certainly times, even with a good provider that chemistry just doesn't seem to be there. Not much can be done about that but try to enjoy the time and move on. And certainly there are providers that will make you feel like just a wallet rather then a man, that is a live and learn scenario.

 

Maybe think of it this way, when you book time with a lady, think of it as your "man's spa day". It is just a retreat for you to treat yourself. Nothing more then a way to relax and have that human contact.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I'm a perpetual loner so I do not have issues with emotional intimacy, that and I have a really short attention span lol, so I can't offer any advice regarding that.

 

But get over the idea that you are 'using' the provider. In any mutually beneficial arrangement, whether it be a SP encounter (with her in full control of her affairs) or a real world business deal, each side uses the other. As far as I'm concerned it's a "win-win" situation and the word 'use' really doesn't apply. Now if a lady has been forcibly coerced into this world and is being abused and exploited by a pimp or human traffickers, then yes, in that case you are using her, but in the CERB world I think such situations are few and far in between.

[tanyathetgurl 857]

I was moved by your email. As to "And please the problem is mine." -- I'm not sure it's a problem though I sympathize with you for feeling that it is.

 

What you wrote is a bit like someone saying "I'm just so peculiar that I prefer more complex wines than white Zinfandel" or "I'm just so finicky that few cars capture my imagination as well as a V-12 Jaguar E-type does."

 

You're essentially seeking something that's on the extreme side of the SP bell curve and I'm not surprised that your needs won't be met by the typical experience. However, there are ladies in this line of business who value the intimacy AND love what they do to -- you could be free to express your concerns and then she could, with truth and candor, assuage them.

 

I have no reason to believe you're into girls like me (I'm transexual) so I hope it won't come across as covert advertising if I use myself as an example. I sometimes swap dozens of ever-hotter emails with clients before we meet, and by the time we meet, it's meeting someone whom we each know and like, and have been emotionally open with.

 

Baring one's soul is a lot more intimate than baring one's privates ... and in my experience, and that of clients who have experienced this, NOTHING is as hot as going to bed with someone with whom you have an intense emotional connection.

 

What you're describing fits perfectly on the continuum that ranges from an anonymous "glory hole in a dingy public restroom" at one end of the spectrum, to a marriage at the extreme other end of the spectrum. Your needs are just closer to the latter than most gentleman on here seem to prefer.

 

My point is that the experience you seek isn't bad, it's just unusual.

 

But so are well-aged bottles of French wine, and Jaguar E-type cars.

[Guest]

I think a lot of what companions do is in an intimate nature. There's nothing wrong with wanting a deeper connection with someone and when that happens, it's great. I don't mind providing some personal information, providing it's by my choice and it naturally fits into the conversation/ naturally flows as part of the conversation. However, when I'm having a woodpecker conversation (someone intentionally asking inappropriate questions)/ a interrogation conversation, it just makes me frustrated and I shut down. There's some things I'm comfortable sharing and there's others I'm not and sometimes I share certain things with certain people. With that being said, I don't think you were being a woodpecker. I think you were having such a good time with this lady that you began to see a different side of her, how wonderful for you. Remember people are multidimensional. What I mean by that is someone can be smart and sexy, silly and smart, and often the ands are what make people who they are.

 

To echo what Angela has said. A lot of companions do this for more than just money. We also crave good connections, intimate times and sharing time with good people. This is a mutually beneficial relationship and there is nothing wrong with it. A lot of us do this by choice. A connection doesn't always happen but when it does, it's wonderful and what makes this industry so rewarding/special.

 

Having respect for someone or really liking someone is good. You should just enjoy that moment. There's no need to complicate things. As others have already stated, if no boundaries were crossed, no harm was done.

 

This is very much a your problem thing. You need to think about why you feel like you're taking advantage of a companion if you establish a deeper connection with her. This may very well have to do with stereotypes of the industry, this could come from your subconscious, or other legitimate or illegitimate reasonings.

 

Also there's only so much we can do in regards to being intimate with clients. We are your companions for the amount of time you spend with us. It is a beautiful moment shared between two consenting adults. This connection can be maintained. However, it's important to understand that it's stays fresh, special and uncomplicated if it is maintained within the boundaries of: this does not go past the mutually beneficial relationship. I also think you understand this too. Sometimes emotions are irrational and once you move past the initial feeling , or see those feelings for what they are, things become more clearer. Or you can prepare yourself for what to expect a little more.

 

Most of all, have fun.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Most of all, have fun.

 

It's what it's all about!

[Honey Man 12759]

I solved my problem :) Rather then spend time upfront talking I do that at the end. Kind of like after glow cuddle time.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Sounds like a good solution Honey Man!

 

You brought up a good question though when you said in your original post "I just miss making love". Is it possible to "make love" within the confines of this business?

 

Making love involves giving your heart as well as your body. It typically happens between two people in love or heading in that direction. Love can take many shapes I suppose but I define it as lasting more than an hour and its ultimate expression is like one soul inhabiting two bodies. You won't find it here as it's not what is being offered.

 

What you will find here is great compassion, understanding and a willingness to provide intimate contact(sex). You may even find friendship. That's a pretty good deal these ladies offer. Having additional expectations will only lead to disappointment.

 

Love can be great but remember what Woody Allen said, "sex alleviates tension, love causes it!" :) These ladies want to alleviate our tension, not give us tension. LOL

 

All the best in 2015!

[Guest Na****a***mers (RETIRED)]

I will honestly say that I merely skimmed through this thread but will add that intimacy can be created, and two people can get closer to each other, it just takes time. Spending longer time together in a session, not an hour, or two even. And repeat sessions strengthen that bond. I consider myself an onion, my layers peel off as I get more comfortable in a situation. You seem to be a guy who is craving intimacy, so you will also be peeling your layers slowly as it might feel strange to open yourself up to a stranger immediately. It's possible to do without crossing any boundaries, and it goes both ways. The best GFE ladies (you know who you are) like to help their suitors feel more comfortable in their company. Human nature is intriguing, isn't it?

[Honey Man 12759]

I am putting my new theory to the test tonight. Meeting a lovely lady and we are gonna start with fun and end with talking :)

I shall report back latter tonight and let you folks know if it worked lol

[WealthyCowboy 5281]

HoneyMan: I just want to be clear about something. Are you saying the difficulty is in your perception of intimacy or that the encounter feels more mechanical, rushed, aggressive, etc.?

 

I am not sure if this will help your situation or not, but perhaps you could communicate to the lady that you like things ''soft-n-slow'', face to face, etc. Some ladies may be accommodating. At the very least, the encounter may be more along the lines of the MLE ''making love experience'' you are seeking. And I know what you mean: I am very much a gentle MLE kind of guy.

[Honey Man 12759]

WealthyCowboy I did exactly what you recomended and communicated to the lady before hand my problem and we decided we would meet and kinda jump into things and then have some nice mellow time. I am happy to say it worked but possibly it worked so well because of the incredibly smart and beautiful sexy lady I was with. But all in all I am very happy and will sleep well tonight :)

[Guest]

WealthyCowboy I did exactly what you recomended and communicated to the lady before hand my problem and we decided we would meet and kinda jump into things and then have some nice mellow time. I am happy to say it worked but possibly it worked so well because of the incredibly smart and beautiful sexy lady I was with. But all in all I am very happy and will sleep well tonight :)

 

I'm so happy that you could find and fix your problem. Good for you for having an open and curious mind. I think because of this, you will become to really enjoy what's being offered.