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The overlying theme here is that it's not about what you think your partner wants. If what you are doing is hurting your partner, what you are doing is wrong. It's not that your partner is dysfunctional in some way. If someone told me that I was hurting them, I would NEVER give them attitude or accuse them of having dysfunctional anatomy. I posted this exact thread on my blog, hoping for some understanding. One person wrote back: Do you actually enjoy sex or are you just here for the money? This is the type of client who thinks he is so talented, so skilled in bed that my lack of enjoyment points to a deeper physical or emotional problem in me. I think that "you're just here for the money" is the go-to anthem for bigots. That, and "you don't enjoy sex." We ALL work for a living- none of us would be at our jobs if we didn't have to support ourselves financially. BUT I am lucky enough to enjoy my job, and I enjoy sex. The key is to find a job that you actually like. Just because I'm an escort doesn't mean I'm predisposed to enjoying EVERYTHING that's done to me, just as a cashier at Walmart is not thrilled when the customers are rude and arrogant. The closeness and intimacy of my particular job does not invite physical pain any more than any job. I am sensitive to Daty and that same client suggest I put a disclaimer up about just how sensitive I really am. I don't need a disclaimer. I need clients who listen to my directions, who respect me, and who understand that spreading open my vagina and attacking the clitoris is not what every girl enjoys. I need a client who understands that after an HOUR of aggressive daty I am chafed and angry. I need a client who respects my need for a break instead of arguing with me and surreptitiously returning his fingers to the same painful site. I need a client who understands that I am a person and not his personal play thing. Bottom line: If daty is done according to what the woman enjoys, all is good! I enjoy daty as much as the next lady. But if you attack my clitoris right off the bat, it becomes sore and oversensitive for the rest of the session. That's why I will continue to tell clients to start slow. And if they don't like that they don't have a free-for-all pass to do whatever they want with my body? I stand firm in the knowledge that there is nothing inherently wrong with me, or any woman, but there is everything inherently wrong with a man incapable of offering respect.

This is part 2 to a thread I started long ago about painful DATY and digits. I tried to implement a system wherein I told each and every client the value of safety and comfort during those activities. After a while I stopped having that conversation because clients got to know me on cerb and through my website and blog. I am a woman who speaks up. I met a client this week for whom "it hurts" was an aphrodisiac. I would say "I'm sore" "that's enough" "STOP IT" and he rolled his eyes and threw up his hands. I said, stay away from that area entirely, but his fingers gravitated towards my vagina every 2 minutes, as if I wouldn't notice stabbing pain. I just want to say: I am a person. The vagina is a very delicate area. Money does not offer anyone VIP access to my body. Money does not buy anyone the right to treat escorts as blow up dolls. Not every woman can sustain, or enjoy, repeated and aggressive DATY. When I say it hurts, it hurts-- it is not my way of 'cutting down' on my services, or 'cheating' the client. Instituting boundaries is a key part of being a happy escort. It is not a sign that I am uptight, prude, chaste, damaged, or other words. There is nothing wrong with me if I don't like what the client is doing. I have found that some clients tend to see the escort as defective if she does not like what he is doing. There is an automatic assumption that something is wrong with her. It's not that I need to 'relax', 'take it easy', or 'go with the flow'. There is nothing inherently defective in my sexual organs or personality just because I don't like certain styles of daty or sex. I may be an escort but the thing that sustains my business is my personality, not my ability to orgasm at the slightest touch, or my ability to withstand pain for the sake of the client's enjoyment. I am so sore right now, and feel so low. Yes, I will once again become defensive about daty. I just wanted to explain why. ps. This was a non-cerb client. This thread is my way of seeking support, not an attempt to call out anybody. I have never met a cerb guy who treated me like this-- thank you for that.

They are two completely different sensations. Has nothing to do with "tolerance". If you need further proof; bend over...:rolleyes:...lol.

Amelia, I feel your pain! Why do they feel the need to spread me open as wide as they can? And the digits. Jesus. CLIP YOUR GODDAMN FINGERNAILS. The heat is getting to me, I'm cranky as all get-out.

I disagree completely. I have much better experiences with men when we are clear on what's allowed, what's not, what I like, what he likes, what we don't like, etc. Negotiating during the actual encounter ruins the moment.

The reality is law enforcement has a job to do, and in this industry I support their choice to try and protect the underage girls who are in these situations. From experience, I know teenagers are incredibly stubborn and naive. I am sure these girls think they are in a partnership of sorts, but they don't realize it is a pact that will leave them damaged and broken. Coercion and violence are a part of life when a girl has a pimp and they are usually estranged from their loved or less than loved ones. The police need to do what they can to protect these young girls. Quite often it takes a prison cell to keep these girls away from their pimps. The loyalty is so disturbing. The police are not looking for consenting adults who do not make a nuisance of themselves to the community, they are going after the one group that permeates this business and makes it dirty. I for one support this effort and I think we do not need to become paranoid and blow this out of perspective. Cat